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#are you scared of what youll become if you get better?
tartarus-pice · 2 years
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lamictal is godly btw! i love it a lot
i still feel like i have periods of euphoria/impulsivity and depression/low energy but like. very very mild
i peek at my med and go "ty for allowing me to feel things normally!"
the only negative is now im not dissociating anymore (not due to med but due to less stress) and now i can feel all of my rage and anxiety full-force which ig is what coping is meant for!
#i deserved better. i still deserve better.#but its still upsetting to know someone i cared for and thought so positively of#is just getting worse and worse and worse#and they dont even realize it or care#like. i know you can be better than this.#i KNOW you can.#so why arent you trying? do you really feel that attached to your suffering?#are you scared of what youll become if you get better?#yknow. you always said that i was the one with the personality disorder but i rlly think it was you projecting#the only reason i ever said i had bpd was bc you convinced me long-term#bc you wouldnt let go of it. bc you wanted the psycho girlfriend#you wanted the yandere mommy domme mother gothel type#when I WASNT EVER THAT at my core#i always felt like i was faking or playing pretend#you did the exact same thing Hyde did. which was treat me like someone im not and try to mold me into that#like yeah you didnt sexually abuse me like he did (which. he was still part of your system btw)#but you absolutely emotionally abused me#and im upset that i wasted all that time and money and care on someone who evidently doesnt care abt me that much#if you were so quick to get over me and move on. when you only messaged me first to ask for things like comfort.#you treated me like i was still your partner after our relationship ended btw - which was very confusing and upsetting#bc you held me to the same expectations#and dont try and rebuff this by saying i didnt tell you!! I WAS TOO SCARED TO BC I HAD TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS#TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET WITH ME AND GUILTTRIPPING ME#like!!! everything i did was bc i wanted to keep you happy and pleased with me!#take a step back and look at yourself to think why that was.#bc it sure as HELL wasnt all on me#and i know your going to tell all future partners that im the terrible unhealthy one who ghosted you in the end just like i inevitably#was meant to do#while conveniently leaving out wverything bad you did#absolving yourself of shame and guilt
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5tr4ylov35t4y · 1 year
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reader x minho
warnings- rough sex - curse words
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minho hasn’t been around in awhile. normally, he just hangs out with his members at practice and before shows. but now, he’s always with them. ‘new idea’, or something. you were sick of it. he now has time for dance practices and ect., but no time for his girlfriend.
you wanted to make him jealous, or just annoy him.
you sneak into his room, and look around in the closet. you found the shirt minho was planing on wearing today.
you yank it on over your bare chest, then walk into the living like nothings happened. the plan was, if he still didn’t notice you, make him jealous, but if he does, you want to be nice.
you sit in the living room, and minho comes running out of his room. “has anyone seen my shirt? ” he says this all while running through.
ugh. he didn’t notice. you didn’t want to do this but you also really did.
you walk up to your best friend, jisung, whom minho had always been jealous.
you talk and laugh with him. you can almost feel minho’s glare at jisung.
when you walk out of the livingrooom, a hand snakes around your waist, pulling you away from the members. your met with an angry minho.
minho couldn’t even decide if he should be mad at you or that stupid bitch trying to steal his beloved. he doesn’t know what to do without you, and he can’t lose you. he’s based his whole personality around you. he’s conditioned you to be his. “that bitch.” he muttered under his breath.
“minho! i was just trying to be nice.” you gasped at his foul language. it’s not like you didn’t say it either. minho just grunted in response as he dragged you to his room.
“you are mine, understand that?” he said, staring into your eyes. he took control of your face and started to nod your head up and down, until his actions was interrupted with your words. “yes i understand that but i-“ a hand slapped over your mouth and you mumbled as you continued the sentence. “shh. don’t speak.” he spoke as he pulled down his pants with his unoccupied hand. he unbuckled his belt and you couldn’t help but feel excited at the noise. you took the memo and pulled down your panties that were just barely covering you.
he lapped his finger around your sopping entrance. “this better be from me.” he said, looking up at you with jealousy. you nodded eagerly as you moaned.
you jumped at the sudden feeling at your entrance. his tip was poking at you. he was lining up to your entrance, he suddenly slammed into you. you winced and bit your lip, trying to not scream out. “shhh.” he demanded, but in a soft tone. you don’t know how he managed to make his tone and his words so condescending.
he started to thrust into you, he was agonizingly slow at first. it was annoying you, but you dare not speak up. you started to grind your hips and buck them to try and hint at it. minho got it, but he didn’t seem to care. he wanted control, and he didn’t want to be dictated right now. he just needed to get his aggression out.
he started to go faster and you bit your lip, drawing blood. he chuckled at your suffering of trying not to make noise. you didn’t know if he didn’t want you to make noise so you wouldn’t get caught, or just to simply torture you. you needed him to speed up. it was still slow, you needed to say something, but you were scared. he started to increase the speed as minho started to become more needy. “fu-fuck- you’re all mine, mine. just mine.” he grunted as his thrusts began to be harder. he felt himself to be close, and you could catch on too.
you felt yourself growing close too. you were on edge, about to be thrown over. you could feel it in your stomach, growing faster and faster waiting to be released. you felt it grow to the very last straw, and just as you were about to push through, he stopped. you looked at him, confused. minho just pulled out, he really fucking pulled out. he didn’t even cum either.
“next time dont tease me and youll get what you want love” he chuckles. you couldn’t believe even he could do that while trying to get out anger, but you assume it’s going to be rough tonight.
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transdib · 7 months
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every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.
i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.
every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.
people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)
even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.
i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.
what it's done to me.
i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.
i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.
everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.
maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.
i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.
but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.
i want to be a real friend.
dont wanna break when i bend.
.....
i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.
i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.
but i have to believe things will get better.
because if i don't
then what?
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"Hamas wont let civillians leave" you mean Israehell wont let civilians leave you absolute fucking dunce. Were you dropped on your head as a child or were you born this fucking stupid? like be fucking real here man
Who controls all the check points? Israel.
Who bombs and shoots civilians trying to escape? Israel.
Who is blockading aid from reaching palestinians who need it? Israelis.
Who said no to a hostage deal where all israel has to do is permanently stop bombing gaza and killing civillians in exchange of ALL hostages? Thats right! Its Israel!
Wow who cheers while they watch people getting bombed? Israelis
Who loots palestinian homes after killing or scaring the owners off? Israel
Who is on here posting videos of kidnapped civillians and posting snuf videos of oof soldiers killing palestinians? Its Israel
Who is raiding palestinian homes in the west bank, forcible evicting families, killing livestock, and burning down olive trees? Israelis.
You libertarian idiots are all "dont tread on me" till the government decides to stomp the "wrong" kind of people into the dirt and dance in their blood
Not that youll actually care, cause your types are the most self interested selfish heartless people on the planet
Go back to doomsday prepping and letting the us government deep fuck you and shut the hell up
Wasn't aware Israel controlled Egyptian borders, but I was specifically talking about targets for mortar strikes. Ain't many Israeli checkpoints per city block in Gaza.
Far as the second read the above.
Literally nobody is blockading aid, don't use words you don't know the meaning of. Israel restricts arms and precursor chemicals for bomb and explosive making. Considering the region is literally controlled by terrorists asserting themselves as the government, I'd say that's perfectly reasonable. There's plenty of stuff that seems unreasonable on that list too, and I'm not gonna claim otherwise. That is something Israel needs to fix. However, humanitarian aid is always allowed through, and then stolen by Hamas.
So, all they had to do was promise to never use an asset which keeps Israeli lives safe. Yeah I wouldn't have denied that, I'd lie my ass off. But you've just got no problem that they're taking, maiming, raping, and killing hostages as young as infancy. Interesting.
Yeah, that's what happens when you base a terrorist organization in civilian infrastructure, then force people to stay despite warnings.
Far as looting, yeah, that's wrong. Never said Israel was perfect, but they're a damn sight better than Hamas.
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I assume this is what you're referring to. And again, never said they were perfect. But they're a damn sight better than the PA.
The "wrong" people are fucking theocratic dictators and terrorists. These are not friendly people looking to free Palestine. Hamas is fucking evil, and while the IDF and Mossad bear some responsibility for not wiping them out sooner, when they were less of a threat, the reaction would be the same for Hamas simps.
Israel is an important part of stabilizing the middle east. They're one of very few stable governments, and are helping to bring stability to the ME. Saudi Arabia has actually started negotiating an alliance with the US and Israel. They're taking the Polish approach to westernization and holding tightly to their cultural heritage while also becoming a little more like the west. Meanwhile the support goes to the people looking to see the west and our progress burned to ash.
Make it make sense.
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arsen1cs4ng0 · 5 months
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ive had some shit on my mind recently that i wanna talk about i said this on my priv twt but this is more of a proper, less nonsensical rewrite of that
mostly rambling, but this is kinda a mini-apology
so um. i wanna apologize to anyone ive snapped at and i also wanna apologize for being so toxic and negative during my time in the fandom. between the time i joined (late '21) and the time when shit went down (most of '22 and '23), i was in a really dark place mentally mainly due to other personal factors. chipspeech became my safespace really quickly. many of my negative thoughts were chucked onto my old twitter. if you stuck around with me back then, youll know what i mean.
on top of personal stuff, the shit that went down from march '22 to august '23 also has a lot to answer for im not going into my whole story again (read this shit if you're THAT curious) but it fucked me up so badly that it made me so paranoid and irritable and so defensive of the fandom. it fucked up my trust in people, INCLUDING my trust in my friends as well :o[ the shit that happened made me form this whole savior mindset: i felt like i had to "save" the fandom from those people who fucked the fandom up + "fix" the damage they caused. it was just so fucking stressful and it was just complete mental torture for me. i constantly blamed myself for shit that happened. most of this rage was me being salty that i'd never live the "good days" of the fandom ever again (for me, that was late '20 and late '21 - early '22).
i was just so DEDICATED to "protecting" the fandom that it fucked up my mental health so badly, making me even more angry and shit i ranted about that group CONSTANTLY cuz i was scared history would repeat itself. the main thing i’d think was "if i left and moved on, who’d be there to keep her out??". i was just. so fucking scared!!!!!!!
the reason why im making this apology is cuz the other night, i just. completely lost it. i snapped at a friend over this shit and ive just been feeling really really awful about it ever since most of my rage was redirected to a rant post i made but point is i snapped at someone
i wanna enjoy the fandom again like i was able to before but shit's been hard. finding out i was abused by her through a sockpuppet didnt help either. i dont really know where to go from here but i really do wanna become a better person- someone who isnt constantly negative and snappy and sad all the time. someone who's able to enjoy their special interest and make the most of it. that will probably age really poorly and im really sorry if it does
this is probably the shittiest and emptiest apology ever and im mostly waffling on here but i really needed to get that out of my system ughhhhhh i was really really really hesitant to post this but here we are
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lunarifie · 2 years
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Rewatching Ninjago
(With no context other than the episode)
Hands of Time 3-4
Jay: (wearing the snake samurai helmet)
Nya: It doesnt do anything?
Jay: Other than make me look cool ;)
Everyone:…
Jay: What! Ik how to accessorize 😒
OH OH OH IK WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE PERSON WHO MADE THE HELMET
ITS KAIS PARENTS
I REMEMBER THIS I REMEMBER THIS
Wus so old 😭
ZANE. HES STILL UNCONCIOUS?!?!?
Yes kai. Go ask Dr Saunder for help. Youll totally not find exactly what your looking for…..
Okay… so Krux BRED snakes and made a new species of serpentine????
Thats… something.
The funniest thing is Wu just randomly falling asleep when hes halfway giving wisdom/advice
Wus doing this on purpose istg 💀
I remember it being this exact season where I started to legitimately like Kai as a character
AAAAA ITS LITTLE KAI
HE HAD FRECKLESSS AHDHSHFBSH
Im never getting over this
I love little kid Kai so much I NEED to hold him.
Im never shutting up about this
Lmaoooo the time brothers put Kai at undeserving high standards 😭
Like no. He didnt figure out your plan. Hes just here for advice.
Cole: Acronix! But I thought- I thought he got finished off!
No. He didnt.
You guys didnt think for one MINUTE that he mightve escaped and were very willing to believe he just died then and there.
Nya, Jay, and Cole (after watching Zanes memory footage and seeing Dr Saunders and Acronix): DR SAUNDERS?!?!?!?
Jay: Oooooh I always knew there was something snakey about that guy!
Nya: No there wasnt! Dr Saunders was such a kind old man. Remember all those school field trips to the museum?
I forgot they were teachers once.
Jay: EXACTLY! And how boring were those!
Cole (quietly and shyly): I kinda liked them…
Im being fed so much mudshock content rn that its honestly shocking (no pun intended)
Kais so oblivious😭
At least the mudshock team is gonna save him
YES PIXAL WAKE ZANE UP!!!!
☹️ she wasnt able to
Kai (refusing to leave because he might find some interesting info but completely unaware of everything around him) But you never know what will open a door to secret information…
Kai: (sits on a chair and opens a secret passageway and doesnt notice AT ALL)
Kai (suddenly becomes intelligent and cracks a piece of the puzzle): The helmet is just like the time brothers! That means Krux must still be around somewhere!
Krux/Dr Saunders: Thats ridiculous! I told you- (mustache rips and falls off)
Kai:
Okay but Kai can actually be legitimately smart when he wants to be.
BROOOOOOO
KAIS COOL AS HELL
FUCK YEAH
Jay: Wish we had the others to help us fight these snake samurais.
Cole: Well, say hello to our newest members! (Uses lava punch hands)
Cole (looking at his fists): Lefty! And righty!
Cole (does the punch thing wrong and has both him and Jay fall back from the force): Woah! My bad!
Jay (addressing Coles fists): Lefty, Righty. Nice to meet you!
Jay: Also, DO BETTER.
HFJSNFBBSNFBR 💀💀💀
Theyre so goofy I love them
Okay but how does Coles magic hands actually work.
Im a huge fan of their Hands of Time ninja suits. I genuinely love how detailed every ninjas suit design is.
I dont like this ☹️
Kaaaaiiii
Hes sounds so distressed
I promise you Kai your parents helped the time brothers against their will
This is actually reminding me of The Tournament of Elements.
Why is Kai so easily manipulated.
That doesnt mean hes not smart tho.
Props to the writers tho, theyre very consistent with his character.
Kai: (about to get time punched)
Nya: (water surges Acronix)
Nya: awww gee, what a mess! And to think we just cleaned up the museum.
I love her so much
Im used to Kai calling Nya ‘sis’ but I physically recoiled when she said “back at ya BRO.”
HELL YEAH SIBLING FIGHT
THE WATER AND FIRE SIBLINGS AGAINST THE TIME BROTHERS
Kinda sucks to be in love with your brothers wife :/
This is directed at Wu btw
I kinda liked that scene, it showed that Wu doesnt know everything. That hes just as scared as the ninja sometimes.
ZANES BACK BABY!!!!!!!!
Aaand hes talking gibberish
Pixals so pissed at Nya that she can’t figure out whats wrong with Zane 😭
Nya: Maybe what you need issss…
Pixal: Please dont say a new binary cord….
Nya: A new binary cord!!!!
Pixal: NO.
WU.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
THIS IS WHY YOUR DYING.
BECAUSE YOU DONT TELL THE NINJA SHIT
Misako: Tell them, they might be able to help.
SEE, EVEN MISAKO KNOWS WHATS UP
Jay and Cole: (trying to figure out why the time brothers are taking citizens)
Kai: (trying to figure out how to kill his dad)
??????
