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#the family i live with. like mixed with rsd wich makes evrey criticism hold ten times the weight of a compliment means when i do get i compl
iraqueer
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17 days
Text
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#really does so being fun to your brain to get affirmations and compliments from strangers or friends (ie people i see frequently) more than
#the family i live with. like mixed with rsd wich makes evrey criticism hold ten times the weight of a compliment means when i do get i compl
#compliment from the family i live with it sounds disingenuous
#like i know ill get a lecture or a passive aggressive comment so that compliment doesnt count. or i had to fish for it so it doesnt count
#it makes me feel like im barely tolerable to the people i live with who see me the most in my tuest self the only reason my friends or aqu
#or acquaintances dont feel that way is cuz they havent been around me enogh and eventually ill exhaist all goodwill and love that people hav
#have for me until they only associate with me because of obligation. it also makes me prone to cry when someone gives me a compliment and it
#it makes me scared to share this with my family becasue i feel like theyll ruin it. i tell my husband that the pediatrician says the kids a
#are growing qell amd hitting theyre milestones and he sqys that she always says that and to everyone and it cheapens the compliment
#people who dont live with me think im intelligent amd competant and funny and a joy to know but i dont get that fweling from my family and i
#i know part of it is because of my shit brain that weights criticisms so much more strongly but a part of it is the things they say amd more
#more importantly the things they dont it feels so rar that i get a compliment of any kind and i dont know if its my stupid depressed brain
#making me perceive this or if its true if its a mix or if i developed this thought process because i was taught this
#worst part is i dont feel shit enough to cry and get that emotional release
#tldr eventually evreyone hates me and one day my kids will too hahahahahaha i physically feel pain rn lol
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