#anyways…. thats tha rant for today

[ookikufurikabutte]

funniest & most terrifying thing to think about of ur ocs possibly becoming popular is that people start treating them like they belong to them and suddenly everything that made them who they are goes out the window.

#zack speaks a lot tag #this is specifically me when i think about that one twt artist who got super popular with their oc world that reminds me of the muppets #u know the one #that artist also said not tasteful art of their ocs made them uncomfy in the past #then they got harassed so much about it that they said #sure go ahead but please tag it specifically as this (xyz) and i will never look at it #like it breaks my heart #your stuff does not belong to you when other people get their hands on it #like imagine someone making a self insert het fic for your gay man oc #BIGGEST FEAR!!!!!! #GET AWAY!!!!!! #also genderbending my ocs like i will kill you personally #anyways…. thats tha rant for today #hope u like

[subprimemortgage]

omg GOD IS REAL ok im not wven kidding this is so freaky so i just ranted a bunhc about my bud in thr military whatever the other day on this site and how bad he is at textinf and how all i wanted was to actually talk to him again bc thats the only way we really can talk ANYWAYS after waking up yesterday at uhhhhhhhhh idk 7pm i had the goddamn audacity to pick today to stay up all day ad reset my sleep so 1. that happened and anyways today in the morning and afternoon i got a freakin shit ton of robocalls and weird calls from oakland where this guy kept trying to talk to me in soanish only and just a weeks worth of bs calls that i 2. actually picked up for once and anyways just less than ten minutes ago, i’m feeling tired, i’m about ready to just call it a night and finally sleep, maybe one more episode, and my phone starts going off again in my lap (its feel good inc but like in vibrations so it goes buzz, buz buz buz-buh-buzzzz buzz) and i was like oh my gucking god another fucjing call?!?!? and i turned my ohine over and it was none other than motherfucking nathan calling me and apparently he just got his phone back bc basic is over idk what any of this means and he was like yeah i have to go to sleep at the hour so i can only talk to five mins but i’ll call you again later if you want and im like SO HOW IS EVERYTHING ARE YOU GETTING YELLED AT A LOT ARE THEY MEAN TO YOU???? and hes like no not really its been ok as basic can be so i joke and say well i guess it doesnt sound worse than when im killing… space aliens.. in destiny… and idk if he said “raiding with you is the worst” or “raids are when you do it worst” bc he was on soeakerphone and literally sounded like he was under water like is florida underwater right now? and then…………. my mom came swooping over MOLLIE YOU NEED TO DO THE DANGED KITTY LITTER adn im momm ok i got it sory my moms on me case and hes like oh my roommate just came back and i heard your mom so you better go do that me: yes i shoukd do that(i have had to do it for 5 hrs) and blah blah ttyl gn but DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH MORE EXPOSITION THERE WAS…. i did i heard it dank tha lord for cell phones and not typing words

[mobsterkara]

Hi im gonna rant here becuz i have 0 friends so im sorry if im spamming your inbox but you dont have to reply so yah. Anyway today i got back my math exam paper, and in one question, they said "the student" and not "he" or "she", so i put "they" instead of "he" or "she" and the teachers marked me wrong? 1) its math yall english sucks i cant even understand the questions(but thats also cos i dumb lol) and 2) why is it wrong when the sentence was "they should have multiplied 2 by 3..."ugh

boo sorry it took me a while to answer I didn’t see it.. but I’m sorry you had to deal with that, it’s fuckin idiotic, especially in a math class.. can you take it up with a senior figure in the school? a principle or something? I mean, it’s grammatically correct for one and second it’s ??? math??? like bitch???? anyways bby im sorry u have to deal w tha shit imma challenge ur teacher to a duel

#anon #asks

[citrus-feline]

lets be real tho. depression? not getting any better. my fault? yeah. but uh. what do i fuckin do about that? all the shit i need to do to make my depression “better” is shit i can’t do cuz of the fuckin depression i got. im like tryin to think about ways around it and like dude i am making steps to try to get outta this pit but it really doesn’t seem to be working at all. the only things keeping me from sleeping all day is my dad and jordan. and even then its like still “hhhh i like. want to talk to you. but i also wanna nap...... nah, i should keep talking... its good for me...... *5 min later* hey im gonna go take a nap.”

like. i used to think that the absolute bottom of depression is suicide, but like, YEAH, i think about that stuff a lot, but im like. used to pushing those thoughts away. im easily in one of the worst depressions of my life rn and i’ve realized that, huh, maybe being depressed as fuck doesn’t require wanting to actively commit suicide every minute? like sure, i think things would be better if i did just like have a heart attack and died, but like. i’ve got systems about dealing with that now at this point in my life. i say that kinda shit and its like “yeah, thats true, but only for part of me. some things are really good, and i love people who love me back. it would be shitty for me to leave them like that”. like, i dunno man. part of how bad it is rn is my apathy with shit like suicidal thoughts. like, hey, i feel like hurting myself. whatever, im too depressed to get out of bed to do anything anyways.