WHAT?
KAI TELL THEM WHATS WRONG
Cole: Did acronix do something to you?
Kai: More like what he said…
Kai: Dont worry about it, im fine.
Cole: Good! Cause its time to start-
HFNSJNFNSJGBE
That was the most least convincing ‘im fine’ ever and Cole just straight up shrugged and took it
Cole: Its time to start fighting!
Kai (seriously): So your saying we should kidnap one of those snake warriors for Wu to interrogate?
Cole:… well, I just wanna fight something- but sure!
Imagine if your little sibling was given legit authority and power over you as a ‘master’
This is about Lloyd being given temporary power over the ninja
Theyre acting so weird about it too 😭 which is hilarious bc i would act the same way
The ninja are like: are you being fr right now 🤨
Cole: Okay! temporary master lloyd in training, we mere ninja await your answers 😌
Okay but WHY are the time brothers vermillion warriors stealing all the metal?????
Dareth: SOMEONE STOLE MY TROPHIES!!!!!!!
Ronin: I HAVE AN ALIBI-
Ronin: wait.
Ronin: Why would anyone steal your fake trophies?
Dareth: I know!!! They were irreplaceable. Thats why im here to buy replacements :)
Ronin: …
Ronin: You want world championships this time or just intercontinental?
They’re genuinely so cute 😭
My new fav ship dynamic might be incompetent x too competent
Jay looks so punchable right now. Hes always punchable but like, his punchable meter is flying off the charts right now.
Jay: (slurping extremely loudly)
Cole: What are you doing!?!?
Jay: Im bored so im messing with Lloyd 😌
Kai: Yeah, well, now hes gonna start his plan all over-
Ronin: Sorry to interrupt what looks to be the most boring party game ever but the cities being attacked!
The ninja: YES!!!!
Lloyds actually making sense. They should listen to him…
Lloyd: Im ordering you to stay!
Kai: And we’re ignoring that order.
Be nicer to him :((((
My favorite reoccurring battle move is probably Pixal rerouting all of Zanes eletrical surges to his chest so he can electrocute his opponents
The time brothers getting lost in the tunnels leading to their own lair is so funny to me 😭
Ronin knowing EXACTLY what to say to get Dareth to fight is great
Hot strong vermillion warrior woman my beloved 😍
Lloyd: You heard Master Wu, he wished I was there for him when he fought Acronix. I wont disappoint him again.
Wu: You did not disappoint me Lloyd…
Wu: When I said I wished you were there, I was speaking you- the team. If I had brought you all, maybe things would have been different.
AWWWWWWWWWWW
See, this is what they need to do. They need to reassure Lloyd bc just LOOK at everything he’s shouldering.
Misako: Can I tell you a secret? Wu makes mistakes, a lot of them.
Yeah. No shit.
Wu, I get that you want Lloyd to learn to make his own decisions but my guy, NOWS NOT THE TIME. Maybe, idk casually have him ease into independency. BUT RIGHT NOW THEY NEED SOME SORT OF ADVICE OR HELP. LITERALLY, ANYTHING.
Zane (still speaking gibberish): The treadmill was invented in 1818!
…. Im googling that.
HFJSBFJSJR 💀💀💀
HES RIGHT.
Is Zane gonna be either offline, rebooting, or speaking gibberish most of this season-
Give my boy his character back. Show him cooking, being intelligent or just enjoying his life. Anything.
Nya: ZANE WE NEED YOU!!!!!
Zane: HOG KNOCK!!!
… did they really just…
I CANNOT believe they used up Zanes electricity, making him unconscious again. WHEN JAY IS RIGHT THERE.
Not to mention. After Zane passed out, they asked Jay for help. WHY DIDNT YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Oh thank god Zanes FINALLY back fr now.
Zane: What have I missed?
Jay: Oh nothing much! Just missing people and snakes trying to steal your metal skin :D
Stop. No. Wheres Pixal. Why isnt she in his head. WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS MECHANICAL BODY.
ED AND EDNAS METAL SCRAPYARD
Everyones going to save the people at the amusement park and Jays gonna be there all alone
Damn. Why cant villains leave Jays parents alone FOR ONE MINUTE.
Its as if other scrapyards don’t exist
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ventcode · 1 year
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psych ward journal
Day 1
I miss Paula I cry my tears for you I forgive you I always will I’ll do anything to talk to you my love I miss you, Dearie I love you.
Day 2
I miss Paula again It’s 6:30 AM, I miss Paula I love them so much I’ll find a way to speak to you again In this hell where they took me away from you
Paula, I’ll hold you close and never leave again.
---
I need to ask dad to bring my Pokemon manga today, passing the time is so boring.
Day 3
I have a new roommate! Their name is Ariel. They are really nice and we get along well. :)
I still miss Paula, I’ll see them again one day.
Dad came again, hes coming every day.
Day 4
Paula, Paula, Paula, Paula, Paula.
I miss him so much, my motivation, my everything, I need to get out of here.
They took me away from Paula, thats unforgivable
We will reunite.
---
Milo and Alper are trustworthy, I like them
My roommate scares me, I cant do this again
Deceive.
Day 5
get me out please. I have no reason to be here to you guys. I’ve been good, I’ve lied perfectly, but why can’t I leave? I’m perfect, so they trap me here longer? Let me out. Paula misses me, let me out of here, I’ll do anything just to leave tomorrow, I’m doing great in your eyes, I’m ready to leave so let me out. I’ll never do anything bad again, I promise.
I miss Paula
They took me away from Paula
We will reunite. I promise My love, just like I said to you
what they did is unforgivable, to take me away from my Darling like this, no access to you.
I love you, and thats why i’m getting out of here.
I PROMISE (promise is circled repeatedly)
---
I wanna talk to Milo and Alper, I’m bored and I like them, I’m still terrified and wanna go home, I don’t wanna be kept here longer, If I am, I’d rather be roommates with one of them, but I cant ask for that, but I hate it in here, and I’m uncomfortable with my roommate again because of what happened, so, maybe.
I’ll ask right now.
---
New roommate, Sherlyn, shes nice to me, everyone else knows what Ariel did now, but they don’t suspect I told on them, let’s hope they don’t find out.
I took an autism test also, I’ll tell dad about it when he gets here tonight, maybe I’ll tell him the roommate situation as well.
---
DONT EXPRESS SADNESS BECAUSE HES NOT COMING TONIGHT. HE SEES YOU EVERYDAY. YOULL BE FINE.
STOP CRYING!!!
Day 6
Somethings bothering me, I don’t know, I started reading a book today, that’s how bored and bothered I am. I like it though, the book.
My thoughts are finally getting to me again, what if everyone hates me or just pities me and pretends to be my friend? they wont care once I leave. I shouldnt care so much, I expected to be alone here anyway, I’m supposed to get out of here and talk to Paula again, to reunite!! I wasn’t supposed to trust people here, and now I do, and that scares me, what if im just pitied, annoying, too talkative yet so quiet, I cant do anything right. I see scars on myself I was too afraid to inflict apon myself, a person barely holding onto himself, but just lie.
Lie until you’re free from these invisible chains.
Milo - Trust Alper - Trust Sherlyn - Trust Ariel - stay away from Jada - acquaintance, nice Evelyn - friend Nico - acquaintance, afraid of Ava - friend
Maybe I should just talk less, just shut up, I was so good at it, why can’t I now?
Day 7
Something is wrong. I don’t know what, but the urge to hurt and isolate myself is becoming more and more, like I always cause a problem and I’m wasting space, everyone would enjoy themselves if I wasnt there. with my annoying voice and presence 
Scars im too afraid to put
A person barely holding onto himself
A scared girl who needs to see Paula.
I miss you.
---
Nighttime, I’m bored. Mom came today, so did dad, and grandma a small visit.
Hopefully I’m out Tuesday or Wednesday, or even Monday if I’m lucky. Lonely Sunday.
I’mm miss my friends here, but that’s okay.
Tomorrow will be better :).
I even fixed Paulas bracelet, I made it for them and one day he’ll recieve it
I love you Paula.
Day 8
they love me so much they simply wont let me leave huh. I want to talk to Paula again SO BADLY and cant. I need to leave. I’m “NOT STABLE ENOUGH TO GO HOME” shut up. Let me see Paula again. All I want is Paula. I can’t take another week here.
I want my favorite person
My Paula
I love you, I’m leaving cause of you.
Day 12
I don’t want to leave Milo, Alper already left and now Milo? I leave Monday, day 15.
It will only be a month right?
I’ll spend this weekend with him in full.
Everyone I end up close to gets taken at some point, but why now?
Day 13
Circle, scared. I dont know anymore, I want to leave so why am I afraid to leave? I have no idea. I feel as if something will be left behind when I leave, I don’t exactly know whats bothering me. Everyone seems to be managing but everything around me feels isolated. It sucks. I’m waiting for something to happen. this reality sucks.
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Uncomfortable, a word I wouldn’t quite use, empty emotion, nothing too genuine, just smile and be nice until its too much and you start to cry, wait it out until you can fake it again, everything extreme or nothing at all. I need to leave this place, I cant wait for Monday, but I feel as if I will be leaving something behind, something important, but I don’t know what, and that confuses and scares me. I am unsure, I know I can be annoying, loud, clingy, but something in me doesn’t understand how this all happened. Atleast here, I didn’t expect to make friends or to trust.
to trust you grow attachment
attachment leads to discomfort
discomfort leads to something im not sure I like.
How do I stop the inevitable
I’m scared already because of trust and attachment
I hate myself.
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I am too much, I understood that in the first place but the more I feel annoying the more it eats at me, the way I dont understand if someone’s joking or being serious, I don’t understand a thing when I should
It all bothers me when I should just be quiet.
Day 14
Bored, uncomfortable, left out and I feel quite weird, I cant wait for my freedom tomorrow.
Day 15
and now I go home.
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rk-ceres · 10 months
Text
4 ) With My Life Fred, With My Life.
PLEASE SEE ALL TW AT THE BLOOD OF MERLIN MASTERLIST
Masterlist 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
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Shes like the sun. I cant live with out her
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“ARTEMIS!!” Lee yelled as he spotted her on the platform “what are we?” Fred starter “Chopped liver Gred” George said “oh youre just mad that Lee likes me the best isnt that right Lee?” I smiled “yep. Shes the favorite” “Lee i want you to meet Apollo” she smiled as she let him go “Apollo this is Lee” she said they locked eyes and the entire world slowed down around Apollo and Lee she stepped back to Fred and George “are you seeing this?” George asked as they watched the two of them interact with eachother “meet us on the train after youre done making goo goo eyes at eachother Lee” George teases as Lee flips them off “im happy for you Pollo” she says as she hugs her brothers waist getting on to the train she shrugs her bag off and went inside “George. Can you Give us a minute?” He asks as he climbs in after her “no problem” George shrugged he followed her to Igneous’s pen when the giant thunderbird landed on the rock “hey Iggie” she cooed softly Igneous looked to Fred “i know hes here boy. And i know he wants to know. And hes going to ask me how i feel. And truth be told Igneous… im afraid. Im scared that Lucious’s threat is going to become reality and im going to lose the one person that makes me feel safe. I want to tell him how much i wish i could stay with him at the burrow til we graduate i want to tell him everything im just so afraid that if he knew everything i want to tell him he wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore… im afraid of him leaving me behind which is a stupid thing to be afraid of because he’s proven himself time and time again that he wont its just easier for me to pretend that its just me talking to my thunderbird… than facing him and looking him in the eyes while i speak because im afraid if he can see my eyes hed see how broken and dead i am inside” she sighs when she feels his arms wrapped around her middle head falling-to her shoulder Fred needing to be close to her letting her know he was there and listening but wanting her to continue his heart sped up at the contact “i wonder what hed say if i said that i felt like things would be better if i had died in that dungeon that i only kept fighting because i needed to make our squabble right” his arms got tighter around her fear clouded him as he listened  “he would probably ask if i want to die id tell him no. I don't, im feeling Vulnerable. i just want him to hold me as I fall apart again like in the hospital wing last year saying he’ll never leave no matter what that i needed him and hed never turn his back on me. because Lucious’s voice in my head right now is telling me that im unloveable. And that everyones going to leave me and that im a useless house elf and that im ruined no man is ever going to want to touch me because of what he did to me. Im traumatized and im trying so hard to be okay and smile for everyone and its not working and im hurting.. im imagining the worst possible scenario and i lose him forever. I dont want to lose him…” she sniffled he turned her around and pulled her to him silently moving to sit down on the rock his back on Igneous his hands going through her hair “its not true you know” he said softly “what Lucious said” he elaborated “none of it is true. If you need me Artemis, i will never turn my back on you. I meant what i said. And im keeping my word. I promised you that id never abandon you and i wont. Give it all to me… i have you…. Youll never lose me Artemis im right here. Stop being headstrong and let me help you… let me take this for you….” she closed her eyes and let the tears fall from her eyes “island baby…. Youre so beautiful….. you drive me crazy” fred whispered in her ear “your strength and beauty i can see in your eyes…. I lose sight of my world..” he looks up and sees Lee George and Apollo as she sobs into his chest 
baby love no words can hold whats truly on my mind just feel the beat of my heart” he moves her hand to over his thumping heart and holds it there hoping that she doesnt feel how fast its beating “and youll know what i need” Apollo sits next to his sister leaning his head on her shoulder “pualena… youre so beautiful God knows i love you” Apollo sung as he brushed the hair out of her face George sits next to Fred laying on his legs Georges head on Artemis’s legs “and youre all i need Pualena you take my breath away Pualena” Lee sits inbetween Fred and Apollo leaning his head on Apollo’s thighs looking up at him Apollo smiles down at Lee “you know lately all i think about is holding you closely and never leaving yourside i’ll keep you warm” Lee says they softly sing to her keeping the position theyre in when she finally stops crying  “thank you” she said looking at Fred he just smiled at her “its our job” Lee said as Fred hugged her one last time  “lets get changed.” Apollo smiled “i’ll be in the library” Apollo said “Artie!!” George yelled as he came running back to the pen “CAN YOU TWO DO THE THING?!?” He yelled holding up the walkman “can we what?” Apollo asked as he looked to Artemis “god I should’ve never showed you that thing” she whispered under her breath “i showed them Aerosmith” she shook her head “well it fell on Charlies head and he discovered it i showed them the memory of us and mom before she and Reggie….” She started to say Apollo takes the walkman unhooking the chord from the walkman Apollo walks up to Artemis putting the walk man down flicking his wand to press play grabbing his sisters hands “come on. Itll be fun. It was dads favorite i still remember our routine. I know you do too missy” he smiled at her she returned his smile “you had a routine?” Fred asked “sit down you three” Apollo said “Every time that I look in the mirror…..: ALL THESE LINES ON MY FACE GETTING CLEARER the past is gone Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn Isn't that the way? Everybody's got their dues in life to pay, oh, oh, oh” Apollo started “I know nobody knows Where it comes and where it goes I know it's everybody's sin You got to lose to know how to win Half my life's in books' written pages Storing facts learned from fools and from sages You view the earth” Artemis sings as Apollo spins her in his arms he lets her go she spins out their hands stopping her from falling after shes completely stretched he pulls her back into him “Oh, sing with me, this mournful dub Sing with me, sing for a year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away!” Apollo picks her up by her hips and places her on top of the rock “just like when we were kids” Apollo whispers to her “Oh, sing with me, sing for the year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing it with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away” she jumped off the rock landing on her knees Apollo falling to his back to back “Dream on Dream on I dream on Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on I dream on I dream on” he stands up “all you lia girl” Apollo whispers remembering his mom  “Oh, sing with me, this mournful dub Sing with me, sing for a year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away Dream on Dream on I dream on Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on I dream on I dream on” as aerosmith kept up their high note she went higher “just keep on dreaming ooon aaaaaaaaaa ah ah ah ahhhhh“ she belts he holds out his hand which she takes he pulls her up as they sing face to face alternateing lines “Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on Dream on Dream on I'll dream on Dream on Dream on I dream” when the song ends she lays on her back laughing when he belly flops her “ughhhhh Apollo!” She laughs “i knew thatd cheer you up you old grouch” he gets punched in the ribs softly “IM ONLY ELEVEN MINUTES OLDER!”
