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just-jordie-things · 7 years

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Flirt - Theo Raeken

warnings: swearing, mentions of sexual activities, lotso alcohol so underaged drinking, very belated request word count: 4535 (THATS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT I WROTE IT IN 1 DAY) requested by anon! again sorry the request took me forever to get to ya, but i didn’t forget! although I did change some things around... hope you still like it tho

“Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?”

You turned from where you stood on the steps of the school, and rose an eyebrow at Theo Raeken. He winked, bounding up the stairs towards you. “And how are you this mornings, darling flower?” You rolled your eyes, but let him walk next to you anyways.

“I am absolutely wonderful now that I have Mr Raeken escorting me into the building. And you?”

“Well I do find myself fancying walking with you, flower” He replied. You laughed to yourself as you headed into the school.

“Nice chatting as always Raeken. See you later”

“Adios Chica”

He watched you walk off to your locker, and he paused in the hall. You met up with your friend, Kira, as you always did. Theo let out a sigh. Sure, he flirted around, it was like his trademark. But he didn’t flirt to anyone the way he flirted with you. He pursued you. You… the girl unaware of what his past truly was. Sure, he’d been told by Scott that you knew about the more… supernatural side of Beacon Hills. Basically that you knew about the McCall pack, but wasn’t involved. He persisted on knowing more about you, but Scott only cared to share your knowledge on the werewolves banshees and kitsunes.

But he was aware that you had no clue of his own involvement, including his chimera status.

You were at your locker with Kira, the girl pushing you into answering her daily questions about your encounters with Theo.

“Did he use a pickup line? He always does, what’d he say today? Was it cute? Do you think you like him?”

“Hey hey hey” You said with a chuckle. “Kye, I love you, but this is getting out of hand. Theo’s… popular. You think he’s gonna go for some random girl like me? No. He’s not” Kira made a pout.

“I don’t know girly… he seems like he’s really into you” You crinkled your nose and shook your head.

“No… no I doubt he’s like that”

“Doubt who’s like what?” Lydia asked, having popped out of nowhere. Already using the mirror on your locker door to fix up her lip gloss.

“y/n don’t think that Theo likes her” Kira said. Lydia rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, I haven’t ever seen a boy salivate that much. And I’ve taken Stiles to get curly fries” She said with a short laugh. “Seriously, just go for it. What’ve you got to lose?”

“My dignity?” You said sarcastically. Kira rolled her eyes with Lydia this time.

“You’re not even gonna take a real chance?” She asked. You pursed your lips.

“Maybe if Lyds gets me tipsy enough at her next party” You said. Your friends sighed.

“Come on y/n, that’s totally not fair” Kira said in a defeated tone. “You flirt with hi,, and he flirts back. You’re both into each other, why not just… you know” Kira began wildly clapping her hands. Lydia’s brows furrowed.

“Hatefuck each other?” The banshee guessed. You slapped a hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

“What!?” Kira asked with wide eyes. Oh the innocence of this fox would never not be funny to you. “No- no! I meant- I meant get together!” Kira began to clap again, this time sending you and Lydia into pity giggles and head shakes.

“No sweetie… no that’s not what that means. Like at all” Lydia said, wrapping an arm around the kitsune’s shoulders as the three of you began to walk to class.

“Oh my God…. I do that when I’m talking to people all the time…” Kira mumbled, making you both laugh again as you went into class.

You ended up unable to focus during the entire class. You were too busy wondering about what the girls had told you about Theo. Sure, you were kinda interested. A cute boy who flirts with you? Who wouldn’t be interested. But you were certain that his intentions weren’t to have a romantic evening at dinner and a movie. No, Theo Raeken seemed more like a one night stand kind of guy.

Theo sighed as he sat down at his picnic table outside for lunch. Yeah, for a ‘popular’ and big flirt, he ate lunch alone. After his encounters with the McCall pack, Stiles had a thing for glaring him down in the cafeteria. Or the hallways. Or class. And once he accidentally walked into the bathroom while Stiles was already there. Usually he didn’t mind the alone time, in fact he quite enjoyed it. He was able to get back into the swing of things. Focus on classes, raising grades. As well as keeping his cool and forgetting about the past.

But he knew you were in the lunchroom. Laughing and smiling with your friends… who happened to be the McCall pack but Theo would risk getting the evil eye from Stiles to listen in on your giggling. But then he’d also have to go through the hassle of finding a table and alas, he had no friends. Hayden was the closest thing to a friend he had… but last he heard she was part of Scott’s pack now and likely wanted nothing to do with him.

You wandered outside, needing a break from your group of friends. Well, needing a break from Stiles and Lydia’s clinginess, from Kira’s continued questions, Scott’s check up on your grades, Malia’s… well Malia didn’t do anything you loved Malia, but you needed a break from everyone really. No one was out there, a nice empty space of picnic tables. You took in a deep breath and looked over the area…. Your eyes landed on Theo. Your brows furrowed at the sight. Theo Raeken ate lunch alone?

“Hey Raeken” You called, walking down the steps and into the courtyard. He looked up from a book. A book. You never pegged him for a reading guy.

