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eyez-ff-blog · 7 years

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○○ eyez | outtake four

Prompt: “Eyez,” Chapter 1, Alternate Universe

December 2014, New York

Was Jermaine ever into the party scene? Not entirely.

Even back when he ran the streets with his friends, he was a bar and lounge type of guy—an Ice House was ideal, because he didn’t have to dress up too much. Even when he did dress up, he just didn’t want to feel as if he was showing out too much. Subtlety was his niche, and in New York’s club scene it was pretty bad when it came to people always trying to get seen and always trying to get chose. If it wasn’t someone trying to get their mixtape played in the club, there was some groupie trying to sink her teeth into the flavor of the month rapper of choice. Fucking annoying. Either way, he did actually want to look nice for the evening.

Jermaine Cole had been working in close proximity with Dreamville Records for about seven months—after finally deciding to ditch his job as a middle school basketball coach down in his hometown of Fayetteville, he moved from North Carolina to New York to try to follow his dreams of being a famous producer. After his cousin put in a good word for him with the label’s president, Lauren Winters finally gave him a chance, but not without some “training” first. That meant only one thing; he’d be an intern for a while. An errand boy, for lack of a better word.

Despite the fact that he was running about getting coffee and other things, he was working closely with two of the artists on the roster. Courtney and Cody—better known as Ari and Cozz to fans—were younger than him, but they both had immense talent and he was happy to help them make tracks that they’d hopefully release into the world. It would be a proud day of when he finally could see a track ‘Produced by J. Cole’ and would know that his hard work paid off. But the running joke of he and Courtney being an ‘item’ wasn’t anything short of awkward.

But tonight, he would be relieved of his duties and would be just able to celebrate a special night. Tonight was the release of 8017 Rushmore Ave.—Beija Demarco’s third studio album, and a big project that everyone in the camp had been excited about. The funny thing about this outing was that J would be meeting the woman for the first time. Because of conflicting schedules, he had yet to meet the ‘face’ of the label. Then again, he might have been avoiding her on purpose.

She was so fucking intimidating. He felt so ashamed to be damn near 30 years old, and letting a woman cause him to feel shy. He was a fan of her neo-soul R&B vibes, and often found himself making beats inspired by her, but he wasn’t sure how he’d act when they would finally meet for the first time. He just didn’t want to make a fool of himself.

“Jesus Christ, man! You take longer to dress than a female,” Cody complained, and Jermaine glanced up at the young man as he laid across the bed.

“Uh, fuck you. I gotta match, unlike your helter skelter looking ass,” J chuckled before he glanced down at the array of sneakers in front of him.

“Nigga? I match. I always match,” Cody chuckled as he got up from the bed. “But hurry up. At this rate, we’re gonna miss the entire party,” He complained.

“Help me then, man—the black ones or the white?” He asked.

“Black. Actually, put on the timberlands,” Cody suggested, and Jermaine nodded as he began to slip on the boots, and laced them up quickly. “I can’t wait to hear B’s new shit. Mama’s got pipes on her and I know this new material is gonna be amazing,” He explained.

“I heard it was good. Everyone’s been hyping it up enough,” J mumbled.

“And I know she’ll be delighted to meet you. You’ve been ducking her for long enough,” Cody laughed softly.

“...Ducking who? Nah. If she wanted to meet me, she’s had a chance to. Let’s not even go there,” J chuckled as he checked himself out in the full-length mirror that sat on the wall. He tilted his head as he dusted off his white t-shirt, the black jeans and wheat-colored Timberland boots giving himself a simple yet club-ready look. He grabbed his black ‘SINNER’ snapback, and put it on, turning it backwards before he put on his gold chain and matching Rolex watch to finish off the look. “Let’s roll out,” He said.

“Fucking finally,” Cody retorted.

An hour had passed between the two of them leaving the hotel and getting to Empire 103, and when Jermaine and Cody arrived the amount of people seemed to nearly shake the walls—Jermaine couldn’t help but to feel apprehensive. From what he could hear, they were already halfway through the album. “Told you not to take so damn long to get dressed!” He heard Cody speak to him over the music and he shook flipped up his middle finger as they made their way towards the roped off VIP area where the rest of the camp were located.

