#at first was him bc he goes by a different name via facebook. like last name is the same but i think he uses his middle name as his first

[piraticalarchive]

okay so for everyone who hates big corporations and management who takes advantage of their employees.. this one’s for you. it’s long but .... i find it completely hilarious.

so a brief recap: amy got fired back in march from a huge international retailer, yes? when things first started like they were going south, i worked on really re establishing a relationship with my brother who is like one level below C-suite (cfo, ceo, etc etc) of that same company because i had an idea in mind. March rolls around, amy gets fired .. and I’m like .. okay. time to put this in motion. but stress and depression obviously took the motivation away from me, but i continued to keep that line of communication up with my brother. we started talking weekly, sometimes twice a week via an actual call. well, i’m finally feeling better .. so this week i finally put my plan in motion. here’s how it went

stage 1: i sent a text to my brother asking if i applied to the store in my area if i could use him as a reference. he said, of course but every store is hiring so i’d look at any store besides that one. (which is already fucking hilarious but i digress) ... so i call the store and one of the managers who sat in on amy’s firing answers when i ask to speak to someone involved in hiring (oh lucky day). I start off with “hi! I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve been looking for a job thats a bit of a change of scenery and my brother is the *insert position name* and works in *insert headquarters location* and he recommended i give the company a try despite that I had a less than stellar experience last time”. And this manager FALLS OVER telling me they are hiring for so many positions blah blah blah and then at the end when i’m like “thanks for the information! I’m definitely going to apply!” she’s like “of course! I’ll give our hiring manager your information so she can pull it immediately. Whats your name?” and i give my name and suddenly its just dead fucking silent... because they know who I am and they know that I’m in a relationship with amy and that i know what they did. But she recovers and is like ‘can’t wait to see your application!’ .. so.. okay. stage 1 was a success. but then, enter...

unexpected event: the store manager himself calls me. Starts off with some small talk, finally gets around to saying ‘so I hear you’d like to come back and work for us? I was looking at your previous application and I didn’t see any mention of the relation you talked about when you called”. And I’m like “oh, yeah... I don’t like using stuff like that because I’d prefer to get in on my own merit  and skills and not by a family member’s position. Plus its like that show undercover boss, you know? I get to see what the place is like before they know. BUT given with what happened to amy, I was unsure if I’d even be considered without a reference like that” and he laughs nervously and is like “i totally get it. So did anyone know that you had a brother in that position?” and I’m like “oh i mentioned it once in passing to [amy’s manger] but I just said my brother was in corporate and there are a lot of levels so i think he just left it at that” and the store manager is like ‘haha yeah different levels but thats like ... its own level...” and we talk a little bit and he’s like “what made you want to come back?” and I’m like “like i mentioned before, the amy thing really threw me off. I was angry and the good thing about siblings is you don’t have to sugarcoat stuff. So I went to my brother and was like this is how you treat people?? are you kidding?? what about job security?? and i sent him the picture amy had snapped of her discharge papers where it listed the reason and he told me that, and everything else I yelled at him about,  wasn’t the company’s way and that the store had seriously violated something. So for one, I now know that isn’t actually something that should have happened and  two, i inadvertently brought this store to corporate’s attention and there are a lot of good people who work here, and they don’t deserve the consequences of that, so I want to help make it right” and he’s fucking sweating yall, I can hear it over the phone. and he’s like “fill out your application and put whatever you want down and we’ll call you and talk about positions and we can find a way to give you what you want” and I’m like “oh, don’t tell me that nick because your chair is looking awfully good right now” and he did a nervous laugh. SO, unexpected event made my plan even better. Then we get to:

Stage 2: I apply. I check literally every management position, including the one they fired amy from and also some hourly positions and put down ridiculous hours. I pass the manager test with flying colors and when it asks why i said i want to be a team trainer i wrote down ‘thanks to knowing the home office, i know how things should work and I want to help this store raise its position in the district and I know what policies aren’t being followed to help make that raise smoother.” I submitted the application, called the first manager I had spoken to and told her I had done so and she was like “I’m sure we’ll give you a call tomorrow!” ‘Tomorrow’ came and by 7 that night, they hadn’t contacted me. So I went to the ‘we’re hiring’ image they had posted on their facebook page like an hour previously and tagged my brother and was like ‘dude this is one of the positions at my store i was telling you about. think i could pull it off?” AND BAM ! they sent me a request for a phone interview at 8am the next morning. I scheduled my interview for later that afternoon at 2:45 and we enter Stage 3.