“Still makes you old” “respect your elders!” “Okay maybe youre not that old Lia” he laughs “dont make me hex you Kaneleonahenahe” she mumbles Lee is the first to speak “Artie can i have your blessing to Marry your brother?” He asks with his hand raised “we’re not even dating” Apollo smiled “id follow you anywhere Apollo Black” Lee said “Scamander actually, i had to change my last name protection purposes” he shrugged. “we’re only 14 Lee” Artemis chuckles “and you just met him today!” “The heart wants what it wants im smitten!” He swoons into George who fans his face with his hands “it wasnt that great. You should see us actually dance Hula” Apollo crosses his arms over his chest “mum taught us ʻEo mai and a bunch of other songs” he shrugs “you should see Artemis do Pua Kiele made mum and dad cry everytime.” Apollo finished “come on lets go were probably almost there” she cuts them off as she walks out of her bag Fred trails after her “you never told me Apollo or you could dance!” He pouted “it was a long time ago Freddie” she shook her head “i dont think my knees can handle it anymore” she shrugs “dance for me” he asks softly “i want to see” he coos “maybe one day” he grabs her wrist spinning her to face him “promise?” He asked “i promise” she nods-he heads up the ladder first he helps her out of the bag once everyone is out of the bag “so what house do you think he’ll be in?” George asks her from the window seat as he bumps her shoulder “Gryffindor” she says nonchalantly “my guess wouldve been Ravenclaw” George shrugged “obviously hes a Ravenclaw” Fred rolled his eyes “i dont care what house as long as they know hes actually mine” Lee said as he munched on his licorice wand “well actually sis” he rubs the back of his neck she snaps her neck to him as he holds up the yellow and black tie “i already got sorted before Uncle and Aunt dropped me at the burrow” he chuckles “…. Hufflepuff?” She asks he smiles shyly as she smiles at him “it suits you” she smiles “thanks Lia girl” he smiled “Cedric is actually supposed to be showing me around” he shrugged
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“Hey have you guys seen Harry or Ron?” Hermione asked us “I thought they were with you?” Artemis asked “no. When he didnt sit with me i thought Ron and Harry sat with you five” “how would that even be possible?” Fred asked “we would have to had strapped Ronniekins to the luggage compartment to fit all of us” Fred jested “Miss Black might i ask you to join me to the headmasters office” Migonigal said as she exited the great hall “is she in trouble Maam?” Apollo asked “no, Mr. Scamander. She is not. I just need assistance. Infact. You come along too” she said as a confused look came across Hermione George and Freds face “i will see you in a few handsome” lee wiggled his eyebrows Apollo smiled “only handsome one here is you” Apollo charmed a paper bird to fly to him it landed in Lee’s hands “open that when youre alone” Apollo winked as Artemis and Apollo turned to follow Minerva Lee sighs putting a hand over his beating heart “two sickles” George whispered into Hermione’s ear she looks up red in the face “two sickles and a knut” she barters “youre on Granger” “i look forward to it Weasley” she smiled at him Minerva leads them to Albus’s office “You were seen. By no less than seven Muggles! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that's been on these grounds since before you were born!” Snape yelled at Ron and Harry “oh jeez what did you do now” Artemis said ruffling Harrys hair “Your god brother AND his IMBECILE friend, Ms. Black just crashed a car into the whomping willow” “well thats just smashing entrance the most GLORIOUSLY crushing arrival out of any arrivals in the new year they whomped it in style dont you think?” “NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES ARTEMIS THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER!” Snape raises his voice with amusement “oh come on professor Sev” she says with a soft smile he looks at her with soft eyes “its not like the boys were crushed to death it couldve been way worse. We couldve had to clean dismembered body parts off of the tree. I can fix whatever was maimed. I have an animal that can help” she shrugged sitting next to Harry “it did more damage to us than us of it” Ron gulped “Silence! I assure you that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home tonight!” Severus yelled “but youre not” Dumbledores voice echoed as he walked in “head of ouse falls into Minervas district” he said walking in “ms. Black, Mr. Scamander. i suggest you keep a tighter leash on your brother” Minerva starts “as for you two. Five points each will be taken. Get to dinner Potter.” She said as she dismissed the group “professor Sev, id like to introduce you to Apollo. My younger brother” she smiled “ah yes ive heard so much about you. Your sister is my star pupil” she catches Harry trying to scurry away fast behind Ron “oh no you dont” Apollo said grabbing the back of his robe “come on Apollo we already got yelled at” Artemis crossed her arms over her chest Apollo raised an eyebrow at him “okay fine im sorry it was a really stupid thing we couldve been killed and im grounded for a week” he breathed out Apollo ruffled his hair as Artemis smirks “please dont be mad at me” he looks up with puppy dog eyes “we’re not mad. We’re worried. You wait and ask for help from the Weasleys next time okay?” Artemis cooed pulling him into a hug “youre the only family we have. We dont want to lose you” she whispered into his hair he nods “come on lets go eat yeah?” He nodded “want me to walk you to your table Apollo?” She asked as they walked into the great hall
“nah. I got it thanks Tita. Try to keep Harry out of trouble” he smiled Artemis just nodded “here i made you a plate. Your favorites” Fred said as she sat down next to him “thanks Freddie” she smiled leaning her head on his shoulder picking it back up and eating “your brothers going to get a howler in the mail” she said as she ate “he drove the car into the whomping willow” she explained “that idiot.” George shook his head Artemis giggled as she took a small bite of her chicken Fred rose his eyebrow at her “stop picking at it and eat” he shoved her shoulder “sorry im just not that hungry Fred” she smiles “okay. Fine” he switches their plates “eat the fruit and the toast.” He said nonchalantly as she grinned at him Artemis comes out of the dorm after everyone had gone to bed “incendo” she said pointing at the wood in the fire place sitting on the floor back leaning against the sofa she sighs out as she pulled a book out and began to read softly humming to herself twenty-five minutes pass when she feels someone sit next to her smelling cinnamon and gunpowder she smiles “cant sleep?” He asks softly she shook her head no “still thinking about florish and blotts? Thanks for the books by the way. The new robes feel great” he said softly “its not Florish and Blotts. I accidentally called your mom ‘mom’ in the middle of a panic attack out side of the icecream place” she sighed closing her book “why is that a bad thing?” He asked “i didnt want to freak her out” Artemis finally looked into his amber eyes he looked back with something she couldnt read behind them “what are you doing up Fred?” She asked softly “i came cause i had a feeling youd be down here.” “So you came because of a feeling?” “I came because i had to see if you were okay” he said leaning further into the couch “im glad your here Fred” she smiles at him “what you thinking about?” She asks him “what mums howler is going to say” he shrugged “Charlie sent me a new dragon scale. He said it was from a baby” “you still write my brothers?” He asks “Bill texts me everyonce in a while when i dont pick up Charlie’s two way mirror” she sighs out “i didnt think having older brothers were fun before having them. Now that i have them sorta. They more or less call themselves my brothers every chance they get. Aparently they think im going to marry into your family sooner or later i dont know i dont think anyone could like me like that. But having them… and Apollo back…. its nice having people check up on you. And care.” she sighs she chuckles “what?” He smiles “just. Charlie asked if id name a baby after him” she giggled “how much kids d’ya want?” He asked “i want a quidditch team. Id be happy with ten” She smiles “i want a big family full of kindness and love… i want to give what i never had what i tried to give Apollo if i could find someone who accepts me for who i am. All the scars and scary.” she smiles a piece of hair falling in her face he reaches up and tucks it behind her ear keeping his hand there for a moment she looks down and back up at him again giving him a soft smile he leans down “youre so beautiful Kahali’alaulani, whoever gets to have you that way will be a lucky bloke” he said imagining THEIR life and THEIR kids in his mind her cheeks heat up at the use of her middle name he pulls her head to his shoulder so that she’s leaning on it “i want a big family too someday. I want to have a huuuuuuge yard where we could have a quidditch pitch and far enough away from everyone that the fireworks could be loud and obnoxious” he laughed “and pranks. The house would be full of them” he looked at her “ive always pictured the kids looking like their mom with Red hair, big eyes and hearts of gold.” He glanced down to her lips “you know what names you like?” He looked up to her eyes as She asked “ive always loved the name Nathaniel” she continued “i always thought my first sons name would have Georges name somewhere in it but im not completely sure. Ive always loved Dads name. It always sounded sophisticated.” He leaned his head on hers as they fell into a comfortable silence
“read to me?” “Ive got something better” she smiled at him she snapped her fingers “muffalito” she whispered silencing the common room a guitar out she starts playing “are you going to sing to me?” He asked “no… but i’ll play for you” she smiles “but i love when you sing” Fred pouts “what do you want me to sing?” She asks softly “your favorite song” “but i sing that all the time. I sang it so much you Lee and George know the words” she frowns “but it makes you happy” he puts his hand on her face “but what makes you happy Freddie?” She asked looking at him he looks down into her big eyes “you make me happy Kahalialaulani” he whispers “what makes you happy?” He asked as fingers play chords on the guitar she looks up at him again she stops playing and puts her hand on his face she shows him the detention that changed it all she showed him them laughing together the hospital wing him calling her Kahalialaulani for the first time he saw Florish and Blotts him and her in zonkos Lee and Apollos meeting “i really like him Artie” walking to Dumbledores office “ron is fighting me about george” Hermione’s voice rang Molly and her talking Charlie and Bill and the final memory is him holding her singing her favorite song putting her hand on his chest she takes her hand back and starts playing again hours pass he sits there just listening to her play when suddenly he got the urge to talk to her again the sun peeking through the mountains “come here” he said putting her in his lap “teach me” he said giving her his hands “teach me to play Pualena” She places his fingers on the frets and shows him how to strum “good. Now a little faster” she said he strummed “island baby” she sung “youre so beautiful you drive me crazy you know your” she paused as he struggled with the next chord she puts her fingers on his “all that i need so much more” he stuck his tongue out as he focused “your strength and beauty i can see in your eyes i lose sight of my world” she breathes out yawning “baby love no words can hold whats truly on my mind just feel the beat of my heart and youll know what i need youre my” “pualena youre so beautiful god knows i love you” he sang with her”and youre all i need” she looked up at him turning her head to face him he looked at her his heart sped up “pualena you take my breath away Pualena” they sang together Hermione walks out of their dorm room ready for their first classes and sat across from them “dont stop… its beautiful” she said when they made eye contact with her she smiled at Artemis sitting in Freds lap she rolled her eyes at Hermione who chuckled “you know lately…” Fred sang as he put his chin on her shoulder “all i think about is holding you close to me and never leaving yourside i’ll keep you warm” he sang “time passes by and still youre on my mind i cant imagine living my life without you cause the special moments you and i could only share” she sang moving his fingers again George coming down sitting next to Hermione “goodmorning Mia” he kissed the side of her head wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She smiles at him “morning George” she giggled as she looked back to Fred and Artemis “will always keep us together and never apart youre my Pualena youre so beautiful god knows i love you and youre all i need youre my pualena you take my breath away Pualena” she smiles up at Fred “youre good at this arent you?” She asked “Fred knows how to play alittle.” George shrugged “just never a full song” Fred continued as she stood up placing the guitar down “keep it. It was my dads i have another one” she smiles at him “i gotta change. Then off to breakfast” she smiled Fred held the guitar in his hands and stared at the steps “did you?” Hermione asked softly Fred shook his head no “im not ready… not yet…” he sighed out “i dont “you do” Hermione cut off “if anyone deserves her. Its you” Hermione continued “she doesnt need something more right now Mione. She needs her bestfriend. And thats what in giving to her. Stop rushing it” he rolled his eyes walking up the stairs to the shared dorm he put the Guitar on the bed
