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queerlynx · 4 years

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tagged by @elinaline lets fucking go

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

my what (have you seen my hair, seriously)

2. name of a food you never eat?

garlic and i WILL die on that hill

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

always too fucking warm. im literally never cold. people ask me 10x/day ‘arent you cold’ even tho ive told them 1000x that no, i am never cold

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

i think i was still at the shops or maybe getting ready to go to the shops?

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

always a slut for a snickers

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

i dont think so? what would i do there anyways ……oh wait no i went along to a professional tennis game w my ex’s brother i think? i can barely remember it was like 6 years ago

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

genuinely can’t remember even tho it was probs less than 15mn ago to my flatmate. most likely something about the cat being cute. or maybe it was TO the cat. who knows.

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

chocolate probably? or banana? banana and chocolate is also good

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

lemonade cause thats all i drink

10. do you like your wallet?

it’s BB-8!!! so yeah of fucking course

11. what was the last thing you ate?

a bagel w blue cheese laughing cow, ham, and one of them shitty toastie super processed cheese slices

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

me and whose money lmaoo i can barely afford food rn

13. last sporting event you watched?

nope

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

recently ive discovered you can drizzle maple syrup on popcorn and oh boy. other than that probs salted caramel sauce. but like i almost never have popcorn

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

im gonna assume this is any message and not just tumblr, in which case it was my fiancé @yearningcurve on whatsapp

16. ever go camping?

i love camping but last time i went was at least 6 years ago ):

17. do you take vitamins?

lol no

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

………moving swiftly on

19. do you have a tan?

i avoid sunlight like the plague so i’ll let you figure that one out

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

probs pizza but i like both

21. do you drink soda with a straw?

i chug it straight from the bottle lol who’s got the time

22. what colour socks do you wear?

im almost constantly barefoot unless i HAVE to put on shoes and even then i won’t always put socks on if i’m not gonna be outside for long

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

im always p much 5mph above the speed limit (fun fact, the display in cars shows your speed as roughly 2mph higher than it actually is, you can check it against a gps on your phone; AND speed cameras allow for +5mph anyway, so why the fuck wouldnt i be)

24. what terrifies you?

like in general?? people leaving me, rejecting me, abandoning me, cutting me out, hating me in secret; not being a good person or liked or useful; people thinking i’m annoying or embarrassing or ridiculous or boring; the list goes on

25. look to your left what do you see?

a very roumd and somft kitty :3

26. what chore do you hate?

anything administrative or on the phone. i dont think it counts as chores but i genuinely enjoy tidying and cleaning so.

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

i cant tell an australian accent when i hear one

28. what’s your favourite soda?

lemonade, or fanta

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

ever since ive gotten a car p much always drive thru cause why would i sit in a crowded fast food restaurant w screeching kids and angry karens when i could enjoy my disgusting feast in my own home???

30. who was the last person you talked to?

IRL that’d be my flatmate

t31. favourite cut of beef?

sirloin

32. last song you listened to?

Echoes by the Rapture, it played on my shuffle in my car and reminded me of how good Misfits was lmao

33. last book you read?

it would’ve been over seven or eight years ago. can’t remember.

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a

apparently so but it took a while tbh

35. how do you like your coffee?

i mostly drink flat whites w hazelnut when i drink coffee but tbh despite being a barista w a professional grade home coffee machine i barely ever drink any outside of work lmao

36. favourite pair of shoes?

grinders boots AND my trans pride converses. can’t pick between them soz

37. the time you normally go to bed?

really is no normal. anytime between midnight and like up to 5am esp rn during lockdown. i never went to sleep last night actually i’ve been awake for like 28h now

38. the time you normally wake up?

see above. anytime between 10am and like 6pm depending on when i went to bed. outside of lockdown i would wake up exactly an hour before i have work, so anytime between 5am-11am

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

sunsets but i really love both

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

one bedsheet and one soft blanket

41. describe your kitchen plates?

they’re green. nobody is surprised

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

cider. i be drinkin that shit like its juice

43. do you play cards?

not really altho on lockdown i’ve taught my flatmates a french card/money game called Nain Jaune and they enjoy it so that makes me happy

44. what colour is your car?

dark red like……burgundy kinda?

45. can you change a tire?

probably not lol

46. your favourite province?

province of what lol. either way it’s Brittany.