“Hey l/n” He replied. You stood in front of his table, next to the bench across from him. “Well sit down if you like, but if you’re ditching this early I’d get your ass moving” He said with a light hearted chuckle. You shook your head and sat across from him, setting your bag next to you.

“I don’t ditch. I don’t want to get in trouble” Theo laughed. “What? Is there something funny about my wanting to have a good education?” You asked. You shook his head, pursing his lips and putting his hands up in surrender.

“Oh no, I just don’t expect any less from you lovely y/n” He said. You raised an eyebrow.

“And what does that mean?” You asked, folding your hands together and setting them on a table.

“It means, toots” He started. “You wouldn’t ditch, if I gave you all the money in my wallet, right now” You thought about it for a moment.

“Hm” He rolled his eyes.

“Are you seriously contemplating it? Please, I see you getting the bite from Scott before leaving school grounds before the final bell has rung”

You sat in silence for a full minute before Theo realized his mistake.

His eyes widened and jaw slacked, unsure of how to cover for such a colossal screw up.

Before he could even come up with something to say, you were already responding.

“Well at least Scott’s an alpha. I don’t suppose I’d like to be a part of your sorry ass ‘half animal’ chimera pack” You said with a scoff and a smirk. Again, leaving him with wide eyes and a hung open mouth. “Shut the trap dear, you’ll catch flies” You winked, and slung your bag over your shoulder.

“You.. you knew?”

“I gotta go hun” You said, standing from your seat and making your way towards the school again. “Don’t wanna be late for class” Theo shook his head, left a stunned mute in his lonesome.

The next morning you were getting out of Stiles’ jeep, and tiredly walking yourself up the steps of the school. Nothing had happened to make you this tired, it was just one of those mornings. The kind where you were jeans converse and a sweatshirt, a messy bun on your head and a coffee in your hand. Well, Stiles did spend the whole drive to the school telling you terrible things about Theo, so that wore you out. At least all his arguments were things you already knew.

‘I mean, look at the gel in his hair’

‘He flirts around a lot’

‘He eats lunch all by himself’

‘There’s a reason he’s got no friends’

To be honest, everything he used just made you feel bad for Theo. He really didn’t have friends… at least not ones you ever saw him hang out with. You frowned at the thought, and looked to Stiles as you walked towards the school together.

“Did he have friends ever? Like in elementary school or anything?” You asked. Having been new to Beacon Hills in the eighth grade, you hadn’t known Theo until he had supposedly moved back in the beginning of your senior year.

“Yeah. Me and Scott” Stiles said, tugging on the strings of his jacket.

“Scott and I” You corrected with a mumble. But didn’t push the subject any more. He’d only argue against you. If you even breathed Theo’s name, you were sure Stiles would pop up with five more text based facts about why you should steer clear of him. Most of them relating back to ‘because he’s evil’.

Was he? Would you even know? All that Kira had oh so secretly filled you in on was that Theo was a chimera, and for a short while he had a pack of chimeras that consisted of Tracy, Josh, Hayden and Corey. Hayden and Corey being the only friends you had to talk to about whether or not Theo was a villain.

Josh and Tracy had mysteriously disappeared a few months back… maybe you should be doing some more investigating.

“Kira!” You called, ditching Stiles and rushing over to your petite asian friend.

“Kay bye” Stiles muttered, trying to hide his embarrassment of you leaving him alone by searching for Scott or Lydia.

“Hi” Kira said with a chipper tone but a confused look. “What…? Did you forget to do the Econ homework cause I did too and I was gonna ask Lydia for help on it-”

“Tell me about Theo” You said bluntly. Her eyes widened to a round almond shape.

“Um-”

“Tell me Kira, I need to know”

Meanwhile across the hall, Theo perked up at the sound of his name being spoken in a recognizably soft tone. He looked over from where he was putting his coat in his locker, to where you stood just down the hall with Kira. Just far enough that he could listen in without getting caught. His ear perked as he stuffed his bag with books to look busy.

“... I mean Scott wasn’t dead dead, well, he was, but only for a few minutes!” Kira said quickly. Theo could hear the quickening in your heartbeat.

You were scared.

He shook his head, furrowing his brows as he continued to listen to the conversation against his better judgement.

“He… he k- he killed Scott?” You stuttered over your words, speaking quietly. Theo looked down the hall now, meeting Kira’s eyes. Your back was turned to him.

“Yes” She answered, maintaining eye contact with him.

He wanted to glare, he wanted to slam his locker, maybe storm down there and deliver a nice ‘fuck you’ to the thunder kitsune.

But he couldn’t. He could only stare longingly at the back of your head. Kira looked at him again, giving a slight frown. He wondered if she meant it as an apology, or just for pity. The bell rang, and he heard you and Kira exchange goodbyes.

When you turned around, you began walking down the hallway quickly. He could see you tightly clutching a binder to your chest. He turned slightly, making himself more visible to you, and he contemplated saying something, but he didn’t know how, or what to even say

You saw him before he could finish his thought. Your eyes widened, and you stepped further away from him, walking closer to the opposite wall of lockers.

