#being apparently so thats where im at psychologically and ok. actually lemme just fucking say it. my counselor is... a grad studdnt intern

[pepprs]

college fucking sucks because i need to finish having my breakdown and then process everything and also text people back and get on top of my study abroad shit and figure out my major change crisis and also get some sleep but also i have homework due at 10am that i haven’t even started working on and i can’t get myself to do it and i can’t ask for an extension bc i already got an extension the first time bc it was rosh hashanah and school doesn’t close for jewish holidays and i thought i could get my homework done by 10am on thursday but i wasn’t expecting that counseling would make me have a breakdown and now i can’t fucking move and i have work at 10 and im probably gonna have to talk about all of this stuff bc my coworkers are concerned about me and we check in with each other a lot and im not gonna lie to them about it or anything but also im embarrassed and ashamed to talk about any of this bc if i was less of a fucking disaster i wouldnt have to rely on them as my sole source of genuine and effective emotional support and i don’t want to constantly need to lean on them but what fucking choice do i have when college fucking sucks!

#purrs #ask to tag #i. am so upset right now like what kind of life is this where i have to PAUSE a BREAKDOWN. i cant feel my way through because i have homewrk #i csnt process anything or get sleep or maintain relationships because i habe fucking homework and im already behind in it!!!!!! #i just want to DROP THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! pull a mary oliver and wander around on a walk soemwhere and poem it that is ALL I WANT in my #fucking life and even work is getting exhausting an di LOVE work likr tjas whem you know its bad when even that is making me wigged out!!!!! #GODDDDDDDD i need tk get this done i cant not but im despondent. also i’ll delete this later im sorry i just. am incapable of being a human #being apparently so thats where im at psychologically and ok. actually lemme just fucking say it. my counselor is... a grad studdnt intern #and ive only had one session w her but im concerned that shes not equipped to help me but like im not gonna fuckin say anything abt it after #all the shit ive put her thru with scheduling and how long i had to wait and how cheap these sessions are. but like. idk idk idk im in hell! #i cant be helped! im beyond. the point of being helped like maybe im jumping the gun but thats the vibe i got and i know if anyone responds #to this @ all ppl will be like ‘u deserve so much better u need to soeak up and defend urself and like maybe get a new counselor wjo isnt a #grad student’ and like i appreciate that but i fuckin cant dude i will never let myself!!!!! thats why im in counseling in yhe first place!! #JDHSHDKSHDJ and thats just scratching the surface and like normally i can get myself to do hw but. i cant tonight i just want to go #absolutel tfucking balljstkc like i just want to start acreaming and kicking and crying and well i just think thats sexy of me! #long post #i wanna talk more abt this but its like. probably too personal to put on here and i dont have time anyways and im anxious abt dming ppl bc #im a fucking Train Wreck so. guess i will bottle it up and itll just fade away eventually but. im straight up not having a good time rn!!!!!