#bc theyre a good friend damnit. they refuse to let that change

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

The reason North doesn't want Higgins digging up his own past isn't something grand and noble. No, it's actually small and scared and selfish and they're Aware of this too and none of that awareness makes the anxiety of it go away

They're scared that if Higgins digs up who he once was, void forbid if he remembers, he'll become someone else. He'll change from one day to another into someone North doesn't know bc that someone had died millennia ago in a universe they had only set foot in for the first time mere months ago

They're scared that even if it doesn't turn him into a stranger, it'll give him other things to pursue, other lives to want to lead. It'll change his mind about how worth it it is to spend his days on the Orbiter, with this group, with North. It'll give him reasons to leave

#theyre just. completely fuckin different approaches to this #both before and after it actually happens #NONE of this was ever a concern or a plan for higgins and yet its all north can think about #they hide it ofc! they push it down to only be cautious and otherwise supportive of whatever higgins wants #bc theyre a good friend damnit. they refuse to let that change #even while part of them is convinced the mere existence of selfishness has already ruined that #anyway if you love someone you let them go etc etc and its scaring the shit out of north #chatter tag #higgins has never thought about leaving in relation to any of this #he just wants to know who he is #bc to him logically it should be the same as who he was #(it really isnt) #but to him there is no version of 'who he is' that doesnt include 'norths friend' #oc: drifter north #oc: higgins