“FRED! Help! This shirt or this shirt” Lee held up the two shirts “why?” He asked “Apollo asked me to sit with him at the Hufflepuff table today” he explained Fred just smiled “their the same shirt Lee. Its a school uniform” Fred smiled “JUST PICK A SHIRT FRED!” He yelled “that one” he rolled his eyes smiling at Lee “youre smitten my friend” “ive already said that.” Lee rolled his eyes “im going to ask him to Hogsmede this weekend” Lee elaborated Fred smiled “hes going to say yes” Fred rolled his eyes at him “hurry up. Lets go” he chuckled “Lee!” Apollo smiled “excuse me?” Artemis said with her hand on her chest in fake hurt “i honestly thought id get atleast a hello first im only his twin sister after all” she pouted as Apollo walked up to Lee “so i was thinking. You and i could hit Hogshead for a butterbeer and you show me around Hogsmeade on saturday. I’ll buy lunch if you take care of the Honeydukes bill. My favorites are Sugar quills. And yours are these” he smiled handing Lee a licorice wand Lee stood there a look of shock written on his features as he stared open mouthed “you owe me three sickles and a knut Granger” George whispered “fine!” She whisper yelled handing him the money “thank you” he smiled down at her Fred raising an eyebrow at his twin “So? What do you say? Is it a date?” Apollo asked as blush creeped on to his cheeks “i.. i… you want to go on a date with me?” Lee stuttered “i am yours right? Thats what you said. ‘I dont care what house if everyone knows hes actually mine’ So yeah. I do. Besides we have to start somewhere if we’re going to be married one day. Unless you want to skip straight to ‘i do’ right now? i do think that “Apollo Kamahaʻo Kaneleonahenahe Jordan” flows really well together. I kind of want to take this slow, we should talk logistics and see if you really want to be married one day datings the way to go. So Hogsmeade this saturday?” he smiled “Artemis? Can i marry your brother today please?” He looked back to Artemis with an amused look on her face “date first. Ask me again when we graduate Jordan. My baby brother asked you a question.” She teased “are you sure?” Lee asked Apollo smiled “thats why i asked” Apollo takes Lees hand places the licorice wand in his hand “meet me here at 10 saturday morning” Lee asked as Apollo intertwined his hand in the other leading him into the great hall “come on handsome, 10am sharp Saturday morning” Apollo whispered as he snapped the fingers on his free hand suddenly chocolate frogs appear in front of Hermione Ron Harry Fred George and Artemis the group stared speechless as they watched Lee get led to the Hufflepuff table a charmed paper bird flew to Fred ‘your turn Gred. I give you my blessing with Artie. You both are ready for that next step. Black roses are her favorite, and shes a sucker for stars’ Fred read the note and quickly folded it  and shoving it in his trouser pocket walking in with George “now whats this with you and Hermione betting?” Fred asked with a raised eyebrow “we saw Lee and Apollo flirting and he bet me” Hermione shrugged as they sat down “Artemis can you do me a favor?” Hermione asked as she slipped two galleons to her “can you pick up these books for me when you go to Hogsmeade this weekend?” She asks “no problem Mione” she smiles “you know you could just borrow mine too right?” Artemis cocks her eyebrow at her “WHICH REMINDS ME!! Gotta fly Hagrid has something for me in his hut!0” she stands abruptly running out of the great hall “what was that all about?” George asks “i have no idea. With Artemis it can be anything” Fred shakes his head making her a small plate of food 
“she didnt even eat yet” he rolled his eyes as he piled more onto her plate and covering it with a napkin shrinking it and putting it in his robe pocket She knocked on the door to Hagrids his “ah Artemis! Shes right in here! Just go’ er yesterday” Hagrid told her as she walked into the hut “and this is one of Fluffy’s puppies?” She asked intrigued “yep. Proud father tha one. Fluffy didnt wan’ ta leave the mums side to take care of the pups i got ya the one ye asked for. Smallest of the litt’r” as he hands her a small three headed dog with white fur “oh Hagrid shes Beautiful” Artemis took the sleeping puppy into her arms after handing him the four galleons “Artemis this is too much!” Hagrid said “none sense Hagrid. Gas and time plus the cost of the puppy. Its not nearly enough” she said as she tucks the puppy into her robe “well? What you gonna call er?” He asked with a smile “hemolele” she smiled “it means angel” she smiled at him “i best be off Hagrid thank you again” she smiled walking to her common room she drops her bag on the sofa next to Fred she climbed in once inside she enchanted another stall once she was done she enlarged all of her puppy toys and food setting it up on the side as the puppy played with her toys she smiled watching her as she made her food “come on Hemolele” she spoke to the puppy as it came up to her she put the food down”good girl” she sighed out about to walk out “so this is what you rushed out of dinner for?” Fred asked holding her plate out to her she takes it “isnt she beautiful?” Artemis kneels down and pets her “shes Fluffy’s puppy” she looks up at Fred while she spoke “cute. But i need you to eat Kahalia” he cocks his eyebrow at her she picks the puppy up and hands her to Fred “not so scary when theyre tiny are they?” She takes a bite of food he holds the dog and smiles “i guess when theyre small they dont impose the threat of eating you whole now do they?” He smiled as he scratched behind one of the ears he puts the dog down “you okay?” He asked “yeah im perfect why?” She asked “i dunno. You just havent gotten Apollo back yet” he shrugged “i dont think i am. That one was free. I feel bad for leaving him” she said with a sigh “who you two pranking next? She asked “probably Snape” he shrugged “please not when im around i like not having detentionnnnn” she groaned “oh come on Lia girl isnt detention fun when its just you and me?” He wiggles his eyes at her “everythings fun when its just you and me Fred” she smiles at him he looks at her with reddened cheeks she smiled bigger at him “Freddie” she sighed “thanks for the food” she said taking another bite of the bread “I want you to start taking care of yourself Lia” he turned to face her “that means going to meals, having time for yourself” he said mimicking what she told him  in the hospital wing “i can compromise” she said mimicking him “we bring our plates empty plates here…. And eat where no one can see” she looked down confusion spread on his face “i do eat Fred… just not at the great hall” she sighed she walked out of the pen grabbing his wrist and walking to the back hallway and into a room with a kitchen off to the side she knocked on the door “Prim? Prim its me” she said softly suddenly a house elf opened the door “Artie?” She asked “hey Primm-y how are you today? Feeling better?” She smiled at the elf “Prim thinks her arm healed up nicely. Can Prim stay with Artie? Prims master fired Prim. Prim has no where else to go i can teach more spells if thats what it takes” she cried as she kneeled on the floor “Prim. I told you before you can stay im not your master. Im your friend. No elf magic teaching needed Primm-y. Id like you to meet someone. This is my bestfriend Fred, can you make us your favorite food? We’ll eat together again” she smiled “PRIM WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH MAAM I’LL BE RIGHT BACK” the house elf yelled excitedly “dont hurt yourself Prim!” Artie yelled 
“i wont i promise Maam!” “Its Artie!!” She laughed Fred cocked his eyebrow at her “she came to hogwarts with a broken arm. Albus didnt have room for her. So i said id look after her, and that she wasnt going off on her own But shes a free elf that’ll earn a wage. I know what its like being a house elf, and i wasnt going to let her brave the world alone.” She shrugged “so i made a deal with her. I give her galleons to keep my fridge stocked animals fed and she and i eat together. Shes a really good cook. Its what she loves to do. It brings a big smile to her face she always makes way too much” Artemis laughs as they sit “youre amazing you know that?” He asks “you have a heart of gold” he brushes her cheekbone with his fingers leaning in to kiss her forehead “thanks Freddie” “i will take this compromise. If i can join you and Prim for dinners” he said “Prim would like that very much Mr. Fred Prim loves to cook this is Prims favorite thing to cook Ms. Artemis likes it very much sir. She finishes her food every time!” The elf smiled at Fred “is that so? It looks great Prim thank you” he said kindly “so Prim, how do you like living here?” He asked as he spooned some of the food into his mouth “mm… this is so good” he said more to himself “oh i love it here Mr. Fred. Artemis lets me feed and hang out with the animals!” She said excitedly “which animal is your favorite? Mine personally is the Kelpie” he asked taking another bite “Prim is quite fond of Igneous” she smiles big at Fred “i like Igneous too” he smiled at her “Ms. Artemis youre right Prim likes him too” Prim smiles at her her cheeks heat up “mr. Fred a good boy right?” She asked “one of the best there is” Artemis said softly as she ate “Prim thinks you make a good match Prim knows when Prim sees” she said as she looked down at her plate choking on her food “well Prim i dont think he likes me like that all that much… im not the kind of person boys fall head over heels in love with” she said softly to the elf Freds eyes widen in shock “that is not true ms. Artemis” “alright Prim. I’ll take your word for it, would you like me to wash up?” “No ms. Artemis Prim has it” the elf smiled as she exited the room with a nod “i meant it about dinners Lia” he smiled as he climbed the ladder helping her out of the bag “okay, you can come to dinners.” Artemis sighs “just you and me?” He asked “and Prim of course” he stuttered “just us” she smiled “goodnight Freddie” she smiled “goodnight Kahalialaulani” i love you he thought more to himself then her
It was her first free period and she was studying for her muggle classes trying to graduate a year early when a voice pulls her out of her thoughts “are you coming to our Quidditch practice?” Fred asked coming down the steps and seeing her in the common room “do you want me too?” She asked he modded “yeah. Let me go grab a sweater first and then we’ll walk together?” She asked “its cold out on the pitch.” She shrugged “here. Wear this” Fred said chucking her an extra Jersey that he brought just in case “but wont you need this?” She asked him looking up at him confused “nah, i think i’ll be good with just the one. Besides. George’ll get jealous that you’re wearing mine n not his” Fred wiggles his eyebrows “fineeee” she groans with a laugh pulling on the jersey they walk to the pitch “ah good to see you Black” Wood said as we walked out of the castle “you gonna try out for the team?” He asked “nah. The position i want isnt open.” She shrugged “im just here supporting Harry and the twins. Apollo’s going for chaser tho. Cedric is holding try outs next week from what Apollo said” she shrugged walking inching closer to Fred who wrapped his arm around her protectively when Slytherin’s team walked next to him she made eye contact with Draco and tensed Fred instinctively pushed her slightly behind him “Atleast no one had to bribe their way onto Gryffindor team. They got on from pure talent!” Hermione sneered “Who asked you what you thought filthy mudblood” Draco sneered i pushed my way through the twins and straight up to Draco “want to say that again Dray?” She towered over him crossing her arms over her chest “i called her a mudblood. Filthy orphan what are you going to do about it?” He yelled at her earning smiles from the Slytherin team chuckling behind him “okay. I see how it is. School yard bully acting tough cause people he wants to impress are around. See. My dad taught me the only way to deal with bullies.” She sighed out. He cocked his eyebrow “what is that filthy orphan? Running away from a fight” he laughs woth the rest of his team “or have your bull dogs rescue you” he juts his chin to Fred and George as they start to walk over “STAY!” She yelled they froze to their spot as she turned around and looked at Hermione on the verge of tears and Ron seething eyes landing on George wand gripped tight in his hand pointing at Malfoy she turned back and hit him in the mouth he fell back to flint “i know youre better than this Draco. If you were nicer and showed people who you actually are maybe then youd be friends with Harry and maybe ron too. you dont think he told me about meeting you first year? How you insulted Ron. Telling him to stick around with you to be friends with the right sort of wizards. Thats not how you get people to like you. You owe BOTH Hermione and Ron an apology for how you’ve been treating them. Oh. And go ahead. Tell your father. I dare you” her eyes glew she spoke with a growl in her voice as the whole quidditch team and Hermione watched it unfold jaws gaping open “You cant hit me!” He screamed standing up getting in her face she leaned down pillong his ear as she whispered into his ear his face bright red as she scolded him “why. You had no problem joining in with daddy hitting me. You forget the one person Who tutored you in potions. And took the blame for breaking a 100 year old vase who helped you with your preschool work and taught you to read. Who checked under the bed for monsters when you had nightmares me. Draco. I did. Who did you cry to after your first pathetic little heartbreak me. I did it you told me once that i was the only friend you had this isnt how you make friends Draco grow up and stop being like Lucious pompous arsehole. be the person you really are who me and aunt Narcissa know you are. for once in your spoiled brat life and apologize before i make you apologize” her nostrils flare at him teeth turning into lions fangs she looks up at the Slytherin captain
“Piss off with that bloody note before i shove it so far up your ass youd be shitting it out for a week. You snakes can take the late afternoon slot Oliver had this pitch booked for WEEKS or do I need to go talk to Snape personally. Picking on kids younger than you Flint are you really that cowardice. Pick on someone your own age. Heaven knows you wouldnt win.” she growled again showing her fangs again they all step back “whatever. Lets get out of here. Draco. We’ll train you later” Flint said turning his back to the Gryffindors Draco looks up at his cousin with scared gray eyes “theres still a chance for you to be friends with them. Make your mother proud” she said softer morphing her features back he looks down in shame slowly walking up to Hermione “im sorry, i shouldnt have said that, i was trying to get people to like me. It wont happen again. Im sure Artemis would rip my throat out if it does” he scratched the back of his neck “and im sorry for what i said first year Weasley. I shouldnt have said that either. I hope you two can forgive me and the three of us start over?” He asked not looking up she glances over to Harry who’s looking at her she shrugs her shoulders at him giving him the choice. “Harry Potter” Harry said holding out his hand making Draco look up “Draco Malfoy” shaking hands “this is my friends, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley” Harry continued “this is the team, Oliver wood, Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Fred and George Weasley, and Alicia Spinnet” Harry pointed out the people as they waved uncomfortably Draco gave them a small smile “im really sorry about before” he said looking down “i have no excuse” he said shyly “thank you for the apology. Id offer to train you. But it seems as though Flint’s got that covered” Wood said as Draco nodded  she walked up to the bleachers and sat rolling her eyes.
