#because that moment thats still perserved on google earth is from when that house was the most violent and unsafe place in the world to me

[cuntstable]

i wish i could write meaningful poetry or even do comics properly to express ideas and things in my brain that haunt me a bit but i cant so im just left sitting on my bed staring at a wall and going Huh. Okay.

#today ive been thinking a lot about like. google earth of all things LOL #but specifically how id use it all the time as a kid and ofc id look up our house at time in the street view #but now as an adult more than a decade later when i go to our old street address in google eartb the pictures the same. it hasnt been #updated (understandably since its a remote shitty run down apartment in the outskirts of a remote small town in finland of all places #but still. i cant really describe the feeling of looking at a still of my childhood home taken by an outsider as anything but like. dread #because that moment thats still perserved on google earth is from when that house was the most violent and unsafe place in the world to me #and it just stays like that. frozen in time. something about ghosts caught on cameras maybe idk. #doesnt help that we dont have photos of the place really (no one felt like documenting it at the time lol) so its the only thing i have. #this completely From An Outsiders Pov still. its uncomfortable to look at. especially remembering being a child shortly after our street was #added to the site and looking at it during that time period. Man. #and when i do occasionally as an adult use google earth i always think about it too like everything i look at is Someones past