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#bc it makes even my room feel Invaded and like. i dont mind the cat being in my room obviously
sunnyvaler · 2 years
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y’all ever experience the smallest thing and just have a breakdown
#just sat on the floor w my cat for 20 minutes crying and pleading him to stop trying to play bc its midnight and i just want to sleep#he of course continued to attempt to play with every chord in my room the entire time#and i just. realized how fucking exhausted i am in general#to go straight from a very stressful exam season to being bombarded with two practically strangers living with us for a week has been Rough#my cat usually isnt allowed in my room bc he Will play with chords or break things but hes been sleeping in my room for days#bc hes too scared to leave my room w these guys in the house and Same Here i dont leave my room unless i have to#and its. so emotionally draining and there’s nothing i can do about it and i cant start to emotionally recover until theyre gone#and thats not for? another day or two#so i have stuff planned over the next few days with family members i can barely stand being around because its more comfortable#than being in my own home and like what the fuck#i moved out to stop feeling trapped but this feels so much worse than living with my mum did and im so stressed out all the time#i dont know them and i dont like them and not being able to walk around in my own house or go to the kitchen fucking sucks#i thought they were gonna be staying at a hotel but i discovered the night they got here that they werent#so its just. all been so much that i was unprepared for#and my cats constant fear and anxiety (and the way they dont care ab it/ignore it) is making me so anxious and stressed#bc i dont want to do anything that makes him anxious or stressed but him being in my room 24/7 is stressing me the fuck out#bc it makes even my room feel Invaded and like. i dont mind the cat being in my room obviously#but he’s in my room AND stressed and jumping around on things he knows hes nto allowed on because he knows i wont kick him out#and i am just about at my fucking limit i shouldnt have to be avoiding existing in my own home#and i shouldnt be feeling stressed and anxious about having to go to the bathroom orkitchen#and its not at all the fault of either of my roommates like. One of them has been brilliant she has but. i dont think the other has noticed#at all that im uncomfortable or that i dont leave my room#i dont think eh cares tbh bc hes the one entertaining the guests all the time so like i dont blame him i just.#its only the guys in the house tonight and i am fucking stressed#i just want them to leave so i can feel at home in my own house again#i think its a big part of why im not here too i am just. constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated by their mere existence#bc they are Loud and i cant even close my bedroom door bc of the cat#im just. fucking exhausted but theres nothing i can do bc i Know im in the wrong for this#bonus round: i think my roommate just let the cat out without a collar on which. only makes me more annoyed and upset i can not win here#anyone else exists in this house rn and i am Annoyed im just so overstimulated and overwhelmed i can not do this
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The Infinites
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Being a part of this instant family (to me) is one of the most precious thing that ever happened to me. Imo, to meet them was the best thing I experienced in my 2017. We consisted of  8 people. We may look normal, but actually we are real dorks.We have different characters and personality, ofcourse. But fortunately we blended and matched each other so well. I was always so quite and preserve whenever Im with new people, but with them, it is indeed, an exceptional. Being an introvert didnt even help me, but they did, help me. KKN era forced me to adapt faster than I usually did, because we only had 45 days, right? I wasnt even familiar with the idea of 'living with some strangers and doing things together with some strangers'. It was my biggest nightmare to live with people other than family. But KKN really changed the way I perceived something.
There were times when I just wanted to be alone. Whenever Im in my solitary moment, one of them would came up to me, asked, "What are you doing here all alone? Can i join?". Thats why I never been alone while at KKN bcs they always nongol one by one and joined my dont-disturb-me-i-want-to-be-alone-for-a-while corner. Whatevs I did and whenever i went, they could always find me. And somehow I felt thankful for that. That was how they invaded my personal spaces, and made me realize that no matter how introvert you are, you will find comforts if you are being surrounded by the right people.
We named our self The Infinite Team. We had a deep philosophy meaning behind that name. Our group consists of 8 people, eight means infinite. By 'infinite' we hoped that our spirit will be infinity to face infinity problematics that we had when KKN. Sounded cheesy, we knew. But we strived to meet the expectations. We hoped we exceed people expectation by carrying that name. Yea, that name meant alot for us. Others group would consisted of 9 or 10, but since we were only 8 we received less amount of money from uni. It didnt bother us that much. But, our concern was the amount of people we had. We were 2x more tired bcs we lacked of people, compared to others. We used to have double job, cover each other position while finishing our own jobdesk. The plus is : our posko was actually a small house with 3 rooms. By having 8 members we could save space and EVEN WATER (oh god thankyou). We didnt have to queue for too long to take a bath or shalat. We divided the household chores fairly, ex doing dishes (2 people in each meal time), doing laundry (2-4 people in a day), house cleaning, and cooking. We usually did the turn by playing some games. Tho its childish but we found it fun. We used to play UNO every night. Or when we got bored of UNO we switched to other card games, like bohong, werewolf, speed, obat nyamuk, and etc. We used to arrange our schedule every ba'da isya by writing some to do lists in the whiteboard. After Maghrib,I turned the TV and I got scolded alot bcs i always watched naruto. Its not because they dislike naruto, but it was bcs that Naruto eps was being replayed over and over again that they fed up with it. But they still watched it anyway lol, I know you guys would still like it, stop complaining.