“Do you really believe that that was a genuine apology?” Harry asked as they walked through the pitch doors “i dont know.” Artemis sighed “i just know that i am sick of that family having control over me. Harry hes my cousin. There is good in him i believe that i will help him if he needs me on the promise i made to Narcissa. But you are where my loyalties lie. Youre my brother just as much as Apollo is. I stand by you. You never have to doubt that i will make an unbreakable bond to that. Now if youre asking me if i think hed stop doing anymore messed up stuff and be dumb? No. I know he’s going to do messed up stuff. I like seeing the good in everyone. No matter how dimwitted their actions are. Dad always used to say that theres light and darkness in all of us. if you want to know what a mans like. Look at how he treats his inferiors. Hes never said an ill word to or hurt Dobby.” She stares at Fred and George from across the field talking to Oliver “Fred talks about you a lot you know” he wiggles his eyebrows. She smiled “its not like that.” She rolls her eyes at him as they walk further “its really cool what you did back there for Hermione by the way” he states “i didnt just do it for Mione. I did it cause it was the right thing to do.” she shrugged “i dont like when people pick on innocent people. Hermione’s gotta stand up for herself. But until she can i’ll do it for her.” Artemis sighs “so why does he call you Lia? Ive only ever heard Apollo call you that?” He asked “Charlie calls me Lia too, my middle name is Kahalialaulani Naleopilimehana, i guess he just liked that more than Artie” she shrugged “why is it ive never heard your middle name before?” He asked “youve never asked her Potter” George said as they walked in step with them “and Freddie calls her Lia because he prefers it” he nudges Harry as he says it “if you want to call me Lia i wont stop you either Harry.” Artemis shrugged. “You have detention tonight Potter?” Fred asks “yeah. With the new DADA teacher” Artemis grimaces at Gilderoy Lockheart “that sounds wonderful” Artemis said sarcastically “oh yeah. Itll totally be a blast Naleo” he rolled his eyes at her “Naleo?” She asked “well i wanted a name of my own. Apollo, Charlie and Fred already call you Lia everyone else calls you Artemis and Artie so i dunno. Naleo seemed fitting” he scratched the back of his head “my dad used to be the only one that called me that. He’d call me his voice” she smiled “he used to call Pollo Haʻo. His wonder.” She laughed “hed look at me and say my little Naleo. Always my voice of reason” she smiled at the memory. “Well i mean i guess thats why i chose it. Because you are a lot of peoples voice of reason i know youre mine atleast. Both you and Apollo.” Harry said as they walked “like whose” she rolls her eyes at him “mine. And i do like the ring of calling you Voice” Fred said simply she stopped abruptly looking at him “what? You are” he shrugged “what do you mean i am?” “Voice, you stopped me from finding the man that hurt you just by saying my name.” Fred looked at her “you tell me things with your eyes. And its just an unspoken thing between us. I keep you wild you keep me safe” he starts walking “although id like to think we keep each-other safe even if you almost strangled me to death in Florish and Blotts when Lucious said my name” he shrugged as he walked heat rising to her cheeks 
“you coming Artie?” George asks snapping her out of her “oh uh yeah. Sorry” she shook her head and caught up “youre wrong Fred” “what do you mean im wrong.” He rolls his eyes at her. “You don’t keep me wild. You keep me human” he cocks his eyebrow at her staying silent so she can explain. “if im your Leo. Youre my Puʻuwai” she said grabbing Freds arm “wh.. what is that? Leo is voice. Youve said that before ive only seen Puʻuwai once” she smiles at him “you gave me the strength and the courage i needed to open up my heart and allow others in. You showed me that love is stronger than fear.” He froze as she turned around “puʻuwai means heart Fred, you gave me a home to go home too, with your Family.” She turned to him “it wasnt only me it was Charlie and George too” he said quietly “but i said yes to you. Ive told George and Charlie no. Multiple multiple times. But you got me to say yes. Youre the one who got me to open up you got me to trust you and in turn you trust me.” she smiled sweetly enlarging the charm around her neck ‘Home is where love is remember puʻuwai love is eternal and it will give you peace’ “so no. you dont keep me wild. We keep eachother safe. Yes. But you. Youre my heart. And You keep me human the saying is ‘shes my voice of reason, she keeps me out of trouble, he’s my heart. he keeps me human and we keep eachother safe.’ We balance each other out. Without you id be cold and heartless. Without me youd be in detention more often than not. And youd be failing all your classes by now.” she chuckles hoping he didnt read through the lines of what she said “we’re going to be late for potions Heart” she said smiling at him putting her charm away still frozen to his spot he watches her walk away. Mouth gaping open as she jokes with George and Hermione “Are you guys going to meet Harry after detention?” Artie asked Hermione hanging her head off the end of the bed as the twins sat on the floor of the dorm room “yeah. I was going to meet Ron soon, wanna come?” “Yeah. I’ll tag along. I dont know about them. But i wouldnt mind stretching my legs” she said with a sigh George groans out “where ever you go” Fred starts “Fred will follow” George finishes for his brother Freds cheeks heat up “that is not how its supposed to go you git!” Fred yelled “its just funny seeing you this worked up” George’s laugh filled the room “so youre following then?” She asked with a cocked eyebrow at them “and let our favorite girls walk alone? Never.” George said looking to Hermione George walking on the left side of Hermione and Fred walking on the right of Artemis as they head down to the common room where Ron is “what are you two doing here!” Ron yelled “we’re keeping you lot out of trouble Ikkle Ronniekins” Fred jests “besides. You four have all the fun. We want in too!” George pouts Artemis giggles as Ron squeezes himself between George and Hermione shooting him a glare rolling her eyes “come on. Lets go find Harry” she smiled looking up at Fred who smiled at her as she led the group out of friends down the hall George made an off hand comment about their prank war because Hermione had asked about it “oh yeah. Freddie used to obsess over pranking her shed find his pranks every time. And add to them getting either me or himself or me him and Lee in the same go” George said “why didnt he just stop?” Hermione asked “Freds always been stubborn” Ron rolled his eyes “its because im the queen of pranks and Hearts a sore loser that has to always have the last laugh” she smiles playfully
“Am not voice take it back!!” Fred screeched “make me” she laughed taking off running “alright you asked for it Voice” he ran after her she snapped her fingers and appeared behind Ron bobbing and weaving him away from Freds arms that was reaching for her she smiles at him heat rising to his cheeks “YOU KNOW THATS AGAINST THE RULES!” He yells pointing a finger she giggles “whatcha gonna do about it? Prank me?” She stuck her tongue out running inbetween Ron and George “are you sure these two arent dating?” Ron asked the group when they were further away “Voice slow down!” Fred catches up to her she laughed as he caught her waist and began tickling her “Fred stop!” She laughed more Harry appears in the corridor “NO! First you have to say Freds the best pranking master ever and i was wrong for saying otherwise!” He yelled also laughing easing up on her sides as he waits “NEVER! YOULL NEVER BREAK ME!” She yelled in glee he shrugged his shoulders hoisting her up over his shoulder tickling her more “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I’LL SAY IT” she laughs tears rolling from her eyes as he holds her on his shoulder“Freds the best pranking master ever. Even if he couldnt land a single prank on me” she sticks her tongue out as he drops her on her bum with a oomph. The three of them laugh as Harry helps her up she looks to the wall Harry Hermione Ron and George rounding the corner after them looking at the wall together in shock ‘the chamber of secrets have been opened enemies of the heir beware’ written in blood with Filchescat hanging from her tail Artemis’s hands fly to her mouth in shock 
Filch comes around the corner when the bell rings and his eyes land on Harry Apollo calling out to us instinctively Artemis steps in front of Harry before Filch can get to him “out of my way its his fault he killed her!” Filch yelled “im sorry Mr. Filch but Harry couldnt have hurt your cat. He was in detention with Professor Lockheart” she said with a soft smile “THEN IT WAS YOU!” He yelled at her getting in her face “it wasnt me either i was meeting Harry after Detention Mr. Filch i swear!” “She was with me the entire time!” Fred yelled “and why should i believe a trouble maker like you Weasley!” He yelled “BECAUSE ITS THE TRUTH!” Fred yelled as she walked up to the cat getting her down from where she hung “shes not dead” Artemis shook her head snapping her fingers the last Mandrake restorative Draught she had putting it in the cats mouth as Albus came to the group as he eyed Artemis closely “there you go girl…. Almost there” she smiled “take it easy now Mrs. Norris” she cooed as the ear twitched slowly dragging her hand down her body “good kitty” she smiled as she shook it off “all better?” She asked as the cat tilted her head at her meowing she chuckled as the cat licks her nose “Mr. Filch shes okay” Artemis smiled at the squib who took his cat into his arms crying “thank you sweet girl” Filch cupped her cheek patting her face “it was just a mandrake potion. She took my last phial of it so hopefully, nobody else gets petrified” she smiled at him “professor sprout has a healthy stock of mandrakes this year how far out?” Albus asked “should be by the end of the year” she smiled “i love animals. Its no issue Mr. Filch” she smiled brightly “Should i have told them? About the voice i heard?” Harry asked as they walked up the stairs they argue as they walk into the common room “you alright there Artie?” George asked “yeah im fine. Just iny head” she shook her head as they walked “want us to stay?” He asked “nah. Imma go read in the library if anything” she shrugged “have a good night boys. Mione” she smiled as she went into her bag she walks into her library and pulls out a book to read “so am i traveling to our room alone or;” George trailed out looking at Fred who was staring at the bag George smiled “go after her Fred” he smiled “im going to hang with Hermione til you get back” he smiled as Fred nodded “hey!” Fred called from outside of Igneous’s pen “hes getting big” Fred said petting his beak “whats the matter?” He asked “nothing, im just worried is all” she shrugged at him “worried about what?” “This thing that petrified Mrs norris” she sighed “nothings going to happen to you Voice you know that right?” He asked sitting next to her “i wont let anything happen to you” he nudged her “its not me im worried about Fred. Im worried about my brothers. Hermione. Im worried about you and George. Im worried about the people i care about” she blew a raspberry out of her mouth “oh come on Voice its not like we’re going to get hurt” he smiled “we dont know who or what did that to the cat” she sighed out “luckily we have our potions guru to save not only your own butt but Harry’s too. Filch looked like he was just about to murder him” Fred said earning a chuckle out of her “theres our girl” he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear “youre so pretty when you laugh” he complements her red tinge crossing his cheeks “im sorry i worry so much” she apologizes “its a normal reaction Voice” he said as he helped her feed the rest of the animals “youve been through more than what a kid should. It’s understandable, no one blames you for worrying. So what if you need a little reassurance from time to time. Lee, Apollo, Harry, George, Charlie and I dont mind doing it its our job” he smiled “doesnt it get tiring though?” He smiled “no, its not.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear “come on we still have a lot more pens to go.” He gestured
The quidditch game against Slytherin was going full swing Harry and Malfoy raced for the snitch going through the stands as Hermione Ron Apollo and Artemis cheered for Harry when a bludger hit his hand just as he caught the snitch winning the game “ughhhh” he groaned as the group of friends surrounded him “you okay there Harry?” Apollo asked “i think i broke my arm” he chuckled slightly “NOT TO WORRY! I can heal that right up for you!” Lockheart said “not you sorry sir i much rather have Artemis give me a potion” he said with an apologetic smile “non sense i can heal you no problem!” Lockheart insisted muttering the wrong spell and all the bones in Harrys arm disappeared the entire quidditch team rushed to the hospital wing “oh mr. Malfoy ive bandaged you up you can go!” Poppy said as she rushed to Harry “he shouldve been brought to me right away! I can mend bones in an instant! Regrowing them will take all night!” She grumbled as she gave harry skelegrow he spit it out “oh come on Har. What did you expect? Pumpkin Juice? Its a potion they all suck and are goopy” Artemis said with a sympathetic smile “i assume youre staying the night Ms. Black Mr. Scamander?” Poppy asked the two kids “if its alright maam. We’d like to stay with our brother” Apollo said with a small smile “try not to make too much noise!” She said sternly they both nodded to her “Ollie. I can fill in for Harry until he heals completely i know your plays by heart” Artemis said with a smile “practice first thing in the morning Artie” he warned “sir yes sir!” She jested as the team left “thanks for doing that Naleo. And let the house cup go? No chance in hell.” She smiled at him in the middle of the night Dobby woke the three kids up “HELLO!” Dobby said “ARTEMIS! Oh how good it is to see you! Dobby has missed you dearly!” He smiled softly at her “hey Dob what are you doing here?” She asked with a confused tone “Harry Potter should have listened to Dobby Harry should have gone home when he missed the train!” Dobby said “whats going on Dobby” she said in a serious voice “Harry Potter and his friends are in grave danger!” Dobby as they talked Dobby admitted that he wanted to be free “THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER ATTACK!” The three kids laid back down as Albus and Minerva brought in the petrified body of Colin Creevy the next morning she headed down to the pitch from the hospital wing in Harrys quidditch robes “looking good Artie” George said with a smile “gasp. Atleast buy me a drink first!” She put her hand over her chest in fake hurt “what kind of girl do you think i am!” Fred and George laughed loudly with the rest of the team but Angelina “im only doing this so he doesnt have a cow about Harry being out” she rolled her eyes mounting the nimbus and flying up “lets get this practice over with” she groans “you act like you’re bad at quidditch” Fred rolled his eyes at her “because i dont like playing quidditch!” She groans as Oliver releases the balls “i take offense to that Artemis!” He yelled going to the rings After practice she ran speed drills dodging the bludgers George and Fred were throwinf at her “come on boys that all you got?” She teased sticking a tongue out at them George laughed “we dont want to hurt you!” “Give it all you got Georgie i wont break!” She rolled her eyes ar him “you asked for it!” George said as he swung his bat sending a bludger straight at her she pulled back playing chicken with the bludger when it was close to her face she let go of her broom swinging her legs catching herself on the broom handle using the momentum of the flying broom she grabbed her handle and spun down like a cork skrew seconds before hitting the ground she pulled straight seeing the snitch she pulled up slightly with her hand raised one hand steering the broom when she caught the snitch she landed her broom Olivers mouth flew open as she held up the snitch and broom in the other hand when practice was finished Ollie pulled her aside
“i want to keep you on the team as back up seeker” he said as Angelina scoffed “shes not even that good” she whispered to Katie Bell “shes actually really nice Ang. Give her a chance” she whispered back “now why would i do that. Shes a know it all” she said louder turning away and walking to the changing rooms Artemis shook her head and focused more on Oliver as much as id love too Ollie. Im just not cut out for Quidditch” “youre wrong. Youre almost as good as Charlie is. If you had tried out before Harry you wouldve need our seeker” “fine. I’ll sit on the bench” she rolled her eyes “and buy a new broom!” He yelled she waved her hand in the air putting Harry’s robes back “i bet you enjoyed that” Angelina sneered “not even a little. It was a favor for Harry i actually really hate playing sports. Id rather dance.” Artemis replied simply “whatever” she rolled her eyes she slammed Harrys locker shut “just what is your problem with me” Artemis asked a little frustrated “oh nothing. I just dont get why you whore yourself around where ever you are one of the Weasley twins or both or another Weasley is. Wood. Apollo. Potter. Or Jordan is boys buzz around you like flies on a warthog. It makes you look easy” she smirked “okay one. Apollo is my twin brother Gross. Two Lee is his boyfriend. Three Harry is my god brother Four the Weasley twins are my best friends along with Lee i tutor Percy wnd Ron. Ive talked to Oliver maybe three times since coming here” she said crossing her arms “out of line Angelina” George said rounding the corner with damp hair “i dont know what youre talking about George” “youre just jealous that shes friends with everyone and she got a higher score in potions. No need to be a git and call names” George said angrily “its alright George. Bullies arent worth it” she said pulling him away from her Angelina scoffs “shes got them wrapped around her finger” she said to the room “because shes Family.” George rolled his eyes as she pulled him out further once they were in the court yard he pulled her back “you okay?” He asked “just peachy. Thanks” she said with a smile “how long has Angie been treating you like that?” He asked “since our first potions class. I usually just ignore it” she shrugged “but you guys talked back in second” “no. Me and Alicia talked. Angie scowled at me” she said as they walked to the common room Harry finally was back for quidditch two weeks later they were about to play against Hufflepuff when Minnie stopped the match “quidditch has been cancled!” She said “you cant cancel qQuidditch!” Oliver exclaimed “Mr. Potter Mr. Weasley’s Ms. Black please follow me quickly” the twins Harry Artemis and Ron followed Migonigal back to the hospital wing “now this may be a shock to you. But there has been another attack. They were found out side of the library “oh mione” Artemis said brushing a hand through her hair tears pricking her eyes “does tris mean anything to you?” Migonigal asked the group holding up a mirror “no maam” they all say she sits with Hermione for hours George had been sleeping on the other side while Ron and Harry went off to class “hey” Fred breaks the silence she looked at him “brings back memories huh. Us being stuck here” he chuckles she lets out a few tears “yeah. Back when things were just starting out” she chuckled dryly
“it seems to only be attacking muggle born students. Collin, Davies, Mione, Penny” she sniffles “hey…. Voice theyre going to be okay” he puts a hand on her shoulder “you think so?” She looked up at him “i know they will. Madame Pomfrey’s taking good care of them in the mean time” he wiped a tear off her cheek “what would i do with out you heart” she said softly his cheeks heated up “crash and burn probably” he chuckled “want to go get some food? Prim must be wondering where you are” he suggested “yeah. Lets leave George alone with his Mia” she jested earning a chuckle from him he helps her up from her chair intertwining their fingers pulling her to the common room smiling she catches Angelinas eye she shot Artemis a glare “Freddie slow down” she laughs “youre going to pull my arm off!” She laughed again “come on Voice its this way” he giggled with her pulling her to a corner of the common room “come on already i wanna see Hemolele” he laughed loudly “you just saw her at the beginning of the year!” “so its not everyday i get to see a small three headed dog!” He crossed his arm over his chest “ugh. I swear shes annoying as shit” she said loudly her smile faltered as she shook her head “lets just go take care of the animals” she gave him a small smile “i need to feed Kamaile. I just got his krill in” she told him he nodded slightly as they walked to the dorm room he opened the door to their room “hey Lee. Apollo” she smiled “Artie” Apollo kissed her cheek “we’re going to feed the animals” she said as she placed her bag down “see you when you guys get back love birds” “we’re not love birds” her cheeks became red “not yet you arent. But someday you will be” he smiled “Apollooooooo” she groaned he put his hands up in defeat “sorry sorry” he laughed they walked into Hemolele’s pen “shes getting bigger” Fred said looking up at Artemis petting the dog in his lap “she is” Artie said hopping on to the table watching him “whats really bothering you Artemis?” He asked softly “a lot of things” she said softer “anything you want to share?” He asked as the puppy yelped he squeezed the squeaky toy throwing it the little three headed dog ran to the toy “nothing in particular” she said softly “voice..” he trailed “its nothing Freddie” she smiled “its not nothing if its bothering you like this” he said “its just… i miss my dad” she sighed out “he always knew what to say when i was feeling wonky.” She sighed looking up at the ceiling sje waved her wand and soon an image of stars came out “just an enchantment” she laid on the grassy pen floor sighing out he laid next to her on the grass his head next to hers “see that one thats Orion” he pointed up “that ones pegasus and the mama bear and baby bear” he smiled “you know a lot about this stuff dont you?” She laughed “when mum would yell at is. Me and George as kids. We’d sneak out or more like Id sneak out to the pond and lay on the rocks to clear my head watching the stars. I started to read books about astronomy and its just a guilty pleasure i guess” he sighed. 