Jermaine adjusted his hat out of nervous habit, turning his hat forward as he glanced up to give respective greetings to everyone who had already arrived. “Jermaine Lamarr Cole!” He cringed a bit at the melodic yet shrill voice as his whole name was recited. Suddenly, he felt an arm around his waist, and he glanced down at the flurry of black hair. He smiled softly at Courtney as she glanced up at him with a smile of her own. “What’s good, gramps?” She joked.

“I done told you about that ‘gramps’ shit. Not a thing, though—decided to come out and be social...or Cody wasn’t gonna leave my room otherwise,” He chuckled softly.

“Good! You stay trying to be in the cut like a dusty ass nigga. Come on, though; the party’s over here,” She smirked before she gently pulled him towards one of the couches that already seemed to be occupied with individuals. Among those was the woman of the hour.

He had seen photos of this woman, from her entrance into the game as a bright eyed 20-year-old, fresh from her rumored college dropout. But he would have never for a moment thought that she’d look this radiant. Her ebony mane, usually in a mess of curls, were flowing down her back like a waterfall of silk. Her brown skin seemed to almost glow under the club’s lights. She was dressed simply in a black club dress and heels, and her gold accented jewelry made her look absolutely exquisite. She was known as a ‘dressy’ woman, but even in such a simple outfit, she looked absolutely breathtaking. She’s beautiful, he found himself thinking.

His eyebrows furrowed as he stepped forward, still seemingly within his trance. And with that, he already fucked up for the evening—he nearly knocked Beija down from bumping into her. Thankfully, he caught her before she could make it to the ground. “Oh, fuck! I’m so sorry,” He said as he held her in his arms.

“You’re good. Be careful though. Do you I need to call you a cab already?” Her voice was melodic, and even in her playfulness, Jermaine found himself completely immersed in his jitters. The height difference was starkly noticeable; even in her six inch pumps, Beija was still small within Jermaine’s grasp. She cleared her throat before he quickly let her go. She ran a hand over her hair, and he noticed the platinum wedding band on her finger. “You’re Jermaine, right? Or they call you Cole around here,” She assumed.

“Oh, yeah. That’s me,” He gave a small smile as he held out his hand. “And you’re Beija Demarco. It’s a pleasure,” He said politely.

“Ha, just call me Beija! No need to be so formal,” She grabbed his hand, and a jolt of energy seemed to consume Jermaine. Her hands were so soft, and he expected nothing less from a woman who looked so gentle, so delicate... Chill, he thought as he pulled his hand away slowly. He could still smell her sweetened perfume linger against his clothes; it complimented his earthy cologne. “So I finally get to meet Courtney’s boyfriend, huh? She has good taste,” She laughed, and Jermaine’s mouth widened slightly. This woman exuded confidence out of this world, and her straightforward personality was overwhelming.

“Wait, no—no! We’re just friends,” Jermaine had to thank the universe for the club being a bit dimmer than most places, or his flushed face would be completely noticeable. “I swear, I’m starting to think that’s the only reason why Lauren hired me,” He sucked his teeth with a laugh.

“Knowing Lauren’s matchmaking ass, she probably did. But Court ain’t ever gonna pull away from the chocolate men anyway,” Beija waved her hand slowly before smiling. Her smile was infectious, and it caused him to smile. He had grown to embrace his crooked smile, but in her presence he completely felt the need to restrain himself. “But on a serious note, if Lo brought you to Dreamville, that means you must be pretty good. What do you do again...produce?”

“Yeah. That’s been my dream for the longest. I’m trying to be y’all new Kanye West...without the insanity of course,” He joked. “I’ve been listening to music all my life and I knew my heart was in making beats,” He couldn’t help but to sound excited as he talked about what he loved.

“Your passion...I feel it. I absolutely love it,” Beija nodded as she smiled. “So you think you got what it takes to run in this industry, though? Shit can get crazy and you can lose yourself if you’re not careful,” She crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke.

