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spencers-renaissance · 3 years

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Fic Rec Bingo!!

So instead of Fic Rec Thursday, I thought I'd do something a little different this week and recommend 25 fics based on this bingo card (although it turned into 26, oops). I kept most of these as CM because that's my blog's focus, but due to the nature of the prompts, there are 5 Marvel (Irondad) ones & 1 Sherlock towards the end!

from @lightveils on twitter, but found posted on tumblr by @cywscross <3

1. A fic with a premise that shouldn't work but does

I never would've thought I'd enjoy a fic with Spencer as a little rebellious shit because it seems so ooc, but I loved this one!

las vegas kid by trashcanbarbie - 1.9k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Gambling, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Young Spencer Reid, Teenage Rebellion, Protective Aaron hotchner, Pre-Canon, Father-Son Relationship, Teenage Spencer Reid

JJ raises her eyebrows, “so, you're trying to say counting cards isn't cheating?” “No,” he grins, boyish and charming, “it is.”

2. A fic you've reread several times

Discipline Changes by fullofcrazyness - 1.2k, 1ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Comforting Hotch

Jack stopped and looked at his dad, finally seeing that his dad wasn’t actually angry. Concerned and relieved, but not angry. He was about to say something when he saw someone in the doorway, white as a sheet. “Papa?”

3. A comfort fic

i'm always tired, but never of you by @iamrenstark - 2.2k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Derek, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Derek Morgan Needs a Hug, Men Crying, Gunshot Wounds, Blood and Injury

When Spencer figured it out, he was stepping out of the elevator on the bottom floor of Quantico, and he went to tell Derek he loved him like he did every day, but he froze up, because he was afraid he wouldn't hear it back. (Or, Spencer thinks his boyfriend is falling out of love with him.)

4. A cathartic fic

Every Little Transgression by @58thacademic - 1.6k, 1ch, Gen, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Spencer Reid, Protective David Ross, Protective Derek Morgan, Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Spencer's Backstory, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory

Ok so. Elephants memory was really good because we got Reid backstory. But I'm still annoyed that he didn't defend himself against Hotch. So this was born.

5. A fic you'd print and put on your bookshelf

One Call Away by GhostInTheBAU - 204k, 32ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Dubious Consent, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Domestic Violence, Rape Recovery, Referenced Past Drug Use, PTSD, Hurt Spencer Reid, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Flashbacks, Healing, Nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Eventual Smut

When Reid's boyfriend attacks him, leaving him broken and bleeding, he calls the first person he thinks of for help. He calls the only person he really wants to see. He calls Hotch.

6. A fic you associate with a song

I associate this fic with The First Thing You See by Bruno Major. I think if you listen to the song, you'll easily see why <3

You Make Waking Up Worth It by @guccifloralsuits - 2.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Fluff, Minor Angst, Established Relationship, Morning Routines, Hurt/Comfort, Good Things Happen Bingo

“Morning sweetheart,” Derek says, pausing briefly to ruffle his hand gently through Spencer’s hair. The genius nuzzles into the touch but doesn’t reply. It’s too early for conversation, Morgan knows. Pretty boy may get up earlier than he does, but it takes the younger a lot longer to really wake up.

7. A fic that inspires you

This fic could have been in so many categories because I adore it, but I wouldn't have started writing Rain is a Chance to be Touched without this fic so it definitely belongs here.

Forgive Me For All I Could Not Become by @degrassi-fanatic - 105k, 20ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Angst, Case Fic, Confessions, Complicated Relationships, Near Death Experiences, Friends With Benefits, Smut, Miscommunication

In which Reid has always been good at hiding things. He hid his father's departure and his mother's illness from social services. He hid his addiction from his team. He hid his sexuality from the world. He hid his inappropriate feelings from his boss. That is until he's bleeding out in Hotch's arms, in an abandoned church, in Oklahoma. From there on out, Hotch and Reid learn to make a complete mess out of each other.

8. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

Even though it's unrequited, this was the first fic that really had me going !!! at Penemily <3

Another Wide-Eyed Girl by mallfacee - 2k, 1ch, Gen/Derek Morgan & Penelope Garcia, Penelope Garcia/Emily Prentiss (Unrequited), Coming Out, Internalised Homophobia, Derek Morgan is a Good Friend, Friendship, Gunshot Wounds, Episode: s03e08 Lucky

Derek Morgan is handsome and calls her “baby girl” and smiles at her like she’s the only girl in the room. Penelope Garcia knows she should be swooning and all she can think is that there must be something wrong with her not to react to a man like that giving her all this attention. Two years later she meets Emily Prentiss and understands.

9. A fic you wish could be a movie

Listen, I adore the soulmate trope, and an angsty moreid soulmate movie? Fucking sign me up right now

i need you now but i don't know you yet by @iamrenstark - 3.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt Derek Morgan, Mutual Pining, Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, Buford Mention, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Season 5

It goes like this; Spencer hasn't spoken to his soulmate since he was ten, didn't know their gender or their name or a single thing about them. Spencer's soulmate doesn't want him, and that's okay.

10. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

I'm doing two because fuck you that's why

This was one of the first fics I read of Adam's and I immediately fell in love with his writing! And I'm pretty sure that we ended up becoming friends after I rec'd it!!

Plum Sauce by @goldencatchflies - 1.5k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Jealousy, Platonic Morcia, Episode: s07e13 Snake Eyes

Garcia tells Spencer about what she thinks happened between her and Derek. He doesn’t seem too happy about it...

I read this from Syd and absolutely loved it, and like with Adam, we became friends from there! (I mean technically husband and wife, but, y'know. Semantics.)

You Belong With Me by @spencerspecifics - 11.4k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Song Fic, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, Fluff

A fluffy Moreid fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

11. A fic you associate with a place

This reminds me of a chilled Sunday afternoon on my old sofa in my living room, with the fire on in the background. I read it all in one sitting and loved every word <3

Metanoia by @makaylajadewrites - 39k, 16ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Canon Typical Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Established Relationship, Near Death Experiences, Frostbite, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Spencer Reid, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Eventual Happy Ending

Oh, Derek… He couldn’t stand the thought of him bursting in with SWAT in tow, gun at the ready, only to descend those creaky stairs and find his naked, bleeding body, vacated of life, crumbled on a red-stained mattress. The realization that he was going to die at the end of this was catching up to him, but maybe it would be better that way.

In which an unfortunate resemblance to an unsub's victims puts Reid right on his radar.

12. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Gasp out loud might be a *bit* of an overreaction, but this one took me on a rollercoaster and I loved every second of it (all of bau-gremlin's fics will do that to you tbh)

The End by @bau-gremlin - 3.1k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Graphic Violence, Stabbing, Blood and Injury, Temporary Character Death, Hurt Spencer Reid, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Sleepy Cuddles, Protective Spencer Reid

The famous interview with Chester Hardwick ... except Hotch and Reid get separated and Reid is left alone with Hardwick and a prison-made shiv.

13. A fic you found at the right time

You're Going to be Okay by fullofcrazyness - 2.6k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Dark, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Sad Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Depression, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

Spencer was no stranger to depression. His father leaving him, his mother’s episodes, being twelve years old in a Las Vegas high school. All of those things made him very familiar with the illness. “I… I think I need some help.”

14. A fic that you would read a fic of

Chain Reaction by EloquentDossier - 42k, 16ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Alternate Universe, Texting, Dialogue-Only, Text Fic, Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Past Drug Use, Canon Divergence, Pining, Oblivious Aaron Hotchner, Happy Ending

A dialogue-only AU in which Hotch texts what he thinks is Rossi's new number but is actually the slightly eccentric stranger whom Hotch knows only as "Spencer." What follows is something neither man could have ever quite expected.

15. A fic that made you laugh out loud

The Bet by @degrassi-fanatic - 1.6k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Bets & Wagers, Humour, Fluff, Canon Divergence

“Fifty bucks says Hotch writes you up and sends you to sexual harassment sensitivity training.” she declares as she stares him down. Without looking away from her, Reid takes out his own wallet and flips it open to pull out a fifty dollar before placing it down right next to Prentiss’s own money. “Fifty bucks says Hotch will go out with me.”

16. A fic that gave you butterflies

The healing and dynamics in this one is just.... off the charts :')

Who Spencer Reid Loves by @blueberriesandbubbles - 36k, 11ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Abuse, Hurt Spencer Reid, Mutual Pining, Rape Recovery, Healing, Fluff

Derek Morgan has been in love with the resident genius as long as he's known him. When Spencer enters a relationship with a mystery man, Derek is unhappy. He is even more unhappy when he meets this man. Spencer starts acting different and Derek knows something is wrong and he has a feeling its connected to the man Reid is dating.

17. A fic that embodies something you value in life

The utter and total love and devotion in this fic just punches me right in the gut every time I reread it

A Little Fall of Rain by jack_hunter - 4.3k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Spencer Reid Whump, Autistic Spencer Reid, Major Character Injury, Secret Relationship, Team as Family, Dad Rossi

Morgan crept up behind the doctor and snatched the headphones off of his head, earning a yelp of a protest as he slipped them over his own ears. “Les Mis?” Morgan asked with a quizzical look, “didn’t peg you as the musical type, Pretty Boy.” Spencer snatched the headphones back. “I’ve always loved the theatre and I went to see Les Misérables with-... a friend last Friday.”

18. A favourite AU

The Curious Case of Dr. Reid by severaance - 37k, 10ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Transgender Character, Fluff, Trans Spencer Reid, Light Angst, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Smut, Insecurity, Happy Ending (Warning for Homophobic & Transphobic Slurs)

"And your names for the order, please?" The barista asked, eyes flickering expectantly between the two before her. "Spencer," she answered, although she was not talking to the barista. "I'm Spencer." The man before her had the same idea. "Derek."

19. A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading

I stayed up one night and read pretty much all the marvel fics this author has written, but this was the last one that I simply could not resist. The next day wasn't pretty :/

The more you say, the less I know by forthenightisdarkandfullofterror - 13.9k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Amnesia, Protective Pepper Potts, Not Endgame Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Blood and Violence, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump

Tony wakes up from snapping with amnesia and for the life of him can't remember the kid hanging around, claiming to be 'just an intern'. Feelings get hurt.

20. A fic that made you feel seen

heavy in my bones by hopeless_hope - 4.4k, 1ch, Gen/Irondad, Chronic Pain, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump, Father-Son Relationship, Dad Tony, Worried Tony Stark, Angst, Chronic Illness, 5+1 Things

Five times Peter lied to someone about his chronic pain, and one time he told the truth and got the help he needed.

21. A fic you love without knowing the source material

(I mean this is literally all marvel fics but I'll rec this one because I loved it so much)

the locker room by searchingforstars - 15.5k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Arguing, Miscommunication, Crying, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rape Recovery

Peter's falling apart and he doesn't know how things will ever go back to normal again after Ryder.

22. A fic you've gushed about IRL

Genuinely, this fic is better than most published fiction I've read...

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle - 220k, 37ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Alternate Universe, Hurt Peter Parker, Foster Care, Identity Reveal, Slow Build, Disordered Eating, Homelessness

Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.

So he leaves. Simple.

Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on. And that’s when things get complicated.

23. A fic you still remember many years later

The Transport Series by ancientreader - 135k, 2 works, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Backstory, Canon Drug Use, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Physical Disability, AU, Important Character Death, First Time, Developing Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Humour, Fluff

How to become a consulting detective. // Jim's lessons are hard to unlearn.

24. A fic with a line or two that you've memorised by heart

"He has held up buildings and nuclear bombs and whole entire countries on his back. Peter’s body is the heaviest thing he’s ever held."

when my body won't hold me anymore (where will I go) by @madasthesea - 4.4k, 2ch, Gen/Irondad, Temporary Character Death, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, Hurt Peter Parker, Crying, Forehead Kisses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, Hugs, Platonic Cuddling

But he knows. He knows. He can feel it. Peter’s dead. Peter Parker watches as Tony carefully arranges his limbs on a cot. “Mr. Stark,” he tries for the dozenth time. No one hears him.

25. Free Space

And to round it off, we have to celebrate the fic that really and truly welcomed me into the CM fanfic world...

Chanel by @4x24 - 24k, 7ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Getting Together, Spencer Wears Makeup, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Typical VIolence, Humour, Fluffy Ending, Pining, Smut Heavy

Penelope mentions offhandedly one night that she thinks Spencer might look good in makeup. Spencer takes the suggestion to heart. Derek likes the new look - and Spencer - more than he probably should. (Season 4)

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tessagracerichards · 3 years

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I saw [TESSA RICHARDS] at a coffee shop in [MANHATTAN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [ZOEY DEUTCH]. They are a [TWENTY-SIX] year old [CHILD LIFE SPECIALIST] who’s been in NYC for [THREE YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [TENDERHEARTED AND NURTURING] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [BLUNT AND GUARDED]. [SHE IS LOVE BY PARACHUTE] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. — [saxon, she/her, 26, cst]

Out Of Character

Hello hello bbies! I am Saxon and this is the absolute labor of my love Tessa, please love her even though she doesn’t deserve it! I am very open to connections, ideas and plotting so please, please, please do not hesitate to hit me up if you want to conjure something up with my disaster child!

Also please forgive the mess that is this intro and her Pinterest, she’s been around for years so things have built up and gotten chaotic over time. I really told myself I would shorten her intro but I didn’t manage much, please look away.

Basic Information

Full Name: Tessa Grace Richards.

Nickname(s): Tess, Tessie.

Date of Birth: November 10th, 1994.

Gender: Cisfemale.

Pronouns: She/Her.

Orientation: Heterosexual.

