#ayrenn estre pelidil and indaenir are there too

[madam-whim]

7 for helca :vibecheck:

“I promise”, the little boy said as he pulled his friend closer.

Ayrenn had run off once again, leaving her brother behind. “You are not even two years younger than she is. That is not much, and out of the two of you, you are the responsible one”,  was what one of their teachers had said. It’s your fault, you should have stopped her, was what Naemon had heard, and what the teacher had meant, disapproval clear on his face. As if it was Naemon’s responsibility to keep his sister in check. As if he hadn’t begged her not to go, or at least to take him along with her, just this once. But Ayrenn would vanish for days at a time, making their parents sick with worry, and not once had she told him where she’d been. She was still taller than him, could outrun him easily, and whenever she tried to follow her, he’d lose her eventually, her laughter still ringing in his ears. And yet, he could never bring himself to alert their parents when he caught her sneaking away. It always ended the same, anyway. With Naemon taking the blame for Ayrenn’s disappearance, and once she came back, everyone was too relieved over the safe return of the crown princess to be cross with her.

It wasn’t fair, Naemon thought. But he knew that Ayrenn was more important than he was – she was the heir, and people would always see it that way. He understood why. It was fine. Just like it was fine for his sister to leave him behind whenever she pleased, even though he never understood why she did it. Maybe he’d slow her down too much, or maybe she thought he was just a coward, too scared to really follow her on one of her adventures. It hurt to think about it too much. Sometimes, it was bad enough that he couldn’t stop the tears.

The first time Helcarion had caught him crying over being left behind once more, he’d been horrified. He’d been told to keep his emotions to himself, especially the bad ones. But Helcarion had never been angry with him for it. He had simply told him that crying was alright, and that they were only children, and that not talking about what made them sad was utterly stupid. And then he’d hugged him. Just like he was doing now, with Naemon clinging to him. “I promise”, Helcarion whispered, even though they were alone and nobody could hear them. “I won’t ever leave you behind. You’re my best friend. I’ll always be there for you when it matters.”

“I promise”, Helcarion, now sixteen, repeated.

The princess hadn’t come back this time, and suddenly, everything had become too much. Naemon was heir to the throne now, without the luxury of several years to settle into the role. He’d always been the spare, the backup plan, and now, he was left with no clue how to handle all of it. But then again, he still had Helcarion. They were still as inseparable as they had been as small children, even if Naemon had forced himself to grow somewhat more distant. Not that it ever did anything to scare his friend away – Helcarion probably knew him better than he knew himself. He was not alone in this, he knew. His friend didn’t hug him anymore, didn’t touch him at all, really, but his presence was as comforting as ever, as were his words. “I promise I’ll still be there, no matter what”, he’d said, and Naemon allowed himself to believe him. He had no reason not to.

Helcarion was just… always there. There to help him through his grief when he’d realized Ayrenn was gone for good this time. To help him adjust to the new situation life had thrown him in, even if he didn’t like all of the things it entailed. Like his upcoming engagement to a young lady named Estre. He’d never met her before and would have much preferred someone he already knew, but his parents thought it to be an ideal match, and so he had not protested. There had been a strange look in Helcarion’s eyes for just a moment when he’d shared the news, one that Naemon couldn’t decipher. It had been gone before he could even think to ask what was wrong, replaced by his friend’s usual kind smile, and somehow, Naemon convinced himself he’d just imagined it. He needed things to be fine right now.

“He promised”, Naemon muttered, not knowing what he’d done wrong.

Helcarion had left on some expedition with the Mages Guild. He’d told him he might be gone for a year, perhaps more. Naemon had known, of course, that the other man wasn’t made for politics, and that he took his magical studies very seriously to make up for it. Why he had chosen the guild instead of the Sapiarchs was beyond him, though. He would have been closer at least, had he chosen that path. But now, Helcarion had left him behind, and he hadn’t told him why. Was it something Naemon had done? Had he finally tired of him? “Ah, not to worry”, Estre said when he eventually confided in her. “You don’t need him anyway. One of my mother’s associates visited the guild hall recently, and it seems Helcarion has made friends with a khajiit, of all people. His parents must be so disappointed. As you should be, by the way. He really isn’t the kind of company you should keep as the future king.”