“You mean the money and the fame, yeah?” He answered the question with one of his own, and Beija nodded slowly as she kept her eyes upon him. “I can handle it. But I mean, the ideal is that people are supposed to have the whole package and not just what’s marketable,” He explained.

“True enough, Jermaine. But you and I both know that it doesn’t always happen that way,” Beija countered.

“Right. But I know that here at Dreamville, it’s different with you guys. It’s really not about the money—I mean it helps, but that’s not the main idea. It’s about the talent, the passion,” J nodded. “That’s why when Lo called me up I took the offer right away. I know this is where I wanna be.”

A moment of silence seemed to overtake them as Beija looked Jermaine over, her arms still crossed over her chest. Jermaine noticed the fire dancing within her brown eyes, and she made the normal color seemed to be filled with life. Even with that fire in her eyes, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. There was a boundary there, and it made him a bit nervous. What did she think of him? Maybe she respected his words, or maybe she thought he was full of shit. He just wasn’t sure. “Nice to know that you wanted to be here, Jermaine. You might fit in here just fine with that being said. You sound like you know a bit about the industry and your work, so I’m intrigued to see you in your element soon,” She said.

“Hopefully. I’d love to work with you soon, but I know that Lo is making me go through the ringer first. She seems to take her time with trust,” Beija and Jermaine both glanced over as they watched Lauren and her husband—his name was Abbas, if Jermaine remembered correctly—as they talked and laughed with some of the other partygoers. Jermaine took a moment to listen to Beija’s intoxicating tone as they flowed through the club, and he took the time to look around. Everyone seemed to be really enjoying thr new material.

“It takes her a little while, but she’ll come around,” Jermaine’s attention directed back to Beija once she began to speak again. “My advice is to be yourself. We’re more than a label; we’re a family and if you have a good heart, everyone will embrace you. I personally think you’ll be just fine,” Beija said.

“So you think I have a good heart?” Jermaine asked curiously as he held his hands in front of him. Beija simply shrugged before she smiled.

“You give off that vibe so far. We’ll just have to see if you prove me right,” A bottle girl from the club had come into the area and a bottle of Hennessy was placed within the duo’s vicinity. Grabbing the neck of the bottle, she unscrewed the cap, her eyes focusing on the bottle. “I can’t really tell if you keep avoiding me, however,” She looked up at Jermaine through her lashes, giving one of those smiles that threw Jermaine off—he could feel a flutter in the pit of his stomach and he found himself frowning.

Their eyes met once more and Jermaine felt singled out—for that brief moment, he felt like the only man in that entire club...hell, the only man in the entire world. He didn’t know what it meant, or what she was feeling about him. Was he making a good impression or was he making a complete ass of himself? Either way, he was supremely agitated at the feeling, and it made him smack his teeth. “Nobody avoiding you, woman,” He grumbled.

Beija let out a loud laugh before she finally opened the bottle, grabbing what had to have been her glass before she filled it up. Once she got her own glass, she passed the bottle to Jermaine before she grinned, her cheeks showing their fullness as she showed her jovial expression. “I don’t believe you, Mr. Cole! You’re gonna have to prove that to me.”

Jermaine chuckled softly before he held up the bottle to toast to the occasion; Beija held up her glass, and the two ‘toasted’ before quickly downing the brown liquor.

The party went on well into the night—the people seemed to absolutely love Beija’s new album. Jermaine knew he’d have to listen to it on his own, but from what he heard it was pretty solid and would do well against the test of time. The club was alive with people and even sitting up in VIP, J felt this undeniable positive energy that seemed to be the result of the guest of honor. Throughout the night, Jermaine got to meet more artists on the label; of course, there was Lauren’s husband Abbas, and there was Damon, who happened to be married to Beija. But even as Jermaine drank and partied through the night, he found himself gaining the feeling of being watched. Every time he confirmed his suspicion, he found that Beija was the one watching him. He couldn’t place a finger upon the feeling he’d get from knowing that her eyes were on him, but it was almost thrilling. He couldn’t help but to look at her as well. She was a star in every sense of the word—she commanded the room, and she had earned that right.