Every Saturday noon, we sat together to watch master chef and ninja warrior (our life saver). In Sunday morning we spent some times by having breakfast and watching Doraemon. Every once in a week we went out to eat at some random warung by using 'uang kehidupan'. We would get 'scholarship' to eat gratisan from that uang kehidupan. Yeah we had this habit to give nicknames in every thing. We called a bunch of snacks with 'uang rakyat' bcs we bought it with money from uni. We named our family room with 'ohana room' bcs Ohana means family. We named our flashlights 'Sumber kehidupan' bcs idk?. We named one of our room the 'before after room' bcs we used it to do make up. We had a room called 'logistics room' bcs thats where we keep our logistics. We named a guling as 'Oji's boyfriend' bcs thats how jones she were. We gave a nickname to a middle schooler as 'elsa' because his hands were always cold. And oh, we even gave name to our lovely live safer, 3 motors that we brought along from solo. They are ABut, plat K, and dolphino. We also had 2 cats, named Mendes and Alex. And these are the infinites :
1. Amel
Amel is that person who was in charge of cooking. She liked to take a nap at 13.00 and woke up at 14.30 straightly. She went to sleep early than any other people. She is actually a year older than the rest of us but she is the most innocent. One day she copied Dimma's pick up line, "WTF", thinking it means "astaga" in bahasa indo. She used that word for a week straight until we told her the actual meaning of that phrase. Her favorite activity consisted of taking photos and selfie, and update them on socmeds. She is the softest from all of us tho. She was also in charge of some updates in our instagram. She always got the most numerous bullies but she always nevermind. She could always laughed even for some lame jokes. She likes Spongebob, even she laughed like spongebob. She always lost whenever she plays game. But she tried hard in every Zombie vs Plants game and even counter strikes. One day, i saw her cry in the backyard but i didnt approach her bcs i thought whenever someone's crying I want to give them their space. I thought I would asked her whe she's feeling better, but dammit I forgot, like at all. Im sorry mel, i love you.
2. Ayub
Ayub is our Koordinator Desa or Kordes. He is practically our leader. But he somehow didnt act like a leader. He is the laziest person in this team. We picked him only because his home is in Pati, the Kabupaten we lived in. Ayub is the most narsis person i have ever known. His personality in 16personalities proved that he had the most common personality (16% of the amount of population in the world). He is the antithesis of my personality. He is so extrovert and comfortable to share his thing. He was always plays music using speaker every morning. At first we didnt bother with it, but slowly it annoyed us because his playlist was so damn lame. I knew he was always a dork but, come on, who would download covered songs with clapping sounds in the background. You can just download the actual song instead, Yub, smh. We used to hid that damn speaker to prevent Ayub for playing his music in the early morning. They gave the speaker to me and hoped that I would play better playlists, but I dissapointed them right after bcs i only had 4 songs, and it was all Taylor swift songs. But aside from his weird music taste, he is good at cooking. His level is far higher than mine. He likes to learn new things like the cup song, english, UNO, and even being doctor (we had 2 medical students). He likes to play badminton and always criticized at how I play. He was also dumb at times. But overall, he is a good person.
3. Azis
Azis whose name is everywhere is the most receh person. His jokes were always so lame that sometimes it could make us mad at him. We had to pretend that we didnt hear him joking in order to stop his lame jokes. Aside from that, he is a hardworking person. He is in charge of being the most religious person but somehow he had the dirtiest mind among us. He once said to me that in his campus life, he's known as quiet and preserve type which is the vice versa of the personality he had in KKN. He always had me to do chores and force me to buy things like flour, egg, and etc. His motor is Dolphino. He is the one who always complain at everything. And always saying things that triggered us but ended it like, 'Guys why would you do something stupid like this, CAN I JOIN'. He is dork af but in front of childrens he always in serious mode activated. His works often being underapreciate but he never failed us, always treated us good. He was like our human-reminder. He remind us time to time for some small details. "Guys dont forget that tmrw we still have 100 things to do, lets sleep before its too late". Or. "Guys, did you remember what pak kades said about xxxxx?". Or. "Dont forget to buy this and that." Thankyou for your concern, zis. Just knew that we were bunch of forgetful people, without him, we'd be lost.