“That ones Sirius, and Rigel” she points he looks up “ive always wanted to get a necklace from Madame Hanks jewelry store and get a necklace of those stars, my dad and Baby brother that i never got to meet Regulus was supposed to be named after my Uncle Reggie” she shrugged as she glanced to him “you know. When we were kids, Apollo used to point out the stars to me too. Its something our dad did with him when he was upset” She smiled “why would you get in trouble?” She asked confused “mum didnt like the fact that we would prank and enjoyed a good laugh. Half the time shed mistake me for George. Every one in my family does, mix us up. Its hard not having our own identities. It bothers George more than it bothers me but dont get me wrong it still hurts” he shrugs “thats why it surprised us. When you said ‘no i know im right. Youre George Fred is on the other side of Lee’ in first on the boats. Thats what really solidified your friendship with George” “and what about you? What did it solidify with you?” She looked at him he turned his head to look at her mimicking the way she was looking at him moving his face closer to hers upside down “it solidified that you were the girl thatd come in smash up and change my life” he said softly “the girl that would change your life?” She questioned him “You changed my life. You became my voice of reason. I guess the only reason why i pranked you so hard the first and second years is because i didnt want mine and George’s dynamic to change, i was happy or at-least i thought i was, me and George against everyone and anyone i didnt want to change that, i didnt want to be your friend, i didnt want George to be your friend he wouldve broken us the two of us me and him up by adding you into the mix. I thought that there wouldnt be enough for me if you came into our world. i thought everything would be fine and normal if it was only me and George.  just the way it was but spending detention with you. Knowing you. You brought out a side of me i didnt know i had. You added to me and George and theres so much between the three of us i dont know why i thought that there wouldnt be enough. So much so that Youre my best friend. And youre closer to me than George is it scares me BUT i cant imagine my life without you.” he shook his head her eyes widened “you mean a lot to my entire family and you dont even realize it.” He sighed sitting up he turns away from her “why do you do that?” She asks sitting up and facing him “do what?” He looks at her confused “the cat and mouse game we play. Something gets too deep and leave when our conversations get deep on your end?” “Because im afraid” he looks down “afraid?” “Im afraid of getting close to someone thats not George im afraid that if someone knows me more than my brother does, that if i open up my world i lose him and he wont need me anymore which i know its stupid we’ll always need eachother the more people that are in our world doesnt mean less its…” he breathed out closing his eyes she cups his face looking up at him “Let me be the person for you that you are for me. Let me in, i wont hurt you Fred. Let me be your person how youre mine” she whispered he leaned his forehead on hers “lean on me like how i lean on you” she whispers closing her eyes “youre right im sorry okay? Its something i need to work on” he breathes out “its something we both need to work on i run away too. Its not just you” she leaned closer his eyes dart to her lips back to her closed eyes she leans further up feeling their lips brush against eachother his heart speeds up “we should go” she said softly
 “i know. I want to stay like this for a little longer, its nice having someone listen to me” he said “i feel so ignored at home like im lumped together with someone else half the time its with George half the time its with Ron and we’re all fighting for mums approval i know me and George act like we dont crave that sort of thing but its.. its nice to be supported and feel supported. Youre the only person that supports our dreams of running a joke shop. Mum and dad want us to go into the ministry” he said falling back onto his back “who cares what your mum wants? Will working at the ministry make you happy Fred?” She asked laying back down his heart sped up at how openly she talked to him about his dreams “no it wouldnt” he sighed “i think its brave. And you both will do amazing things” she smiled “follow your heart Freddie. And the right people will support you. Im always in your corner” she smiled heat rushing to her cheeks “now tell me about wizard wheezes” she looked up to the stars as he talked
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“Artemis!!” She looked over her shoulder to Ron and Harry running to her in the library “do you have any books on this?” Harry asked her as she unfolded the piece of paper “Mione figured it out. Its a basilisk” he said catching his breath “wheres the twins?” Ron asked “detention? Why?” She asked “WE’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!” Harry shoved Rons shoulder “right. Sorry Harry. Hagrid is innocent he didnt open the chamber the first time” Ron filled in “the passed three nights have been an absolute nightmare you wouldnt believe” Ron panted “come with us. We need to meet up with Apollo!” Harry said quickly pulling her along by her robe “we have to send the students home a child has been taken into the chamber! Im afraid this is the end of Hogwarts” Migonigal cries “so sorry dozed off what did i miss?” Lockheart said “a girl has been snatched by the monster lockheart your moment has come atlast” “my mom..moment” lockheart says to Snape when Apollo comes up behind them Harry looks to him with his finger over his mouth Apollo nodded as the adults talked “Ginny Weasley has been taken” Minerva said Artemis’s eyes widened she shot her gaze to Ron who looked like he was going to puke “we’ll find her Ronnie” she re assured him the teachers move and they saw what was written ‘her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever’ Artemis’s hands flew to her mouth “Ron lets get to lockhearts now!” Artemis and Apollo say at the same time “we might not be able to get into the chamber but we can tell lockheart everything we know!” Harry yelled as he ran up the steps of the DADA classroom “PROFESSOR WE HAVE SOME INFORMATION FOR YOU!” Harry said as lockheart frantically packed his bags “just where the hell do you think you’re going” Artemis’s voice low “urgent call unavoidable” “WHAT ABOUT GINNY!” She yelled as Ron asked about his sister “YOU CANT JUST LEAVE YOU COWARD!” She yelled as the four of them held their wands to his face “youre helping us. And you cant say no.” Apollo said in a dangerous voice Harry and Ron led them to the bathroom “Okay Harry. What next?” Artemis asked “try speaking parselmouth to the sink” Ron suggested soon the sinks started moving opening a slide “well? Who first?” Lockheart asked “you have got to be joking” Artemis rolled her eyes at him “youre the adult you go first!” She exclaimed shoving him forward “hurry up lets get Ginny” she rolled her eyes at the lot of them jumping in after him they run through the pipes when they find a snake skin “Harry. Stay close to me” she whispered Gilderoy fainted and snatched Rons wand Apollo pulls Ron behind him raising his wand mimicking Artemis on the other side of the chamber he makes a low threat when he tried to obliviate Ron his wand backfired “PROTEGO!” Apollo placed a protection spell over him and Ron and separated Artemis and Harry from Apollo and Ron as the dust settled around them “HARRY! HARRY!” Ron called out “LIA! LIA YOU ALRIGHT?!?” Apollo called out “IM FINE!” She yelled “RON!” Harry yelled “WE’RE ALRIGHT TOO!” He yelled “lockhearts memory charm backfired! He dosent remember anything!” Ron yelled out “STAY THERE! We’ll find Ginny!” Artemis yelled “BE CAREFUL LIA!” Apollo screamed “i dont want to get punched by Fred” he said more to himself than to the group “oh tell me about it when he finds out she was in danger he’s going to lose his marbles. In love with her that one its bloody disgusting” Ron looked to Apollo “i think its cute” Apollo chuckles “its nice someone else has my sister’s back” Apollo looked at Ron “we all have Artie’s back even if she calls me Carrots” he rolls his eyes “i swear shes an older Ginny sometimes. But theres no one better to have in your corner than Artemis” he said sitting down on the ground after knocking out lockheart
Harry and Artemis come to a door thats made out of snakes he speaks parselmouth to it and it opens in the room lies Ginny on the floor in the chamber “Harry” Artemis grabs his shoulder they look at eachother and ran to Ginny “Harry why the fuck is that?!” Artemis screamed trying to wake Ginny up “i think thats Tom Riddle” he whispered “Tom help us. We have to get her out of here!” He yelled “Harry i dont think he’s on our side” she said suddenly the water started flowing faster as he spelled out his name ‘voldemort’ her eyes widened “HARRY! GET BACK!” She yelled standing in front of Ginnys unconscious body he spoke to the giant snake that chased us “join me. And you two shall survive. Ginny must die the weaker she grows. The stronger i get” he repeats as Harry gets chased by the basilisk “AND BETRAY ALBUS! HE IS THE GREATEST WIZARD KNOWN TO MAN MY LOYALTIES LIE WITH HIM” Artemis yelled holding her ground in front of Ginny she unzipped her bag whistling her whistle soon Kamaile and Igneous fly out of the bag “Iggie Guard Ginny keep her safe. Kamaile come with me we have to help Harry!” Kamaile claws the eyes of the basilisk out when Fawkes comes in dropping the sorting hat “ah ms. Artemis. How nice to see you” the hat spoke “FOOLISH GIRL! You think you can defeat the basilisk with songbirds and old hats! You are much more powerful than this rise to your full potential daughter of the great wizard Merlin the future heir will be born from you” He yelled out as Artemis ran to where Harry was getting there just in time she looks in the hat and takes the sword out of the hat “HARRY! Get to Ginny now!” She yelled Igneous can only do so much!” He nodded as she took on the basilisk on her own she led it back to the front of the chamber when she heard Harrys anguished scream the basilisk tripped her making her land on her back she groaned dropping the sword just out of reach as the basilisk opened its large mouth about to snap down on her he grabbed the sword and the basilisk bit down lodging three fangs into her arm as the sword embedded it self into its skull effectively killing it she takes the fangs out of her upper arm Ginny slowly starting to wake “Artemis. We have to stab the diary before we all die down here” Harry groaned in pain she nodded whistling again “Kamaile back in the bag!” She yelled “Iggie i need you to help me” she started to breathe heavy as the venom started to work its way through her system Harry defeated Tom Riddle grabbing his Diary and basilisk fang Ginny shoots awake “come on Gin. Put your arms around me i have to get you out of here before i dont have any strength left. Harry. Take Igneous and get Ron Apollo and lockheart out of here. Meet us at the hospital wing” she breathes heavily  he nodded Ginny wrapped her arms around Artemis’s neck as she snapped her fingers “POMFREY!” She yelled in the darkness of the room Ginny lets go of her the doors fly open revealing George, Fred and Percy following behind Minerva
“Ginny!” Percy yelled as he cupped her face in his hand Artemis’s vision started to fade with black dots she stumbled back before she could hit the ground Fred caught her “woah there voice i got you” he cooed looking up to Ginny “she got bit by the basilisk!” Ginny yelled as Fred laid her down on the cott George coming to the other side of Ginny bombarding her with questions Fawkes came flying in landing on her knees crying onto her bite marks ‘i got here just in time’ Fawkes thought as the tears healed him “thanks Fawkes, i owe you my life”Artemis breathes out to him as she pets his head Dumbledore comes in and sees Artemis petting Fawkes “ah Ms. Black. you mustve shown great loyalty to gryffindor and myself if Fawkes was summoned to you. might i have a word with you, Apollo and Harry when you get sorted out?” he asks as Artemis looked over to Ron Harry and Apollo “you three okay?” she asked “thanks to you yes” Harry said she whistles out opening her bag Igneous flies in she finally looks over to Fred who slowly walked over to her and breathlessly says “you saved my sister my little sister” putting his hands on to the collar of her shirt smashing his lips on hers shock flowed through Artemis her eyes wide as she melts into the kiss kissing him back she puts her hand on his face he wrapped an arm around her neck taking her face in his hands as he pulls away slightly “that was for saving my sister” he breathed out giving her a soft smile his heart racing her face matching the color of his hair he heads straight to Ginny her fingers touch her mouth in surprise as Harry smirks at her “lets go see what Dumbledore wants yeah?” he asks as the pair slowly walk out of the room Harry and her walk out of the infirmary he sees her walk to harry about to leave“PROTECT HER POTTER!” Fred yelled “dont let her out of your sight. Bring Voice back to me alive and safe” he walked up to harry holding out his hand for him to shake “i’ll protect her with my life. The way she protects me and all of us” Harry said shaking his hand “i’ll hold you to it Potter” Fred squeezes his hand letting go  “i’ll talk to you after we go see Dumbledore?” She asked “im sorry about the kiss” he put his head on hers “friends?” A knife stabbed through his heart as the question flew from his mouth her smile faltered and her anxiety filled her she leaned into him lips brushing against his before she could stop herself she pressed her lips gently on his, he took in her strawberry lipgloss she breathed out leaning back slightly his lips tasted like cinnamon as if to test the waters he moved back to her face moving his lips slowly against hers with more fervor he lets out a shaky breath when she pulls away fully not wanting to stop kissing her “there. Now you cant be sorry for kissing me because i kissed you too. friends. Best friends. Take care of Ginny for me” she smiles leaning her forehead against his “talk more when i get back?” She asked he nodded pressing a kiss to her forehead “Always Voice. My voice” he whispered. 
“Ginny!” Percy yelled as he cupped her face in his hand Artemis’s vision started to fade with black dots she stumbled back before she could hit the ground Fred caught her “woah there voice i got you” he cooed looking up to Ginny “she got bit by the basilisk!” Ginny yelled as Fred laid her down on the cott George coming to the other side of Ginny bombarding her with questions Fawkes came flying in landing on her knees crying onto her bite marks ‘i got here just in time’ Fawkes thought as the tears healed him “thanks Fawkes, i owe you my life”Artemis breathes out to him as she pets his head Dumbledore comes in and sees Artemis petting Fawkes “ah Ms. Black. you mustve shown great loyalty to gryffindor and myself if Fawkes was summoned to you. might i have a word with you, Apollo and Harry when you get sorted out?” he asks as Artemis looked over to Ron Harry and Apollo “you three okay?” she asked “thanks to you yes” Harry said she whistles out opening her bag Igneous flies in she finally looks over to Fred who slowly walked over to her and breathlessly says “you saved my sister my little sister” putting his hands on to the collar of her shirt smashing his lips on hers shock flowed through Artemis her eyes wide as she melts into the kiss kissing him back she puts her hand on his face he wrapped an arm around her neck taking her face in his hands as he pulls away slightly “that was for saving my sister” he breathed out giving her a soft smile his heart racing her face matching the color of his hair he heads straight to Ginny her fingers touch her mouth in surprise as Harry smirks at her “lets go see what Dumbledore wants yeah?” he asks as the pair slowly walk out of the room Harry and her walk out of the infirmary he sees her walk to harry about to leave“PROTECT HER POTTER!” Fred yelled “dont let her out of your sight. Bring Voice back to me alive and safe” he walked up to harry holding out his hand for him to shake “i’ll protect her with my life. The way she protects me and all of us” Harry said shaking his hand “i’ll hold you to it Potter” Fred squeezes his hand letting go  “i’ll talk to you after we go see Dumbledore?” She asked “im sorry about the kiss” he put his head on hers “friends?” A knife stabbed through his heart as the question flew from his mouth her smile faltered and her anxiety filled her she leaned into him lips brushing against his before she could stop herself she pressed her lips gently on his, he took in her strawberry lipgloss she breathed out leaning back slightly his lips tasted like cinnamon as if to test the waters he moved back to her face moving his lips slowly against hers with more fervor he lets out a shaky breath when she pulls away fully not wanting to stop kissing her “there. Now you cant be sorry for kissing me because i kissed you too. friends. Best friends. Take care of Ginny for me” she smiles leaning her forehead against his “talk more when i get back?” She asked he nodded pressing a kiss to her forehead “Always Voice. My voice” he whispered. 