Language(s) Spoken: English, Sign, Spanish.

Background

So Tessa was born to an unwed couple who were in their mid 30′s at the time, her mom thought the two of them were hopelessly in love until Tessa was four and dude just dipped? Her mom came home one day and all his stuff was gone, no note or anything, he emptied their account and they haven’t ever heard from him since.

Her mom is an absolute saint of a woman however (think Lorelai from Gilmore Girls meets Donna Sheridan from Mamma Mia), just an absolute quirky angel of a woman who definitely took in and helped abandoned animals but was also the place all the kids in town knew they could go if they had shitty parents/living situations or just a bad day and they needed a safe place to go? So obviously she stepped up and took down all dudes pictures and just raised Tessa like the single boss she is.

Tessa grew up into like an angel of a kid but oh buddy was she a chaotic one. Total tomboy, full of insane energy and personality, always on the move and exploring and doing things she shouldn’t be. Definitely the type to show up back at home as the suns going down just covered in dirt and bumps and bruises. 100% knocked her own baby teeth out from falling and slamming her face and had two front silver teeth as a little kid.

She was never very girly and because she grew up in this southern town that was just full of very critical asshole kids from more well-off families than her own was, particularly the girls who were very prissy, she definitely ended up clicking more with boys and quickly became ‘one of the guys’. Like undoubtedly had an all male friend group and was definitely the girl that girlfriends would be paranoid about while all the dudes were like confused as to how their girls were jealous because Tessa was just like another guy/little sibling, there was no interest on either end.

Has slight anger management issues? Like she’s chill but when she blows up man does she blow up. Pushed a girl down a flight of stairs at school after she made a remark about a friend, the family pressed charges and Tessa had to go to anger management classes and serve community service hours. She also got kicked out of school and just decided not to go back, went online and just got her GED at seventeen instead.

She realized her hometown didn’t have much to offer her and it wasn’t where she belonged, nor was she ready for college, so she took what money she had saved and instead purchased a sprinter van and began road tripping around the U.S.

At some point along the way, dumbass met a boy that wormed his way into her heart and it was a kind of a slightly unstable relationship because she would try and push away from him and her feelings but he always drew her back? Already has a shitty relationship with love after her father and two not ideal high school romances. Dude tried though and even proposed after like months of them being together and she panicked and ran but still he drew her back and they agreed that they should chill with the idea of engagement/marriage? There was always another girl in the picture though and even though he assured her that his feelings were with her, his actions often seemed to show otherwise.

After yet another break, the two ended up sleeping together but she definitely realized that he wasn’t in love with her at all/anymore so she saved herself the conversation and just dipped before he woke up and ran, spent a solid week just out partying/drinking and ended up sleeping with some stranger and then ended up pregnant with no clue as to which guy was the baby’s father. Whether fortunately or unfortunately, it was the one night stand’s who decided he had no interest in being around.

Obviously she knew she needed to change her course and focus on becoming a mother and setting up a future for herself and her child, but not being financially independent enough, she reached out to a lifelong friend who allowed her to move in and began to figure out school.

She’s always been a big fan of kids (worked for a daycare after school, got involved with a charity that worked with orphans/orphanages while traveling) and so she decided that she wanted to be a child life specialist and is still in school but also working an internship with Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital.

Ended up having a little girl named Addison (Addi), this child is her whole world and she’s definitely the mom that posts about their kid too much on social media but she’s just turned Tessa’s life around and helped her mature in ways she wouldn’t have without her and she just loves her kid more than anything/anyone else.

Personality

A dork? Literally the biggest dork, the dorkiest of dorks, just a whole friggen dork. This child rambles like you wouldn’t believe and her mouth 100% works faster than her brain so like you never know what to expect but she’s just a happy, friendly, sarcastic little bean with social anxiety and a heart of gold tbh.

Also an aggressive lil’ lady though, like 12/10 chance she’ll throw hands if you want to fuck with or say something about the people she loves.

A chaotic soul as well like down to party and have a good time and will definitely drink a dude under the table, definitely broke her ribs two summers in a row from a drinking game because this child doesn’t know when to slow down or chill out, she’s just trying to live.

But also the mom friend? Like even before becoming a mom, she’s used to taking care of people and making sure everyone’s good like? 100% convinced her friends to do dumb shit as a teenager and then turned around and tended to their wounds. Also if you’re in her house and it’s meal time, you’re eating. It’s not an option, like sit and eat dinner and tell me about your day.

Emotional as hell, like definitely cries during commercials and Disney movies, but like if you’re trying to tap into her serious emotions she’s gonna shut that shit down. She keeps people locked out tbh and just jokes about the serious shit in her life if she does talk about it.

Desired Connections

Friends; could have lived in/visited Texas and met when she was younger, met while she was traveling, met through her charity work or just after her/them having moved to New York recently.

Exes; so her most recent ex is off limits because it’s based off a real connection but like either of her exes from high school? The first one (cheated on her) would have had to have lived in Texas for some time but the latter (only with her on a bet to see how long it would take to get in her pants, she broke dude’s nose when she found out) could have been visiting friends/family for a summer? If anyone has a character that works for these I’m down for the drama.

Hookups; Tessa is very weird about hookups/one night stands so this is a little limited but my girl definitely needs a few.

Half siblings; so Tessa’s dad basically bailed when she was little - maybe he had another family? He could have had a kid before her who he also bailed on, could have started a family during the same time or after, he could have stayed there for them or bailed on them as well? They could know about Tessa, or neither could know about the other? Tessa pry wouldn’t know about them because she made it a point to never bother searching for this man let alone any family but literally I’m down for whatever other ideas you’ve got on this one!

Patients; if anyone has any younger siblings or kids of their own that perhaps Tessa helped or is currently helping take care of through her internship? She does everything from work in the hospital to house calls and works with both the medical and therapeutic aspects of things.

#villageintro

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werevulvi · 3 years

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Hi, could you tell me more about your autism and diagnosis and how you deal with it, how old you were diagnosed

I don't know a lot about my autism, tbh, as I never bothered to read up on it and I was never properly informed on it. But what I do know is that I learned slowly as a kid, learned to walk at age 3, was very clumsy (like medically abnormally clumsy physically, could barely run at all and couldn't climb, etc) required special treatment to learn how to eat as a toddler because I hated the sensory experience of solid food and chewing, I was incapable of understanding sarcasm, interpreted everything literally, I was stimming a lot, had monotone body language and speech, etc. I was very obviously "different" according to my parents already from around age 1 or 2, and required literally constant attention for the first 4 years of my life. Started daycare at age 4, in small groups.

Then as I started school at age 6, apparently the school nurse had told my parents that I'm probably autistic, so I consider that my "inofficial diagnosis" but they decided to ignore that and didn't tell me (until 10 years later.) I was bullied in school for being "the weird kid" by both classmates and teachers who thought I was a retard and annoying, basically, I guess. I was called a freak and weirdo a lot. But like I was proudly a weirdo, and resented normativity.

As I got up into ages 10-12 my depression and DID symptoms (alter) kinda took over and became more prominent than my autism symptoms, as I wasn't as physically clumsy anymore and started learning social cues. My mental health continued to decline over the next few years, until I sought out therapy on my own at age 16. It led me to doing my first few suicide attempts, which led me to ending up at a closed psychiatric ward.

While staying there for a few weeks, I got evaluated for autism (without knowing that's what I was tested for) as well as a few physical things, such as my hearing impairment and chronic headache. And those tests led to an official Asperger Syndrome diagnosis, when I was 16, by the very end of year 2005. I also got diagnosed with borderline psychosis and mild depression, and got pumped full of anti-depressants and anti-psychotic (neuroleptic) drugs. Then my mom finally told me that she basically always knew about my autism, and I was really pissed at her for not having told me before. I resented my autism diagnosis right from the start, and the older I got, the more I resented it. Never identified with it, only ever saw it as a huge burden.

Then throughout the rest of my teens, I went to a school for neurodivergent people (basically upper high school) but still flunked it. I was a complete and utter mess, and got little to no actual therapy. They just kept shoving me around from one psychiatric department to another, due to my comorbid issues, no one could help me, it seemed. Every once in a while I'd make another half assed suicide attempt to make them take me seriously, which only worked for a few months at a time. In total, I've made 19 suicide attemps over 12 years. Oh lord, psychiatry was so bad!

Adulthood came along and I got benefitted with sickness compensation, and got my first apartment at age 20. It didn't go great. I accidentally flooded it and had to move out, and didn't manage to keep it clean or anything while I lived there. I was barely functional and alcoholic, constantly self-harming, just to try to manage attending school. Despite getting help from caretakers offered by the state (?) weekly, I was really dysfunctional. I switched apartments several times, and kept flunking school while trying to live my miserable life, always hanging by a thread. Until I moved back to my parents at age 23. They had moved to a miserable island far away from all my friends. Got an apartment on that island close to my parents, but my issues continued being the same level of awful, up until about age 27.

What this has to do with my autism is that... uh, I basically understand it as that it impedes on my executive function really dramatically, and like although I can physically do pretty much anything, mentally I just somehow can't. Especially repeatedly, and often enough. Like I can't keep any routine for the life of me, not even simple shit like sleep cycle, eating habits, brushing my teeth, etc. Let alone school or a job, or even hobbies. Everything is infrequent and too seldom, if at all. So everything in my life keeps falling apart as I basically have no foundation to stand on, and I get sensory overload suuuuper easily. So like just going shopping/cleaning/laundry/hobbies/school/anything for half an hour can drain me significantly and make me incapable of managing doing anything else for the rest of that entire day. It's very hard for me to explain, but it's like I only ever have 3 spoons per day, but most things requitre 10+ spoons, so I go backwards on my energy resources a lot and end up having to rest for DAYS after just one hour's activity.

At age 27 I ditched the social service caretakers, as they were seriously depriving me of my privacy while being largely unhelpful, and I began to finally try to pull myself together. I still get a lot of help from my mom, with anything from paying my bills and grocery shopping, to driving me places and dealing with soul-sucking authorities for me. This takes off a lot of the burden and allows me to manage doing at least a few things on my own, like working out, cleaning (yay I manage keeping my apartment clean nowadays!), laundry, occasional shopping, art projects, online socialising, etc. I still go to therapy biweekly but it's still largely unhelpful. At least I managed to make them stop tossing me around between departments like a football though, and I'm still gonna try to get some proper trauma therapy, and maybe also look into that adhd group I was promised last year, if it'll ever resume again post-corona...

I've still never had a job in my life and still have incomplete grades. But I got permanent sickness compensation now, so that's neat. At least I don't have to worry financially. I'm also trying to get started with some "work training" stuff which is basically "pretend work" for people who can't work, just to have something to do. I'll most likely be granted acces to that. However, it seems irony is that most of those are located out in the middle of nowhere where no buses go, and I can't afford a fucking car or driver's licence because I can't work. Mom probably won't drive me several times a week for that. Fucking fantastic. Makes me almost wanna kill someone... argh! Those little things really piss me off.

Life is absolutely not going the way I want and I blame my autism for it, mostly. I am drowning in frustration, and my anger issues making me scream my lungs out in pure despair, shows that. I'm considered offically disabled due to my autism, and it just fucking sucks ass. How lonely, under-stimulated yet easily over-stimulated, bored, meaningless and unfulfilled my life is. There are far more severely autistic people out there who somehow manage to live far more functional lives, and I'm jealous of that. I dunno how to break free from this misery. It feels like the only thing I've ever managed to accomplish in life is transitioning genders, and making art that I don't wanna sell. I wanna have a "normal" job, a car and driver's licence, I wanna have cats and a social life, I want parties at night clubs again, I want hobbies outside of my home; hookups, friends and lovers; I want to be able to have a functional romantic life with someone I can marry and start a family with.

But is any of that ever gonna happen? I hope so, but it feels bleak. Because my autism feels like such a huge burden on my life, and a huge hindrence to my dreams and goals... like I'm over 30 already and still a disabled and having my mom living half my life for me, miserable mess and not given any useful therapy, I'm left to my own vices to figure out how to adult... Because of all that, I hate my autism and I wish there was a cure, I swear to fuck. So for your question, how I deal with it: not fantastically. Not sure if you wanted a relay of my entire life, but I hope that’s okay! Didn’t know how else to answer your questions.