“y/n-”

“Don’t” You said in the most serious tone you could muster. “Don’t talk to me”

He opened his mouth, but closed it instantly. He could see the tears in your eyes, and didn’t want to push you anymore than he already had.

“You- how- how dare you” You said with a snarl. “How dare you”

I’m sorry, he wanted to say. I’m sorry for everything, I should’ve told you, I should’ve been honest about everything.

“You, Theo Raeken” You looked away for a moment, then shook your head as you stared back at him. “You’re a terrible person” You told him, voice cracking. You opened your lips to say something else, but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. So you settled for shaking your head again.

You walked off, and Theo was left in an empty hallway.

“What an asshole! What a total dickwad!” You exclaimed, swigging back a drink of your beer as you sat on Lydia’s sofa. She sighed, looking over at Kira and Malia, who were curled up on the recliner. Malia had fallen asleep within the first two hours of the girls night sleepover.

“Look, y/n can I tell you something? Like, some real and solid advice?” You shrugged and nodded, taking a few more drinks. “I think… I think he’s better now. Since he’s come back”

“What!?” You exclaimed, and Kira shot you a look, gesturing to her sleeping girlfriend. “Sorry I just- Lyd” You said her name in a breathy laugh. “He, he killed Scott, Kira told me everything he did, he hit you too and nearly killed you in EIchen how can-”

“Yes, he did horrid, and awful things” Lydia said. “But he was literally dragged down, to the pits of hell, for months… I think he’s learned a lesson or two”

You let this sink in whilst chugging down the rest of your beer.

“Anyways, I invited him to my party tomorrow night. Well, I invited everyone, but still, he said he’d be there so” Lydia shrugged, pretending to care about her fingernails but she was watching you out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe you can talk to him, or something”

Maybe you could.

Theo closed the front door behind him, almost being shoved against it by the mass amount of dancing bodies in Lydia Martin’s living room. He swiftly moved past them and made his way to the kitchen. Then double checked his phone.

Lydia Martin: come to the kitchen when you get here Lydia Martin: i’ll put wolfsbane in your drink. You’ll need it

He ended up pushing a few people aside and promptly apologizing. When he reached the Martin kitchen, he saw Lydia there, pouring and mixing drinks, handing out beer bottles and red solo cups. At the dining table some girl was dancing on it and a ring of guys took shots of toxic liquid god knows what

“Ah Mr Raeken!” Lydia grinned, waving him over. “Hey, Mal take my spot” She said, Malia instantly trading places with her. Lydia grabbed two plastic cups and met Theo at the kitchen entrance. “Come with me” She told him, and he blindly followed her to the backyard. He was surprised no one was back here.

“Are you gonna kill me-”

“Nope” Lydia handed up one of the cups, and when he took it she drank from hers.

“Okay… and why’d you want me to come tonight? I mean thanks but-”

“Cut the bullshit you only came cause you knew y/n would be here” Theo snapped his mouth shut and Lydia giggled. “I knew it! Cute” She took another drink, slightly swaying to the loud music inside, muffled out here.

“Yeah.. yeah I did but she doesn’t want to talk to me anyways so..” Theo shrugged, taking a whiff of his drink. When he smelled the wolfsbane he took a small sip, and was surprised by the old yet familiar sensation of liquor running down his throat.

“Anywho. She’s dancing with Kira. You should go ask to talk to her” Theo snorted at that.

“Yeah, thanks sweets, but she’d rather shove a stick up my ass first” Lydia crinkled her nose and cringed at the image in her head, but shook her head to get rid of it.

“Okay… but you’re wrong” Lydia said, using her ‘Sweetie I’m smarter than you so I know what I’m talking about’ voice.

“I’m wrong?” Theo asked, drinking more of whatever it was Lydia had made for him.

“Yeah. You are. You don’t think that I explained to her the whole story?” Lydia asked, her tone becoming softer. Theo looked at her, then looked down at the cup in his hands. “Because I did” She said, maneuvering her head so their eyes would meet, hoping he’d see her sincerity. “Listen to my heartbeat am I lying? y/n likes you, and I can see it, and I know it, you think I’d let her just be pissed at you over something she didn’t yet understand-”

“Okay but why do you care? Why are you helping me? Won’t your boyfriend be mad?” Theo asked. Lydia smiled, and shook her head

“I’m not here for Stiles. I’m here for y/n” She said kindly. “Just go find her” She added, then headed inside.

Theo thought about just standing in the backyard, drinking his liquor and contemplating the strange shit that was his life. But after a second he knew he couldn’t be this close without trying to talk to you.

He went back inside, and pushed his way through the crowd in the living room.

When he saw you, dancing too cutely for your outfit of choice, his heart melted.

You were wearing a black cocktail dress that fell to your upper thigh, enough that when you jumped as you danced, he could just barely see the smooth curve of your ass. You spun around, revealing a beer bottle in one hand, the other happily raised as you danced to the EDM music playing. You were laughing and smiling, eyes closed in euphoria, and if Theo had his scents right, drunkenness. He frowned slightly, instantly worried for your own well being.

