#both of those first which idek how to do properly and trying will take ages and im chronically perfectionist so. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

Text

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #internet stuff #this went in a bigger direction that i thought it would lmao #but anyway

7 notes · View notes

just0nemorepage · 6 years

Photo

My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories || Stephanie Perkins || 321 pages ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top 3 Genres: Young Adult / Short Stories / Romance

Synopsis: If you love holiday stories, holiday movies, made-for-TV-holiday specials, holiday episodes of your favorite sitcoms and, especially, if you love holiday anthologies, you’re going to fall in love with My True Love Gave To Me: Twelve Holiday Stories by twelve bestselling young adult writers, edited by international bestselling author Stephanie Perkins. Whether you enjoy celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah, Winter Solstice or New Year's there's something here for everyone. So curl up by the fireplace and get cozy. You have twelve reasons this season to stay indoors and fall in love.

Finished: December 14th, 2017.

Progress: 13 / 50. 26% complete.

My Rating: ★★★★★. [5/5]

My Review: [Under the read more - NOT SPOILER FREE]

Alright, it's been three days, I've seen the new Star Wars on opening night, survived my office's Christmas party and a trip to the mall, spent a night with Tyler and an evening out with my entire family for my dad's birthday, ticked off another D&D session, woke up early to do some dog sitting, passed out in bed before 11pm on both of my days off cause – who knew – I am tired, SO, it's about time I wrote this review.

Gift wrapping still needs done today too.

REVIEW FIRST.

CAUSE THIS BOOK DID THINGS TO ME.

To be fair – as with all short story books, some stories fell kind of flat, most others were either neutral or just generally enjoyable, and the rest were like JESUS CHRIST I WANT A FULL NOVEL OF THIS.

I also had a fun time trying to identify which of the ice skating couples on the front of the book corresponded with each couple in each story. 😁

So I suppose I'll do a breakdown of all twelve stories, with individual ratings and comments for each one, knowing that the whole book gets a full five stars cause holy shit my heart.

Midnights ; Rainbow Rowell - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. One of the ones I felt kind of neutral towards, and maybe even fell a little flat. It was cute, definitely, and a good start to the book, but the characters felt so... "young adult." They didn't feel real at all. It felt like an extremely romanticized version of a friendship turning into a romance, and like it was more a stylized painting of a relationship than an actual relationship. But, it was still cute.

The Lady and the Fox ; Kelly Link - ★★☆☆☆. 2/5. The writing was beautiful and poetic, but the relationship was... weird. I know that a lot was left unexplained and up to your imagination on purpose, but there was so much left out that I don't know if it was actually on purpose or if it was just poor storytelling. I also don't like the concept of a young girl meeting a strange older man, and as she "ages into it" they eventually fall in love. Especially since he was mean to her at first. Plus her personality change into "goth/punk" and the witch's appearance and deciding to let Fenny out of her grasp happened very abruptly, and left me feeling very unsatisfied. And Elspeth sort of just.. appearing in the middle of it all? Already fully understanding the situation? It was weird and needed much more explaining to feel like a fully developed story, and without it just felt like the bare bones outline of a story that could have maybe been decent with more flushing out.

Angels in the Snow ; Matt de la Pena - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. Yaaas Mexican main character, and mixed-race relationship. The story was all extremely adorable and felt very real, and I like how the ending wasn't necessarily happy. I also like how the whole situation was messy, and neither character is completely likable – Shy had his pride, was a chronic liar, and had issues with expressing healthy emotions, and Haley never fully explained WHY she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, and also had a night of cheating on him. These things are what made me feel genuinely annoyed enough to not actually be able to enjoy the story and the messiness of everything. But – BUT – Shy understood consent, and Haley understood things were no longer fair and healthy between her and her boyfriend, so she broke up with him that very same night she cheated. I heavily appreciate and respect these things, and I must say that even though the character's annoyances cut through too deep for me to rate the story any higher, it was very powerful and actually pretty well done.

Polaris is Where You'll Find Me ; Jenny Han - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. THIS ONE WAS SAD. I wasn't expecting a fantasy story in this book, and it was a pleasant surprise! BUT IT WAS SAD. I loved that the MC was Asian, and the concept of a human raised amongst Christmas elves is a pleasing one to me, especially since these elves seemed more like LotR elves than Elf elves. But that Natalie was so unaccepted and unwelcomed by everybody? That Santa (as her father) seemed relatively oblivious to it all? That Flynn apparently has had feelings for her and only showed it after he provided her with Lars's address, already knowing she's likely to go back to the human world to choose Lars than stay where she knows she doesn't belong? Annoying, hence the three stars, BUT SO SAD. Probably the saddest story in the book, and having an ending that wasn't necessarily happy and left so up in the air REALLY was a nice surprise.