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mangomingi · 4 years

Note

Hi I can I requestion stray kids reaction gender neutral!y/n pulling the ‘I WORE A SCANDALOUS OUTFIT TO SEE HOW MY BOYFRIEND WOULD REACT’ prank?

a/n: thank you for the request!! i’m not quite confident in this because i feel like this is really out of character :// but i hope you like this

woojin;

you’re on a date with woojin :)

at first he would be really shy

trying to avoid all the revealed skin

”y/n, i hate to ask this but why are you dressed like that?”

once you explained the reason he would be relieved

he just doesn’t want anyone else to look at you like that

chan;

you’re chilling in the studio while chan is doing his thing, making music and all that stuff

he’s freaking out inside but outside he’s calm

”y/n, has your style changed? if so, i like it”

?????????? excuse me

you explained that it’s a prank and he would laugh awkwardly + apologize

after a while he would give in and constantly hit you with cheesy pick-up lines he found from the internet

lee know;

you’re vibin at the dorms with minho + a few other members

when he first saw you come in dressed like that, he almost lost it

i mean yeah he was shy but he managed

he pulled you to the side,,

”can i ask you why you’re wearing that?”

you: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he’d ask you to change but when you explained that it’s just a prank he would get embarrassed and just hand over one of his hoodies just to cover up

changbin;

you’re at the gym!!!!!!!!! and there are other people around too

you came out from the dressing room and changbin just stared at you

”y/n, please change your clothes. i can’t concentrate on training when you’re out here looking like that”

you, being the sassy little thing thah you are, ”what if i don’t”

no way in hell he would accept no as an answer so he just makes you change

”but i don’t have any spare clothes :( guess we gotta skip gym today and just binge watch netflix, binnie :) oh yeah and this was a prank-”

”so you’re making me skip gym today because you decided to pull a prank? damn you y/n”

hyunjin;

you were supposed to go shopping that day

once you entered the mall and approached hyunjin (who had been waiting for you for a long time) he would SCREAM internally

he wanted to say something to you but seeing you shopping happily made him forget his jealousy

once you two got home he would get all pouty

”tell me why you were wearing that in a public place”

”oh, this? yeah i wore it to see how you’d react”

you could see the jealousy in his eyes tbh, ”please never do that again, people will stare at you the way i do and i don’t think that’s a good thing”

seungmin;

you’re going to the movies with seungmin and the second you take your coat off, he gets really flustered

”put it back on please” he’d whisper but loudly enough for an old lady to hear him

”they can wear whatever they want, young man!!”

you’d just giggle to yourself while seungmin keeps apologizing to the woman and you

”i’m sorry if this made you uncomfortable, but it was for a prank”

so you put the coat back on and watch the movie happily :)

jisung;

you’re chilling at the dorms, playing video games with him with a blanket on

you toss the blanket off to reveal your outfit (that jisung wasn’t aware of yet)

”y/n please don’t distract me”

you stand up and threaten to go outside to the streets to show off that look

”nevermind, just put the blanket back on”

”it’s a prank jisung”

”put the blanket on- wait what?”

you both just laugh and yeah idk really

felix;

you’re at the dog cafe felix visits often :)

you take your coat off -> felix is just staring at you with eyes the sizes of saucers

”you absolutely can not wear that here, my dear y/n”

”it’s my body, i get to choose what i wear” sassy y/n!! yes!!

”i could call the cops and you’d get in trouble for public nudity-”

”it’s not that revealing plus it’s a prank, felix sweetie”

he becomes an embarrassed mess

jeongin;

you two made plans on staying in and watching netflix together

but once you step out of your bedroom with that on, jeongin would avoid looking at you for a while

”so um, y/n, about your outfit...”

”yeah?”

”i hope you won’t wear that in public”

hgjfjjf ok baby

”i won’t, trust me. it’s only for a prank i’m doing-”

”oH”

you two just laugh and keep on doing whatever it is that you were doing :))

#stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #stray kids crack #stray kids fluff #kim woojin #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin #han jisung #lee felix #yang jeongin #kpop reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #stray kids scenarios #🥭

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x1protector · 5 years

Text

Chef!AU Seungyoun

Author’s note: Happy 100 followers (we’re actually at 117 omg)! This is insane we have 2 prologues guys ;;; here’s a little something I made enjoy while you wait for the first Royal AU storyline. We’re working on it but it is taking a while because we want it to be good anyway enjoy!! -Admin V 🌻

p a i r i n g: seungyoun au (extend for x gender neutral reader)

g e n r e: fluff; chef au; bullet au

w a r n i n g s: mentions of knife

w o r d c o u n t: 1k

Chef!AU Seungyoun

Read Chef!AU Wooseok here.

got personally scouted as head chef of a famous restaurant because he's That Good

handpicks everyone in his entire team and trusts them with his life

can do anything: pastry, saucer, chef de partie, meat, fish, etc--jack of all trades, master of all

pastry chef Seungwoo once saw him juggle three saucers in one hand while boning a fish with the other

an actual mess

tries to keep it together in front of his subordinates tho

graduated top of his class, but no one talks about it since he gets so embarrassed

a clumsy mess if he’s not focused tho and probably put sauce in pastries before

sous chef Hangyul swore on his life that he's never giving seungyoun a white attire because he keeps spilling things on himself

so he wears the black attire, which is symbolic as head chef in this restaurant but also;;;; to hide the embarrassment that is seungyoun's clumsiness

can handle a knife like no other

but cut his hands too often and is now required (by his staff) to wear thick gloves whenever he wields a particular sharp knife

touches hot food so often, the calluses on his fingers formed thickly and can take the heat so now he doesn't even need to use gloves

Seungyoun, holding a sizzling plate of fish: Hangyul look how cool I am!

Hangyul: the skin cells on your fingers hate you

Seungyoun: that’s assuming they’re alive

“seriously how did this kid get through culinary school in one piece?” --everyone

walks around without the chef hat and only puts it on when there's inspection

when he doesn’t have it on tho, his hair is either all clipped back with huge hair clamps or in a net for cleanliness reason

everyone thinks he looks absolutely adorable either way

goes around the kitchen checking on people and giving encouraging praises

“oooooh Yohannnn i see you garnishing with the right twist of the wrist”

“Seungwoo-hyung love what you’ve done with the brulee, it’s exquisite *chef kiss*”

never yells at anyone

except when Dohyon accidentally burned himself spilling sauce Seungyoun yelled at him and banned him from the kitchen for a week to recover

was actually more sad than Dohyon

Seungyoun: ...do you think Dohyon hate me now D;;

Yohan: NO OF COURSE NOT HE KNOWS you mean well;;;;;

Hangyul: yes lmao

Yohan: did you just say lmao out loud

Seungyoun: yes lmao

Dohyon came back fully healed and Seungyoun cried b/c he missed Dohyon so much

PROTECC

looks very soft and smiley but will fight anyone that picks on his team

one time a high-profile guest dined at the restaurant and hated one of the dishes, so they told the owner to fire whoever made it

but no one got fired because Seungyoun threatened to leave if they so much as touch anyone on his team

a very responsible head chef, takes the blame for things he didn’t do and cover up for the kids

Minhee: im sorry hyung... we lost an expensive shipment because of me, I deserved to be fired..

Seungyoun: but if you leave, we would suffer a bigger loss

Minhee: but you got scolded because of me..

Seungyoun: then I guess you can buy me dinner hehe

a precious bub

always going out of his way to make others happy

one time his team was so tired due to a particularly long, grueling day of work, so he like.. jumps and claps his feet in the air and wouldn’t stop till they started laughing

honestly if not for the obvious black attire, no one would think he was head chef of this prestigious restaurant

(keep reading for x reader)

you know head chef Seungyoun because you were the one who scouted him

as well as the one who fought management team in order for him to handpick his own staff

you’re basically an extended part of the kitchen, and you visit the team often to make sure they have everything they need

everyone adores you and saves you all the good snacks from the kitchen

Seungyoun is especially sweet on you and everyone knows but you

Minhee: did boss make you chocolate soufflé again?

You: yeah! It’s delicious as usual, do you want some?

Minhee: thanks, but I already had some! Did you know it’s very tricky to make? We only get to eat this from the boss when you’re around so thank you!

You: what do you mean

Minhee: heheheh I have to get back to work enjoy your soufflé

Everyone dotes on you tho b/c you’re the reason they’re all here together

You always just brush it off you’re honestly just doing your job

Seungyoun is especially grateful, and he tells you that a lot

Sure, he’s good, but he wasn’t a conventional chef and his unique cooking techniques weren’t widely accepted among the pro circle

If it wasn’t for you, he would still be looking for a job out of culinary school

But that’s not all he feels

He likes seeing you enjoy his food, hearing your voice ringing with laughters, and feeling like the butterflies from his stomach migrating to his head, making nests and driving him crazy the more he sees you smile

Seungyoun knows what this feeling is, and he thought he hid it well, not wanting to ruin your current relationship

But let’s be honest Seungyoun is so obvious his entire staff knew since day 1

The boy literally had to clutch his hands behind his back to stop himself from shaking when he’s near you

Smiles a little too much (even for Seungyoun) when you’re around

Stares at you a little too long when you’re sitting at the kitchen counter enjoying the soufflé because that’s the first recipe he made for you when you first met

heart eyes @ you 24/7 literally how do you not see this--

Hangyul: is he gonna make a move today or do we have to wait till next year?

Yohan: let him live omg he’s shy

Finally made you chocolate on valentine with a little note that read “will you be the chocolate to my soufflé?”

Corny

the entire kitchen staff: just go out with him already he keeps whining to us

so you do and gave him a little kiss after accepting the confession

y'all are cute

couple of the year tbh

Read Chef!AU Wooseok here.

--Admin V🌻

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asher-west · 4 years

Text

◦ ✧ 🌊 — intro !

⌠ CHASE STOKES, 23, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ASHER WEST! according to their records, they’re a FOURTH year, specializing in THREAT ELIMINATION + DRIVER’S ED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( windswept hair, the smell of the ocean, bruised knuckles, a lopsided grin, ripped denim ). when it’s the ( pisces )’s birthday on 03/18/1997, they always request APPLE PIE from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ lily, 19, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro

|| CONNECTIONS PAGE || PINTEREST || ABOUT || STATS || BIO ||

hey, it’s lily back again with another mess of a human being -- everyone say hi to my floridian himbo child asher! i love him a lot and i’m super excited for him to start interacting with everyone -- i binged outer banks the other day, saw chase stokes, and was like -- yep, that one please. ( i’m really not sure why i cursed myself with chase stokes bc at the moment he only has two gif packs, but wahey, i love his golden retriever face -- just be prepared for the same few gifs over and over lmao )

[ c h a r a c t e r ; ]

&. basics

full name: Asher Theodore West

nicknames: Ash, Theo

age: 23

orientation: heterosexual

relationship status: single

date of birth: March 18th, 1997

hometown: Edgewater, Florida

gender: cismale

language(s) spoken: English, Spanish

accent: central American

&. personality

five positive traits: loyal, gallant, reliable, self-sufficient, practical

five negative traits: overprotective, stubborn, undisciplined, impatient, quick-tempered

goals/desires: make a name for himself, support his family, have fun

fears: his dad, disappointing his friends/family, snakes

hobbies: surfing, driving, making people laugh

[ s t o r y ; ] ( tw: abuse)

background:

asher was the result of a teen pregnancy (his mother was 17 and his father was 18), and grew up with practically nothing in a tiny house by the beach in edgewater, florida

nearly a month after he turned five, his mother gave birth to his little sister, willow -- she was his birthday present, his mom joked, as asher received nothing else that year

unfortunately, the birth of his little sister was the last straw for his dad, a 22 year old who felt trapped by his laborious job at the docks and growing family he never asked for

his dad became violent towards asher and his mom, lashing out for any small inconvenience or mistake, though rarely physically

then one morning, asher and his mother woke up to find that his dad had disappeared with all their savings

asher’s mom was devastated and took on a job at the local diner, and his aunt cora came to help take care of him and his sister ( although ‘take care’ meant her coming over and passing out drunk on their tiny couch )

asher stepped up and started to practically raise his little sister, taking the burden of the child away from his already overworked mom

at thirteen, he started to take on odd jobs at the docks to help make money

at sixteen, his father reappeared on their doorstep with a bouquet of lilies (his mother’s favorite) and said he was sorry, and his mom welcomed him back, desperate to return to her fantasy of a perfect family

but his dad had not changed, and remained abusive, only this time it was much worse than when they were kids, and asher tried to direct his dad’s physical violence towards himself to save his mom and little sister

and when asher was 18, yet again, his dad disappeared, this time taking asher’s college savings with him

with his dream of college ruined, asher started skipping school to make more money at the docks, no longer caring about his grades

he even started to work night shifts -- but after one of the workers made a lewd comment about his thirteen year old little sister and he decked them, he lost his job

he started to become implicated in more unsavory businesses, hearing about odd jobs from the more criminal side of town -- he was a getaway driver, made deliveries of ‘goods’, and was even sent to get money from people

as this resulted in him getting beat up, he worked his ass off to train and become better at fighting and driving -- the better he was, the more money he made for his family

when he was 18, he was approached by someone from blackthorne, enticed with the promise that the assassin life would set his family up for life

his two years at blackthorne were awful, and asher became miserable, throwing himself into his classes to try and become the best he could

when it shut down and he transferred to gallagher, it was easily one of the best days of his life

now:

asher became much more at ease at gallagher, starting to enjoy his classes and the prospect of becoming a spy rather than an assassin

his big brother tendencies bleed into his normal life, so he’s protective as fuck of his friends ( and, to be honest, anyone who seems like they need protecting )

he’s a certified dumbass ( he grew up in florida, for chrissakes ) and will get in a fistfight with someone twice his size if he so much as senses an injustice

he misses home like crazy - the sand, the sea air, the heat

he just really wants to do well, so he honestly tries his best in every single one of his classes

that being said, he’s a dumbass and loves to mess around ( like climbing the statue as a dare or trying to get into the forbidden rooms multiple times )

he’s easily aggravated, possibly a trait inherited from his father

also his biggest fear in life is turning out like his dad

which is why he absolutely GUZZLES respect women juice

he still flinches sometimes when people he’s close to raise their voice around him, or if someone he’s close to waves their hand too close to his head, but he tries to hide it as best as he can

since he skipped most of his classes in his last two years of highschool, he can feel a little dumb around some of the super smart people at gallagher, making him incredibly embarrassed

he’s also very touchy when it comes to money problems, due to his poor upbringing

others:

when he was a kid, before he had to worry about his dad, he got into surfing, and it became his favorite thing of all time -- he misses it loads while at gallagher

he LOVES to sleep in

loves to make people smile, and just generally likes being in a happy environment

since his mom works at a diner, he adores pies and diner food because they remind him of home

does the ‘hang loose’ sign with his hand way too often -- it started off as a joke when people learnt that he surfs, but now it’s engrained in him

his hair is a floppy mess -- his dad used to have super short hair, and asher thinks he looks a little too much like his dad with short hair, so the hair remains long.

almost too long, tbh, but he can just make a man bun, so he likes it

his sister makes fun of his long hair all the damn time

he’s terrible with technology -- a genuine Old Man when it comes to computers and phones, but he tries his best

he’s really good at cooking, after making most meals for his sister as a teenager

[ W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S ; ]

best friend — i need him to have a super loyal close friend he can bond with, maybe even a partner in crime?

bros — please please please give me some fellow dumbasses he can do stupid things and make bad decisions with!

romantic interests — could be past flings, or current flirtations, but he’s a charming man, and respects women, so he’s a catch and has probably charmed a few ladies around the school

exes — he despises the idea of ever hurting someone or breaking anyone’s heart, so maybe he has a few exes that he’s still good friends with? or, alternatively, for the angst, there was a bad breakup and he’s plagued by guilt.

budding romance — i’m a sap and a sucker for tropes so please give him his soulmate!

little sister — i would absolutely love for someone to play his sister - maybe she followed him to gallagher to be closer to him, or to follow in her big brother’s footsteps? i’m gonna put this up on the main but if anyone wants dibs, please message me!

anything else — like i said in calypso’s intro, give me anything and everything, please! i love having a wealth of established connections.

tl;dr — asher is a lovable, overprotective surfer dude, who grew up poor with an abusive father and a basically absent mother, and he practically raised his little sister, causing him to develop a paternal complex towards anyone he deems in need of help. he will get in a fight with anyone over any injustices, but he also just likes to hang out with friends and ~chill~!

i hope you all love him as much as i do!

