#anyways tonight was brutal lol and i feel the clock moving ahead rapidly but i am just going to make my silly little art instead of worrying

[piplupod]

ignore this i just need to be insane for a second

#life gets soooooo much easier when u decide u are on a clock thats running out and theres an end to it #like i can just fucking vibe now and not care bc theres an end in sight #im just running the clock out and having a good time as much as possible while the clocks still running #and then! i get to be done! and leave! when things get too intolerable! i can just be done and not deal w it anymore! #incredibly freeing! psychologists are terrified of me! #literally just. okay well I'll just live off the savings i have (very lucky i accumulated those) and then- #-either they run out or shit gets too fucked up for me to handle and i can just off myself then. thank fucking god #living in a way where u are just running out ur rapidly ticking clock is just so fucking freeing #things dont matter anymore and i can finally fucking chill a little bit #I've been living this way for a couple months and damn I've been going thru it sure but theres an exit door for me to use now #and thats making it SO much easier to cope. i have a limited amount of time and i can choose to end the clock whenever. thank god #just waiting it out and vibing in the meantime #anyways tonight was brutal lol and i feel the clock moving ahead rapidly but i am just going to make my silly little art instead of worrying #no need to worry bc theres no future to consider!! if things get too hard i can just leave! extremely freeing! #dont have to worry abt escaping or finances or anything lmao its all unnecessary now #this is probably unhealthy (i mean it definitely is) but i feel like i can deal w things so much better #family can say whatever they want now bc if i ever decide its too much i can just be done #and magically! my tolerance levels have risen! hurray! i can tolerate so much more bc i know it doesnt matter! #okay im done im done. things are so bad lol but at least i have an way out at the ready and no more apprehension abt it #me and death become besties era #she is my silly rabbit she is my rock she'll be there to catch me when i collapse djdjdkdl #I'll delete this later but i just need to be stupid a bit rn bc otherwise im going to do smth so much worse #everything is building and building and i am handling it the best i can! this is my best! #suicide tw