Stage 3: Amy and I go to the store to pick up a few things. It’s suddenly fucking spotless. There are no gaps in the shelves, the floor has been cleaned since the last time we were there (monday night and i called them tuesday and it is now white and shiny as hell) and they have the lights turned up all the way so you can actually see. EVERY FUCKING AISLE is perfect. Cat food? perfect. Funko pops? stacked and lined up perfectly. Video games? Filled. Clearance aisle? Perfect order. Like its super obvious they did a mad dash and tried to get the store in shape. So amy and I walk down every single aisle and point things out and kind of put our heads together and talk and I take out my phone and act like i’m texting etc .. basically we’re just fucking with people’s heads because the managers are nearby and they can see what we’re doing. 

Stage 4: So later we’re home and 2:45 comes and goes with NO word. No phone call, no email, no hey can we reschedule. they FORGOT about the interview. I’m dying because they’re making it even better and even easier to fuck with them. So I text my brother (who KNOWS my mental health has been in the trash) and I’m like “I filled out an application just to see and they set up an interview and blew me off. You were right .. not a great help when it comes to the blues” and he was like “yep...i’d look at literally any other store” and talked to me a bit more about it. He was irritated that they’d do that and kept saying they were on thin ice.  Finally at 5 they text me and they’re like “hey, this is the [insert store] and we’re sorry we missed your interview. I wanna apologize. Can we reschedule?” And I wait like an hour and a half (i was napping, i’ll admit it) but I respond with “I apologize for the late response, I had a prior commitment I had to take care of. Unfortunately, I reached out to someone [they know who it is. they know]  in the off chance I had misunderstood the process since I hadn’t heard from you guys and I was encouraged to pursue opportunities at other branches in the area. Thank you for the original consideration and I hope you have a great day!” and they waited until 11am the next day to reply back which I’m assuming is because they were waiting for the higher up management to return to the store.

Come to find out the managers are still basically pissing themselves and freaking out because not only did they a) fire someone against company policy and now know the people at the top know and b) drop the ball and forget to interview a family member of said people at the top ... I got to add salt in the wound one more time by mentioning that my brother dropped in a lot (he doesn’t) and that I’d love to show off the store since it’s such a huge part of the community and it was looking better than I’d ever seen it look. And that it would be nice because he’d get the real experience since it wasn’t a formal, announced visit .... but, of course, that he’s salary .. so the policy is that he’s always ‘at work’ and obligated to take note of things.

so basically, i feel justified. Six and a half months of careful planning and maneuvering was totally justified. 10/10, I’d do it again. Let this be a lesson that patience in planning vengeance is completely worth having and I hope I helped make the store better for employees who aren’t management by putting the fear of god into them with the idea that my brother or anyone else from his office can just drop the fuck in whenever they want with a totally casual visit that could still fuck the management over completely. This is a good week, mates .. a very good week. Am I petty? yes. Do i hate their guts and feel like it was an entertainment that was totally worth it given what they did to the love of my life? also yes.

#also if they checked - i'm facebook friends with their international corporate lawyer. my brother obviously and the cfo who i didn't realize #at first was him bc he goes by a different name via facebook. like last name is the same but i think he uses his middle name as his first #i love it. i love it so much. #i planning on doing more stuff but i gotta take a breather and plan it carefully but #god i am L IVING #fuck that place #we laugh because i'm known here for messing with companies that fuck with people #and i did my best one like 3 years ago but amy was just like 'this is 10 miles beyond that' #long post // #i'm sorry for this but i just want to let everyone know the major reason for my incredible mood this week

[drakengard]

1 thru 104 Ur welcome

why do u hate me

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

id probably go back to bed tbh otherwise id just get up and put on clothes(it was hayden….)