Once the club closed for the night, people made it to their final destinations—some took flights right back to their respective homes, and others just bummed in hotels for the night. Jermaine himself decided to head back to the hotel room he had booked near the club; he could have easily went back to his apartment in Staten Island, but the trip would take way longer and he was just tired and ready to lay down for the night.

Jermaine yawned once he entered his hotel room, and he tossed his wallet and the crumpled numbers he had gotten from women onto the night stand. They were numbers he probably would never even call, so he’d leave them for the housekeepers to deal with. He proceeded to undress, shower and prepared for bed. As he exited the bathroom, he noticed his phone vibrating on the bed. Tightening the towel around his waist, he walked over to the bed before taking a seat, tilting his head as he grabbed his phone and unlocked it. He read over the text quietly: “Hey Jermaine, it’s Beija. I got your phone number from Courtney. It was nice to meet you! Let’s meet up again soon,” The text came from 646-985-3307.

“Fucking Courtney,” Jermaine mumbled. Sure, he didn’t mind Beija having his number, but he wished he had gotten to give it to her himself. Plus, now he felt stupid for forgetting to give it to her. But nonetheless, he saved her phone contact and shot her a text in return: “Nice meeting you too. I’ll try not to be a stranger.”

J left the messaging app before opening the iTunes app—Beija’s album seemed to be already downloaded to his phone since he had already preordered it. He got up and put on a pair of boxers, basketball shorts and a t-shirt before returning to bed, staring at his phone. After some hesitation, he grabbed his Beats headphones and plugged them into the jack before laying down in bed. He pressed play on the album, and he laid across the bed before turning off the lights and allowing himself to listen to her voice in the darkness of the room. Eventually he succumbed to his exhaustion, but even as he was lulled to sleep by Beija’s voice, he could see her within his mind. Even behind closed lids, she was staring deep into his eyes.

The next morning, Jermaine packed his things and checked out of the hotel before making his trip back home. Work wouldn’t be too long from then, and he had to get his mind right. After returning to Staten Island, he got to his apartment and unpacked before he heard his phone ringing. It couldn’t be anyone else but Lauren—she never did like texting. He grabbed his phone before he yawned slightly, swiping the phone before he pressed it to his ear. “Hey Lo,” He said.

“First of all, act like you’re happy to speak to a bitch. Secondly—stop acting like you knew it was me,” Lauren chucked, and Jermaine smirked slightly as he proceeded to take his dirty clothes over to the wash room in his apartment. “Anyways, I need you to come by my place at 3pm,” She instructed.

“What’s at your house at 3pm? Make it 3:45 though, I got shit to do first,” Jermaine began to prepare the washer, putting his dirty clothes into it once he put in the proper softener and detergent.

“I wanna hear the beats you’ve come up with, big guy. You’re supposed to be my student, so it’s time to turn in your homework,” Lauren’s sing-song voice caused Jermaine to laugh softly.

“Oh, for sure. I’ll be by once I finish washing these clothes. Then I gotta shower and shit,” Jermaine explained.

“Well hurry up, will ya?” Lauren scoffed.

“I’ll do my best. I’ll see you then,” The two said their goodbyes before Jermaine hung up the phone.

Jermaine finished washing his clothes before putting them away as best he could—he never could fold clothes correctly, but he tried his best. He took a shower before getting dressed, and he slid on a hoodie before he was out the door again. He had to get a move on—getting to Lo’s Harlem apartment would be no easy journey, and he actually didn’t want to leave her waiting for too long. He walked out of his apartment and locked the door before heading down the hallway towards elevator. His pace slowed a bit, however, when he noticed the new body standing near the elevator, however; Jermaine pretty much knew of everyone who came in and out of his floor at least. He had never seen her before and his curiosity seemed to grow.

He walked towards the elevator and stopped in front of it, sliding his hands into his pockets before he glanced over at the woman. Her skin was a bit tanner than his but she was still fairly bright. Her dark brown hair hung over her shoulders, and she had on a pair of glasses as she read a book briefly as she waited for the elevator to arrive. Her side profile was attractive, and as petite as she was, she had something about her that was seemingly innocent...inviting. “I never seen you around... You just moved here?” Jermaine finally decided to speak.