like im not as bad as possible. i could never leave my room. and some days i don’t. but for the most part i make myself at least go upstairs and try to drink something and maybe eat if im up for it. i force myself to take my meds every day cuz i know im 1 million times worse without them, also i dont wanna deal with withdrawal headaches. i could like, avoid eating or taking meds all together. but that doesn’t mean im not bad. like. i can laugh and have fun with activities every now and then, but thats like the only thing keeping me from going completely numb. if it wasn’t for other people helping me laugh and gently pushing me to do stuff like shower and eat i would literally be my worst, lying in bed all day and leaving only to go to the bathroom.

i feel shitty about it, cuz i want to get better, i do. i just feel like i can’t. right now is a tough time for me where motivation is at an all time low. i might get a little excited and say “im gonna do this and this”, but inevitably i probably won’t do that unless someone else is there to push me. and even then i may still just give up. my depression will fuckin catch me when im having a good time, it will say “hey im here” and then my mood will just plummet again. ill be laughing and having fun talking to friends online but then BOOM, you’re sad as fuck. go take a nap, shithead. and i will. i go take a nap. even tho i know i shouldnt, i do. cuz like. what obligations do i have? in nearly all ways i am like the ultimate burden / freeloader. i try real hard to not feel shitty about it and like justify it with “you’re very mentally ill and can’t help it” or even “people like having you around” but like? fuck if i actually don’t believe that in the end.

i was talkin about hospitals today and like. i just thought. is that where i belong? i live my life like a very sick person. and i am “sick” in my own way, but is it really real? is it really justified for me to exist for the sake of existing? am i really okay with this? no, im not. but i would feel even worse if i made myself suffer by getting fired from another job. are things bad? in my environment, absolutely not. people support and love me and fucking do all this shit and take care of me for absolutely no gain for themselves, and yet i am still this fucking huge burden on the fucking lives of the people i care about. “you’re doing your best” “we love you” yeah, i know, and that just makes me feel worse, cuz you gotta love a shitty person like me who can’t do anything even when they are doing their fucking best.

this post went in a different direction than i expected, but whatever. im like. angry at myself now. i want to grit my teeth and fucking punch something. but if i do that i know ill feel worse cuz i do that shit where i always pull the punch last second, even if i REALLY don’t want to. my hesitation is what makes this all worse. if i had the nerve to commit to shit i feel like i wouldn’t be in the situation. even for shit that doesn’t matter like punching a fucking pillow, i can’t do that right. i try, fucking believe me, but that doesn’t matter. im still just shitty me living my life filled with great shit that i fail to appreciate. and its so easy to fucking say “yeah, it’s my depression” but is that really fucking true? or am i lying to myself so i don’t just wait in my bed until i die? its getting to the point where i can’t tell if its depression or my inherent weakness. is it the chemicals in my head, or is it actually me as a fucking person that is seriously fucked up? what if my brother is right and im just a fucking loser that makes the excuse of depression so i dont fucking kill myself right now? like, what the fuck? what am i doing? shit isnt bad at all for me, and yet here i fucking am, screaming into the void about how much i fucking hate myself.

i want to blame people for this. i want to blame my mom. i want to blame my sister. i want to blame my brother. i want to blame the kids at school. i want to fucking blame everyone for why im like this. but i think im just meant to be broken. does a god really exist if i live like this? is there really a plan for me? is there meaning to my life at all besides being a burden on the people i love? i want to run away just so they don’thave to fucking deal with me anymore. im such a waste of space time and money. i dont care if im a “good person”, does tha treally make it okay for me to just freeload and kill the people i love just by fucking existing? i iknow they love me, and ilove them too, more than youcan fucking imagine, but odes that really justify it? does that make it okay?

i keep thinking im okay with this, im getting used to being this fucked up shell of a human being, but im not. im not. im not im not im not im not. i hope that if i get ssi i might stop feeling like this, and i might believe that people actually want me around, because ill be able to carry my own price at least a little. but with how things are, i don’t know. i don’t fucking know. im so fucking scared. i want things to go well but i just know they wont. what happens if they dont believe me about my depression? what happens if they push me away and tell me to get off of my ass? will i? no. i’ll kill myself. its literally that fucking simple. but what kind of fucking nerve do i have to do that kind of shit? i DONT. im a piece of shit who is so fucking ruined that i can’t even kill myself. im such a fucking mess. i wish i didn’t have to be this way. i wish i was fucking normal. i wish i could live up to the expectations they had of me. i was so smart and talented. but now im just a shithead ranting on tumblr about how i want to die.

what the fuck is wrong with me