It's a Yuletide Miracle, Charlie Brown ; Stephanie Perkins - ★★★★★. 5/5. THE FIRST ONE I ADORED. OH GOD. This is also my first ever Stephanie Perkins story. If all of her shit is like this then OH MAN OH MAN. The story and the situation was so fucking cute, and actually believable, and holy wow *another* PoC MC, and paganism treated as real and respectable and legit and holy shit it's actually in a story (which legit made me want to find ways to celebrate the Solstice in addition to Christmas cause fuck man that's closer to what I actually feel than anything else out there), and I just, idek. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS STORY was fucking amazing and incredible and I want a whole NOVEL of it. I mean I could re-read it again right now cause AAAHHHH. This isn't doing the story justice at all and I feel horrible for it but I CAN'T ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS OKAY.

Your Temporary Santa ; David Levithan - ★★★★☆. 4/5. A gay couple!! Treated as completely normal and not about coming out and not facing shitty people and oppression!!! That in itself is fantastic. And then there's the "oh, this is more complicated than I thought" thing that pops up right about when Lana comes out to taunt the (Jewish!!) MC, who I think I just realized went unnamed in the whole story. It's never stated clearly but it's heavily implied that the last person to wear that Santa suit is Connor's dad, who is also heavily implied to have left the family. Riley is still too young to understand, Lana is SO ANGRY about the situation and takes it out on everyone and everything at only 12 years old (that poor kid), and Connor seems to just want to do something for his baby sister without realizing what it might do to the rest of the family.. that, and that the MC crawls into bed with Connor at the end of it when it was both implied that he wasn't yet properly introduced to the family, AND that to do so would give away the Santa secret.. those last couple things are what made me go "?" and docked the one star off. Otherwise though, it's powerful and sad and I am a HUGE fan of the diversity in this whole book cause omg.

Krampuslauf ; Holly Black - ★★★★★. 5/5. THE SECOND ONE I ADORED. At first it seemed like it was too try-hard and edgelord, but then quickly proved to be a PERFECT combination of my aesthetic – cause I mean, a faun IS going to be my next costume project, so there's that, AND justice is a massive turn-on, SO. Creatures from some sort of fae realm showing up during Christmas to deliver justice against a cheating sexist shit-head as a gift to the girls he's wronged, especially in the form of a fae woman with a knife and a satyr who's probably the sexiest character I've read about in a book to date (the gold-painted goat-legged Krampus self-dubbed Joachim), is EXACTLY my kind of shit and oh my god I want like – a whole novel or a whole series of novels about this. Just oh my god. Once I realized what was going on I was like "HOLY SHIT" and almost felt like it was written specifically for me because it fit so perfectly. I mean of course it wasn't – BUT STILL. I WANT MORE. I was NOT expecting darkness or anything seductive in a CHRISTMAS story so this took me so off guard and asdhkjhkdhf.

FAE, BUDDY. YOU DON'T MESS WITH THEM. THEY ARE GOALS IN LIFE.

What the Hell Have you Done, Sophie Roth? ; Gayle Forman - ★★★★★. 5/5. Another one I thought was utterly fantastic. The storytelling and the characters and the setting felt so well done and so real, and ANOTHER mixed-race relationship (AW YISS), and the MC being a card-carrying intersectional feminist in all but a specific statement saying so, and, DUDE, SHE'S JEWISH, and idk this one was SO FUCKING CUTE and I loved it to pieces. She reminded me SO much of myself – a personality and sense of humor that doesn't really fit in and tries so hard to be aware of other peoples' plights and troubles, and that she actually fucks up and handles it, and just. IT HIT ME IN THE FEELS.

These comments with each story are probably getting less and less clear and concise as I go on but idgaf.

Beer Buckets and Baby Jesus ; Myra McEntire - ★★★★★. 5/5. I didn't adore this one as much as the other five starers, but it still gets five in just how pleasantly surprised I was, and how all my stereotypical expectations were blown completely apart and proved totally wrong. Troublemaker guy has a crush on pastor's daughter, who is dating the star football player, and all these people end up coming together to put on a Christmas pageant troublemaker-guy is responsible for as his act of community service for all the trouble he gets into. And it's set in the south. Quite frankly, it sounds sickening and like I'd rather suck on a cactus.