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Still in shock of what had just happened “you think that it meant something more?” Harry asked breaking the silence “i think it was just an excitement thing. I dont think he’ll remember it tomorrow” she sighed out her voice cracking in hurt “im not so sure about that Lia girl that second kiss is like he didnt want you to stop kissing him” Apollo said bumping her shoulder “you shouldve heard the way he talked about you” he continued “you all keep saying that” she rolled her eyes at them “you love him dont you?” Harry asked curiously “I think i always have. I probably always will.” She whispered Harry gave her a reassuring smile “i think he’s in love with you too for what its worth, with the way he keeps threatening me” Harry gave her a small smile “he deserves someone who isnt broken.” She whispered “youre not broken Artemis” Apollo said sternly “traumatized maybe. But youre not broken” Apollo wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “How are things going with Lee?” She asked him “theyre going great. He’s amazing Artemis” Apollo smiled “im happy for you Baba” she smiled as the phoenix statue took them up “ah yes, hello kids” Albus stated as they approached the desk “have a seat” he said as they sat down “the diary if you please mr. Potter” he said holding out his hand Harry hands him the diary “sir…” Artemis started “while we were battling Riddle and the Basilisk. He called me Daughter of the great wizard Merlin… and that the next heir would be born from me…. Just what did he mean by that?” She asked “Apollo, Artemis. Your mother left this in my care after she got sick” he said handing them a phial of her memories “she instructed me to give them to you when you two were ready. I do believe that time has come” he raised his hands and the pensive came out of the wall “go on my dear.” He said as she dumped the phial into the water she glanced to Apollo who just grabbed her hand reassuringly they dipped their heads into the pensive
‘Sirius, theres things we need to talk about Love’ as she rubbed her belly ‘about me’ she sighed out he sat down next to her on the bed ‘im listening love’ he smiled ‘long… long ago a wizard who helped a man named Arthur who wielded a sword called excalibur in a passed life, that wizard then came to America, he settled down on an island in the middle of the pacific ocean. His golden eyes landed on a girl…. A girl he instantly fell in love with they went on to have a baby that was named Marlene, who carried the golden eyes her father carried the ability to speak to animals the ability to touch and play memories in others heads to know what their thinking when looking into their eyes. Marlene went on to marry a pureblooded wizard from england. Of the last name Nott’ she said quietly ‘from that line came my mother, Artemis. That wizard who started my lines name was Merlin’ she breathed out as he squeezed her knee ‘these babies… the females inherit the traits while the males, the males are seers.’ She looked at him ‘our babies are heirs of Merlin, theyll be in danger, especially with the dark lord gaining power. He’ll seek out the daughters to strengthen his line’ ‘Athena. Nothings going to happen to our children’ he put a hand on her belly ‘you dont understand Sirius! Im a seer!’ She yelled ‘I inherited both abilities, theyre going to hurt our daughter!’ She cried into her hands ‘love…. Our daughter will be fine.’ ‘Shes mine. He sent in the papers. Legally. Both of our kids. Theyre both mine Pualena’ he whispered into her hair ‘and i wont let anything bad happen to our babies. Altear and Narcissa, Moony and James will protect them’ he chuckles ��heaven forbid anyone get in the path of Lily and Jake. Theyre crazy those two’ he laughed ‘come on. Lets go to bed. I’ll sing to you’ he rubs her back the memory flashes to Dumbledores office ‘Albus! Albus! Sirius is going to get framed! We need to move James Lily and Harry now! Hes going to kill them!’ She yelled ‘what will you give me in return?’ He asked ‘anything! Everything! Me! Kill me.’ She whispered ‘Me for Harry. My god son. And Lily his mother.’ she held out her hand ‘i’ll take your bargain but if Lily doesnt come willingly theres nothing i can do. For sure Harry will be safe.’ Albus sighs out ‘just keep me alive long enough to get this baby out’ she sighed he nodded making the deal handing her the potion she downed it shaking her hand ‘promise me youll take care of Artemis and Apollo. I left you the vision, the prophecy. If this is how winning the war will play out. I’ll do it. But im going to fight for my husband.’ she said looking into his eyes ‘i wouldnt expect anything less Athena.’ He said quietly the memory fades into another ‘LYING SON OF A BITCH!’ Athena threw a pan at Albus ‘YOU SAID HARRY WOULD BE SAFE! YOU GAVE HIM TO THE DURSLEYS! HES ANYTHING BUT SAFE!’ She yelled ‘HARRY IS MY GOD SON HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME TO ME! IT WAS WRITTEN IN JAMES’S WILL!! I SIGNED THE ADOPTION PAPERS! HARRY’S MY SON TOO!’ ‘Athena. You have a few months left to live. The curse is eating you and you wanted to take the child!’ He reasoned ‘ANYTHINGS BETTER THAN GIVING HIM TO PETUNIA AND VERNON!’ She screamed ‘this is the way things have to play out you know as well as i that this is what has to play out’ Albus takes her hands in his
‘My four kids deserve better than this theyre all under five! Fighting an adult war! How is this fair!” She cried “its not fair, not at all Athena. But its what has to happen. How Regulus died. And how Sirius was framed. The kids your kids, theyll be the ones to end the war.’ He looked at her ‘and youre sure Artemis and Apollo have to go to Walburga?’ ‘Im sorry Athena.’ He said as she broke down in tears he comforted her ‘i dont think im going to make it to Reggies birth’ she whispered ‘this potion is getting worse’ she whispered  ‘im sorry Athena. Its just a few more weeks you have to hold out’ he brushes her hair out of her face ‘does it have to be Artemis! Does she really need to go through all this!!’ Athena yelled ‘shes going to be… theyre going to…’ Athena breaks down ‘let me take her place I’m the true heir!’ Athena yelled ‘Athena, the curse is killing you she needs to take your place’ Albus shook his head ‘shes just a little girl!’ Athena yelled falling to her knees
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
She got to the great hall where everyone was sitting Apollo sitting next to Lee talking happily she sat down across from Fred between Harry and Apollo glancing up to him he gave her a small shy smile “hey” he said from across the table “hey heart” she smiled a smile that made his heart sped up when the great halls doors opened again Hermione bounced down the halls she ran straight to Artemis and Harry almost knocking her down in a hug  she lets go and shakes Rons hand Hagrid thanks Harry and they eat their feast she entered her dorm room and went into her bag with her folded belongings floating behind her humming to herself Apollo placing his trunk into the library he started playing her ukulele she looked at him “come on Art i wanna see” he said as he played the intro of the song “Apollo really not right now” he dragged her out to the enchanted beach “just this once” he said playing the song “fine.” She smiled “makaukau” he asked “ ʻAe” she said readying herself “ooooooh ooh haaa haaaah hoooo oooh” he sung as she moved gracefully  “Mohala mai kapua i ka la” she swayed her hips moving her hands in a fluid motion “ola no kaʻaina i kaua” she spun slowly going into the next movements “e kuu pua kiele nani e koʻala o nauna e maku nei” she swayed her hips to his singing her eyes following her hand movements throughout the song smiling a big smile “e kua hoʻoheno mai i luna, e hiwahiwa na ka puuwai” she crossed her hands on her chest Fred and George standing slack jawed at the entrance of the bag “e kuʻu pua kiele nani e he nani lua ole alohi nei” she looks up bringing her crossed arms from her waist up and out in a circle bending her knees and standing with her arms open level with her shoulders flipping her hands up she brings her left arm up into an L shape “e pa aheahe kamakani i ka honua” bringing her left arm over her head and back again as he sang the line walking backward as both hands go over her head swaying her hips bringing her hands out in front of her waist dancing palms down to her chest moving to the side bringing her arms in “E kuʻuipo e lei noa i kou aloha” up and around her neck spreading her arms out wide turning “e kuʻuipo, e lei noa i kou aloha” she danced the last of the song out bowing with one arm to the side one arm stretched out Fred watched her dance like he was in a trance he couldnt tear his eyes away from her his heart stilled in his chest it was like it was hard for him to breathe Apollo was the first to look up and to the entrance of the bag George and Fred still looking at Artemis Apollo smirked when she looked up she turned her head to the side and looked at the twins “oh… hey” she stood up cheeks burning red “ive gotta finish packing and securing the animals” she said turning her heel “that. Was hula” Apollo smirked walking over to Fred putting an arm over his shoulders “amazing isnt she?” Fred gulped down nodding looking in the direction she went in “go. Tell her you love her” Apollo said “its not the right time yet” Fred looked to his Brother and Apollo. “Rubbish” George started “nows the perfect time. Dont muck up that kiss” “im not ready George” Fred shook his head “its okay to take it slow” Apollo said pushing him forward “dont hurt my sister” he said as Fred walked “wouldnt dream of it Apollo”
He walked into Igneous’s pen where she was rubbing a potion onto his side to soothe the cut he got from Riddle “there we go boy. That should do it” she smiled up at the bird he put his head on hers “thank you.. for protecting Ginny while i went after the Basilisk” she grinned “fish dinners for a week” his tongue licked her cheek as Fred walked up to the bird “so its you who i have to thank” he petted the birds neck as he looked up into his eyes “we were all losing our minds back in the common room. And when we couldnt find Harry or Artie. We knew something was a foot” he continued to talk to the bird “seeing her faint in the hospital wing was one of the most scariest things ive ever had to witness next to her almost dying last year, and when Ginny said she got bitten by the basilisk i thought she was going to leave me alone. And my world was going to shrink down to just me and George again. Which is a total prat thing to think cause Apollo Harry and Hermione is our friends as well i cant imagine my life without voice in it. It wouldnt be the same it wouldnt be what it is now…” he sighed out as the thunderbird laid down “when she was okay. It felt like a weight was taken off of my chest. My best friend…. Saved my baby sister. She took a basilisk bite for my little sister… i had to kiss her. I dont know what came over me its like my body wasnt my own, and my body acted. I thought i fucked it up with the best friendship i ever had but then when i apologize. she kissed me back. And told me now i cant be sorry cause she kissed me too… then i saw her dance. Im scared for things to change between us.. not yet it feels too soon to change, maybe im being an idiot and a coward and i dont want her think im ignoring what happened between us… cause im not ignoring it or forgetting about it. How could i forget my first kiss… it took my breath away… and i dont want her to think that i dont want too. Cause i do, i did want to kiss her. I just dont want to overwhelm her and make her pull away from me…. Not when i just got someone as amazing loving kind and sweet to be my friend… i dont want to lose that if it was too much too soon” her heart sped up “youre not going to lose me Heart. I was scared too.” Her voice soft “i wanted to do what i did.” She smiled at him “youre amazing Kahalialaulani. Youre my voice” he whispered moving a piece of her hair out of her face “and youre my heart” she said “we keep eachother safe.” He smiled as she finished the sentence
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alphaofthemoonxx · 2 years
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I saw some people post ideas for activities to connect to your theryotype / kintype so i decided to do something like it except its activities that your theryotype / kintype will actually do- summer addition!
Summer alterhuman activities
- for when your on a walk
- not categorised by creatures (just generalized)
- i live in the UK so these are stuff that i like to do but wherever you are these are possible don't worry
1. Monch on some berries
Look for a bush, usually at the sides of forest/hill paths
The branches should have large thorns
Look for the clumps of ither red or black berries, they look kindof like blobs squished together into individual berries
Red= wild raspberry, black= bramble, green= not ripe!! Dont eat!!, Not bumpy but round= dont risk it- no matter their colour humans cant eat these
Tips to find tasty berries ; the darker the colour the better, dont eat the ones with white stuff on them, the easier to pick means sweeter, really squishy means ripe, green/hard parts means ripe but sour
To be more animal (optional); after checking their ripeness, pick them with your mouth and teeth! Just be careful around spikes
2. Scare them rabbits
First of all, you must find the rabbits; look for patches of wet drippings in a field that has bushes and shade around it
Stay there for a while and see if you can spot some rabbits chewing grass, look out for ones that are further away from the bushes and is further away from other rabbits, this guy will be your target
Approach with long but quiet and slow steps, if the target sees you just belt it. Keep your eyes on them and try to chase them away from the bushes for the chase to last longer!!
3. Keep floof cool
It can get quite stuffy in the summer, this is how some floofy animals keep nice and fresh
Make sure your hair is down, brush it upwards a bit at the sides to enhance poof
Run your hands under cold water for a while until your skin is as cold as you'd like, then dry them off
Using any hand movements that feel comfortable, brush your scalp with your cold skin to groom yourself cool
You can also just tuck your hand under your hair at the sides of your head, human fingers can spread out to become cold-packs
4. Catch crickets!
Find a field, and look for tall grass, that has some that looks like this 🌾
Listen closely to hear the loud chattering of the crickets, stay still and try to look at where you hear one most
Go closer to the sound whilst keeping your ears focused on the noise, it will get louder but when the cricket notices you it will fall silent
When this happens, kneel down to take a closer look at the grass. Be quick! Crickets are very jumpy, sort around where the noise was and look for something jumping
Its quite hard to catch crickets but its very fun and jumpy. It takes practice but youll atleast see a cricket before catching one, make sure to be gentle with our grass freinds
5. Build comfy grass bed/nest
Find a field that does NOT have grass like this 🌾, be careful for ticks and find a place with very long and thick grass, maximum 1meter high
Fold over the grass with your hands and then press it down by lying on it, fold up the corners to make edges at the sides
The thicker the grass the more foldable it is, make sure your nest is big enough for you to ligh down and sunbathe.
Any other suggestions of how to be an animal as a human are welcome in comments
What animals would do these
1. Badgers, foxes and blackbirds foraging
2. Wolves or cyotes hunting rabbits
3. Any felines grooming or birds pruning
4. Baby foxes, bunnies, wolf pups or bear cubs jumping around and exploring
5. Song birds and pigeons sunbathing to get rid of parasites, sea side birds making nests
- Ulvkri Xx
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heavyskysystem · 4 months
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cederic going on a loooong fucking tangent
like really fucking long, but hey, getting his feelings so unfiltered I wont say no to
cederic is saying "I could also say woe is me ill always life in her shadow. But ive learned that crying about it doesnt use me anything. Esp when I love you that much and care for you, and dont remotely share his opinions on you. I dont know why he had to see you in such a negative light. youre wonderful. youre full of promise. youre allowed to be a host with weaknesses, youll figure it out. Thats how I know you, youll always figure it out. I honestly dont think im as formed as you are either, and id take a long time to develop enough to take on a full life, but honestly I dont even want to. just being who I am is enough. I get to be around you. I get to speak to others if I want to. I dont know how horrible this felt for joshua, but as I split off from him I like to think.. that I dont know, why I think youre so wonderful when he thought youre so shit. Maybe he pretended to dislike you to keep up his little charade. But now im here and I wont let that asshole hurt you again. And I know im far from perfect. I know im not as horrible as I used to be, I got a little better. But id never stoop as low as him and use our own feelings as a stick to beat you with. I did not inherit his massive emotional pain, but id like to think hes half to blame for still being in it himself. Because my own fears got better when I let you help me, when I let you do your thing. I got better too when I allowed you to be happy again, I am dependent on you, I am like.. a .. pimple on your skin. Not able to have a full life without you. Adam maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. Lilith maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. I feel embarassed at anything ive done to you. Still do. I never want to be as bad as him, and I dont understand using our own pain to torture you. It shouldnt be that way. It was so nice when you cared for me, when you tried to ease the fears and pain I was in. Why wouldnt he choose being cared about by you and instead turn it into something he cant bounce back from, doing things he can never take back, just how I did things I can never take back. But I doubt youll give him a second chance unless youre forced to. He couldve had what I had, he couldve had your care, your love, and I also sabotaged this, I also denied it to myself with having to hurt you whilst you offered it so freely.. You know your friend is right, you really are that caring, that sweet to us? And we dont make it easy. But love will win. we will prosper. It hurts me to see you get so down on yourself. I want you to win. And itll be my win too when you do. I might not be always dependable when youre in pain and sometimes I just see a weakness in it to take advantage of because of how much I got from our abusers, but sometimes I just see someone to take care of too. And I know its confusing for you to never truly know. But you said im on a good way to become more dependable, and as uncomfortable as being seen as the good guy for the first time was, how much it scared me, I like to think its true. Youll make me a better person and ill still choose the way of least resistance and let you do most of the work, but ill do it
I wish I was kinder so I would like myself now. I think in the end youre right, right about people like us. We might enjoy the power, it might make us feel like gods, but fuck do we hate ourselves. Youve always been right. Cause I cant love myself when im so horrible to you.