#gallagher:intro #intro

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ssironstrange · 5 years

Text

endgame rant

SPOILERS AHEAD PLEASE AVOID IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET

yeah i know i said i wouldn’t post spoiler shit but listen i gotta get this off my chest ok

i have some REAL BIG FUCKING ISSUES with the way the russos handled a lot of plotlines. don’t get me wrong, this movie was amazing and epic and fucking award worthy, but as a fan i’ve taken offense to a Lot of things.

clint

nothing about his ronin story makes a lick of fucking sense in the mcu. his family is dusted so he…… goes on a mass murdering spree??? decides that he should get a haircut and spend the next five years getting an edgy tattoo sleeve??? um. okay then. destroy the past like 10 years of his character having one of the best moral compasses of the entire team. why did he take up using a fucking SWORD in present day? do you know how long it takes to master swordsmanship at the level he was? with at least half of the world’s teachers gone? more than five fucking years thats for damn sure. and between him and natasha dying for the soul stone? it should have been him. i know he had a family and all but listen. nat went through physical and psychological torture. her body was modified against her will. she was brainwashed and used. and finally, FINALLY she gets free of it all, finds a family in the avengers, and continues to try and better herself to make up for things that weren’t even her fault to begin with. and clint? what did he suffer? oh thats right. nothing. he’s just damn good at his job and loves his family. the fact he has a family sucks for sacrifice, but they are well taken care of and every single one of his kids are old enough to understand AND nat would have stepped in immediately as a parental figure to help laura. they fucking fridged nat for clint and i will never forgive that.

thor

here we go. thor’s character legit made me uncomfortable. they went way overboard with the new thor personality. but… fatshaming and making fun of his very real depression and ptsd?? wtf russos. like, haha he let himself go so funny but its NOT. he wasn’t even like…. fat, for one. just a normal dadbod and beer belly. which by the way seems a lot more realistic according to most norse myths of the gods. they were warriors, yeah, but they drank a fucking lot and feasted a fucking lot so. anyway. thor has lost his entire family. not only that but he watched them all die. he saw his mother bleed out. he watched his father disperse into nothingness. he watched the brother he has loved and cherished no matter the amount of times of betrayal and misdeeds get his neck snapped and his lifeless body thrown to the ground. and then the sister he never knew he had killing almost all of your people and then being forced to find a way to kill her. can you imagine trying to cope with that??? and when you put his age into our perspective, he’s only in his 20s. so imagine seeing your whole family die before you’re even 25, then taking on the responsibility of ruling your people. said surviving people are then massacred in front of you with only a few dozen escaping. THEN living with the guilt of blowing your chance to kill the man responsible for that and unable to stop him from decimating half the universe. (and even when he does get revenge on him, it’s too late) tell me you wouldn’t have an atomic level meltdown. thor is suffering so much and all they can do is make fun of him for it and shame him for it. he deserved better.

steve

yall know i don’t like steve. i don’t hate him and i’m not anti-steve, i’ve just never enjoyed his rather inconsistent character and self-righteousness. it felt like we were FINALLY getting a steve i could get behind in this. a steve that swears like he should. a steve who still puts on a brave face for the public but behind closed doors with friends he’s miserable and broken like the rest of them and SHOWS it to them. a steve who realizes he is stuck in the past and just can’t seem to move forward. a steve who i can finally see the culmination of EVERYTHING he’s been through resting on his shoulders and eating him alive inside. finally we were getting a properly layered steve rogers. and then tony came back and that all fell apart. we didn’t get the apology steve owed him (and tbh tony owed him one too but we’ll get to that), we didn’t get a remorseful steve. he didn’t even address the goddamn issue. he went straight back to his bullshit. admittedly he was a better listener this time around and a far better team player overall. it wasn’t a total loss. but. BUT. his ending? no. hell fucking no. i’m happy he and peggy got their life, but it still shouldn’t have happened. how fucking selfish. how fucking backwards of his character. i get he didn’t have a choice in being brought back into the present and that is unfair and sucks for him, but what fucking right did he have to mess with a timeline like that? what right did he have to just decide without telling anyone he was done and giving up? why did he get the fucking happy ending???? steve rogers who looked tony in the eyes and said he wasn’t the kind of man to lay on the wire for someone copped out. steve rogers who knows of all the social progress we’ve made decides to go back to a time where he would be forced to accept segregation and extreme gender inequality and rampant, blatant, gross racism of all sorts oh and more war and alkjdalksdhkas NO plus they broke their own time travel rules so like whatever i guess right?? it’s okay if steeb gets his stupid happy ending right? god is it SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONCE TO HAVE A GOOD CHARACTERIZATION OFCAP???? it’s not your fault cevans honey you’re doing amazing your directors just have no fucking idea

tony

frankly this has been amongst rdj’s best performances of tony. i’m still partial to a lot of his acting in the iron man movies BUT this was FANTASTIC. him finally being allowed to absolutely go off on steve was fucking delicious and everything i was waiting for. let it all out tony baby. buuuuut we should have also had something more. i know my fellow tony stans typically don’t believe it but tony was wrong in civil war too. surprise they both fucking were. ANYWAY. i was waiting for an honest apology between them both. after everything they just went through, NONE of the petty bullshit they went through before matters at all. and yet the closest thing we get is tony just being like “turns out i don’t like to hold grudges” or what the fuck ever. why is it so hard just to make one of them say i’m sorry, the other say i’m sorry, admit it was a bunch of BULLSHIT hug it out and then go forward???? ugh. their choice to make tony suddenly care about his dad and be happy to see him???? disgusting. they made it canon that howard was an abuser, neglectful, cold, and hateful. it’s been a BIG DEAL how tony has struggled with the relationship to his dad because of how shitty the man was to him. and then they do tHAT? fuuuuCK that!!!! i’m not saying tony isn’t allowed to forgive howard. thats fine and expected tbh. but they pushed it way too far. the tony stark we’ve known for the last decade would never get all giddy and happy to see him and hug him and fucking thank him??? what the fuckk?? god that was gross. you know what we should have gotten? what tony deserved more than howard fucking stark? MARIA STARK!! and then, of course, my main issue. they fucking killed him. which only tells us, the audience and fans that no matter what you suffer and sacrifice that your only way to redemption is death. jesus fucking christ i am SO angry over this. they killed the two who suffered the fucking most. the two who every single goddamn day worked on being a better person. nat and tony both deserved so much better than waht they got. how the fuck did it make sense to kill tony who now has a fucking CHILD, who still has a future, who FINALLY FOR ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE FOUND A SHRED OF PEACE????? and then let steve just go selfishly galavant through time as he pleases to have the cute happy ending? FUCK that ending. fuck it right up the ass with a huge unlubed cock. steve should have been the one to use the gauntlet. period. he should have been the one to die like that. i would have still fucking cried but you know what?? that would be the most cap thing ever. i wanted a mirror of pre-serum steve jumping on that grenade, but this time grabbing the gauntlet and not hesitating for a split second to snap. but no. they killed tony who left behind a wife who DESERVED MORE THAN HAVING THE MAN SHES LOVED AND SUPPORTED AND MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD WITH RIPPED AWAY FROM HER!!! tony who left behind a daughter too young to really comprehend yet why her daddy isn’t going to be coming back. fuck you russos. the injustice of it is astounding. i’m never going to get over it. you know how they could have killed tony? if they really felt like they needed to? have him grow old and die naturally of old age with pepper in their cute little lakeside house after watching morgan grow into such a strong and brilliant person. but oh. they gave that to steve. right.

stephen

i’ll never complain about having more stephen content but uhhhh i’m gonna complain that we didn’t get more than what we got cause after sitting in the soulworld for five fucking years you canNOT tell me he didn’t get even stronger with time to practice and meditate and work through every iota of information of mystical shit in his head. and yet they sidelined him??? after we’ve SEEN what he’s capable of in IW? just gonna put him on flood control???? something that any of those goddamn sorcerers could have done while he helps wipe the floor with thanos or any of the thousands of enemies? fuuuuuuuuuck that. can you fucking imagine how quickly thanos would have been taken out if it were wanda, carol, and stephen all three against him? jesus. he’s literally amongst the most powerful people but nah, just have him stand over there.

the gay russo

FUCK you for that. i am LIVID about it. yall can’t fucking make valkyrie bi???? or carol????? yall can’t GET AN ACTUAL GAY ACTOR? “ We felt it was important that one of us play him, to ensure the integrity and show it is so important to the filmmakers that one of us is representing that. “ WHAT????????? are you fucking telling me a WOC WHO IS OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS HER CHARACTER TO BE BISEXUAL COULDNT ENSURE THE INTEGRITY OF AN LGBT CHARACTER???????????????? “ It is a perfect time, because one of the things that is compelling about the Marvel Universe moving forward is its focus on diversity.” SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT????? oh my god fuck them forever.

lets make rules for our time travel then break them immediately

idek whats going on in the timeline anymore. they utterly fucked up and BROKE the timeline of 2012 avengers after letting loki get away with the tesseract. which should have cascaded into their future but, well, it didn’t. so i GUESS now we’re just pretending that made a new timeline which makes no goddamn sense but whatever i guess. steve going back to completely fuck with his timeline, or a timeline at least, and having no consequences in the future besides being old. okay. sure??? we can do all that but we can’t fucking get natasha back. right. cool. okay.

anyway i’m sure theres more bugging me but these are the things bothering me most.

and frankly i don’t care if anyone disagrees i’m not arguing or debating any of this.

#endgame

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askmyboys · 4 years

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Redmond Blackburn

Name: Redmond Blackburn | Gender: Male | Nickname: Red (a lotta people have a LOT of like, bad names for him bc of all the shit he's done) | Age: 45 | Species/Race: Human but he has like one or two inhuman features about him | Height: 7'9" | Occupation: Its not really an occupation but he's a Cowboy/Outlaw p much | Eye Color: Icy Blue | Hair Color: Black (you'll never really get to see much of his hair tbh, he's almost always wearing a black cowboy hat, however I will say, his hair is like a bedhead but 10x worse and a bit curly as well) | Appearance: He wears a lot of Outlaw Cowboy clothing, its mostly all dark colored clothing, black and brown stuff, he has those two strap thingies (listen, im bad at explaining certain clothing, but there's plenty of outlaw clothing refs out there), but those two strap things that holds a BUNCH of bullets, rather large ones at that, when he's not wearing his "work" clothing and just chilling or out and about he usually wears tank tops and leather jackets, his pants usually have some chains on them and he usually wears cowboy or combat boots. He has a short boxed beard, and a fuck TON of scars lining his body, his chest has cuts and bullet wounds on it, so does his arms, his back, and legs even, he's been shot and cut up a l o t... Especially around the face area, he has a lot of little cuts and nicks and honestly he'll probs only get even more as time passes. (he also has some sharp fangs, nope not just razor sharp teeth this time, just two fangies that if he so wanted, he'd use to rip your throat out with) | Personality: uuuuuuUUHHHHH... VERY VERY V E R Y evil and cruel, malicious? Absolutely, and its for no reason really, he had a good life, his parents and family were all good as could be to him, they tried to raise him right and yet everything went oh so wrong, he was just b o r n to be this way, born to be an outlaw, killing and stealing, it makes him happy, it made him happy from day one and the love for killing and all that jazz only escalated, he's pretty cold and honestly, even though sometimes he does love to tease his victims a bit before killing them, mostly he doesn't enjoy talking, he's the type of dude who'd be like "Less talking, more c a r n a g e" ye, that type of dude. (tl;dr: Bastard for one, but he's evil, cruel, downright manipulative even if need be that is, pretty cold, definitely NOT a talker most of the time, VERY overly cocky and confident, he does got a bit of a narcissistic streak in him considering he's one of the most wanted and most deadly outlaws there is) | Side Facts: His favorite weapons are usually knives, machetes, he likes bows/crossbows, he also likes sniper rifles bc its always unsuspecting but honestly, its less fun that way... His MOST favorite items are the sharpest ones, ones that allows him to get up close and personal with his victim, he wants to FEEL the blood on his hands and see the life slowly drain from their eyes, guns are fine, he likes them too considering all the bullets he has, but he only uses them if need be really. Really, he'll use ANYTHING he can as a weapon, it don't matter to him, if the situation calls for it then so be it. Now his family, the sweetest people you could EVER hope to see so long as you didn't mess with them or their animals n stuff, they were very kind to good ol' Redmond here, treated and raised him right, they just... Don't know where it all went so damn wrong, as he grew up, he got into fights, bad fights, in fact... His father can recall, one night, he heard his wife screaming downstairs, so obviously he got his gun and immediately ran down there to see what had happened, and there... he saw his son, with a bloodied machete, wow this sounds like a creepypasta thing but eh, not really, more realistic than that, and he had asked his son what happened, what did he do? Redmond just looked up and those Icy Blue eyes, they never looked friendly from the day he was born, he just shrugged and started going into horrible detail of how a kid began picking on him and shoved him to the ground, roughed him up a bit, so he decided to try n fight back, he stole a machete and p much went back and just murdered the poor fucker, which, of course, his dad n mother were horrified, they tried to get help for their son at one point, but of course he didn't like the thought of that, nor did he want help, he didn't need help for just "defending" himself so he ran away p much and well... I'm gettin lazy, but he grew up to be the Outlaw he is now p much, he never even really cared for his family, they were just there, to teach him the basics of life and that was it, he never had a strong attachment for any of em, and tbh even if he had ran into them now, he'd probs just murder them as well.

