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katiesthoughtson · 3 years

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22 Lessons I’ve Learned in 22 Years

In honor of my impending 22nd birthday, I decided to do one of my favorite things and self-reflect. I’ve complied this list of some important lessons I’ve learned over the past 22 years. Please enjoy.

1. Just do the thing.

There are so many experiences I’ve wanted to do that I’ve put qualifications on – ‘I’ll do that when I’m older/fitter/more confident.’ I’ve also had the habit of thinking that I can’t do something because it’s outside of a trend or an aesthetic that I’m trying to achieve. I’m a little bit ashamed to even admit that last statement, but it’s the truth.

I now try to keep myself conscious of when I’m having those thoughts and reframing them. There are, naturally, things that I have to save money or wait until I’m legally allowed to do something. However, for the most part, I can do these things now. I can wear that dress or those shorts now. I can learn what an IRA and an ETF and a mutual bond are now. I can be happy now. Not when I’m older or in a new city or achieve a certain goal. I can be happy now.

2. Doing things alone is not unbearable and can even be fun.

One of my most vivid memories of my Disney College Program was my first alone trip to a Disney Park. It was something I put on my bucket list, so I figured I had to get it done. I boarded the infamous CP bus and headed to Epcot, promising myself the entire way, like a mantra, that I could leave as soon as I felt uncomfortable and stopped having fun. I could enter the park, walk around, and leave, if that were all I wanted to do.

I ended up spending almost the entire day at Epcot, thoroughly enjoying my own company and taking my sweet time exploring every nook of the World Showcase (my personal favorite activity during my Disney Days). I love being able to do things at my own pace. In a real twist of fate, I even got to the point where I would intentionally turn down plans with others to have a day to myself in the parks. I’ve tried to continue this practice outside of Walt Disney World – movies, restaurants, parks, shopping. And I’ve had fun doing it.

3. Sticking to what I think is right is worth it in the end.

There are times, in all of our lives, when we are challenged between what we want to do and what others want us to do. It’s hard to stick to what you believe is right, the values that you hold deeply, in the face of adversity, but it’s well worth it. Keep at it.

4. Some things simply don’t matter as much as I think they will.

a. I’ve agonized over so many things – hard conversations and grades and mistakes at work – and honestly…they’ve almost always went better than anticipated. I’ve had hard conversations that have improved my relationships, not ruined everything like I feared. I honestly can’t remember most of my grades, especially from high school. I’ve spent weekends worrying about a mistake I might’ve made at work, just to come in on Monday and be told it wasn’t a big deal. Overthinking and I are close friends, but often, it’s very wrong.

5. Most of the good things in life require risking some degree of failure.

There’s a lot of failure associated with putting yourself out there in search of the goals you want. It takes strings of bad dates and ghosts in order to find someone that you really connect with. It takes endless rejection letters and interview ghosts to find a job that works. Choosing the safer path, the path that offers less rejection and pain, might seem like a good choice, but it comes with the sacrifice of missing all the beautiful things that could result too.

6. Mental healthcare is a very real necessity.

I’ve learned a lot about mental health since my initial discovery of the topic 4 years ago. Lately, I’ve been trying to reinforce mental healthcare in a proactive and reactive way. I have started to incorporate healthy behaviors in my daily routine, like meditation, yoga, and journaling. I have also started taking care of myself when I notice dips in my mental health. I used to have the terrible habit of telling myself that I could just push through it, but now, I stop and take care of the small things to genuinely try to feel better. I drink a glass of water, do something I enjoy, eat a snack. It is well worth it for me to take an hour to step aside, take care of myself, and get back to work, rather than keep trying to do things while my brain is screaming at me the whole time.

7. Making one small positive change can go a long way.

This is another recent mental health tip I heard lately and it’s been so helpful, even in the short time it’s been in my practice. As soon as I notice my mood dip or my anxiety start to build, I change something in my physical environment to make things just 1% lighter. I might light a candle, change into comfier clothes, drink a smoothie, or listen to a favorite song. All of these engage my senses and make my environment a bit better. No, it’s not curing the mental illness, but it’s a mood booster in a small way and sometimes, that’s enough.

8. Real friends grow with you. The friendship will not always feel the same because people change, but if you’re lucky, the friends will stay.

The friends that I currently have in my life are some of the longest friendships I’ve always had. After years of school with people moving or growing out of touch, this is the first time that I can look at my group of best friends and proudly say that I’ve known all of them for 3+ years. Naturally, we are not all the same people we were when we first met, but my friends and I have grown with each other through life’s challenges and successes. Our dynamics have shifted. The way we communicate has changed. But our friendship is still there and it’s beautiful.

9. I have never regretted a learning opportunity – a good book, podcast, seminar, event, etc.

This is a true Ravenclaw trait right here, but I love learning. I have never regretted any opportunity to learn, even if it’s not in my particular fields of interest. I loved my general education requirements in college because they gave me so many opportunities to learn and become more well-rounded. I attended random on-campus seminars and learned so much, even when I walked in knowing nothing about the topic. Now, in my post-graduation days, I still try to find opportunities to learn with books and podcasts and I’ve never regretted any of it.

10. There is no shame in making things easier (even if that requires sacrificing the aesthetic).

Literally this is just about wearing sweatpants and leggings. I used to feel that I always had to dress up or I’d be wasting the day, but I’ve had many, many productive, positive days while wearing leggings. It’s just easier.

11. Things that are popular are popular because they’re good. There’s no point in not liking something just because it’s ‘popular.’ (I’m referring to Taylor Swift here.)