I feel like crying because youre right, everything I was afraid of, the intimacy, the lying close to you and listening to each others emotions, it really is the best. You always had this impulse to try to force me to do this. Or maybe I only experienced it as force because im such an arrogant shithead, though you can be quite annoying about it, repeat your little requests endlessly no matter how often I tell you no. But you were right, this does feel so good now that im not as afraid of it. This does feel priceless. I know, I know from your perspective it was a cute little request and you didnt force me. But honestly I am not protesting that you forced it, like I said, it did me good.
Youre more often right than you arent and its better to listen to you.
Im not trying to write a book, in my opinion you could just not post it. I am glad I got it out of my system, but you could also post it if you want it in my tag. Go ahead. I wont yell at you over that. Ill smooch you.
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rvxscreams · 5 months
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im genuinely grappling with the decision of whether to live or die
ive told myself the last few years, in order to get through each day, "you can either choose to end your life now, or accept that youll be alive for another long time, so why not try and make that time left more bearable?". this usually works. i think whats scaring me about where my mind is going is that the solution is slowly becoming "well then maybe i'll end my life instead"
maybe because im a coward. a coward who isnt strong enough to confront or challenge myself with the things i need to do in order to get better. ive always tried so damn hard to take accountability, be compassionate, supportive, and strong. but i havent been able to be strong for months now.
im stuck between a rock and a hard place. it always results in me punishing myself no matter what choice i make. i want to reach out to loved ones and ask for support? get fucked, youre selfish and manipulative for forcing others to give that emotional tax to you without you giving anything to them in months. but oh, you want to just quietly disappear and not make a theatrical out of fear of being attention seeking, so you dont ask for help or talk to anyone for weeks on end? youre a stubborn baby who cant accept help so theres no point in helping you because all you ever do is refuse it
i am a bad person. and i wish i stopped deluding myself into thinking im not, because all that does is skirt accountability.
i hate expressing how much pain and agony im in because itll just upset people. but then offing myself would upset them more. but i need to feel community and connection. and i feel like it's too late to come back from my isolation. how can i just come back in pretending like nothing happened? how can i pretend that i dont wanna kill myself every god damn fucking day and that ive spent months of having my biggest achievement be "i didnt hurt myself"
i cant get through a therapy session without sobbing. i cant think about my old life without having a breakdown. i try so. so. so. fucking hard. to amp myself up to reach out to people, but it's so easy to convince ymself that my presence will receive a strong negative response. like. why bother? i have no positive impact on others. i dont know why im still holding on and deluding myself into thinking it's worth doing so.
im stupid. no matter what i think or feel, my brain manages to find the negative in it and turn it into makign it my fault somehow.
ive always thought i am too weak for this world, and that has become apparent again.
i wish i could be strong.
i wish i could go to bed excited for what the next day will bring, instead of hoping that it'll be my last conscious thought.
im sorry.
this isnt a goodbye note. i am safe but i am not okay at all. im sorry for the heaviness of this. i dont want to be an emotioonal burden any more. i dont want to be thsi way. i just watn this pain to end. i just want it to all go away.
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lostunhappydead · 9 months
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To my son. My love. My wonder. How can i feel so much for you and yet nothing for you at the same time. I feel broken because i constantly show you the monster that i am when i am angry or tired or frustrated or lost. I reprimand you at the smallest of things. I know i hurt you bubba. Maybe not physically but mentally. I see myself in you when you're angry. When you hit to feel better. When you throw yourself down and refuse to get up. When you toss things and break things to make yourself bigger, i see myself. And it hurts. It hurts to see the broken man i am in you. Because, i love you. I want to see that smile on your face without fear or sadness behind it. I want to see you shine above the rest and leave me in your shadow. And i want you to love yourself. Because it scares me that you will hate yourself because of me. Because i hate myself. I want you to love. Love others, because i hate everyone. I want you to love me. Because, i hate me. I want to leave to save you from showing you what i am and yet if i do, youll become just like me. Youll ask yourself if you are worthy every day of love. Youll ask yourself if you are enough because i left a hole in your heart that you wont be able to replace. And yet who wants me. Who will fill the hole in my heart. And for the longest time my dream was to be your dad out of selfish reasons. To fill the void and to make everything hurt less, somehow. But it didnt work. My dream now is to see you succeed. Your growth was stunted by me. My problems. My issues. My sadness. And i never want to see you fail because of me. So in a few words if this is something you ever see. Know i love you. I just want to set you free. From me.
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ozomatli-9 · 10 months
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Dying is whatever to me, but something that does break my heart and I dont feel too strongly about it, but If I ever have a depressive spell its what I fixate on. The months leading up to my abuelas death, she knew something was wrong with her lungs and we were all like ya you smoked ur whole life and she was like oh my god Im gonna die and we were like you die nah but then she was pretty much certain she was gonna die as her breathing was becoming more of a struggle and the doctors were like ya you have aggressive lung cancer and no one in my family knew what that meant like we were like oh well youll recover. She was just terrified the entire time and she would tell us shes suffering and scared and we would just be like oh well I hope you get better. Youll be fine then the final weeks she in the hospital bed writhing and unconscious and my family was waiting for her to recover but she was just suffocating and scared trapped in her bed in her final moments. Nobody could wrap there minds around her dying we were waiting for a miracle like it was bound to happen but we just sat on it. I eventually talked to my father and uncle and basically explained that shes gonna die and we need to let her pass and that broke them. They were hurt but knew it was true no one wanted to say that and it was just at the expense of my abuelas peace in her final days.
#tw
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hhtdl · 2 years
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im not exactly new here i just forgot to redownload this app two years ago BUT im here to cause and enjoy chaos
Kai or Artemis whatever helps you remember, pick a nickname if you want, he/they but i am genderfluid so dont assume im a guy i just dont like to hear she/her on me. demi-pan is the way i roll just thought yall should know that
im legal is all you have to really know, and no i cant drive i was never taught and im scared to, but i do drink cheers
im a kpop fan. mostly seventeen, monsta x, enhypen, and exo are the groups im most interested in to which seventeen is my ultimate ive been with them since they debuted and i love all 13 of them to death, doesnt mean i dont listen to others though
i play games like tears of themis(level 80), genshin impact(ar 55), twisted wonderland(rank 61), minecraft(this is where i build twst dorms and all those jazzy things)
i also kinda draw but only when id like to put an imagery from my head onto something realistic, i have a tablet and all and i try to use it but i end up not.... i still use it though its not sitting there i promise
I post my writing on AO3 but its kinda hard when i got the insecurity that everyone will hate it even though many people have read my first published work and enjoyed it even my close friends, but I will post more on there too as well as on here when i remember to. its mostly fictional characters but my friends would like to see me write kpop related fics if that ever happens i dont know
https://twitter.com/rhrsvtdsl?t=lmTzIfgydbpzOLOBgSr8ug&s=09
twitter is where youll see a lot of my kpop side as well as my gaming interest and my will to become a voice actor because i follow so many of them, feel free to tag me and send me stuff but i rarely open the app unless i really have to
I also have a discord so if you would wish to friend me or invite me to servers feel free to ask, same with instagram dont be shy i dont bite I'm just not really social youll find me reading and liking the things you sent without getting a reply but thats normal dont freak out but also feel free to bother the crap out of me if you really wish to i find the notifications distracting from my daily, boring, full of crap life
i do have preferences though, just because i write nsfw doesnt mean i myself do it or am into it so dont come up here with that, i can enjoy fan art but dont try to give me full on conversation unless its for educational purposes AND I MEAN ACTUAL EDUCATION.
feel free to send me music recs but no promises on me actually listening to them its a rare thing that i do because i usually only listen to my on repeat songs but please dont hesitate sometimes i get tired of my own taste
on that note, thank you for your time reading i hope whoever comes across this has a better day than i usually do and that you come visit every once in a while it would be nice to hear a hi if you do but you aint gotta, but i hope you enjoy my future content uh idk what else to say other than see ya
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jxpcloud · 2 years
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sad nerd that complains alot (manuscript)
(main cam-right infront of me) i didnt think i had a future
(far off) that was sad and we arent even five seconds in
(main cam) okay yeah fair
( far off) make a joke
(main cam) *dramatic silence* your mum...im so sorry
i wont lie i am no where near whatever a complete life is and feeling completely satisfied with myself i dont even know who i am and what im living for and yet i am dawned with the fact i need to live and become something. okay so thats bullshit right? im seventeen and any adult will completely dismiss my feelings for i am just a child. and i am, im scared to talk to srangers and get anxiety cross the road. i still hold my dads hand
(far off) thats because you have issues
(main cam) the point is im a child and a "mid life crisis" is something i have been told im no where near. but im also forced to get a job and drive a car and i have to actually think about my future. by the way 17yo should not be on the road most dont know the difference between their, there and theyre and barely look whie crossing the road and youre trusting your life with them? no thanks thats too much for me. so what am i feeing? well just the exerstential dread that my life wont amount to anything and everything i do is completely useless. im not insainly good at anything nor a child prodagy and i need medication in order to function cause this happens when i dont
(imput me chopping off my hair)
(far off) that was dumb
(main cam) im just trying to do something creative while i feel like my world crumples around me and channel something interesting....maybe
a guide to being happy from a sad nerd that complains alot
firstly take your meds
(far off) you are a mess without them
(main cam) like the true incel i am i dont know what true happiness is, i get that seritonin from seeing cute cats online or post nut i dont really feel happy ever *long puse* christ that was dark. anyway wiki how is a great place it comes with pictures *moan*
creating a positive mindset
*while i talk create a comfy bed setting* view your mind like a home, not so much as a mind palace like the hippy dippy inspirational people say but like a cozy atmosphere. youd want it to be comfy and happy filled with cuddly soft teddies and fair lights and its fragil. then a boldozer kinda just kills it and thats every negative self talk "im ugly, im gross, they hate me, im never going to do anything in my life, i am the worst" you spent so much time building your little home for yourself to ruin it. you can re-build. what i was told when i was younger was that those sort of things make you stronger, like when you were too little to be mean or hurt yourself but others did, they were the ones ruining your little home, maybe it did make you stronger, maybe you were able to re-build better than before. but maybe you didnt want to, you didnt care and now that your older you still dont care and your the one hurting yourself. i think it takes alot to truly admit you are the cause of your own sadness. be nice to yourself, you woke up, its enough.
(far off) that was sappy
(main cam) its weirdly important, and once you maybe clean up your cozy mind palace youll clean your physical space *rips blankets to reveal cups and plates* it was a mistake getting a bigger bed i can just hide things now
(far off) you are disgusting
(main cam) no i am healing *please dont do this purposely there is a weird smell*
being your best self
(main cam) what the ever loving fuck does that mean. my best self? the best self my friends want? the facade i put on at family gatherings? or truly accepting myself for who i am
(far off) obviously that one
(main cam) listen, not to get too trauma dumpy, i dont know who i am. this has been the stuggle for a while. what makes me me? how am i a person? how do i have thoughts and feelings as a clump of cells aimlessly floating around and drinking an unhealthy amount of caffeen alright what is that. sometimes it scares me that i am infact a human with thoughts and feelings cause i spend so much time pusinging them away that when my own cat decided to cuddle with me the overwheling amount of feelings is not normal. im the one you chose? you want to be with me? my presence makes you happy? this is safe to assume it doesnt just go for my cat but here we are. anyway, what makes me me, in order to accept it, i need to understand it. to put it simply, im not a girl, big shock, im also gay, bigger shock. men MMMMM but when im a man MMMM the gender euphoria chef kiss man muwah that shit good. what else is there? our society is so obsessed with sex and gender and dont get me wrong im proud to be surrounded by queer activists cause its important but who am i? who are you? who is anyone but npcs just kinda existing in my fabricated world ive cuccooned myself in.....but i have a cool ass sword so am i better than you?yes unless you have two cool ass swords
(far off) you scumbag
(main cam) im not here to tell you who you are or what you like. you may not even know it but deep down you get excited by bubbles, or that game youre weirdly obsessed with or maybe you have an actual hobby that makes you go outside, nether the less its there, obvious or not you are a person on this earth and you will enjoy something even if its my little pony porn i dont know but you like something. and to be your best self just chill and do more of what you like cause honestly if you dont like it its not worth it, life is too short. dont make it shorter, learn from someone who tired...i havent found happiness yet but i deserve to take up space and use it however i want, im living out of spite for the moment, whatever works
live your truth
socail media is a great place, but it influences how you feel, after touturing myself online for years i have finally accepted this. it is self destructive behavour to look at things online and be sad. does this mean im going to quit the internet and live my truth in a little forest and be the goblin boy ive always dreamed of no i like it too much and honestly my sensory issues could not with dirt, i need a weighted blanket to sleep i am quite needy. but living my truth means social media breaks arent jsut things for children. and maybe going to sleep at a normal hour and stop playing so much video games and go outside but one step at a time. i want to truly make myself feel happy and doing the mundane tasks that come with that which i do often neglect. due to poor mental helth, wich circles back to having poor higene and makes me feel crappy and its an endless loop really. but whats important is that you woke up today and really thats what matters
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urmother-official · 2 years
Text
// angst, kinda canon complaint ?
contains erwin, armin, eren, connie, reiner, jean, niccolo and zeke.
this is all personal opinion !!!!
erwin smith is always thinking about his job. even when ur alone its always him you and whatever project he’s proposing. you will never fully have him, because he’s given his life to his career.
armin is usually super sweet and nice to you, but when he gets really pissed he is the biggest asshole you’ve ever met. he’s also borderline very manipulative, but he’s so subtle abt it that you don’t notice until days after.
eren is another one to watch out for when he gets mad. arguments with him quickly become personal and he will use anything against you. he feels awful afterward but the words still stick in your mind. how could he say that about you ?
connie is insecure. he worries that you can do better than him. he doesn’t feel that he has much to offer, and he’s always felt like the second choice. he’s just waiting for the day you get tired of him and it will take a lot of reassurance to get him out of this frame of thinking.
reiner is very insecure. he is constantly worrying that hes not good enough for you and that youll leave him. if you did leave him he’d want the best for you but he wouldnt know what to do with himself. hes very clingy and is happiest when he’s sleeping next to you, kissing you good morning, going out to lunch with you, but as soon as he is alone he feels a kind of emptiness without you. he really relies on you.
jean seems like he’s playing a part. he wants to be the perfect boyfriend so he enters a kind of role. he hides his emotions and doesn’t talk about his feelings because he doesn’t want to worry you or scare you away. when he’s really upset around you or other people he shuts down. he gets quiet and doesn’t look at or talk to anyone. he won’t tell anyone whats wrong, even you. it takes him months to break down these walls and when he does he feels relieved.
niccolo can be really judgemental. and when he gets judgy, he can get really mean. its the way he was raised, but the things he says can really hurt. he can grow out of it but the things he says will always be there.
zeke has many issues. that isn’t shocking. he’s basically everything previously mentioned compiled into one person. but something very frustrating about him is that he holds you to standards he doesn’t hold himself to. it can be incredibly difficult to live up to the standard he expects and can cause a lot of stress for you.
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