#anyway these two are both so repressed and traumatized cant wait for them to grow

[sitzfleischh]

Thinking about the S2 finale from Aziraphale's isolated/distorted perspective truly makes me want to fly into the sun.

Like he's spent his whole time on earth getting proof after proof that Crowley wants to do good, to help people. Despite Crowley's protestations Az KNOWS that he's (from Az's perspective) an angel on the inside.

He's been in love with Crowley and known it since at least 1941 but spent until the apocalypse-that-wasn't repressing the shit out of his feelings for fear of having his everything wrecked by heaven.

After their bodyswap stunt he just barely starts to believe he's safe enough now to act on his feelings and spends four years working up to it, getting better at causally touching Crowley, spending more time together than they ever have before, but terrified the whole time not of reprisal from heaven but of the idea that maybe Crowley doesn't like him back in the same way. He gets way too invested in getting Nina and Maggie together because really it's just an excuse to create further circumstances for him to be close to Crowley and figure out whether he also has romantic feelings for him.

Then the whole thing with Gabriel/Beez happens and he's given-- as far as he knows-- concrete proof that consorting with a demon gets you cast out of heaven. But he's worked up to it anyway and (a bit of conjecture here) I think he was planning to tell Crowley he loves him but then got interrupted by Metatron.

But hey, there you go, even better, he doesn't have to risk anything!! He can make Crowley an angel again -- he clearly WANTS to do good but he's just had to repress those feelings (and Az knows all about how it feels to repress feelings) because his side wouldn't approve. And they can be together AND be safe AND fix heaven!!!

But what's this? Crowley doesn't want that? He's rejecting Aziraphale, rejecting doing good, rejecting saving the earth just like he did the last time things got too hard, at the bandstand. He just wants to run away again because clearly none of this matters to him as much as Aziraphale thought it did.

And then he's kissing him-- the thing he's wanted SO BADLY for SO LONG, the thing he was hoping his ball dance would bring them too-- but it's not because he actually loves him romantically the way that Az does, no, he's just tempting him again, using his demonic ways to try to get Az to give up on everything and run away, just give up and let it all become a puddle of burning goo because he's too afraid to fight, and to express the desire to good that Az knows he has inside him.

And then... Then Aziraphale forgives him anyway. He forgives him because he still loves him, even after all of this, even if Crowley doesn't love him back and has used something so vulnerable against him for his own gain. He forgives him, and Crowley says "don't bother" and he leaves.

#good omens #GUTTED just GUTTED #good omens meta #good omens analysis #my good omens meta #and the reason they have to TALK about what theyre ACTUALLY THINKING #because if they could have these conversations from a place of knowing that they DO love each other and want to be together #it would be so much clearer #Ugh i need season 3 NOWWWW #anyway these two are both so repressed and traumatized cant wait for them to grow #sitzfleischh.meta