47. favourite job you’ve had?

ive only ever had the one lmao so, barista it is

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

top surgery (’:

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

fuck if i know. i guess i made coffee for my flatmates but like i do it everyday so they p much expect it by now i dont think it makes them any happier or like if it does they dont really say it rip

not a big fan of tagging ppl so just. do it if you wanna lol

#Also Sprach Loïs #txt #elinaline #long post

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thathumanwiththecatears · 6 years

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92 truths tag

Rules: once you’ve been tagged write 92 Truths about yourself. At the end tag 25 people to try it.

was tagged by @phanwithdogs thank!

LAST:

[1]Drink: water [2]Phone call: my daddy [3]Text message: lol [4]Song listened to: Evil Angel~ Breaking Benjamin [5]Time you cried: not that long ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

[6]Dated someone twice: no [7]Been cheated on: no [8]Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed someone at all [9]Lost someone special: yeap [10]Been depressed: my life [11]Gotten drunk and thrown up: never

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS;

[12] Lime green [13] Purple [14] Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU;

[15] made new friends: ye [16] fallen in love: yes [17] laughed until you cried: ye [18] found out someone was talking about you: no [19] met someone who’s changed you: no [20] found out who your true friends are: not really [21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope [22] how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all but 1 [23] do you have any pets: ye [24] do you want to change your name: yes [25] what did you do for your last birthday: went to my best friends dorm [26] what time did you wake up: almost 2pm [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watching vids with @actually-kokichi [28] name something you cannot wait for: moving out [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: when i woke up [30] what is one thing you would change about your life: most things about my life tbh [31] what are you listening to right now: playlist of songs that dont go together at all [32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: ye [33] Something that is getting on your nerves: nothing atm [34] Most visited website: tumblr [35] funniest memory: the one i can think of rn is on halloween 2 years ago me and my two friends, one of whom has dwarfism, went to a dounut shop at like 5am for breakfast and i was dressed as jack frost and when we walked in some guy was like “well this is an interesting bunch” [36] memory from school: not a good memory but the first i thought of was having a panic attack in math class, and when i have them i cant actually speak, so my friend asked if she could bring me to the access center (like a therapy thing) and the teacher was a bitch and was like “why do you need to go?” and my frien was just like “because they cant talk” and we walked out [37] memories you want to make: i want to go on a lot of fun adventures with my friends. [38] natural hair color: brown [39] long or short hair: short [40] do you have a crush on someone: yes [41] what do you like about yourself: im really pretty [42] piercings: ears are pierced [43] blood type: B+ [44] nickname: Iz [45] relationship status: im so single please date me [46] zodiac sign: aqua [47] pronouns: they/he [48]favourite tv show: im just gonna say fuckin gold rush cause i watch that with my dad [49] tattoos: i want a lot, i have lots planned, but havent gotten any [50] left or right handed: right

FIRSTS;

[51] Surgery: tonsils [52] Piercing: got my ears pierced at like a couple months old [53] Best Friend: @the-merry-maiden [54] Sport: roller skating,,, or dance,, yeah dance [55] Vacation: i have no idea [56] Pair of trainers: who tf knows that? [57] Favourite snack: pretzels i think [58] Drink you hate: milk [59] I’m about to: probs sleep tbh [60] I’m listening to: why are these questions in the “firsts” section? also still the same playlist [61] Waiting for: my life to not suck [62] Wanting: to stop falling in love [63] Get married: if anyone ever wants to marry me [64] Career: marine biologist

YOUR TYPE;

[65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] Shorter or Taller: usually shorter unless the other person is more masculine than me [68] Older or Younger: dont really care [69] Romantic or Spontaneous: both [70] Nice arms or nice stomach: idc [71] Sensitive or Loud: either is good [72] Hook-up or relationship: defiantly relationship [73] Trouble maker or hesitant: trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER;

[74] Kissed a Stranger: nope [75] Drank hard liquor: nope [76] Lost glasses/contacts: in the fucking ocean [77] Turned someone down: once by accident but he turned out to be gay anyway [78] Had sex on first date: LOL no. [79] Broken someone’s heart: i think so [80] Had your heart broken: ye [81] Been arrested: nope [82] Cried when someone died: yeap [83] Fallen for a friend: anytime i fall its always for a friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN;