Your eyes fluttered open, instantly landing on him. The only non moving thing in the crowd, about four feet away. He was surprised when you didn’t scowl, or frown. The smallest of smiles still stayed present on your lips. After a moment, you lowered your arms and looked down at your feet, silently giving yourself reassurance.

Then you walked up to him, somehow managing to balance in your high heels. He watched you, pretty much ready to hold his arms out to catch you if you were to fall.

“Hey” You managed quietly. Theo looked dramatically to the left, then the right, before pointing to himself

“Me?” You nodded. “You’re talking to me?” You giggled this time, nodding, and holding your bottle to your chest.

“Yes, I’m talking to you Theo” You said. He smiled at you and bowed his head slightly.

“Well then the pleasure is all mine” You laughed again, and nodded your head off to the side

“You want to go outside?” You asked him, and he nodded.

“Sure” WIth that he followed behind you to the back door, just like he had for Lydia. When he passed her and Malia in the kitchen handing out drinks like before, the strawberry blonde gave him a hidden thumbs up. Though he didn’t know if she meant it for him or you. He opened the door and held it as you walked out, giving him another small smile in thanks. He closed it when you stepped outside.

He admired you for a moment as you stared up at the inky blue night sky, counting the stars in your head, as many as you could. After a while he knew he had to say something.

“Look, I figure you wanna talk about the other day, so um, if you have any questions I don’t mind-” You turned around, your beautiful eyes meeting his and Theo found himself trailing off.

“What?” You asked, your innocent voice quiet and soft. You set your bottle down on the concrete patio with a little clink. “Why’d you stop?” You asked, walking back to him.

“Sorry I just..” He stopped again, and you raised your eyebrows in impatience. “I don’t know. Waiting for you to ask questions I guess” You nodded, pursing your lips as you thought.

“Are you evil?” He snorted a laugh.

“I’d like to think not, but don’t ask Stiles that” he said, making you chuckle as well. “Is that all you got? Not exactly what I was expecting”

“Did… did you kill Tracy and Josh?” You asked. His mouth opened, then closed. Then opened again…. Then closed again. You got your answer that way. “Why?”

“I can’t… I can’t answer that in a way that will ever make sense to you” He said honestly. “Or me, quite frankly” You nodded, looking down at the ground and rubbing your shoe on the concrete. “Look, I did a lot of terrible things, but I want- I need you to know that i regret every moment of it, every single one of them. And if I could take it back I would in an instant” You looked up, eyes meeting his again.

“I’ll take your word for it” You said softly. He half smiled at you.

“Any other questions?” You thought for a few seconds, taking off your shoes in the meantime and wandering into the grass in your bare and aching feet.

“Come up with me” You said, pointing off to a tree. Theo looked up, seeing a tree house in it.

“I never thought Lydia would be a treehouse building kind of girl” Theo chuckled, and you did too, shaking your head.

“No, it’s old. She’s had it here longer than I’ve been around” You told him, climbing up the trunk to where the ladder was.

“How long have you been around? Did you go to Beacon Hills Elementary? Cause I think I would’ve remembered you” You were thankful he was on the ladder below you, so he wouldn’t see your blush.

“No, I didn’t move here till the middle of eighth grade” You told him, climbing into the box that was once a prized treehouse. Theo crawled in shortly after you. “But I didn’t meet Scott and Stiles and Allison till freshmen year, I was friends with just Lydia till then” You said.

“Allison?” You looked over at him, your features falling.

“Yeah.. yeah we uh… we lost her” You said solemnly. Theo nodded, barely recognizing the name from something Scott had briefly mentioned a while back. “But she’s in a much better place now, so” You nodded off, looking desperately for a conversation changer.

“So what’s your college future look like?” Theo asked. You raised an eyebrow, sitting on the planked floor against the wall.

“My college future?” You repeated, and he nodded.

“You get questions, I get questions. It’s the game” You nodded, smiling at the idea of the game.

“Alright, I’ll play. I applied for a few places, but I really just want to get into NYC” You said.

“Why so far?”

“Nope, my turn for a question” You said. “Why’d you come to Lydia’s party?”

“Hoping to find you miss y/n” He stated unashamedly. “Why do you want to go to NYC?”

“Because it’s far and I want to explore on my own. Gain a sense of freedom and independence you know?” Theo smiled at that, and nodded. “Mr Raeken” You began in a deep formal voice, and making him laugh. “Do you have the hots for moi?” He chuckled at the question.

“I do believe so, miss y/n” He said, shuffling over closer next to you. For a moment you thought he was going to lean over and kiss you, maybe wrap an arm around you, but he did neither. “And do you for me?” You looked over and smiled at him, fully aware of the mere two inches between your lips and his. You nodded your head just barely.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a chimera to begin with?” You asked quietly.

“I didn’t want to scare you off so soon” He replied in the same volume. You watched his eyes flicker down to your lips for a moment, then back to your own. “Did you hate me when Kira told you… things?” He asked. You shook your head, choosing to keep silent in this answer. He watched you inch closer just a little

“Do you want to kiss me?” You murmured. Theo rose a hand, his fingertips dusting lightly over your cheek before cupping it.

“Yes” He said, your eyes trained on his lips as he spoke the single word.