For a long time, I never liked to admit that I liked ‘popular’ things. I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift since elementary school, but finally admitted that I liked Taylor Swift last year. There’s no shame in liking the popular things because they’re popular for a reason – they’re good. (Side note: I’ve made and rekindled so many friendships thanks to Taylor Swift, so it’s also a great bonding experience.) So here I am – turning in my hipster card – and proudly proclaiming that I like Taylor Swift and Starbucks and white nail polish and all kinds of pop music and there’s nothing wrong with any of that.

12. Setting boundaries over your time is essential.

I’ve learned that I need to stop having so many distractions. In particular, social media has sucked my time away. Setting time limits on my apps is one of the best changes I’ve made for myself and my time. I have 10 minutes on Twitter, 20 minutes on Instagram, and 25 minutes on TikTok a day. This has helped me be more mindful, instead of endlessly doomscrolling, and has given me a sense of control over my time again. How lovely.

13. One break from routine will not ruin my progress.

Last night, I didn’t dry my hair before going to bed. I was tired after working out, hopped in the shower, and then went right to bed. My hair, albeit, was a mess this morning, but it didn’t ruin anything. A night without flossing isn’t the end of the world. My teeth will be okay. My habit will be okay. I can pick up right where I left off.

14. Perhaps it’s all just about trial and error to discover what works for me.

I’ve had many expectations about how things would go – from internships to my career to dating – and been incredibly surprised by the reality. I had an ideal list of qualities for a romantic partner, only to go on a series of dates, and have to reconstruct the list entirely. I had to see how I actually fit with different people to determine what I was really looking for. The same goes with jobs. I’ve had plenty of jobs over the years and I’ve had to piece together what I like and dislike about each of them to inform my next moves. For example, after years of retail, I pined over a desk job. My current position is exactly that and yet, I’ve discovered that I kind of miss the busyness and the action. I never would’ve known that, however, if I didn’t try the alternative.

15. I actually like being outdoors.

This is a recent quarantine discovery. I spent my entire life thinking that I didn’t like being outside. It was even a joke among my family members – that I never went outside. You still probably won’t found me outside on extreme weather days, but I have found a love for a walk around a park, reading outside at sunset, or the refreshing feeling of walking through a rainstorm.

16. Advocating for myself is hard and very uncomfortable and sometimes an upward battle, but it feels very empowering in the end.

It takes a while for some people to believe or trust you. It’s a hard process, especially when you know something is wrong, but others don’t see it. However, the persistence makes all the difference. It’s worth it to keep going until you find the support you deserve.

17. Being in pain is never okay.

Another one of my bad habits was delaying treatment for pain, both physical and mental, for as long as I could. One of my goals in 2020 was to take care of my ailments as soon as they occur and it’s been such a relief. (I am incredibly privileged to have access to healthcare and a way to pay for it.) Instead of waiting until my symptoms leave me wiped out, I focus on prevention and helping myself when things only feel a little bad, instead of continuing to push until it was unbearable.

Also – if a doctor belittles or ignores your pain, leave. Just walk out of the office. Ignore them and find someone who does care. This quote comes directly from a doctor I spoke to last year, who after being ignored for an endless amount of time regarding my pain, hit me with this powerful statement and it’s stuck with me ever since. I’m incredibly grateful for her and her attention to my care.

18. The beginning sucks.

During a transition, the beginning is not going to be easy. The first days in a new job are going to feel chaotic and overwhelming. The first days in a new city are going to feel lonely. With time, it always gets better. The beginning is only a temporary phase and I just need to adjust.

19. Everyone is working at their own pace. I’m on my own pace and that’s okay. Things unfold as they are supposed to.

One of the most confusing things about being in your 20s, for me, is that everyone is at a completely different stage in their life. I find myself often comparing my progress in certain areas of life to my friends or people online, when we’re all on our own trajectory. Everything will come to me when it’s right and rushing the process wouldn’t help me. Patience is a virtue.

20. Some people make me feel warm and fuzzy inside and those relationships are incredibly, profoundly meaningful.

My favorite feeling is when I leave someone after spending time with them or hang up the phone on a Facetime call and feel incredibly warm. I can’t stop smiling or replaying our conversation. It feels like I’m consumed with light. That’s the feeling that I want to nurture. I’m so happy there are people in my life who make me feel this way.

21. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”

I am often afraid of big decisions and making those leaps. Moving to Florida. Moving to Florida again. Switching majors. Applying to graduate school. Actually deciding to enroll in graduate school. I’ve been afraid of the unknowns involved in all of these big life changes, but did them anyway. I’m so grateful that I stuck through each of them, pushed through the fear, took care of myself in the transitions, and emerged better for it every time.

22. I’m 22 and don’t actually know that much at all.

I feel a lot of ways about turning 22. I’m equal parts excited and intimated, but here we are. I’ve learned a lot in these past years and I know that I have so much more to learn. Who knows – maybe in the future, I’ll even look back at this list and disagree with these lessons. I’ll think back on this time in my life with a fond nostalgia, appreciating my naivety. But for now, all I can do is embrace what I think I know and keep moving forward. There’s a beauty to youthfulness, to not knowing what’s going on, to stumbling through life, and I don’t want to miss any of it.

So here’s to another chapter of life. I’ll make the wrong decision sometimes. I’ll make the right decision other times. There will be curveballs and winding roads and pain, but there will also be magic and light and resilience. I can only hope that 22 will be kind.

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