BUT. Pastor's daughter (Gracie) COMPLETELY proved to be her own, strong, willful person who doesn't even seem to be SUPER religious – still religious, sure, but more into science and historical accuracy than "Bible this and Bible that", who knows what she wants and goes for it and is complicated and fucking smart (valedictorian!), and Vaughn – troublemaker guy – eventually sees all of this and COMPLETELY RESPECTS ALL OF IT. No taking advantage of her, no thinking less of her, no belittling her, IS RESPECTING OF CONSENT, sees her completely as her own person, respect everywhere, oh my god. And the football star Gracie's dating? Is ALSO ACTUALLY PRETTY RESPECTFUL. And nice. And it turns out the situation there was just a cover for a long-distance relationship he's in that his family wouldn't approve of, that she's understandably not a fan of and wants out of, and they promise to handle it and fix it like mature adults. So. DUDE.

I WAS SO SURPRISED.

It gets a full five stars just for shattering all my horrible expectations and actually being completely everything I could ever want in this situation.

More things need to shatter my expectations like that! I was so happy!

Welcome to Christmas, CA ; Kiersten White - ★★★★★. 5/5. Oh man another one I loved. Maria reminded me so much of my boyfriend, and this whole story is just so adorably sickeningly cute and sweet and I can't get enough of it. Candy's boyfriend can go FUCK HIMSELF and I am so happy she got away, and also so happy that Maria came to see the truth of things and adopted a much more healthy outlook at the end, and I am HALF CONVINCED Ben's story of "juvie" is just a cover-up that he's a Christmas elf. Though I also accept the story that he's actually from juvie, cause fuck, people with those kinds of backgrounds NEED more stories of hope and success and still making a good life for themselves.

I'M FEELING ALL FLUFFY INSIDE AGAIN JUST THINKING OF THESE STORIES I LOVED SO MUCH JESUS CHRIST.

I'm gonna have to bookmark them or something so I can re-read them again whenever I want omg.

Star of Bethlehem ; Ally Carter - ★☆☆☆☆. 1/5. Seemed more like a situation that was trying too hard to be a thriller, and with an ending that was a COMPLETE flop and let down. I spent the whole story trying to figure out wtf the real issue was and why Liddy was as scarred as she was. So when it got to the end, and it was revealed that she was a teen music star and the "bad guy" was her manager-turned-guardian and was only missing the goatee and steepled fingers for as typical of a "bad guy" as he was – I mean, he all but yelled back "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME" like some Batman villain – just, man. I was so disappointed. It all was so fast and so basic and so stereotypical and so one-dimensional – I mean, the family and town would all accept her just like that? No anger that she lied at all? Aunt Mary actually wants to adopt her after just a WEEK? She let Ethan kiss her and actually felt okay with it amongst all the rest of it? I mean – wasn't he upset about Hulda? He knows nothing about this girl and just knows she's lying and could hurt his whole family – how could he feel anything good at all, let alone romantic feelings toward her? None of it made sense and none of it fit and it actually felt kind of... bad. I mean, okay, the underlying story was interesting, I appreciate the idea of someone famous just wanting to be normal again and have a loving family again, and I like the idea of a family seeing through someone's completely obviously bad coverup story and taking care of the person anyway, but I DON'T like the lack of consequences, the complete inconsistencies in character development and plot, and how friggen rushed and horribly written the ending and the reveal was. This one was probably my least favorite story in the entire book, and left me feeling actively annoyed and disappointed.

The Girl Who Woke the Dreamer ; Laini Taylor - ★★★★★. 5/5. AND THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.

OH, MAN.

I almost want to just leave this review at JUST THAT cause holy shit how do you review this one.

It was SUCH a perfect ending to this book, I just, oh my god, it was so beautiful and perfect and wonderful and fantastical and FUCK THAT MINISTER MAN and idk it seemed all about the "fuck Christianity pro-nature pro-paganism" that I feel down in my bones and the depth of my soul, and I JUST COMPLETELY ADORED THIS STORY. idk other people might be able to say that it's "fuck a very specific kind of Christianity", which I get and agree with. But this "very specific kind" is like.. 99% of all people who follow it. Including all of history and what America was founded on and what people are trying to work into American law. So like. Yeah.

Enough about that though. Oh my GOD, this whole story and situation and everything about it. THE WRITING. OH, MY. THE WRITING. Holy shit I do not do favorite authors, but I think Laini Taylor just found her way into a spot amongst my favorites anyway. This is not the first story of hers I've read that has been written this beautifully, so I believe it's a consistent thing and I AM IN LOVE.

