#attention when im upset is really irritating to me bc my dad would just stare forward when i cried as a kid so like

[dockaspbrak]

Its. Frustrating to feel like im always waiting for it all to be over

#like jdbdidnf idk #idk #i wish i could just do a thousand push ups or walk for 8 hours and then feel nothing #but alas. i have to sit with this feeling. which reminds me of all the other times i felt like this #and its so like. lonely and scary and like #idk what id need someone to do but. like take charge or smth in a way that #isnt just asking me questions #idk. im gonna read fanfiction and hope i feel less like im going to die in the morning #its like. i feel like ive made my peace with dying and then bam suddenly im terrified of it #i feel like i want a hug and someone to not try to look me in the eye but like just make space for me next to them while they do something #like when ur a kid and ur dads watching a movie and gestures fornyou to join him on the couch but he also doesnt talk to you much #attention when im upset is really irritating to me bc my dad would just stare forward when i cried as a kid so like #anything other than ignoring it feels like. hncomfortable and like im being rushed or smth #idk man. i hwve issues #but also like. ejndjfnf im like really really sad. but ill probably just always be sad kinda