#new oc #my oc #cowboy oc #human oc #Red #tw murder

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theatricalwriter · 5 years

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Can I get a male Mean Girls & Newsies ship? So I’m very tall and very clumsy. I do musical theater and I want to write musicals for a living. My favorite play is 12 Angry Men and my favorite musical is Waitress. I’m very assertive and confrontational. I’m protective and value my ambition and intelligence. I won’t let people push me over. However, I try to be a friend to everyone. I have a witty sense of humor. I really like rain, dogs, History, and true crime. Thank you!

thank you so much for being my first ship request!! sorry they took so long (and that they’re vv long) i just wanted to make sure they were the best they could be!! i’m still pretty new at this, so i apologize if they aren’t at their best yet. but i really hope you like them!! (i also didn’t know your gender, if you ideneify with one, so i tried keeping it as gender neutral as i possibly could

mean girls:

i ship you with kevin g!!

you and kevin met when regina decided to diss your friend

let’s just say that anyone who was around to witness it was quaking in their boots at the sight of you calling regina “the love child of satan and a barbie doll, especially since she has the personality of one.” “which one?” “yes.”

everyone was fearful for you, but kevin actually found it pretty fucking hot

when you, yes you, decided that the conversation was over, kevin was like “oh shit, this girl is a badass!!”

he knew of you already from some of his classes, but with you being more interested in musical theatre and he in mathematics, you were pretty much out of his orbit. still, he always thought you were pretty cool

so, in class a few periods after, he asked you if you wanted to go on a date with him and you said yes!!

as far as first dates went, yours with kevin was pretty good!! you went to a diner in town where you two talked about yourself and interests

he thought you were absolutely adorable when you told him all about your favorite things like the rain or how much you adore history or how freaking cute dogs are

BUT he knew that he wanted to be with you when he saw your eyes light up with passion as you talked about your favorite shows. like, the way you spoke about how the soundtrack of waitress was so incredibly written or how 12 angry men played on another interest of yours (true crime), well, he just felt that feeling in one’s heart when they know they really like someone

so y’all eventually got together!!

as your relationship progressed, he saw how clumsy you were. tbh, he found it pretty terrifying at first, but after seeing you trip enough times and get up five seconds later, totally fine, he started to find it kind of endearing.

like, say you ever got a scratch, he’d place that bandaid on top of it and give it a lil kiss and F L U F F

your relationship is also a lot of supporting one another. you cheer him on at the mathlete competitions and him popping up at your shows with flowers after pretty much screaming during your bows

he loves how into those true crime shows you get. tbh, you two probably have marathons for this kind of program and i can almost guarantee you for every episode he says something like “it was the sister, fucking obvious.” and then it’s the sister. do you make bets? yes.

my idea is that one night when you win a bet, you two have your first kiss

like, you’re both just cuddled up under blankets with pizza boxes beside y’all (the bet’s probably over the last slice) and you win and get so excited that you get close to his face to rub it in that you were right. SO he just sees how adorable you look at that moment and shoots his shot

it was a shock to you at first, but it was also just perfect that you practically melted

he got worried that he should’ve asked first but you shut him up by giggling and getting closer to him beneath the blankets

cuddles are a thing and they are constant

wearing his mathlete jacket alL THE FUCKING TIME

debates and insult battles are a thing (usually ends with you victorious and kevin salty bc he can’t match you)

he loves watching you destroy someone who acts like a total dick to either you, him, or any of your friends tbh bc it totally turns him on

but the fact that you’re so sweet to others makes him so happy as well. like, you really be standing up for strangers and making new friends like THAT

for your birthday, you’re surprised with tickets to see the national tour production of waitress and IT WAS GREAT!! you got your playbill signed and got to spend a whole day in the city with your favorite person

that day was a day you’d never be able to forget, bc that day let you know how much you really loved this man

“i love you, kev.”

“i love you too.”

newsies:

i ship you with crutchie!!

you were katherine’s apprentice of sorts

you really want to write vaudeville shows (since musicals didn’t really become a thing until oklahoma was written) so you have to settle for the criminal section of the newspaper

one very hot day day you were out looking for a story to either write for yourself or give to katherine when you met crutchie

you passed by a dog and were freaking BESIDE YOURSELF with love!! he was a stray and you knew it was probably not a very good idea to try and pet it, but he was just giving you these cute baby eyes (thankfully he didn’t bite)

then you heard the sweetest laughter from a couple feet away from you. it was a boy with a dirty face, albeit an adorable face, sandy hair and a leg that didn’t seem to be working too well so he had a crutch

“sorry. didn’t mean to laugh there.”

“no, it’s okay. i probably look a mess right now.”

“uhh... n-no, you’se actually look pretty nice.”

you two talked for a bit before it started to get darker. before you parted ways, he told you his normal selling spot and you said you’d hope to see him soon. which you did btw bc you went to talk to him a lot

one day, you went back and he wasn’t there :(

you didn’t say anything to anybody in hopes that he was maybe sick or something, but then you heard about a brawl with the newsboys and got worried.

you went to jacobi’s with kath and even though they were all hyped from being in the pape despite being beat the hell up, you asked a kid with a cigar where crutchie was

“OOoOHh, so YOU’RE the one crutchie’s been talkin about?!”

cue a bunch of teasing from the boys and big blushing/heated face from you before you regain your composure and stand your fucking ground and practically demand to know where he is

they approve

but you were devastated to find out what happened to crutchie!! this made you go: “what can i do to help?”

they approve 10X

after the news strike is won, crutchie was released from the refuge. he hugged and was greeted by all his friends, but then his eyes landed on you AND WHEN I TELL YOU THIS BOY’S INFECTIOUS SMILE BECAME 20X BRIGHTER THE SUN SAID “FUCK”

you threw your arms around his boy and he did the same to you

“i missed you.”

“i missed ya too.”

you pulled back to look at his face, and you could see the need for our approval in his eyes. when you nodded, you kissed. all the boys were loud as hell and i’m pretty sure jack might’ve teared up out of pride a little bc YOU KNOW that crutchie gushed about you to this man

so, your relationship is cute as hell

like, you’d probably spend a few of your nights in the lodge and you’d probably be writing on your notepad and he’d just love your little writing face

also, if you write music for your shows, he would want to hear some of it!!

he loves how smart you are and loves it when you read your work out loud to him before you go to sleep. also loves hearing you give him little historical facts. it’s just something he finds interesting

once again, you being clumsy worries him. it worries him a lot.

crutchie finds it so funny when you sass the boys. ESPECIALLY race. you basically ruin this man’s career on the daily.

but you’re friends with all of the newsies!! which he loves!! it’s important that you and his family get along and you do so that’s all that matters.

say the delanceys tried some shit. you’d fuck them up with words alone and they’d scamper like the rats they are.

one day, you sat with him at his spot. it started to rain, and while everyone else on the street started to groan and find a place for cover, you let out a joyful laugh before heading out into the street and just danced

crutchie saw the pure happiness in your eyes as the rain hit your perfect face and let out a laugh of his own

you felt transported back to that day you met, and you skipped over to him and planted the sweetest, most love-filled kiss on his lips

tbh, just a cute fucking relationship overall

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crowned-ladybug · 5 years

Note

Marvin from the rivals au for that character thing or just in general bc I love him so much and I want to know more about him

This got so long, I’m so sorry. This is like 2k words bc if allowed to talk about this boy then i could talk Forever. Oops

(With the meme it’s here btw)

Occasional sleeptalker. Usually just incoherent babbling, andJackie finds it hilarious to listen to if he's awake for it

Can braid his own hair perfectly without any trouble. Fear him

Shows his love of certain ppl by buying them lil gifts but hatesthe confrontation and awkwardness of giving them to them so heusually just leaves them in places he knows they'll find them,usually with no indication that they're from him either

Colour codes Everything

Has his own way of organising things that makes sense to Him okaybut he can't really explain it to anyone else. It annoys poor Jamesonto no end bc he organises shit to help with his anxiety and MarvinKeeps Ruining It

His reaction to Chase and Jackie wanting to get up to impulsivefun shit is "sure, go ahead, just don't hinder whatever I'mdoing" (or sometimes he joins them) and Schneep is sodisappointed in him for not helping him keep them in check instead

Has a fuckin perfectly figured out skincare routine and he'sdragging all the others up with him

Generally v good at lazy/spa day kinda self-care

Has ADD (tho all the egos have ADD/ADHD tbh)

Chase has absolutely compared him to Mettaton X at some point andMarvin doesn't know how to react to that

Gets cold super easily and Hates It. Is an absolute lil bitchabout it and won't stop whining until he can get warm again(favourite way to do that is to cuddle Jackie, and he just goes allhappy and melty from it, but I still wouldn't try to talk to him if Iwere you. And Jackie is a good bf who puts up with Marvin's stupidcold hands and face)

Has two modes when cuddling btw, he either just lies peacefullywith someone (mostly Jackie) while having an arm draped over them orholding their hand or pressed up against them, or he turns into afuckin octopus. Good luck trying to get up, you won't succeed

Which has led to multiple instances of someone needing Jackie forsomething, only to find him unavailable bc he's completely trapped bya sleeping Marvin even if he himself is wide awake. But he enjoys ita lot too bc Hell Yes Affection and would never have the heart tomove him and wake him up

He's also p damn pointy so he's not really the most comfy personto cuddle but Oh Well

Also wakes up slow and says a lot of bullshit in the process (orstuff he'd normally filter out and not get to say, like sappy shit)

A flirty lil bitch

Knows Jackie blushes super easily and enjoys the fuck out of it.Constantly trying to figure out how little it'll take for him to beall red in the face (And he knows Jackie doesn't mind and he backsoff when he's told to. Don't worry. Consent is still there)

He on the other hand doesn't blush often so when he does it meanshe's Super Flustered

Ik i said this last night too but he knows how to dance and doesit p well tbh?? He used to dance a lot when he was a kid/teen butdropped it when he realised he was trans bc then he tried to be AsMasculine As Possible bc he felt like if he didn't he'd be "fakingit"

(Grew out of that eventually. He's so glad he did)

Insecure about more stuff than he would ever let you believe

Once he starts really caring about the other egos he tries So Hardto be good to them and secretly beats himself up sometimes for stillbeing an Asshole when he messes it up. Yeah it's angsty. He'd takehimself apart just to make it up to his friends for having been anasshole to them before

Not a morning person but he can still function if woken up early,he'll just make sure you know that he's Not happy about it

Very rarely gets dysphoric, really only if continously referred towith the wrong pronouns/gendered terms or if called his deadname

At some point he started shooting Jackie flirty looks while sayingbullshit in French (Jackie doesn't speak French) to fluster him butit got to the point where Marvin realised that if he wanted to keepdoing it he'd need to Actually Learn French instead of just spoutingthe same limited amount of bullshit all the time. And that's thestory of why he started studying a Whole Other Language

Likes flowers but knows fuck all about them

I don't think I'll ever properly type down how he got his scar sohere: before Marvin pledged alliance to the other egos, Anti alreadyassumed he would, and so he captured him and threatened to torturehim to get information out of him/possibly force him on his sideinstead. Marvin called his bluff and told him to fuck himself. Antigot angry, waved his knife a lil too close to Marvin's face duringone of his threats and ended up actually cutting him. Anti was superhappy bc holy shit I Did Something, and Marvin decided that he's hadenough and since he'd been saving his energy all this time, blew up acharge of electricity in Anti's face. He then proceeded to teleporthome (with the chair he was tied to still attached but uhh. That partof the story is a lil less dignified so shh)

Anti has had a special place in Hell for him ever since (and withthis I'm realising that Anti is actually p fuckin bad at his job??Wow)

Says he doesn't like his hair messed with. He's lying.

