#are growing qell amd hitting theyre milestones and he sqys that she always says that and to everyone and it cheapens the compliment

[iraqueer]

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#really does so being fun to your brain to get affirmations and compliments from strangers or friends (ie people i see frequently) more than #the family i live with. like mixed with rsd wich makes evrey criticism hold ten times the weight of a compliment means when i do get i compl #compliment from the family i live with it sounds disingenuous #like i know ill get a lecture or a passive aggressive comment so that compliment doesnt count. or i had to fish for it so it doesnt count #it makes me feel like im barely tolerable to the people i live with who see me the most in my tuest self the only reason my friends or aqu #or acquaintances dont feel that way is cuz they havent been around me enogh and eventually ill exhaist all goodwill and love that people hav #have for me until they only associate with me because of obligation. it also makes me prone to cry when someone gives me a compliment and it #it makes me scared to share this with my family becasue i feel like theyll ruin it. i tell my husband that the pediatrician says the kids a #are growing qell amd hitting theyre milestones and he sqys that she always says that and to everyone and it cheapens the compliment #people who dont live with me think im intelligent amd competant and funny and a joy to know but i dont get that fweling from my family and i #i know part of it is because of my shit brain that weights criticisms so much more strongly but a part of it is the things they say amd more #more importantly the things they dont it feels so rar that i get a compliment of any kind and i dont know if its my stupid depressed brain #making me perceive this or if its true if its a mix or if i developed this thought process because i was taught this #worst part is i dont feel shit enough to cry and get that emotional release #tldr eventually evreyone hates me and one day my kids will too hahahahahaha i physically feel pain rn lol