“Then do it”

It only took him half a second before his lips slanted against yours, making you see stars behind your closed eyes. Your hands slid up behind his neck, into his hair and resting in the soft locks. You hummed in pleasure, scooting forward and moving your lips in sync with his. You felt him smile against you, and you parted briefly.

“Wow” You whispered, eyes still shut and nose bumping his. Theo chuckled, opening his eyes to find yours still closed.

“How would you feel on going out tomorrow night with the bad guy?” He asked you, and you opened your eyes, pressing your cheek against his warm palm.

“I would love to go out tomorrow night with a… a good guy in training” You said with a bright smile and small giggle. With that answer he leaned back in and kissed you shortly, to which you pulled him right back in for a satisfyingly longer kiss.

“I like the sound of that better” Theo said, and you smiled again.

“Me too” You said, hands resting on his shoulders. You stared at him for a moment, then moved closer on your knees, and straddled over his lap.

Theo watched your actions, his arms falling from holding your face gently. You both looked down as you sat yourself on his thighs, then met eyes again. You smiled shyly, and leaned down to press your lips to his again. His hands rested on your hips, then encircled around your waist to embrace you against him. Your lips moved together in a soft dance. He did even try to stick his tongue down your throat, showing you nothing but affection and gentleness. You smiled against his lips, giving him one last, longing kiss. You both parted slowly.

“I would like to fall in love with you” He told you, making you laugh softly and shake your head. He brushed back the fallen strands of hair.

“I’d like to fall in love with you as well, Mr Raeken” You responded.

And you very well did.

hope it was everything you dreamed Xx

xoxo ~ jordie

PS: DONT FORGET TO VOTE UR FAV TW GIRL + GUY IN MY ASKS!! XX

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we-do-recover-together-blog · 7 years

