#anyway.. .still have the costume photos and stuff like that I just havent edited and posted yet lol.. I will.. hoepfully have actual art

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent sky photos 

#still... I am not joking.. every time I post things like this it is so hard to narrow them down #I am almost as obsessed with the sky as I am with cats. I have a folder of just cloud pictures with like 650 photos in it right now #I don't post them all because I think it'd seem repetitive probably but just know... lol #that could be an entire blog or something.. hundreds and hundreds... #Like the same way that I cannot explain my obsession with cats or why they've imprinted into my brain so heavily - clouds are the same way #anyway.. .still have the costume photos and stuff like that I just havent edited and posted yet lol.. I will.. hoepfully have actual art #content and stuff thats not just random cat photos sometime soon. I'm just always so preoccupied at the beginning of the year with trying to #adjust to new goals and schedules.. plus.. still wokriong on that wretched little slideshow aaaaaaaaaaaa... it is going to take me... #a million yearbs..... #I just want the worldbuiling lore established so I can branch out and do other things.. aughhhh...... #also have to work on game videos and a few other vidoes.. still trying to keep up wiht the youtube a little.. I just havent been productive #like since new years as I've felt sicker with my stomach symptoms and stuff.. ToT ALSO I DID MAKE THAT ENTIRE interactive fiction game which #I still have no posted anywhere lol.. Because it was kind of to accompany something that I was doing on a game site (like imagine making a g #ame to go along with one of your neopets or something) but it works totally fine as a standalone thing as well like. so detached from the #lore of the game site in general that it'd be broadly understandable and is it's own thing of course (because I dont really like writing #other people's characters/in the confine's of other worlds so I made everything original as possible with just a loose tie in to the neopets #typw thing lol) - but I figured since it works on it's own I could post it publicly other places too like 'hey look I made something' since #that is...... kind of somehting that counts as like... being creatively productive lol? like I keep talking about getting nothing done while #also forgetting about the things I actually HAVE done. alas I continuously forget. Seriously I am so bad at social media. I am never exagger #ating for comedic effect or something. I am the type of person that could legit like. write and produce and direct and complete a movie #that will be million dollars shown in theaters or something and I would forget to mention it anywherte until like 5 months later and go 'oh #uh .. oh yeah.. i should post about that online somehwere probably.. oops' . Cursed with the 'forget about everything once it's complete' #trait. Like the way my brain works is just like. once I finish something I'm immediately like 'cool! onto the next thing!!' without processi #ng what i just did. I'm just always looking forward to the next thing. I'll finish sculptures and then throw them away or forget about them. #I take photos and they sit in the drafts for 6 months before I post them. Like to me the enjoyment comes from the PROCESS of making somehtin #g but I don't care as much about the end result so it just doesnt exist in my brain anymore once I'm done? idk.. anyway ghjbhj #SORRY.. trying to be more active. I want to make and sell sculptures again. sell all of my spare clothes too. stuff. things.. aaa.. ***

[songofsaraneth]

HHHHHHHHhhh

anyway i live in the desert now. back from week two of remote cnayonlands work. and week 3 starts 7am monday. i haven’t worked under 45 hours/week in the last month and over 50 hours for a couple of them and im just. so tired.

haven’t been online much because i once again took on SO MANY projects and i’ve barely had time to even open my computer but! some Life Updates

did i mention i’m making a wedding cake for one of my good friends??? ive had to make a bunch of practice cakes and order things like cake boards and fancy stuff but i’m getting better at them!!! and the wedding is june second so REAL CLOSE, starting to get panicky about that

after a year of apprenticeship i am now a full member of the Moab Taiko Dan!! I really love taiko drumming, and this means I am now eligable to perform with them on the songs I have learned :) :) :) lessons now twice a week instead of once!

I did a biggo modeling shoot with a photographer a few weeks ago, have another small one tomorrow evening, another full day one in salt lake planned for june, then a big week in oregon followed by an underwater session in salt lake for July

my Raven Queen costume corset is almost all the way made!! I’ve never made a corset before and it defs feels like a sewing level up. and i have stuff to keep working on more of the costume too once I have time

speaking of Projects i need to start my new mermaid tail skin bc my current fabric one is just getting v worn out from literal years of use

also spending all of August in Ireland/scotland/wales so gotta GET READY for TRAVEL TIMES

also sew Another dress haha... oops...

my writing has taken a hit since i told myself at the start of the year i’d work on being consistent :( gotta get better at that. have a novella, a long short story, my big Hawke/Fallout from the Fade fanfic to finish (I PROMISE I HAVENT ABANDONED... IM SORRY... IM JUST A DISASTER), and a couple short ideas that have been rattling around my head that i doubt i’ll get to before the above things tho

very delayed on some photo editing i MUST finish tonight to send out but i’m happy with how i’m progressing in terms of retouching abilities too

today has been my first fully free day in, i want to say, 2 months? by wich i mean i am still meeting people at 5, the bf is coming to town and we’re going for a hike, and i need to get everything together for modeling tomorrow/fieldwork next week but. i did laundry and cleaned my room/hung up ALL my clothes (except th eones in the clean clothes hamper oops) so. go me, give me awards and praise please.

#ramblings

[subdivisi0ns]

tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗

psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you

1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?

that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some

-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e

-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.

-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)

-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot

ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On

2. What’s your ideal self like?

. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity

well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.

but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.

um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.

ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie

3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?

my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)

4. What’s your main outlet of expression?

writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am

5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?

uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.

6. Do you like to go shopping?

depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.

7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?

i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down

8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?

i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house

9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?

everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great

oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo

also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff

10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?

shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).

okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys

haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions

1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?

2. how important is your social media presence to you?

3. what achievement are you proudest of?

4. describe your sense of humor.

5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?

6. what’s your most interesting family story?

7. favorite color palette?

8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?

9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?

10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?

i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry

#diana i loved your questions esp the last one that was a good one #long post