#bevause they were all skinny and conventionally attractive and could pass for androgynous

[figofswords]

I feel like gender nonconformity is often taken to mean like. presenting as the opposite of whatever your assigned gender is. like as an afab lesbian if I want to be gnc that means I have to dress super masc. but I think for me at least gender nonconformity is more about completely divorcing yourself from any expectations of gender presentation one way or the other. I can dress masc or femme or androgynous, I can wear makeup or not and shave my pits but not my legs, I can be whatever I want to be on any given day without regard for what I’m “supposed” to wear. when I first started really thinking about my relationship with gender there was a period of time where I felt to be valid I had to dress really butch or it didn’t count, and if I wore a skirt that meant I’d been faking it. but I didn’t WANT to dress super butch all the time. I didn’t want to be butch or femme or androgynous or or or or, I wanted to wear what I wanted when I wanted. ultimately I gave up trying to pin down and put a name on my gender identity. I said to hell with it all. my pronouns are what they are and I dress however I dress and I don’t owe it to anyone to define any of that. my gender nonconformity isn’t a nonconformity with femininity specifically; it’s a nonconformity with any sort of gendered rules of presentation. and that was a really freeing thing to figure out. and I think that in online queer communities there’s really this pressure to put a label on everything and to identify as a specific thing and to prove your validity within your identity. non-binary doesn’t have to mean androgynous. gnc doesn’t have to mean butch. and I guess this pride month I’m just really thinking about that, that really all that being queer is about is saying a big fuck it to it all and just…existing, however you want to exist. wear what makes you feel good. be whatever makes you feel good to be. to hell with it all.

#ok to rb #idk where this came from I am just musing #I think also there’s this level of like. I deleted TikTok bc seeing the nonbinary teens on that app made me feel….bad #bevause they were all skinny and conventionally attractive and could pass for androgynous #I’m never going to pass for androgynous. I’m all hips and boobs. I’m curvy as hell and my voice is high pitched and I’m five feet tall #and it made me almost nauseous seeing this idea of what non-binary or gender nonconformity was supposed to look like #but in real life it’s not like that. gnc people look like a million shades of the rainbow #and it’s important to not make gender nonconformity into just another box you have to fit into #after taking gender studies classes I came to this conclusion like #its all made up to begin with. it’s real but it’s made up #so if gender is just a set of rules we agreed on as a society #then there ARE no rules and gender can be whatever you make it #and there’s a real relief to that