The only thing that made me sad was leaving all the other girls behind in the dust. So things went WONDERFULLY for Neve... but what about all the others? Are they going to be left behind to rot in unwanted, rape-y relationships? Was this society and the situation fixed at all? Was the shitty oppressive religion silenced in favor of the old one, the real one, the one that doesn't empower horrible people and punishes ACTUAL wrong-doings and sees all people as equals?

I sincerely hope so.

A BOOK COULD BE WRITTEN ABOUT IT TO ELABORATE.

Yanno. Just saying.

Oh my god I am so happy with all the diversity and differences and equality and YAAAAS in this book. SO HAPPY.

Things that could have made it all even better: A LADY-LOVE ROMANCE. Or some other form of gay relationship – like maybe someone who's bi! Or even ace or pan – THAT would've been wonderfully rare and unexpected!

I do realize that the average of my star ratings should put my overall rating at about.. a 3.8. But, seriously – the ones I loved, I loved SO MUCH, that it completely overrode any feelings I had about any of the ones that I didn't. They were just THAT GOOD, that I could ignore the meh ones' presences entirely and go right ahead and fucking love the entire compilation anyway.

I mean, it's not like I didn't appreciate the efforts and the stories and what all the others were trying to get across. Everything still had its own sweet or sad notes and it all still felt appropriately Christmas-y to me.

So, yeah, I can still honestly say I adored the whole book and would shove it in the faces of people who are in the mood for some cute romantic shit and are ready to barf Christmas everywhere. :D Barfing Christmas everywhere is my LIFE each December. So this is absolutely for anyone who does the same!

Those five-star stories I'll read YEAR-ROUND anyway, not even gonna lie, they were THAT GOOD. I'll barf Christmas in JUNE to re-read that shit.

#book reviews #my true love gave to me #stephanie perkins #★★★★★#young adult #short stories #romance #favorites #stunning covers #owned #print book #stand alone #jomp original

5 notes · View notes

iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

Text

tl;dr political rant post:

it had been my goal from 12 years old to do an arts degree in philosophy (yes what a nerd- thanks to my dad playing a Great Courses philosophy dvd one morning in 2007 and my dad always taking me to the botanic gardens/the uni some weekends).

i graduated from my arts degree in 2018, with a major in english and a minor in philosophy. i was so, so lucky to even get into my communications & media degree (at first i was originally going to do marketing communications, advertising & PR)... but i realised that i was not made for business subjects- despite my mark101 tutor telling me she thought i had knack for marketing- something under this policy that i wouldn’t undertake due to the price hike for commerce/business degrees. nor was i made for a media degree. so i changed to arts & humanities.

although under this atrocious policy, english subjects are made “cheaper”- why on fucking should the rest of someone’s arts/humanities degree be so much more expensive, all depending on the fields they choose???? so you’re telling me, if i was instead to enter undergrad this year to do my english degree... that my english major would be subsidised, but my philosophy minor would be at double the cost (along with the few first year business and communications&media subjects i did), unless i forced myself to pick maths or science subjects that i would most definitely fail, no matter how much work i’d put into them??? or there’s languages- but much like maths/science- there’s the problem with my handwriting that stopped me trying french and even japanese (ironically, since it’s know for its ~painstakingly neat and orderly~ script- but my handwriting is still messy, disorderly and confusing asf).

*please note that most of this next section is just me being highly spurious and cynical. it’d probably work out fine*

but you’re also telling me that under this policy that i’d also probably have to forego my reasonable adjustments in those subjects (yes i still have trouble with my handwriting to this day) mostly because a lot of software still won’t let you write out maths problems properly or i’d have to spend twice as long trying to get a graph to work in excel or idek matlab (please teach me maths nerds)???? and most maths working out is probably better handwritten or whatever??? and that’s besides the point that i still can’t use excel at all 😂.

so with these classes then, would i be battling from day one of first year with professors to let me use a computer during exam periods (unless of course they use online/take home exam methods like philosophy)???? probably (im being very suspicious here because i don’t know how science/maths etc faculties work).

although i did get this once with one particular english professor; who used the excuse that he didn’t know how to set a computer up for exams because he had been on “sabatical for 4 years” or whatever and so “didn’t know the policies anymore”.... so then according to him it was apparently “the students job to do it.... especially since you’re in third year, miss williams”..... however, i was promptly then told by EVERY uni offical that i approached for help to do it for me.... and my other professors across my course that had done it for me, that it was in fact the PROFESSORS job/responsibility to set it up, and not the student’s??? like. help your students fuckwit professor grant??? honestly. anyway. aside from my personal struggles in the english department: let’s proceed. (this was a real incident btw).