[84] Yourself: no [85] Miracles: a bit [86] Love at first sight: yes [87] Santa Claus: duh [88] Kiss on first date: i guess? [89] Angels: not really [90] Current best friends name: Amanda [91] eye color: brown [92] fav movie: Rise of the Guardians

okay now the tagging part,,,, @actually-kokichi @the-merry-maiden @thatoneirishgirl @mae-your-genderless-bae @80steve @girpandafriend @the-cosmic-sea @nekrokat @thegraceofebonee @anxiety-cucumber and i got lazy so 10 is enough and anyone else who wants to do it can say i tagged them <3

#you obv dont have to do it #but yeah

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imnotmeimbpd · 5 years

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Rachel-

Its 4am,

I still cant sleep.

All I do is toss and turn, until my sore body finally drifts into some sort of slumber. I rarely ever get 8 hours of sleep. Fuck, I'm lucky if I even get 6. And the nightmares rach, how do I stop those. I just got to the chapter where you start to talk about how these nightmares start occurring for you daily, weekly, I'm terrified to even read on. Too much in common, too much. Please tell me they stop, these stop. I've been having nightmares for so long, I cant even remember when they started. Lucid dreams, that'll have me gasping for air, and waking up in sweats. Nightmares have become so common for me, it's like it doesnt even bother me anymore. That's not normal.

The last few days have been lonely, and I hurt. It's those painful nights where you have to stay up until you just possibly cant anymore so when you hit the bed you just pass out. Cause you're up thinking, if you dont. But it's impossible for me to not either way I guess.

I never pictured my life turning out this way, you know. Having "everything", a place, car, job, really doesnt feel all that satisfying. I miss adventure, honestly I had more fun, when I had "nothing" to my name, then I do now. Obviously you learn to appreciate things more, become humble and grateful, so doing things, and I mean anything, was amazing. Now, I feel I'm stuck, in a never ending cycle. Get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Forever. What fucking life is that? I miss everything. I miss having friends. I miss cruises, with loud music, and laughs. I miss pool parties, and jokes by the fire. I miss 3am taco bell visits. I just miss not being worried about tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, or next month, or how am I gonna do this, or whatever.

Life is so unsatisfying. The fucked part, is I say I want friends, but I do everything in my power to push everyone away from me. I dont reply to people's messages, I dont text people back, I do nothing. Because 1, they arent sober, so I cant be around them. 2, they say they care, and I dont believe them. 3, 2. 4, 3. Or 5, all of the above.

The suns coming up. Rach, can I ask you something? I know we're only on second letter basis and shit. But since I'm basically just talking into a fucking void here anyway. I'm curious, ya know. I'm almost all the way through this book, and there is not one chapter on you and Tim's shit. Bpd relationships, is a pretty big deal. A pretty big failure, tbh. But you guys, have just been sticking it out this whole fucking time. Tim's probably just hanging on by a fucking thread at times, but hes still there. I mean what the fuck. How? Do we really have hope like that? People can honestly love us, thoroughly? You guys have been married for so long. I've been waiting, no offense, for the end. The big shift. Like our "happy ending" is probably just being alone, like I am right now. Thats why I push, Rachel. So they can be happy without me.

I dont mean to be cliche, but physically I dont think I've ever really seen real love in my life, ever. Thats why I dont feel I know how to properly give it out. I was raised around abuse, so I guess it was normal for me to be used to chaos. Majority of my relationships were abusive, physically, verbally, and/or mentally. Then when I was finally forced into the silence of being alone romantically and friendship wise, something changed. It was like after I was doing everything to keep my loneliness in tact, even if I didnt want to. I think that's when I took a turn honestly. Was when I finally was truly alone, alone. No one was there for me. I slept in a flea infested bedroom, whilst trying to stay sober, which I did by the way. I woke up every morning, covered in flea bites. My "best friend" at the time, lived with me, and wouldnt even speak to me, and also continued to use while I lived there. My other roommates didnt speak to me, cause i was "sober now". I was truly alone. That's when I broke and changed at the same time. I told myself I was done waking up like this. I got a job, I got a place, and my life changed immensely. I'm over a year clean from drugs and alcohol. But I think that's where I finally lost my last bit of sanity.

Ugh its 5am now man.

I should go. I'm ridiculous. This is honestly like some "Perks of Being a Wallflower" type shit,

right "friend"?

I am literally losing it, like fuck.

I'll talk to you soon.

~K.

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