But you gotta be Special and Important To Him to have permissionto touch his hair (or a hairdresser I guess). But Jackie is one ofthose ppl so he can mess with Marvin's hair all he wants (he evenlearned how to braid hair just to surprise him and lemme tell you,Marvin was Absolutely v surprised) Stroke and pet his hair longenough and he'll go all melty

His teeth are a lil bit pointier than average (and Jackie is sofucking gay for that and I'm shaming him)

Used to write poetry as a teen. Don't bring it up, he'sembarrassed.

Shoves all his feelings and problems in a box and hides them inthe attic bc He Doesn't Want Them

Can sing okay but doesn't do it often bc it's not Perfect so it'sBad. Hums more often tho

He's scared of a bunch of stuff in horror movies (and triggered bysome) but No One is allowed to know that. He's glad most of theothers don't much like them either and thus they don't watch themtogether anyway. He really doesn't want others to see him scared bche thinks it'd make him look weak and ridiculous

(Yes, he double-standards himself vs other ppl a Lot. Being scaredor having bad mental health or messing up is only bad if he does it.But you didn't hear that from me.)

Pokemon is one of his biggest and longest-lasting hyperfixations

Holy shit I've never drawn him in a suit but my dudes he looks SoPretty in a well-fitted suit, Holy Fuck. Give him a lapel flower andit'll be Perfect. No one can resist that amount of charm

Knows how to walk (and even run and dance) in high heels but can'tfucking stand them (no pun intended, he just finds them reallyuncomfortable)

Will be stunned silent if anyone assumes he doesn't absolutelyAdore Jackie, both bc How Dare You and bc he's trying So Hard to be agood bf is he really That Bad at it?

Pressure is not his main stim but it's the best way to bring himout of a panic/anxiety attack and just ground him in general, espwhen he can't use his magic or doesn't think to use it. (He doesn'thave any weighted stuff so in others words: lie on him.) Once hecalms down enough he'll hopefully start doing his vital-readingmagic, which should help calm him more

(Also yeah, the whole vital-reading that I've probably talk aboutjust Way Too Much already but jic I'll mention it again anyway: hecan use his magic to read other ppl's vitals. It calms and comfortshim. He mainly does it to Jackie, who has given him blanketpermission for it)

Favourite stim is fondling with squishy things (like those foamanimal keychains??) and scraping stuff like candle wax or soap (itwould probably be chewing if he actually realised that that is aValid Stim but he Doesn't)

Has his own apartment for a while still after moving in with theother egos bc he doesn't expect it to last. He sells it about a yearlater

His job is being a magician too and doing his shows that bring inAbsolutely enough money for him to not have to get another job or doshows like every other night. Ppl don't know he has Actual MagicPowers which makes a lot of things easier for him

His masks are all self-made bc he didn't wanna chance lettinganyone else do it, and he's had many less fabulous ones before bc healways wants Better. The gold patterns on the one I've drawn him withbefore are covered in glitter. He has a couple other ones he usestho, all different styles and shapes and colours for the sake ofvariety. He always wears matching make-up (mainly eye make-up andlipstick) for his shows

The scoreboard on the fridge (a piece of paper where they trackevery time him and Jackie defeat each other in Anything At All) washis idea, but it was Jackie who drew the stick figure renditions ofthe two of them on it (so it was a joint effort, really. Yeah,ironic. Or typical)

Has no shame when it comes to PDA as long as it isn't suggestive,but Jackie is a lot less sure about it (esp when out in public) soofc he respects that

That also means that if Jackie decides to hold his hand in publiche gets So Fucking Giddy you have No Idea and also you wouldn'tbelieve it even if you saw

Speaking of giddy. If you manage to get him to start talking aboutJackie (not a hard thing to achieve tbh) he will get so happy andgiddy and excited and Will Not Shut Up okay. Or at least it'll takehim a While to realise that he's rambling and has completely shed hiscool exterior. He just really loves his bf okay and he kinda justwants everyone to know how great he is

Can remember names and face p well but numbers and dates? Nah son.You better believe he has to make memos and calendar entries on hisphone for Everything. He's glad he can remember his own birthday,almost everything else he just kinda remembers (so only as specificas season or month). He feels bad about it tho, esp when he has tocheck like twice a day coming up to an important date that yes, it'sstill two days away, he didn't miss it

Has the kinda handwriting that's v pretty to look at but is anabsolute Pain to try to read

#marvin the magnificent #marvelsepticeye #bc theres a bunch of that in there too #some other egos too but eh not gonna tag them #rivals au #headcanon #thank you btw!!!!#im v flattered that you love my asshole son so much #theenbywitch

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terra-writes · 6 years

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Mystic Messenger Pokémon AU

This wasn’t a request, but it’s something I’ve thought about off an on for almost a year and a half now. I might expand on this more one day but if any of you guys have suggestions about this feel free to send them in! Also I didn’t include MC in this because I left it open for you guys to interpret and determine how your own MC falls into this AU! Anyways I hope you enjoy! Also sorry to everyone wanting Vanderwood but I don’t feel comfortable writing for him as I don’t feel like there’s enough content with him in the game for me to get a handle on his character and do it confidently.

Also big thanks to my friend Mary @maruthor for helping me out with this AU! And putting up with my shit but

Warning: Spoilers for character’s routes below, read at your own risk

Yoosung:

This boy

This sweet boy

Of course, he ends up running his own Pokémon clinic

It’s not a Pokémon Center, they’re weirdly ornery about having to have a Nurse Joy run those

But it’s a small clinic in a more remote area of the Kanto region and it suits him just fine

He probably ends up doubling it as a mini Pokémon daycare service after and incident with Seven’s ditto and two of his own Pokémon

And the fact that Seven gifted him a ditto of his own after said incident because he’s “just trying to help his friend continue to earn a living”

Yoosung doesn’t have a lot of Pokémon of his own, but he’s acquired a few that were given to him or left behind by patrons who couldn’t keep them anymore for whatever reason

Those Pokémon include: a Glameow from Jumin, Blissey, Noctowl, Pikachu, Glaceon, Lillipup and Rattata

The Blissey came from a Nurse Joy as a Happiny as a thank you for his help during an outbreak of a Pokémon illness that had shown up one day

His own personal partner for his clinic was an Audino from the Unova Region where he went to study Pokémon medicine and care

Occasionally he’s called out of the clinic to care for a sick or injured Pokémon

So he does travel some, but not as often as other members of the RFA

He’s the only one Jumin trusts to care after his many cat Pokémon and precious Elizabeth the 3rd

Not that he himself is too thrilled about that

He even takes the overflow from a nearby Pokémon Center occasionally and probably most often travels out there to help out when needed

Zen:

Zen is obviously still an actor

But instead of just doing musicals, he now does full-fledged Pokémon movie productions

He has two partner Pokémon he’s had since before his career that appear on stage with him

One is his Milotic, and the other is his dusk form Lycanroc

He’ll never forget the day his feebas evolved

He credits his Milotic as one of his biggest inspirations to keep going

Since it was his Feebas at the time that helped keep him positive during the time before and after he ran away from home

It was one of his days that he was feeing more down than usual

It was a complete accident that he had come across a prism scale

And at first he didn’t know what it was, let alone that his Feebas could even evolve

But he had thought it was pretty and wanted to give it to his friend as a thank you for being there for him

When his Feebas started to evolve to say he was surprised was an understatement and he was blown away by the sheer beauty of its evolved form

But seeing his now Milotic in front of him gave him a new sense of hope and self confidence

He didn’t meet his other partner until after he was running with the biker gangs

He had come across the little Rockruff at the time digging through some trash cans in an alley

Remembering the hard times he faced while still living on the streets, he decided to take the Pokémon home with him without a second thought

He was once again awestruck when his Rockruff evolved

He decided to do some research about his new friend, and so he was aware of the two evolutionary forms of Lycanroc, and the rarer third evolution form

He had been visiting his favorite spot up in the mountain with his two Pokémon

Trying to clear his head, and train his Rockruff to help it evolve

When it started to glow and change form, he thought it was going to be the Midday form, he didn’t realize how low the sun had gotten during the time he had been up there

When the evolution light faded and he saw the Dusk Form staring back at him

He was over the moon with excitement

Since that day he worked harder on his acting career, and with the three of them on stage he was quick to draw the eye of many fans across the regions

Occasionally he is propositioned to work with other Pokémon as is partners, but he always refuses

His dream was to preform yes, but he would never abandon his two closest friends who helped get him where he was today

Occasionally he takes his two partners to compete in Pokémon Showcases in and around the Region

It helps keep him and his team in top shape for the cameras, and it allows him to enjoy friendly competitions with his friends

Once he joined the RFA, Jumin had gifted him an Eevee for one of his birthdays

When it evolved into an Espeon, Zen was a mix of emotions

Even though he knew that Espeon was a fox Pokémon, the fact that it still vaguely looked like a cat was enough to set his allergies on edge

He refused to give it away though, he’d never abandon one of his Pokémon, but he swears that the trust fund kid planned it

And though Jumin would never admit it, in a way he knew that it was a likely outcome given Zen’s personality which was why he did it

Jaehee:

She currently runs a Pokémon Café in Lumiose City

She needed a break from all the stress working under Jumin brought to her life so one day she just turned in her resignation letter and opened up a café

With a little help from Jumin

He felt a little betrayed at first, but he got over it fast and offered to open it up under his company

As a parting gift he gave her a shiny Swirlix as well as it’s needed evolutionary item

Only after he tried to give her a cat Pokémon for the mascot on several occasions with which she had to put her foot down

Eventually she decided to use her Lucario as the café’s mascot, since it was with her since before her parents passed away

It took some time, but eventually she was able to make the business take off with the help of some of her Pokémon who also worked as staff

Some of her Pokémon include: Leafeon, Shuckle, Miltank, Mienshao, Stufful, Kirlia, Vespiquen, Chesnaught, and Lurantis

Jumin:

He’s the Ceo-in-line of his father’s company

Which produces a wide variety of Pokémon items as well as things for their trainers as well as regular citizens

C A T D A D

He has so many cat Pokémon

It’s probably why Jaehee quit tbh

The main problem, is his Skitty, Elizabeth the 3rd who was gifted to him by none other that Jihyun one year after his Delcatty had an egg

Elizabeth is a hyperactive Pokémon with an eye for destruction whenever Jumin isn’t around

I like to think that his Skitty is like May’s from the anime

Other than Elizabeth, he has: Persian, Alolan Persian, Purugly, Liepard, Luxray, both genders of Pyroar and Meowstic, and Incineroar

He also has an Espeon which he adamantly refuses to admit looks a little like a cat to Zen in order to keep messing with him

And to further mess with Zen (partly) he has a statue of Elizabeth the 3rd on display in the park near C&R, which so happens to be a park Zen has to walk by every day to get to work

He also has a Dragonite, an Urasring and a Kindra for extra protection

Is habit of trying to make cat-related projects is still a big thing with him

He one day wants to open up an entire island just for cat Pokémon

Jaehee had been able to narrowly keep avoiding that disaster every single time, but his new assistant is going to have some work cut out for them

Probably inadvertently the reason Mewtwo exists

He heard Mew being described as “the pink cat Pokémon” and that was all it took

He often travels to watch Jihyun compete in contests when he can

Especially if he hears that he’ll be using his Delcatty

He’s also seen quite a few of Zen’s showcases but he’ll never say anything to him

Also keeps trying to use his position to get really rare Pokémon and Mega Stones/Z-Crysrals for the other members of the RFA because he knows he can be quite hard to get along with, but he does care about the other members whom he considers his friends and in some cases family

Saeyoung/707:

Since Saeyoung loves space so much, he works at an observatory or at the Space Center in Mossdeep City in Hoenn

His Pokémon have a lot to do with Space and technical work, so he ends up with an interesting mix of Pokémon

He used to work initially as a Professor’s assistant studying fossil pokemon, but the work proved too much for him

He left amicably to work at the space center, so he could still be involved with the RFA and his brother more

Still has an Aerodactyl and a Tyrantrum from that time whom he bonded with and was allowed to take with him

He was also gifted a Torchic from the professor when he first started working there

Also owns a Chatot for the sole purpose of playing pranks on his co-workers and the rest of the RFA much to their annoyance

His Pokémon include: Clefable, all 7 colored Minior plus a shiny Minior, Starmie, Lunatone and Solrock, Beheeyem, Porygon-Z, Reuniclus, Vikavolt, Ditto, Castform, and Rotom

Absolutely won’t stop asking Jihyun if he too could have a Skitty, to which Jihyun always finds a way to politely avoid answering the question and changing the topic

He also owns an Espeon, which is from his childhood and is part of a set of twin Eevee’s him and his brother had befriended before they were rescued from their home

It’s his ultimate goal to one day own a Deoxys and maybe a Jirachi

Ends up owning a Poipole for research after a trip to the Alolan Region to help investigate Ultra Wormholes ends up going haywire

Jihyun/V:

He definitely travels a lot across all the regions

He’s still an artist, so he often takes pictures to paint later on in his studio

He was a nature photographer, so his Pokémon are a lot of grass types supplemented by a few other types of Pokémon to even things out

His starter Pokémon was a Bulbasaur, and it’s his most trusted companion that he takes with him everywhere

He probably shed a few happy tears each time it evolved

The first thing he did when he learned about Mega Evolution was to get a Venasaurite for his most trusted companion

Jumin probably offered to acquire one for him, but Jihyun declined, wanting to make the journey himself

He also participates in Pokémon Contests

His Pokémon definitely reflect that artist side of him

Some of his Pokémon are: Florges, Delcatty, Beautifly, Bellossom, shiny Sylveon, Alolan Ninetails, Togekiss, Gallade, Altaria, Roserade, Cherrim, Gastrodon, Leavanny, Whimsicott, Lilliagnt, Cinccino, Sawsbuck, Volcarona, all patterns of Vivillion, Riombee, Smeargle and Bewear