would i be at a significant disadvantage to other students by not being able to use a computer during maths exams or science exams because of the drawing of diagrams and graphs and “showing your working”???? hell yes. would i want the professors in that department to probably condescendingly telling me all the time to “present my work neater and more precisely”? FUCK NO. it’s exactly why i avoided every maths and science subject in undergrad- even including the astronomy subject that i wanted to do- because it also meant that fellow students had to read my handwriting for practicals etc as well, that i wasn’t entirely keen on either. but i did not need the harsh reminders of “be more precise and infallible in your work presentation” that i’d had at school constantly for 11 years of maths lessons; affecting my mental health and performance in a subject during a uni semester.

moreover, that’s besides the fact that i’d flat out fail the “year 12 band 4 maths” requirements- unless they want to waive those- for first year maths/science subjects (at least basing it on my local uni).... considering that i actually skipped out on maths completely in year 12 by doing a TVET/tafe/technical college course in live theatre, production and events (which no surprises here, actually included maths anyway 😅).

because, fuck. is ANYONE seeing a trend in my study choices here? hell, i almost did a commerce/business dual degree with a tafe diploma in event management for crying out fucking loud. and you’re telling me that’s also doubled in price?? it’s obvious that i was interested in the arts & humanities and business subjects from the get-go. but under this policy- i’d be charged double for having my interest in event management, instead of say, biology (which is a subject that if it weren’t for mark scaling in my final hsc exam- i would have failed completely)??? utterly ridiculous.

i even contemplated doing a double degree with law at one point (or doing a legal studies major/minor- which is now a course at my local uni, but was not while i was there). however, law course fees have also doubled under this new policy. leaving that out of reach for me, despite that a double degree with law was out of reach for me anyway..... since my mark average was 65% and not at least 75% lol. but as if those marks averages will actually matter under this new policy.

under this bullshit policy, i’d be forced to take science/maths or even teaching (another field i had to avoid, since people can’t read my writing on a whiteboard from a distance half the time either.... besides the fact that i’m not really the ~teacher type~) subjects- all so that my degree price overall will be ”reduced”..... meaning that i would have to trade out my philosophy minor for something in maths/teaching/science (or maybe creative arts- since those fees stayed the same roughly)... instead of sticking to what i was good at: philosophy and other humanities/social science fields like sociology and history????

i understand that many people will snub me with saying “oh why did you even BOTHER going to uni if you were THAT indecisive about what you wanted to do?” which is something i’ve seen many older people saying on posts about this policy. but hell, i was 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD WHEN I STARTED UNI, FOR GODS SAKE. OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO BE FUCKING INDECISIVE ABOUT MY DIRECTION IN LIFE! because, newsflash fuckwits: not everyone has a defined career goal at 19. hell, i still don’t have one at almost 25..... since i’ll admit here, that i flunked out of my postgrad library course.... because i realised that i simply couldn’t cope with learning simple HTML, CSS and javascript coding for website design & user experience design 😂 (again help me computer wiz friends). yes, believe it or not, librarians have to know that today. and most people think that it’s just all about books (okay that was me, but i was wrong). also, if you’re wondering: postgrad library courses aren’t affected, thank god. but my point is, aren’t we meant to fuck up and pick the wrong things in life sometimes??? aren’t we meant to be indecisive about our choices in our late teens up until our mid 20s???

but now you’re telling students that their very first year of uni is practically set out for them, even for arts/humanities degrees (im not counting properly prescribed degrees such as engineering/science/communications & media (they had prescribed majors and prescribed first year subjects, which is why i left it. because i felt trapped in the prescribed marketing et al major etc); all because the government is telling them that “oh to make your first year cheaper: (A.) get good marks.... so that we don’t cancel your HECS place and (B.) pick subjects outside of the arts/humanities like science/maths/tech related subjects so that you don’t pay a whopping $14,500 for your first year of uni and will be more likely to be “job ready”. whatever the actual fuck “job ready” really means. and this all as if there ISN’T enough pressure for a 18/19 year old to succeed in their first year of uni already.

although, the one thing i’ll say is that my one year advanced diploma in marketing that i did in 2014, was $16,500. i still haven’t made any moves to pay it off. but it was constantly in the back of my mind during uni, both undergrad and postgrad. it was there as a reminder to pick cheaper subjects, so as to not greatly increase my combined hecs debt and vet-fee help debt; which is now sitting at $42,500. which under this new policy is the new price of ONE arts & humanities undergrad degree. i’d hate to be going into uni next year at 19 years old (or any age really) with that price tag on my degree.

anyway. that’s the end of my non-sensical rant. morrison and the rest of the libs etc can go fuck themselves.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #auspol

28 notes · View notes