The woman seemed to be so deep in what she was doing that she slightly jumped, and she smiled softly as she bookmarked her book and gave Jermaine her attention. “Oh, yes I did. I actually just finished moving, finally,” She held out her hand to shake. “I’m Melissa. You are?”

“Jermaine. It’s nice to meet you,” He introduced as he took her hand to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. Do you live on this floor?” She asked as she slipped her hand from his and placed it back in front of her, holding onto her book.

“I live in apartment 319,” Jermaine pointed down the hallway as he glanced in that direction, looking back at Melissa soon after.

“Really? Wow, I live in 318! That’s right across the hall,” Melissa chuckled softly. “Looks like we’re really neighbors—maybe I’ll come by to borrow your sugar,” She joked.

“Oh, you already trying to borrow shit from me? I see how you are,” Jermaine joked back, and Melissa let out a small laugh. She had a pretty laugh...it was light, almost close to a giggle.

“Oh, no! I would extend the same courtesy at least,” She said as the elevator doors parted. Jermaine held the doors open to allow Melissa on first, and he followed her inside before the doors closed. “I actually don’t have a sweet tooth to be borrowing sugar anyway,” She revealed.

“So you’re just wanting to come over my spot? Oh!” Jermaine laughed before he pressed the button for the ground floor. “That’s even better. Already trying to seduce me,” He couldn’t help but to be amused and tease her.

“Seduce? No...never,” Melissa’s face seemed to become flushed. “You are something else. I feel like I’m fucking this conversation up,” She smiled.

“There’s nothing to fuck up—unless you had some motive,” Jermaine said, and she widened her mouth before scoffing.

“Excuse me? Uhm, you started talking to me, Mr. Jermaine. Unless...it’s you with the motive,” Melissa laughed, and she nodded slowly. “Yep, that’s what this is! You’re trying to spit game and do a Jedi mind trick on me,” She accused.

Jermaine shrugged a bit before he cracked a smile. “I just wanted to say hello, miss. But you’re the one that’s trying to get into my house, ma. Now how do you explain that?” He asked as he kept his eyes on her.

“Well—...I mean—...” Melissa huffed as she chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Look—since we’re going to be neighbors, why don’t we just work up to that? I’ll get to know you, you get to know me, and eventually you let me into your place,” The sound of the dinging elevator signaled that they reached their destination, and the doors opened. “How does that sound, hm?” She asked.

“We’ll see. I’ll see you, Miss Melissa,” Jermaine saluted her before smirking, turning around and heading for the front door of the building.

#eyez; outtakes

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theworstbob · 7 years

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yellin’ at songs, week 26

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 7 July 2017 and 8 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.7.2007

61) "Lost," Faith Hill

"With everything I have doesn't mean a thing if it's without you." I. Don't know what that means? I could stare at some of these lyrics and not really understand what's happening other than I'm supposed to believe in love and all its power, which is probably the most we can expect out of a late-career Faith Hill song. It's not great, but, y'know, just as I feel weird about trying to assess Fifth Harmony songs, I feel like Faith Hill songs are reaching for that Aunt With Too Many Inspirational Quote Pillows demographic, and I have to respect the choice she had made to service this demographic. This was someone's third wedding song, and I think that's beautiful. (Also, credit where credit's due, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote a song I tolerated.)

65) "Never Wanted Nothing More," Kenny Chesney

This is a weird one. Because it's Kenny Chesney, but it's also Chris Stapleton, but it's also Chris Stapleton writing a Kenny Chesney song. It's complicated. Like, you look at Kanye West's early discography, you see names you know, Jermaine Dupri, Goodie Mob, Lil' Kim, Nas, Alicia Keys, you see respectable names, you can see how the songs Kanye produced would fit into the greater Kanye catalogue. There's a difference, of course, between production and writing, but early Kanye doesn't feel like producer-for-hire. This song is written so outside the voice I've come to associate with Chris Stapleton that I can't imagine him ever writing it. Like, this song fits in with the Chris Stapleton origin story because it shows Chris Stapleton has been doing this thing for a long time and was good at it, but that's the only way it fits. This is just a Kenny Chesney song that Chris Stapleton happened to write, whereas "Izzo" is a Jay-Z song with a Kanye beat. Country music's weird as hell, man. I ain't gonna get it.