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so its been a slow start on here but i havent had this tumblr for more then 24 hours still trying to figure out how to use this thing but i figured id tell a little bit about my story, when i was young i used to live with my mom my grandma aunt and uncle, mom was 17 when she had me and well at the least to say she wasnt quiet ready to be a mother then. she was always out with friends and partying and would leave me wit my aunt or uncle. i was very close with my aunt if anything she was the closest thing to a mother figure i had in my life i felt safe with her, the only person i ever felt safe with was her and that still stands to this day shes the only person in the world that never turned her back on me and never gave up on me she always took me out before valentines day to get gifts for my little crushes threw out school i could tell her things i couldnt even tell a best friend or counselor she was my safe haven. But sometimes my uncle would baby sit me and he would do inappropriate things to me and touch me and i was so young and i didnt know it wasnt okay i didnt know wwhat it was at all really until i got older and i was ashamed of it and felt like less of a man and really it took till i was about 21 years old to finally come out and say it of course i was only strong enough to say it to the only person i trusted to keep it a secret i was and still am a little bit ashamed of it and its something i need to work on but back to my story eventually with my mom struggling with addiction herself she would get kicked out of my grandmas sometimes so she would grab me put me in the car and we would just drive around all night i cant tell you how many countless nights i spent in the back of her car sleeping or at some strangers house., well eventually i cant remember how old i was exactly but i guess she just got tired of being the part time mom she was and i remember her bringing me to visit my dad who lived with my other grandma grandpa my uncle and my 2 aunts well we walked in the door and everyone was there in the living room just talking but as soon as they saw us it was like the world stopped and they just stared at us well turns out my mother was going on a vacation for a week with her new boyfriend well it turned out that week turned into weeks and longer with out calls or anything she just took off eventually one day we got a call and its the first time i can remember talking to her since she left and she was in jail she came back into my life sorta kinda just in and out until i was in 7th grade thats when i started t get out of control and full of anger and hate and was very rebellious the typical im gonna do what i want when i want how i was and no one can tell me shit about it getting suspended from school getting into fights you name it that was me i was a jerk of a brother a mean son and a worst nightmare for people i didnt like i wasnt scared of anything weather it was fighting jail or cops for years my mother was asking me to give her another chance and move in with her she was never around or home and she didnt really care what i did so i moved in with my mom and from there i fell into a group of older kids that liked to do drugs and fight and pretty much do any and everything that you shouldnt do and to me it was fun i felt cool and ilike doing whatever i wanted if i got arrested my mom wasnt home to ground me or atleast enforce it so i just continued to do whatever i wanted countless arrests and suspensions from school and the drinking and drugging i didnt realize till my most recent years the older kids were just using me because i wasnt really scared to do or say anything perfect little side kick well eventually my mother found a bowl i hadfor getting high and she kicked me out so i moved back to my home town but with my grandparents they are the sweetest souls i have ever met but they were old school and were not very strict so smoking pot and drinking where completely normal especially in my family i first overdosed when i was 15 years old i took about 70 something sleeping pills that the kids in my town started taking because they were untraceable on a drug and blood test like i said that was just my first overdose and yes it terrified my family but didnt faze me one bit not even a year later when i was 16 i overdosed on pcp started hanging out in a bad neighborhood and doing just about any and every drug available even after watching one of my bestfriends drop to the ground from the pcp just minutes before i did i woke up in a hospital bed still unfazed by it honestly i think a part of my thought it was “cool” and at that point i thought well i over dosed twice and still woke up so nothing can touch me at that point i was so wrapped up in drugs that my emotions were non existing and my thought process was just fuck it.the drinking and drugging just got worse the partying continued the arrests never ended cant think of a night that didnt end in running from the cops when i was 17 i first tried heroin i had a friend that sold it and we would go drink at his house and i found some in the bathroom so i tried it and well at the least to say that was the day my life completely i slowly continued to use it but not to the point where i needed it atleast i thought that shortly after i found out that 2 of my cousins were using heroin to of course i didnt tell them i was until we ended up running into eachother in the ghetto so we all started getting high together hiding in abandon buildings and shooting up heroin at this point smoking crack and shooting up cocaine too, two days in a row i overdoses on heroin and xanax the people i was with ran my pockets when my breathing stopped and threw me on the side of the roadluckly i was found by someone and brought to a hospital still wasnt fazed when i woke up and went home went to sleep woke up the next day and got high again in all of these events i was also in and out of the county jail like it was my second home eventually my family got on my ass so i went to a rehab for 28 days just to get them off my back, first day home i told my grandpa i was going to see a few friends and went right back to getting high the same day i got out of rehab. i started hanging out with this girl i met in rehab second time we hangout i end up overdosing again on heroin and alcohol thats when i found out i had hep C but im sure if my track record doesnt prov to be the same that didnt faze me either right back to using eventually i get arrested and charged with 3rd degree burglary get locked up in the county for two months and it violates my juvenile probation and i get sent to a juvenile prison, i stay there for about 18 months while im there my cousins are hanging out and one of them over doses and my cousin and our “friend” freak out instead of calling an ambulance they clean her up and tuck her under a blanket in the hotel room they were in and they leave her a few days later room service finds the body i find out about a week later and well i think the fact of being in jail and not seeing it with my own eyes just made it hard to believe that the cousin that used to babysit me that grew up with me was gone forever and i never got to say goodbye..and it doesnt stop there maybe two weeks later i get a letter and find out my other cousin killed herself. she just couldnt handle the shame she felt for leaving my one cousin in that hotel room .not gonna really get into details about how i felt after losing both of them because its almost impossible to describe.about a year later i finally get out and i move in with my aunt her fiance and my baby cousin i was on parole so i had expectations to meet like outpatient counseling so about 2 months after being out im doing good staying clean doing good with outpatient and my curfew well i wake up the day after my 21 birthday i wake up to a text that my bestfriend of 18 years is dead and that pretty much destroyed me and broke me down i started drinking and skipping outpatient or showing up drunk i shut down and pushed myself into the dark again i was trying to get parole to violate me and send me back i just gave up but it never happened and the day i got off i moved out of my aunts and with my friend in philly well that was all just party party party. at the time i was talking to a girl who i thought at the time was my life partner and all that bullshit but i was just blinded by after 2 years of nothing but jail and parole rules she was just the first female who gave me her attention well while i was in philly we were all drinking and me and her broke up i was drunk and emotional and i well i went into the bathroom and i took 3 90 count scripts of depression medicine and i took them all i took 270 pills give or take a few and tried to kill myself 10 minutes after i took them i blacked out well all i can say is i must have a a seriously bad ass guardian angel or i have a very big and meaningful purpose in life because i woke up the next day weak unable to move and throwing up non stop all the pills i took. it took me about three days to get back to me then i went back to jersey with my uncle not long after that i get hooked back on heroin and cocaine again and my life just well i can say i never been so low the insanity of it all is just well insane everyday i woke up and NEEDED drugs in one day i would think a million times how much happier i would be if i just ended the suffering if i just drove the car into the wall as fast as i could and just end the suffering, my mind was such a dark scary place i wouldnt wish it on anyone and if i didnt always want to get high just one more time if i didnt want to feel that rush one more time im sure i probably would have killed myself, one day i was getting high with my gf at the time and i was just i dont really know what happened but its like time froze and i saw who i was when i got out of jail and how bad things got and how far out there i was so i reached out to the only person i knew i could trust and that would help me my aunt and the next day she checked me into a hospital and i detoxed there while i was there my aunt and my mom found me a halfway house to move into..out of state, they didnt want me to end up like my cousins did the found me a sobor living home and a plane ticket and they went above and beyond to save me. so i moved and i was terrified that id fail i was in the halfway house for about 3 1/2 months to 4 and i turned into a completely different person that i never thought i could be i was happy and going to meetings and sharing and i met a girl and i fell head over heals for her the second i laid eyes on her shes been strong for me stood by my side and made me believe i could be more then a guy working as a cook and just barly making it that i can have that nice house and i can g=have a nice car or go back to school that i can build a family of my own it took me a while to realize or should i say believe in myself to be honest i didnt start fully believe in myself until 2 months ago since me and her have been together i have stolen money from her to get high on multiple occasions i have lied to her and flipped her brand new mustang going to get high i have snuck out and left her alone in bed to go get high she bought me a plane ticket to go home on my birthday for a week to see my family and my first day home i overdosed on heroin i have left her on three occasions because i broke the law and went to jail the first time was for 2 months for aggravated assault and she answered every call wrote me letters came to every court date she visited me and she stayed by my side the whole time.not even 5 days after i got out i stole her car and money to get high even after everything she did for me a month later i got arrested again and charged wit domestic assault for splashing her with water yea i know it sounds stupid but i was piss drunk and got out of control well she bailed me out of jail my drinking continued to get worse and i came home one night from work very very drunk and i snapped and i actually put my hands on her i hit the woman that did nothing but stand by my side and believe in me and give me chance after chance she carried my child the first time i went to jail and we lost it from all the stress she was under from supporting her child and paying rent all on her own a few months after she bailed me out we got pregnant again our own little baby boy Carter well our little baby boy wasnt so healthy and was in pain so we had to make the decision to abort it was what we thought best for him while she was pregnant i went behind her back and was talking to a female that i shouldnt have been talking to and said things i shouldnt have said while being in a relationship with this wonderful woman who has done nothing but fight for me and stand by my side well on july 27th i went back to jail again and stayed for about 2 months for violating my probation still this woman stood by my side answered every call and again came to court this was when i finally realized i was still being defeated by my addiction and while in jail i decided im not gonna be that person i was because i have a choice it is my life and i wont be weak anymore i started going the the steps again for real this time and taking every step to better myself and well guess who bailed me out of jail again? you guessed it she did and now i have been home for 6 days and i have trouble sleeping so i decided to make this blog to share my story help others like me most importantly help myself and not i am sitting in bed next to my girlfriend and my only thoughts are why didnt i take advantage of this time with her and also how easy recovery can be if you really try i mean we tried pretty hard to get high or stay high just half of that effort will save your life its saving mine usually nights like this id be searching the house for a car key that my gf has to hide from me so i dont steel her car but today all i care about is spending and enjoying every moment with this woman and what would be my next step that would be best for my family and me its gonna be a long road and a hard fight but i know i can do it just like i know you can do it stay strong everyone never give up and remember you are worth it and you are worth saving