Definitely has every single grass type starter

And probably a Primarina

Jumin does worry about him though, so he made sure to gift him some pseudo-legendary Pokémon for his own piece of mind over his friend’s safety

especially after hearing about some of the more dangerous areas Jihyun tends to end up in for the sake of his art

Not that he thinks Jihyun’s Pokémon are weak

So from Jumin, his Pokémon are Aggron, Tyrannitar, and Metagross

He was also gifted an Amaura from Jumin, who thought it would be enough to fit his aesthetic while still being a somewhat powerful Pokémon

And Jumin just likes spoiling his friend with cool Pokémon when he’s allowed to

Since Jihyun is rich, he definitely has a house with a lot of land around it so that he can keep so many Pokémon

They’re some of his biggest inspiration for his art, and he likes capturing them in their natural element when he’s not traveling or competing

Definitely has seen and befriended a Celebi on one of his trips and visits as often as he can

Seven also gifted him a Bruxish one year as a joke knowing it was an eyesore of a Pokémon

None of them were expecting Jihyun to absolutely fall in love with it and make it the subject of his art for the next 8 months

No one has the heart to tell him how they really feel about it

He’s just so happy to share everything about his splotchy fish someone please save him

Saeran:

He used to be an admin under Rika

But he ended up leaving

He was persuaded by Saeyoung to become the regional professor’s assistant

He was skeptical at first, but he found the job surprisingly rewarding and healing after everything he had been put through with Rika and his past

The Pokémon didn’t judge him for the deeds he had done, and it allowed him to work through his own issues as well as atone for all the misfortune he caused under Rika

While still pursuing a greater cause that would benefit everyone

Ends up as they kind of person who befriends Pokémon really easily, so he ends up with a lot more than he started out with

Which makes it even better that he works for a Pokémon Professor who is more than willing to help house and care for all his Pokémon

The Eevee he had from his childhood evolved into an Umbreon, which is the only reason Rika had allowed him to keep it

He also had befriended a Swirlix while he was working for Rika, but had to keep it a secret lest she think it made him “weak”

He was able to evolve it after joining the RFA with the help of Jumin and Jaehee

He absolutely adores his Slurpuff and will fight anyone who tries to talk shit about it

He has quite a few Pokémon from his time as Rika’s admin

Most of them were ones she gave him to make him look “strong” and keep him in the mindset of the Saeran she created

She wouldn’t tolerate him having any Pokémon she deemed “weak” that might bring out Ray

His Pokémon include: Shiny Charizard, Nidoking, Arcanine, Alolan Marowak, Rhypherior, Granbull, Weavile, Houndoom, Staraptor, Sharpedo, Krookodile, Bisharp, Braviary, Hydreigon, Pangoro, and Midnight Form Lycanroc

Has a Magikarp and a Wimpod he raised in secret because he related to how people perceived it as being weak and useless

He may have shed a few tears when they finally evolved into a Gyarados and a Golisopod respectively

Jihyun probably also gifted him another Eevee at some point to help him reconnect with his brother and he absolutely cried when it evolved into a Sylveon because that’s only possible if there’s a strong bond of love between trainer and Pokémon

And it helped him prove that he was on the right track to healing all the lingering wounds from his past

After he joins the RFA, Jihyun probably gifts him several Flower Pokémon knowing how much he loves flowers

So he ends up with a Megainum, a Sunflora, a Florges, a Bellossom, a Roserade, and a Comfey

Eventually befriends a Zoroark on the professor’s grounds that he uses to get back at his brother and his Chatot

He eventually stumbles across a Mimikyu during one of his business trips to Alola

He absolutely falls in love with it and relates to it

Eventually with permission he grows a field of flowers that Shaymin need to switch forms and absolutely loves watching them all migrate, and that time is always one of his happiest

This boy just needs a lot of love in his life and he probably ends up with so many Pokémon because he can’t just abandon any Pokémon he finds that are hurt or struggling

Rika:

Founder and leader of Team Mint-Eye

Which also operates under the name “Magenta” in some instances to avoid authorities

This is still mostly the same Rika from the game that we see

Someone who wasn’t able to find a healthy way to cope with her past trauma and mental illness

And only got worse through the unhealthy relationship her and V had with one another

She uses Pokémon that she thinks represent the darkness and her “devil” within her and some that she uses to help control and manipulate her Believers and Admins

Her Pokémon include: Delphox, Gengar, Hypno, Honchkrow, Mismagius, Girafarig, Solrock & Lunatone, Sableye, Cacturne, Seviper, Banette, Dusknoir, Haxorus, Musharna, Cofagrigus, Gothitelle, Chandelure, Malamar, Dragalge, Trevenant, Salazzle, and Nihilego

Used to have a Darkrai and a Cresselia captured for her own use but Saeran ended up freeing them on his way out

Has plans to add more Ultra Beats to her lineup and the lineup of her Believers

She also has a Wigglytuff that Jihyun had given her when they were still together to try and help her stay on the right path but she doesn’t like using it and keeps it far away from her in the other end of her base

Not to say she’s abusing it, because despite everything Rika has done she’d never, but she just doesn’t like being reminded of that time

She operates largely out of the Alola Region but before she was in Sinnoh on account of Darkrai and Cresselia

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gravsons · 6 years

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⋆ ◦ ° ☾ introduction.

hello, friends ! my name is fox and i haven’t been in a supernatural rp in..... almost a year tbh. but when i saw this one i knew i had to join ! for now i only have one muse, grayson, though i already have plans to bring another boi lmao. but anyways, i’m fox like i said, i’m currently twenty years old & my pronouns are she/they. you ain’t reading this for me though but rather my messy child grayson so all of his info under the cut ! if you’d like to plot, please like this or message me !

* MATTHEW DADDARIO & CISMALE / / here we’ve got GRAYSON ZAHAROV, the FORTY-NINE year old WEREWOLF - luckily, HE actually looks about TWENTY-EIGHT years old. with a reputation for being PROTECTIVE, ADAPTABLE, VIOLENT, and HEADSTRONG, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them. GRAYSON has been around faulk hollow for TWENTY YEARS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear DIRTY LAUNDRY by BLACKBEAR? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

early life.

he was born in a small town in washington in a very low income family; his father was not in the picture and his mother was just sixteen when she got pregnant, so gray was basically raised by his grandparents ( who were both russian and very strict, barely speaking a word of english. they weren’t very loving to him either, seeing him as their biggest failure rather than their grandson. ) and he always saw his mother more like a sister than his actual parent.

gray is... a mess. he settled down in faulk hollow about twenty years ago but before that he would hop around the entire country, doing petty robberies in his wake to get by. it was how he met his long-time girlfriend and mother of his child--- she was a stripper at a side-of-the-road bar where he pick pocketed a couple of times.

he has had a very lonely life ? like, he has a lot of friends and he’s always partying with people but nobody really knows him when he’s sober and that’s how it’s been since he was a kid.

gray was bitten at the age of twenty-seven; he doesn’t remember a lot of details from that night, having been completely drunk. he was attacked on his way back to the motel he was living with his girlfriend, and learning about the supernatural was absolutely the biggest shock of his life.

he never truly got over the turn tbh ever since he was bit he sees life a lot differently, and if he was wild and impulsive before, knowing he has eternity to amount to anything in life has made him 100% more reckless.

when he met the mother of his baby, gray tried to leave his life of crime: they moved in together just a month after they started dating, and pretended to have that apple pie life for as long as they could--- gray even found a job at the local car shop with the little knowledge of mechanics that he had gotten from his grandfather in his childhood.

he never told her he’s a werewolf; in retrospect, that was probably the worst decision he ever made. he left every full moon, always coming up with some stupid excuse for why he had to spend the night away. in the end it tore his relationship to shreds, since his girl was absolutely convinced he was cheating on her.

gray’s life was absolutely miserable: a job he didn’t like, constant fights at home and having to deal with literally turning into a wolf every full moon was just too much for him. he was constantly on edge, lashing out at everyone and everything with the smallest of provocation. he would never abandon his family, however, not wanting to turn out as his absent father.

in faulk.

needing a fresh start, the zaharov packed their bags and moved to faulk when their child was a toddler. gray’s explanation for the move was a tattoo parlor of a friend, where he had been offered a job. in reality, he had heard through the grapevine about how the supernatural blended in with normal humans, and he knew that was what he needed.

gray has been working at the tattoo parlor for the past twenty years, going from a glorified receptionist to piercer to tattoo artist. five years ago he bought the parlor from its previous owner, and the shop is his happy place. art, as it turned out, was the one thing that seemed to be missing in his life; drawing calms him down, and it’s a perfect way for him to exorcise his demons.

grayson’s girlfriend passed away a year after they arrived in faulk. gray doesn’t remember much of the event, having a big fight with her on a full moon night, when he tried to stop him from leaving the house ( still unaware of his wolf other self ). the next thing he knows, gray was waking up in the morning, still in his home, with the love of his life mauled next to him. he never told anyone what happened, disposing of her body and simply telling people that she left him--- police investigated the case, but they didn’t have evidence of a crime and everyone in town knew their relationship was in complete shambles prior to her disappearing.

after her death, gray was never the same. he tries to be a present father as much as he can, but he spends most of his time drinking & doing drugs, or at his parlor drawing.

wanted plots.

a best friend. --- someone gray would trust with his own life. this muse is the one gray goes to about everything, and one of the few people in his life that he opens up to.

friends with benefits. --- gray’s bisexual so any gender here will work ! basically someone he goes to when he wants some fun, though there are no romantic feelings between them.

a neighbor. --- i think it would be nice if this person had been his neighbor since before his girlfriend died, or moved in shortly after ? so they aren’t very good friends, and maybe this muse even suspects what he did ?

friends of all kinds. --- self explanatory, tbh.

a platonic boyfriend / girlfriend. --- everyone thinks they are dating because of their heavy pda, but the cuddling and hand-holding & lip pecking is all completely platonic for them.

the hate fling. --- they infuriate each other to no end, and are constantly fighting, but somehow always end up falling in bed together after a drink or two.

the party friend. --- gray is always looking for his next high, and this person is the one he calls when he’s looking for trouble.

a protective friend. --- even though he’s a grown ass man, gray never learned how to take care of himself. this person does it for him, then, whether that be making him a home made meal, taking care of him after a full moon or just dropping by with a good hangover cure.

#falk:intro #⋆ ◦ ° ☾ × lone wolf // about. ×#i changed the timeline of his life so many times its probably all fucked up but lets just roll w it pls

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yeolkisses · 6 years

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All the evens

Wkbpwbjpe Maddy you’re trying to kill me I swear (but thank you this kept me busy lol and it was fun to do)

2 - do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Yessss I love it. Cold air is a blessing.

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

For coffee, I put a ton of creamer in. Tea is just a no for me.

6- do you keep plants?

Yes! A bonsai, a couple cacti, and an aloe vera.

8 - what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Does writing count??? I’m not very artistic 😅 but I consider myself a decent writer and poet. I feel like words are the easiest way to explain yourself so others can understand you better. It’s specific. Painting and drawing, etc. are also good too of course, I’m just not any good at them 😂 and I feel like they’re a bit more questionable. They have different meanings to people. But that’s what allows people to connect over them; seeing different viewpoints of the same thing. It kind of shows what type of person you are.

10 - do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

My side or my back. I can’t do stomach 😂 it’s just too uncomfortable for me.

12 - what’s your favorite planet?

Hm. I don’t really know. I guess Neptune or Uranus??? They’re pretty.

14 - if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

TBH I don’t even know who my best friend is anymore lately Well it would probably be a bit of a mess 😂 but messy in an organized way??? We’re pretty tidy people, at least when it comes to our rooms, but we (or I, at least) am still a little bit cluttery. I think it would look nice. Not necessarily modern, but just kind of homely.

16 - what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Spaghetti & meatballs OR chicken alfredo. Probably spaghetti and meatballs though.

18 - tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

God they just brought it up today. I swear I’m not as stupid as they make me seem though!!!!! So one time at lunch (like YEARS ago) they were talking about sports and I wasn’t really paying attention (because I’m not a sports person) and they asked me something and I think I said, “I’m not into baseball.” And of course with my luck they were talking about football. So :)))) There are always exaggerations about how I must think a homerun is in basketball, etc.

20 - what’s your favorite eye color?

I mean…it doesn’t really matter to me?? I don’t like thinking about eyes which you already know, so I’ve never really considered a favorite eye color. But I hateeeee the colored contacts people wear, especially when they wear two different colors (one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends used to wear one silver and one bright green one and it was hideous). Anyway, if I had to choose a color, I guess I’d say brown. It’s under-appreciated sometimes 🙂

22 - are you a morning person?

It fluctuates. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. Especially if the reason I’m waking up is to go to something I don’t want to do, then I am NOT a morning person at all.

24 - is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Honestly, probably not. I just really don’t trust people to keep their lips zipped or to not judge me.

26 - what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

My oldest pair of shoes rn are probably the ones I’m wearing (or at least they look the oldest since I wear them pretty much daily). They’re black and white cheetah print converse, with cheetah eyes on the side. They’re super comfortable.

28 - sunrise or sunset?

Both are nice, but I like sunsets better. It’s the end of the day, time to rest, and it just looks cooler imo. More fiery.

30 - think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

In all honesty, I don’t think so. I get scared easily, but I wouldn’t say I’ve been truly terrified.

32 - tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Already done~

34 - tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Done~

36 - which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Oof I don’t know. American Authors maybe? I feel really happy and free rn.