69) "Dance Tonight," Paul McCartney

it's gotta be pretty nuts to know that your status as one of the greatest songwriters of all time is so secure that there is absolutely nothing you could do to remove yourself from that pedestal. Like, the only reason I can find for a song like this (read: a bad one) being made from a dude at this level is, he was bored and wanted to see if people would call it an extraordinary songwriting feat if he just dropped a track like "it's nice when people have fun!"

74) "Let It Go," Keyshia Cole ft./Missy Elliott & Lil Kim

Pretty good! A little subdued for my taste, a little too restrained for a song about letting go, but I think we've talked about how I'm not naturally drawn to R&B simply because the genre is so subdued and restrained, so it's probably my own fault I'm not as into this song as I feel I should be. Like, I like all the names involved, I thnk Keyshia Cole was a pretty decent singer, I like the ingredients of the song, but someone put them together with a different palette than mine in mind. Ugh, and that's just the worst, how the world doesn't make enough things for white males to enjoy. This song, though, I think it's a'ight! I have no complaints about it specifically!

91) "How Do I Breathe," Mario

...i swear i've heard this exact same r&b song at least twice, though. like, "let it go" had missy on the track, it was cool. this is another song about a man who is sad his girlfriend left him and wishes she would come back. mario's a more engaging vocalist than the joes and tanks of 2007, like i'd like to hear him sing a better song, but... man, this week is just songs i didn't need to hear, and not in the sense that pop music is bad and i shouldn't try to listen to this much of it, more that 2007 just kinda said, "hey, here's some shit you've already heard from us, have fun." i feel i don't need to have an opinion on this song because i've already had an opinion on some stargate joint or another, y'know?

97) "Doomsday Clock," Smashing Pumpkins

hey speaking of unnecessary, another smashing pumpkins song! and not even one i need to begrudgingly admit is good, this one is the thing i expected smashing pumpkins to sound like, billy corgan nasally whining about some bullshit or another while the guitar plods along dutifully. nothing here is innovative, nothing here takes smashing pumpkins and frames it in a new light for me, this is just a song that exists. these songs all exist.

Well, obviously, since we’re hitting the halfway point, we’re gonna be doing something special! ...Or I would forget how to count and not realize this was the halfway point. Anyway, no Top 20s because nothing changed. 2017!

8 July 2017

4) "Wild Thoughts," by DJ Khaled ft./Rihanna & Bryson Tiller

I don't believe anything Bryson Tiller says on this song. My understanding of Bryson Tiller was that he was a simpering sad boy who sang about his feelings, so when he comes on a track where he a) has to present himself as an equal to Rihanna and b) has to make the argument that he is a worthy sexual partner for Rihanna, it's hard to take him seriously, because all he's done before suggests he's not this person. Like, someone thought of Bryson Tiller was the answer to the question "Who could make Rihanna think wild thoughts?" and that's just amazing to me. Literally anyone else would have been better. Are we not ready to lean so fully into the Latin trend that we'll give Luis Fonsi a starring role in a DJ Khaled song? Are we just this over Miguel? Hell, we know from "Run Up" that PARTYNEXTDOOR's capable of being occasionally interesting, why not him! This song could've been something, but man, that Bryson Tiller feature sinks it.

51) "Feels," by Calvin Harris ft./Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean

I appreciate the work Calvin Harris puts in to making pop music funky again, I think he's aware there's a direct line in music history from him to The Chainsmokers and he's doing his best to distance himself from that, but there's a limit to how much I can enjoy a song with the line "I know you're not afraid to catch feels with me." Like, this is another good song, Calvin Harris has been doing work this spring/early summer, it's just, one of them has to be the worst, and it's this one with its tumblr-ass hook. I wish I had a more legit reason to not be into this song. Nope. It's just that one word. I don't even necessarily mind that word, it's just, an entire song built around that word isn't a party I wanna attend.