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astralaces · 7 years

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im bitter so here is a hateful review of la la land

okay, so before i went into this movie i had read nothing but good things about it. i’ll admit i was a bit skeptical, but i sat my butt in that theater hoping that the reviews had been right.

boy, were they wrong.

alright so my biggest complaint overall is that i was told that this was a musical but i swear no one in this can sing to save their life. now im no vocal expert, but the leads voices seemed far too weak and breathy. they get a a tiny bit better towards the end, but even then the performance is lackluster.

my next problem with this is that even though this is supposed to be a musical, none of the numbers sang by the cast do much to progress the story. the beginning of the movie literally wastes your time with a number that does nothing but remind you that this movie will, in fact, have singing and dancing. this wouldn’t have ticked me off as much if the number was actually good.

anyways, after that pointless number mia and seb (the two leads) see each other for the first time when seb angrily speeds past mia who was holding up traffic.

after that happens, we find out that mia is an aspiring actress who works as a barista. we see her go through several failed auditions and after she goes home we are introduced to her friends/roommates (who turn out to be irrelevant for the rest of the film) and then get forced to sit through another crappy number. again, the number serves no purpose other than to show us that mia apparently doesn’t get out much. anyways, at the end of the number mia gets all dressed up to go to a party with her friends.

so at this point i just want the movie to get on with it, BUT WAIT! now we get a full rewind and get to see the beginning of the day through seb’s point of view! honestly the pacing of this movie was shit the whole way through.

okay, so we go back to seb beeping at mia to get her ass moving along the freeway and then we see him go to his empty apartment filled with unpacked boxes. his sister is there and basically tells him to get his shit together and this is how we find out that he wants to open a jazz club.

so some more irrelevant shit happens and we shift back to mia who has ditched the party and stumbles upon some kind of dinner club place. and oh, what do you know, seb is there playing piano (his ass is then promptly fired for being unable to stick to the music he was given).

as seb walks out, mia tries to tell him that his playing was great, but he shoves her out of the way and leaves. great job of making him seem likable movie.

so then the movie shifts to the springtime (everything before this was in winter) and mia is at another party where seb also happens to be. the movie pulls another bullshit card by having the two of them recognize each other even though the last time they ever “interacted” (if you can call it that) was months ago.

mia is still bitter about seb being a douche that one night so she starts trying to give him a hard time. again, nice way to give us some likable characters movie! i swear almost every action taken by these characters just reinforces the fact that they are both assholes.

more shit ensues and for no reason at all seb and mia decide to take a walk together. in case you were wondering, the chemistry between them is horribly written. i was sitting there wondering why in god’s name the movie was trying to push it. it’s obvious that these two have absolutely no reason to like each other at all.

anyways, they spout some bullshit about how the fact that they keep running into each other must be fate (even though this is barely the third time they’ve seen each other and the first time they interacted for more than a split second). honestly, these forced romances make me shudder.

honestly this whole movie is a train wreak so i might get some of the rest of this shit out of order and i might miss some stuff, but bare with me.

