#aro friends and mutuals are ok to message abt this btw

[localrobosexual]

i think i just. need to come to terms with the fact that there's a very, very high chance that i'm just straight up aromantic at this point. but instead of this being a joyous thing like when i discovered what asexuality was for the first time and everything clicked and i Understood, this one just. makes me sad

honestly this post right here really sums it up best. I don't think i've ever felt more othered and alienated than trying to come to terms with the fact that it's looking more and more like i may be just straight up aro.

which is extremely odd to me because normally I wouldnt give a shit!! i wouldnt!! i'm super secure in and proud of my asexuality and u would think that it'd be the same with coming to terms with being aro!! but it's not!! and i'm just confused and sad and frustrated abt it!!

i honestly think it may be because I have some friends that are like. either currently dating someone that I'm also friendly with, and/or are actively seeking a romantic partner right now. And will tell me about shit and the people they're seeing or things their partner does and it feels like there's something wrong with me because I just. Genuinely do not understand. I don't get it. I don't get the appeal of trying to find a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. I keep thinking along the lines of like "why do you keep trying when you've had so many dates and guys fall through? what could you possibly be looking for that makes that worth it?" and apparently the answer is. romantic partnership. that i just. don't understand. I feel like a teenager again, when my acquaintances and whatnot at school or when i used to go to a church youth group would talk about their crushes or guys they were into and/or pursuing, and I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn't understand what they were talking about, or what they were feeling. I've never had the desire to find a partner, or get married, or even be like. in a poly group even, if that'd be an option. none of that appeals to me

there have only been two times in my life where i tried dating, thinking that maybe with those people i was feeling what other people were describing as crushes and whatnot, but both times those feelings completely went away after like. a few months. and i'm pretty sure there is a label for that, for losing feelings after someone reciprocates, but i'm not really big on microlabels and I honestly just don't care enough to unpack that tbh. it's not that deep and i dont want it to be that deep

i know that there's nothing wrong with me. i know that i'm not broken, i'm not unfeeling, i'm not an (forgive the chicle term) emotionless robot or whatever, but at the same time i just. feel so left out. Romantic partnerships are always apparently gonna be held to a higher standard than my personal relationships with allo friends and it sounds really selfish of me but it does hurt a little. just because i don't understand. and I never will. and I say that all the time, like, "straight people are wack" when my straight coworkers talk about their relationships or just even straight up telling my friends that i dont understand the appeal of dating around. Ofc i'm happy for them, and wanna support them, and get a kick out of playfully teasing them about flings and bad dates but at the same time i just. man i dont even know. this sucks. it sucks. i don't know how to navigate this and all i'm left with is just feeling sad and empty and othered

#words of meg #vent #i guess #aro friends and mutuals are ok to message abt this btw #i could use some mutual insight #or just. sympathy lmfao #lame i know