Naemon wanted to argue, wanted to tell her that Helcarion was the best friend he’d ever had, but then again… Helcarion had gone away, without even telling him how he could reach him. Perhaps he simply didn’t care anymore. It hurt, of course, but there was a chance they’d simply grown distant, and that was that. It happened. Maybe it was better that way as well, since Helcarion seemed to avoid Estre whenever he could, and it made things rather difficult. His wife had long suspected the other mer to hate her, and she had told Naemon so, though she claimed she had no idea why. But she smiled reassuringly at him now, and told him things were going to be just fine, and that he could do fine without Helcarion by his side. “You need someone more trustworthy anyway. Someone who is up to the task of being the king’s right hand. Actually, I have someone in mind already! Pelidil has been so eager to meet you, and I’m sure the two of you would get along splendidly. Would you like me to formally introduce him to you?”, she offered. And Naemon nodded.

“I promised...”, Helcarion sobbed, kneeling on the floor in Elden Root’s throne room.

He didn’t care that half the Dominion elite was watching, didn’t care what King Camoran thought of him. He didn’t want to listen to whatever it was Ayrenn tried to say to him. It was her fault as much as it was his own, anyway. If she’d only appreciated her brother more, included him in her decisions, maybe he would not have felt the need to prove he could be something more. But still, Helcarion couldn’t blame her. She had not made any promises to Naemon. He had. He’d promised to stay with him. To be there when he needed him, even if Helcarion knew Naemon would not, could not love him back.

He should never have left, should not have allowed Estre to drive him away from Naemon’s side with the mocking glances she sent his way while clinging to the prince’s arm, touching him freely in a way Helcarion could only ever dream of, or the cruel words she said to him when Naemon wasn’t close enough to overhear. But Helcarion wasn’t blind, he’d seen how much Naemon adored his wife, and above all else, he’d wanted him to be happy, and so he’d accepted that there was no place for him here any longer. Estre  had won, and she would become queen, he had thought. And now she was gone, and the news had taken so long to reach Helcarion that even though he’d dropped everything to try and return to comfort his friend, he’d been too late. Always too late.

“You promised!”, the lich screeched, trying to reach for Helcarion with its clawed hand.

He could not even move. Indaenir had to grab him and haul him backwards, out of range, while Kidhesi threw spell after spell in the direction of what had once been the man Helcarion loved. Everything in him screamed at him to make her stop it, make him try to reason with Naemon. If he could only get through to him – but he’d been told it was impossible. He knew the lich was all the bad parts of Naemon. His rage, his hatred, his arrogance and disdain, with nothing of his beautiful, caring, loyal side left to balance them out. But still – he’d loved all of Naemon, with all of his flaws and fears. He still did, even now.

The lich attempted to claw at his face again, only missing by a mere inch. Kidhesi cursed. “This one knew we should have left him outside!” Helcarion couldn’t make out Indaenir’s answer, but he knew the khajiit was right, he should never have come, he was only in the way, a liability. He would never be able to hurt Naemon, even in this form, and he had been too late to save him. The only thing he’d been able to do was to avenge him, to look Pelidil in the eye as he stabbed him, and tell him that this was for Naemon, even if he could no longer make up for a promise broken too long ago. He’d been to weak then, just as he was now. Now, he could only watch as Kidhesi slowly encased the lich in ice and stepped closer, frozen spikes glittering all around her. “I’m sorry”, he muttered. He could do nothing to save his friend now.

But he could at least be there.

#eso #my writing #oc: helcarion #oc: kidhesi #naemon #ayrenn estre pelidil and indaenir are there too #long post #intya answers #i hate myself rn #em why did you do this to me