61) "First Day Out," by Kodak Black

Nope!

83) "Relationship," by Young Thug ft./Future

Comparing Young Thug to the other dudes in his genre is like comparing a wasp to a group of bumblebees. They're sort of the same thing, but Young Thug is so much different and fearsome. ...This isn't his best song? This is the song you'd expect to chart off the album given the pedigree, but also, it isn't, because there's so many other, better songs on the album? But we should be evaluating this song for what it is, not what it isn't. "I put my dick inside her mouth before she act." Neat! Of all the many things Young Thug is, he is not perfect.

89) "Feel it Still," by Portugal. The Man

I AM IN FAVOR OF ALL THE BRASS 2017 HAS GIVEN ME THIS YEAR. The only instance of a brass instrument I remember from 2007 is the "Get Buck" beat, and I am so thrilled with the occasional blasts on this song. It's a fun song by a band I know I've heard about at some point but didn't expect to see here. I thought Portugal. The Man was ponderous indie nonsense, but yo, if they got one of these in them, I'm down to see what else they got. It's weird when it turns out bands everyone says is good make good songs. Like, what happened to bands like the Arcade Fire, who just whined monotonously over jingle-jangling?

100) "Real Hitta," by Piles ft./Kodak Black

...Are you. Guys. Are you serious? Piles? PIIIIIIILES? Of all the fucking. So many rappers hit in 2007, and the one y'all dredged up to make the Deacde Dance Club, literally the week I introduce that as a thing, is maybe the worst one, the one whose name I didn't even bother to spell right, I thought he was so yesterday. I'm not gonna listen to it for what I hope are obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't jump into the AZ Lyrics page. "All that ass she got back there startin' to look like a Pamper" This is the least sexy way to describe a butt since "My Humps." "Sex game undefeated, think I'm 100-0" ...Has Piles only fucked 100 times? I mean. Hey, nothin' wrong with that, I'm not here to prude shame anyone or promote promiscuity or whatever, but even in the last 10 years, 3,650 days, Piles has only fucked once every five weeks or so? Or is he just on a winning streak, like, that's how many times in a row he's ejaculated? (I'm assuming he's not bragging that, every time he has sex, he makes the woman cum. I don't think Piles has ever had a woman's pleasure in mind when setting about his business.) This is a bizarre boast. "Biggest thing he ever did for you was take you to Chili's." ...Okay. Okay, that's pretty good. "That lil pussy was so sorry, I call it minimum wage." You know what fuck it I'll take gross political commentary. Piles had two lines I enjoyed out of the context of the song! There may be hope for all of us y -- oh right Kodak Black "I'ma come through, and I'ma fuck ya like the police lookin' for me" Well, that's about as tone deaf as I expected, alright, well, there's hope for some of us.

Decade Dance Party

...Um. 31) Piles We said that it’s hard to have two hits ten years apart. What this list presupposes is... What if it isn’t?

Who Won the Week?

A few weeks ago, there was like a three-year stretch where the Houston Texans and the Cincinatti Bengals would play each other in the football playoffs. They were boring games and bad to watch, and while the Bengals and Texans were good enough to have made the playoffs, it kinda sucked that one of the two got to go to the next round while a different, more fun team to watch gets eliminated, or was left out of the playoffs entirely. “Feel It Still” is a fine song and is definitely better than “Let it Go,” but like. “Feel it Still” shouldn’t be the champion for the week. I dunno, kinda meh for both weeks, 2017 takes it because I don’t think “Feel it Still” should get demerits for all the Kodak Black I didn’t listen to. So.

2017: 14 2007: 12

Next week, 2007 is giving us what is indisputably greater than all The Beatles songs put together. (I linked to that specific post because gosh that dude adding his two cents at the end is the reason op exists.) But will it be better than the alt-country song and the indie-rock song I for some reason ranked over “Umbrella?” ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

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