so later on seb shows up to mia’s workplace and they hang out (it’s worth noting that since mia works on movie sets seb had to run past the guards to get in. i don’t know about you guys, but i’d find that kind of behavior really freaky from someone i just met.). seb ends up telling mia all about jazz (a painfully boring scene to sit through. i understand that the movie wanted to educate it’s audience but as someone who was taught this shit in school it made me roll my eyes) and mia begins to like the genre as well. so seb invites her out and she agrees.

the problem with this is she already has a boyfriend (or something to that effect. i don’t think it’s ever explicitly said what her relationship with him is, but from what my friends and i could tell they were in a relationship). he takes her out to dinner on the same night she planned her date with seb and she just. up and fucking leaves the dinner table. no explanation, no curtesy for anyone else. she just gives a pathetic “im sorry” and races over to seb.

so mia and seb watch a movie and are about to kiss when the movie’s film burns up, interrupting them. gotta keep that crappily written romantic tension going kids!

eventually mia and seb get together and we get a dull montage of them going out. at one point they’re in a museum and they fucking start floating through the room out of no where?? i get that these types of films always have that element of disbelief to them but this was so fucking jarring?? the movie had been taking itself so seriously up until this point that all i could do was sit there and mouth are you serious?

so la la la they start living together and shit. eventually they come across an old “friend” of seb’s who im pretty sure was named keith (i might be wrong but im just going to refer to him as this). so the scene with them is really awkward and seb looks uncomfortable. he tells mia that things are always awkward with keith, but we are never told why. it’s obvious that these two characters have some kind of history but it is literally never addressed.

so the reason keith was there was to offer seb a job with his new group. mia convinces seb to go for it and in return seb convinces mia, who is still struggling as an actress, to write her own show.

keith’s group turns out to play their version on a modern take on jazz and seb (who wants to save the genre) is turned off at first but hey, the guy needs some money so he joins.

eventually the group becomes a huge success (they put on a show and everyone except mia likes their music) and seb is always away from home performing.

because of this, we get the only entertaining thing in this entire film. the sad thing is the scene as a whole is bland, but one of seb’s lines brought me back from the brink of death after sitting through everything that had happened beforehand.

alright, so mia basically asks seb when he’s going to get out of the group and start his jazz club/restaurant since that was his dream and he had already gained enough funds to do it. seb tells her that he’s going to continue with the group because he’s finally making some money.

the couple continues arguing and that’s when it happened. seb added three years onto my life when he essentially tells mia that she only liked him when he was poor off his ass cuz it made her feel better about herself.

now, just because that was the only entertaining this in this whole movie, that does not mean i’m not going to add asshole points onto seb’s character.

so mia storms out of the apartment and seb stays behind. so any normal viewer would assume this is a breakup for them, but apparently it’s not? because seb still tries to make it to mia’s one woman show.

needless to say seb ends up getting there too late and mia is pretty much destroyed over the fact that no one expect her friends and a few other people decided to show up. now this is where we get our big break. seb tries to apologize but mia drives off because of how hurt she is. she ends up going back to her parents’ house.

a while later a woman calls seb. she’s some kind of casting director or something and she says she was at mia’s one woman show and she loved it (can anyone say plot convenience?). so seb drives off to get mia.

he gets there and the two of them begin to argue. seb wants her to meet with the lady who called him because it was a chance to make her dreams come true. mia doesn’t want to go because she’s tired of failing and being disappointed.

seb then goes on to be a hypocritical ass about the whole situation. he essentially gave up his dreams to play in keith’s group and had the audacity to get mad at mia for giving up on her’s. eventually mia comes around and meets with the woman.

surprise surprise, she gets the part. she leaves to paris for five years after she and seb proclaim that they love each other. in the end, she comes back, but she had married another man and has a daughter.

she goes for a night out with her husband and they walk into a jazz club. SURPRISE! it’s seb’s club. once they see each other we get a shitty “what could have been” ending where it shows what their lives could have been like if they ended up together.

needless to say it’s another waste of time. as i’ve already said their romance was dug out of a garbage can, but even if it had been written well, mia and seb are just plain unlikable.

when you’re telling a story your characters have to be likable. i’m not saying that they have to be perfect and flawless, but they have to have at least a few redeeming qualities for your audience to want them to succeed.

as far as mia and seb go they were such assholes that i didn’t really give a shit if they’d succeed in making their dreams come true. i wasn’t rooting for them to end up together. all i wanted was for the shit fest that is la la land to end.

thankfully, once mia and her husband leave the club the film actually DOES end (i swear there were like three fake out endings in this. it’d make you think your suffering had ended but NOPE. there’s more!).

the thing that really gets me about this crap movie is the fact that it gets so much praise. hell, even the camera work was shit in some parts. they’d pan over a large group of people, but keep everything blurred. after a while that shit really starts to hurt your eyes.

the setting was jarring (it takes place in modern day, but tries to go for a 20′s/50′s aesthetic. it just doesn’t work) and the overall performance was underwhelming.

the writing was horrible and the musical talent was nonexistent. all in all this is one of the worst movies i’ve seen.

#me #i mean everything i say in this #but at the same time i feel a bit bad #cuz the reason im bitter has nothing to do with the movie #but i need to focus my negative energy somewhere so yeah

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