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

we’re dating B^)

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

yea i would be really concerned and also probably uncomfortable depending on what was going on

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yep!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober!

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

yea when i was like 16 i really liked this one girl but i was so pushy about it without even realizing it ;w;

7. What does your last received text say?

its just a

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

ive lost track we’ve kissed a lot!

9. Where was your last kiss at?

at my boyfriends dorm when i dropped him off

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

a month or two ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water or some kind of juice

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

yes they are a lot of work and that can make them hard but i think the best relationships are worth those hardships

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

yeah i think there are some things i wish i would have done differently but its nothing major

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

the only problem is that we’re locked in a room and im claustrophobic

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no i dont think so!

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

im in my underwear tbh…….

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i do think so yeah

20. Does anyone like you?

who knows…………..it is a mystery

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

yep

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

oh boy gay is an understatement

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

honestly i dont think so anymore?

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yeah! i already have one

25. In the past week have you cried?

nope

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

some kind of bulldog mix! he was so cute

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

a little of both

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

nope

29. Do you think you’re old?

not yet

30. Do you like text messaging?

i dont mind it but i always make typos so i get frustrated

31. What type of day are you having?

its alright i felt really sick earlier and i cant sleep

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

i had my septum pierced and ive thought about other nose piercings but i dont think id want them

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold definitely

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yes yes yes

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i think im a lot more complicated than i let on 

37. What song are you listening to?

already answered!

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

not always but if i apologize and give an explanation then i mean it (idk if that makes sense)39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

i dont think so40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

the first thing i ever noticed about him when i saw photos was his smile but when i met him it was absolutely everything41. When did you last receive a text message?

a few hours ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

LORD…..43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

relatively!44. Does anyone disgust you?

yes45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no46. Are you in a good mood right now?

im in a……..mediocre mood47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my coworkers!!48. What color shirt are you wearing?

white it has a picture of a dog on it49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

no im with the person i fell hardest for

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yeah in the past i used to think about giving up on a lot of people but im glad i didnt and i let  myself grow from those experiences53. Do you like rain?

i love rain54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

i dont really mind as long as they are safe55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

yep56. Do you like to cuddle?YES god im weak

57. Are you shy?

not with people i know well and when im at my Job™ but like…if im by myself in new situations i do not like to talk58. Do you get along with girls?

depends on the girl!59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

yes we are currently dating60. What do you carry with you at all times?

phone, wallet, and normally chapstick61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?id do that shit for free

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

i have so yes63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yep!64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

god yes i…..am so weak for affection in the simplest forms65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

already answered!

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

20, 19, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   

nah id want to try and fail miserably 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

zebra print but i dont really like either69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i do i have a captain scarlet sticker via my boyfriend70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  

lil wayne……….lmao  71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

android72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

not since forever ago i think since i worked there when i was 16 73. Do you like diet soda?    

not really74. What color are the walls in your room?    

white75. Are you 16 or older?    

yep!76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nope77. Do you have a job?    

yes yes  78. What are your initials?  

JLH  79. Did you ever have braces?   

yes for like a year and a half it was a Time 80. Are you from the south?    

i was born in north carolina B^)

81. What does your last status on facebook say?  

“someone get married and invite me i really want to go to a wedding they seem so fun”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  

uh very sporadically but sometimes  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? 

nah85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  

  oh god it was some action movie i cant remember the name of 86. Do you smoke?    

…………when im on fire (badumtss)87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

heels bc i hate the noise flip flops make    88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   

straight sometimes i curl it up  90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

nope91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

pool probably     92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

nope93. …Had sex in a car?    

……………………………………………sweats94. Are you single or in a relationship?  

in a relationship!  95. What were you doing last night at midnight? 

i was at the grocery store   96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

a few years ago97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  

its pretty good yeah!  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  

nope nope  99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   

also no 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?   

not that i hate but people that i dislike yeah 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

no but when my mom got pregnant with my sister and told me i think i went into cardiac arrest102. Name your favorite Kesha song:   

its tik tok im no fool 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

maybe i will the day my wonder bread ass goes outside………..    104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?   

already answered but NO 

#hate u.............................. #jk ily...... #jake answers