#bc you wouldnt let go of it. bc you wanted the psycho girlfriend

[tartarus-pice]

lamictal is godly btw! i love it a lot

i still feel like i have periods of euphoria/impulsivity and depression/low energy but like. very very mild

i peek at my med and go "ty for allowing me to feel things normally!"

the only negative is now im not dissociating anymore (not due to med but due to less stress) and now i can feel all of my rage and anxiety full-force which ig is what coping is meant for!

#i deserved better. i still deserve better. #but its still upsetting to know someone i cared for and thought so positively of #is just getting worse and worse and worse #and they dont even realize it or care #like. i know you can be better than this. #i KNOW you can. #so why arent you trying? do you really feel that attached to your suffering? #are you scared of what youll become if you get better? #yknow. you always said that i was the one with the personality disorder but i rlly think it was you projecting #the only reason i ever said i had bpd was bc you convinced me long-term #bc you wouldnt let go of it. bc you wanted the psycho girlfriend #you wanted the yandere mommy domme mother gothel type #when I WASNT EVER THAT at my core #i always felt like i was faking or playing pretend #you did the exact same thing Hyde did. which was treat me like someone im not and try to mold me into that #like yeah you didnt sexually abuse me like he did (which. he was still part of your system btw) #but you absolutely emotionally abused me #and im upset that i wasted all that time and money and care on someone who evidently doesnt care abt me that much #if you were so quick to get over me and move on. when you only messaged me first to ask for things like comfort. #you treated me like i was still your partner after our relationship ended btw - which was very confusing and upsetting #bc you held me to the same expectations #and dont try and rebuff this by saying i didnt tell you!! I WAS TOO SCARED TO BC I HAD TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS #TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET WITH ME AND GUILTTRIPPING ME #like!!! everything i did was bc i wanted to keep you happy and pleased with me! #take a step back and look at yourself to think why that was. #bc it sure as HELL wasnt all on me #and i know your going to tell all future partners that im the terrible unhealthy one who ghosted you in the end just like i inevitably #was meant to do #while conveniently leaving out wverything bad you did #absolving yourself of shame and guilt