#because to add some extra layers to this- I experience dysphoria of a non-gender variety!

[songstep4002]

Does anyone else look back and realize that one of your childhood invisible friends had some really weird gender stuff going on that you never thought to examine at the time?

Like I had a whole superhero universe and the main villain, T-who, was... I don't even know. I used he/him to refer to him, but thinking of him as a man feels so weird to me now, and the way I pictured him, his gender was similar to Princess Lily, the main hero, who was Very Definitely A Girl. (His real name, Tom Jack, was like the first two random guy names I could come up with- and the whole thing was a Voldemort ripoff because 'if you say his real name he will send his wolves after you'- not even getting into the fact that my younger brother proceeded to rip off my ripoff by creating an entire supervillain society of alphabet people named A-who, B-who, etc. It was a whole thing.)

But anyways yeah I don't know what was going on with the gender stuff.

#tbh the way I saw gender as a little kid was an absolute mess #like I specifically remember my favorite color being green and my least favorite being pink #and one day my older brother told me that girls like pink #and I just kind of decided that now pink was my favorite color and green was my least favorite? #and I would always sing a little song to myself that went 'I wish I was a boy' #and I remember having a whole list of reasons why being a boy would be better but I can't remember what any of them were #except for 'boys have short hair so it wouldn't get tangled in the trees when I'm climbing #but like nowadays the idea of being a man produces a visceral 'oh hell no' reaction #like I have done the gender questioning and am literally cis #but I still get weird gender moments from like getting my stuff labeled as guy stuff or something #Like maybe you could describe it as being a girl who is a guy #or is that just called being butch #which is even more confusing because now I am VERY attached to my long hair #for dragon reasons rather than gender reasons #because to add some extra layers to this- I experience dysphoria of a non-gender variety! #where was I going with this