4. Bela
Bela was the only one who constantly doing her puasa senin-kamis while KKN. Thats why we gave her exception by ousting her from doing dishes. She might be the most sensitive person among us, but she was also caring and considerate. She is younger than me, but she's all matured. She was the alternate kordes whenever Ayub's not in good mood to talk. She had alotta secret admirers, from children to abang penjual pentol istimewa. She is good with elder people. We can talk about almost everything. Tho she spent the most of time doing make up, she's actually not that girly. She was my partner in magang, doing laundry, and dishes. She was my life saver whenever im lazy driving the motor. Her motor named ABut, and it was my fave.
5. Dimma
Dimma whose name is soooo long is the one who took his most KKN time by annoying others with his childish behaviour. Indeed he is the youngest of our team. He is lowkey soft and caring. He onced renewed ABut's oli, he brought us food even without us asking, he made sure that everyone got their rights. He's just our precious youngest. He's good at fixing electronical problems. He was my partner in everyday's life. He took me round the village and helped me filmed using dslr. He gave me input and critics abt my editing. He was my partner on doing dishes. He laughed with me tho its past midnight while we did our own works and the others were mad at us bcs they were sleeping. He was the one who accompanied me stargazing in teras. One day we had to begadang because it was almost deadline and we havent finished our works. He was doing his presentations and I was busy doing the after movie. We were working quitely on our own works bcs we didnt want to disturb the others bcs our sounds. At 01.00 am we got tired and i asked him random things but we ended up having a serious deep talk about life. He was the one who made fun of my name by calling me Karizzza. It annoyed me at first, but I was sorta get used with my name being made fun of. I once told them that my name is meaningless (i didnt mean to say like that, it was because im mad). But in the end, at his letter he told me this, "The name in which you think is meaningless actually have a great meaning, it is a hope and prayer from your parents. It defines how strong you were and what you will be in the future. Dont hate your name okay." And that was everyone, the first time he ever called me Karizsa.
6. Iim
I cannot find proper words to describe how grateful i am to be in the same team with her. She is, as everybody knows, my bestfriend in campus. We are in the same class and even in the same queer. She is so critical, open minded, respectful, thoughtful, and reliable + dependable. She is full package. She always ordered to be MC in everty formal event. She ate the most than the rest of us, but she didnt gain weight. She's known for her smol and short figure and always busy with her phone. She had her most time by catching up news and watching GOT spoiler on yutub. We had the same obsession with Blackpink's song As if it your last. We came from the same faculty, so our way of thinking were more in political way. Thats why sometimes our opinions were divided between them and me & iim. At the end, we'd find a way, we got this. Me and her, We spoiled each other alot bcs weve known for sooo long. We cursed at each other in everyday life bcs thats just how bestfriend works. That bij, i love her.
7. Oji
I think my team didnt deserve Oji. She is the kindest, the most humble and easy going among us. Tho she didnt understand javanese, she always takes her time by learning javanese phrases, even made effort by writing it in books so she can memorize later. She brought half of her stuffs to posko. She brought along her car which takes 4 hours long from solo. She is strong independent woman, even she rode a pickup car that none of boys cannot ride. She is true gamer and half eater. She always tell stories abt her family and her campus life. Her family is somehow looked like bunch of gag (based on her story). She got calls from her family time to time. She was my dumb & dumber partner. Oji is a lil bit crybaby tho. She cried the most while KKN. She is a medical student, but her acts didnt say so. Hahahaha. One day, he told us this : "Do u know what make me grateful to be in this team? Thats because you never say that phrase." "What phrase?", Asked us. " 'Im embarassed being your friend' ". We felt so soft. And thats it. I enjoyed being with them. Tbh it was the best 45 days I've spent in my entire life so far. Well spent. It was such an unforgettable story to live with these seven dorks. Even after our KKN life ended, im still bragging to my other friends about them. They did the same too. I learnt a lot from them. Thanks guys for making my KKN life better than it should be. I guess ‘thankyou’ is just an understatement word to describe how grateful I am to have them.
I should've disappointed bcs i didnt get to KKN in my own kabupaten. But instead, God came with a better plan. When i shared abt KKN life with my campus friends, they mostly complained about how bad their teamwork or any conflicts happened within their team. But thanks God, i've never experienced that, at all. We were so lucky to have each other. At the last day, we wrote a letter to each other. One of it said, "Im so thankful to be in the same team with these strong people".p>
And yeah, we all were thankful for having each other, dont we?
Let’s meet again now and in the future, guys.
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