38 - tell us about your pet peeves!

Oh boy. I could go on and on. One: the sound of people chewing. It’s awful but you can’t tell them it’s annoying because that’s rude but it makes me. Want. To. Hit. Someone. It is SO irritating. Another thing: my brother doesn’t flush the toilet :)))) and that drives me insane. Another one: people who spit on you when they talk. People in band who, rather than not playing on the parts they don’t know and working on them later, just play whatever they want and mess everyone up. People who don’t put things back where they found them. People who nitpick every little thing about something that someone else did. I could just keep going on.

40 - think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I’m just gonna choose the ring I wear all the time. I got it at the fair, it was only $12 😂 it doesn’t really hold much meaning, I just like having it so I can fidget with it when I’m nervous or something.

42 - do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

I actually haven’t gotten to experience any coffee shops :/ just Starbucks lol. But once I’m on my own I think I’ll check more places out.

44 - when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I honestly don’t know. It’s been some time.

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’m not good with punssss! I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.

48 - what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Hm I was afraid of a lot of things and I still am. I’d say pretty much the same things, more or less. Things that aren’t even closely real, things that my mind just comes up with. And now I’m actually scared of more things, I think. Realistic situations and whatnot.

50 - what’s an odd thing you collect?

I collect rocks, but I think that’s pretty normal, right?? I also collect piggy banks and hedgehog knick knacks.

52 - what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

God I don’t even know. I guess maybe the spongebob ones, the Patrick ones.

54 - who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Oh wow. Hm. I really don’t know. I really, truly, do not know.

56 - what are some things you find endearing in people?

Hmm…it differs from person to person I suppose. But I guess, like…the way people smile, the different ways people laugh when they’re truly laughing (even if they find it obnoxious it’s a part of them and it’s just kinda cute and funny), when a person who doesn’t usually dress up dresses up all fancy and gets all shy about it. I don’t know. Just little things I guess.

58 - who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

Oof I don’t really know. I think Morgan would be the vodka aunt. But wine mom…I don’t know.

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Yessss I do. Hm, favorites…it depends on the mood I’m in, I suppose. When I was little though I really liked Shel Silverstein’s poems.

62 - do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Nopeeee I don’t really like juice 😕

64 - what color is the sky where you are right now?

Kind of a soft baby blue? Idk but it’s quite nice.

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Baby blue eyes and daisies, I think. Just blue flowers in general would be good enough for me 👍

68 - what’s winter like where you live?

Not cold enough!!!!!!!! Although this year it snowed more than I expected it to. Still, it’s not very cold and we don’t get much rain 😕

70 - have you ever used a ouija board?

No, and despite my belief that it’s absolute bull crap, I would never use one because I’m a wuss.

72 - are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

It depends, some things I remember and some things I don’t.

74 - describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Oof well I’ve pretty much mentioned all my IRL friends and they’re kinda predictable 😂 so I’ll choose an Internet friend. They’re extremely sweet, and do so, so much for other people, even when they’re already so busy with their own life. They’re always caring and genuine, and put others before themselves (even though I wish they wouldn’t sometimes). They’re super patient, which is good because sometimes I can be a bit slow 😂 and just so, so amazing and beautiful and talented and hardworking and they deserve to go far. I hope they’ll keep holding on strong and keep on fighting. And I hope they truly know how much I admire them. (Damn I kinda described all of my internet friends there?????? I had a specific one in mind though I swear)

76 - is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Yes 😂 homework

78 - are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I’m on the fence actually 😕 it’s not like I hate them with a burning passion or anything but I think they’re kinda milking it for all it’s worth at this point, which usually happens with movies.

80 - what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

3 white walls and a light bluish tealish wall (with a border of music notes in silver paint on the teal wall). I got to redecorate my room a couple years ago for my birthday and I love the color blue but I didn’t want something that would darken the room (although I keep my curtains mostly closed lol). The music notes were from a piece I played that year in the school band, it was my favorite.

82 - are/were you good in school?

I’m a procrastinator but I do get good grades 😁 I’ve never had an -A or lower. And I’m kind of a teacher’s pet 😂

84 - are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Definitely not. I don’t see the point in basically paying someone to stab you with a needle over and over again. If I did get one, I think it would be a clef heart or 아리엘.

86 - do you like concept albums? which ones?

I can’t really think of any specific ones (???? maybe I’m just being dumb ????) but I do like the idea of them.

88 - are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Ehhh, I’m not exactly an art buff, so idk what to say. I think that as long as it carries emotion and makes the viewer feel something or think of something, then it must be pretty good. The style doesn’t define what story it tells, it just helps set the mood.

90 - talk about your one of you favorite cities.

I haven’t really traveled so I’m gonna have to skip this 😶

92 - are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Honestly I prefer just butter on my pasta but if I’m putting on cheese then I’m going all the way.

94 - who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Well I mean idk if it counts since I know her online so I’ll go with the closest one that I know irl. My aunt just had her birthday, it was a couple days ago.

96 - do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I usually procrastinate them 😅 because it always asks me when I’m in the middle of doing something and I don’t wanna stop what I’m doing.

98 - when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

I don’t remember…but probably not 😂

100 - if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

The past. I’d like to do some things differently. Be a better person. Make myself become a better person and have better habits. The future can still be changed but my past is set in stone. Although, if I go 5 years back, I might not end up on this site, so overall I’d rather just stay in the present 😂

#next time you reblog a question thing I’m gonna make you do all of them #ask #sehuns-vivi #mutuals

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childofthrenody · 4 years

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January 7th, 2020.

8:09pm

Dear Dera,

I’m stuck in my head.

I feel like there is so much pressure in my chest. Right in the center, and it is just there, all the time now. It’s a lot. I mean, it was a lot in middle school, and the beginning of freshman year. But, idk, it just feels like it’s all *really* fucking hitting me. All the revelations from dad, all the mess of college--applications, acceptances, denials, moving--combined with all the screaming and drinking and fighting and classes and events and this and that and whateverthehell. It’s so much. I feel like I’ve taken a thousand steps backward and I’m going to fall asleep one night and just wake up, back in middle school, back writing these letters and pouring my head and heart out and reading tumblr--making everything worse without knowing it yet--and not knowing what is going to hit me senior year. It should be terrifying, but it’s not nearly as bad as all of this right now. I won’t let myself talk to you anymore, or really anyone, actually. I feel like I let so much out in the past years that I can’t do that to anyone anymore, I can’t let anyone see that shit, have that shit.

Except, for some reason, except for one of my teachers. You know who I’m talking about. It’s the internet, so I won’t name names, but. God, Dera, honestly, I’ve never met anyone who is more trustworthy. Kind. Caring. Compassionate. I still remember this moment. The important parts of it, at least. I walked into his room, I think. For class or commons or whatever. Probably commons. And, like always, he asked how I am. Calling me by name and everything. And, I was like, eh, I’ve been better, or something like that. And he was like “oh?” or “what’s up?” or something like that, y’know? but more how he would say it, if it makes sense. But- his eyes. It was his eyes. God, Dera Hope, they held so much compassion. So much trust I saw there. I guess eventually I’ll forget that look- but I just remember looking at him and just knowing I could trust him. So much compassion, like he really really really did/does care. I don’t really trust easily anymore, but I feel like he is one of those people you only meet a few times, or maybe only once, in a lifetime. He knows everything. And, I can just t e l l that he cares. And for that I am forever grateful, as Hazel Grace would say.

But, I didn’t come back to this old ass account to write about that. I came back because he suggested to let it all out by writing. Because he does that. Writing or something of the sort. Tbh, it’s kinda sad that I can’t really write on paper without constantly being worried about someone finding it, but the internet is the better option? isn’t the internet supposed to be more connected? Idek. Whatever. Anyway, well, here I am. This is supposed to be to mom. Well. Well, here goes, I guess.

Mom. What the FUCK. “Can you even hear me? Sometimes I wonder.” That’s a lyric I just heard. I know everything I fucking say goes in one ear and out the other. Maybe, if I’m lucky, you’ll hear it enough to TEXT ME a half assed apology that never comes through.

God, I’m not even really mad. Abs said it was more ‘exhausted’. Which I think is accurate. I’m just...sad. Numb. Hurt. Exhausted. Just, hit with all this shit and I don’t know what to do with it. The sad part is, I don’t even know if I want the drinking and screaming and shit to stop anymore. At least I know it’s coming, rather than guessing. All I want to do is get out. you keep doing the “you hate me, don’t you?” thing, followed by, “well, you’ll come back and love me again in your 20′s,” thing. Fuck that shit. God, I don’t hate you. Obviously I love you. But, god, you make me sad. Really sad. So hurt. Every time I’m around you it just hurts me. And I just, need to get out. To leave. Dad’s yelling and anger issues and shit around the little things is bad too, but somehow throwing salad at me in the middle of a restaurant and passing out drunk 1-2hours after arriving at christmas eve is a *little* worse to me. Just a thought!!! Sigh. It hurts to even go home, y’know? Today at school was even bad. As I told him, I just wanted to scream at everyone. To snap at everyone. I’m completely off my game. And midterms are coming. I”m so off, and I don’t know what to do. I’m talking it out, I’m writing right now. God, I did an english assignment today and I overthought it and it was so shitty. And my in-class midterm essay was so shitty. The only thing that might come out okay is my art still-life. But the written portion is tomorrow and I won’t be able to do it and jesus I just want to cry cry cry cry cry cry cry. CRY. I was so angry today, right? and I wanted to snap at everyone. Anything anyone did, I wanted to fucking SCREAM. Then, then, I talked it out a bit, and I was still so angry, but, but now I just wanted to cry. God, I wanted to cry. And I did. In the car on the way home, I was driving and something small happened or something and I just started sobbing. Not that much, but this sudden horrible thing just ripped out of me. Like I was holding it in all day. I remember wanting to cry sometime in the middle of some class, maybe english idk it seems like it could’ve been, and not being able to. Obviously. Fine, whatever, but that shit NEVER happens in school! that’s middle school level emotional crap! Jesus Christ! Sorry to take His name in vain, but I think He sees what I mean. How far back I’m going. I only random start crying at home when I just need a sob, or around you, mom, when I turn a corner and just need to let my real feelings surface for a second before the mask goes back on to trying not to piss you off.

God, I try so hard not to piss you off. To be the perfect kid. To stop the little things. I thought I had it together, that I’d realized that I will never be perfectly enough for you. I will never, at least here and now, stop pissing you off and doing the wrong things. Like, yeah, that’s okay. But, god, it’s all going back. I’m stuttering more again. So badly. And of course you hate that! God forbid something different is okay, right? And my thoughts. My thoughts are getting so bad, with my mentality. I have midterms!!!! I have applications, and MAKING IT THROUGH THE YEAR! This isn’t the same as middle school, where I could coast more and it was okay because it didn’t really matter as much, if I remember right. God, I want to go away. So far away. Yes, from you. Okay? Yeah, I said it. I guess dad too, to really see a new place. And I don’t want to come back for holidays and breaks. I know I will have to, at least for some of them. But, ugh. SH asked me today something like, “if you could leave right now and just go to college, would you?” and I was like, 100% yes. Idk 100%, because the whole high school experience and everything, but, god, I want to get away. Half the year is already gone. I want to experience senior year, truly, but I also want prom to come, and graduation, and to have all my acceptances, and the supposedly legendary senior retreat, and all that shit! And to read the letter I wrote sophomore year that’s to my senior self that I’m supposed to forget exists or what it says or whatever. I didn’t, really. Oh well, I guess. I did try.

I think, most of all, I don’t want to lose him. Talking to him. I’ve only known him for like, 4ish months, even though I met him sortof freshman year amist charlie and greg, lol. I remember looking up at him between these two giant seniors and they introduced me and i felt so small and he looked so tall lol, and he was like “hi, I’m [name], I’ll see you senior year!” or “..in a few/four years!” or something like that. Idk, I think expressing it comes across as weird. I want to clarify, I’m NOT like a weird and creepy kid who’s like in love or even anywhere close to that at all. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT, please know that!!!! I’m not even NEAR the same time-zone as that notion. I’m like 5 times zones away from that. But, I just want to keep in touch with someone who really cares, like magistra or mrs c, and stuff. That’s it. Just one of those people it feels like you really want to keep in touch with. Like, I feel like I could visit my high school years from now and he would be totally welcoming. I saw it with past students who visited while I was there. Some a year or two out, some more. He offered to go for coffee with one! Totally rad, chill, normal adult things, y’know? Someone you know, and remember, and could probably invite to like your wedding or something. Idk. Not that I want to get married, but that’s the idea.

Please don’t think of it the wrong way- hence why I’ve never voiced it. I guess it’s the gender thing? Idk. But, all in all, I want to get out, momma. I”m so done with this shit. So done. And it isn’t helping me mentally, physically, or emotionally. I have to exercise ig. Lol. Sigh. You’ve also told me that. I get it, but it hurts. Also, stop fucking touching me. It’s not sexual, but god, leave me the fuck alone! I don’t like being touched! It doesn’t mean i was abused when I was younger or some shit, just leave me alone! Cut out all the“But you’re my kid!’ bullshit, god. I’m not the fucking dog. Sigh.

I’m really sad. I’m really hurt.

Exhausted, as Abs said. Definitely, without-a-doubt, one-hundred-percent exhausted.

Forever Yours,

Camber.

#letterstoshandera #letters #actually to mom but thats a hella commitment to be so direct like that man #okay im sorry #wait blah blah blah mom said i cant fucking say that #well fuck you #not really #im sorry #ugh

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