#but I don’t identify with being demiromantic bc I hardly ever have crushes.

[moonjade]

I love being aro-spec but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m “faking it” :/

#text #personal #being aromantic and having a crush feels illegal and like i’m gonna be shot #(i don’t have a crush rn tho. i haven’t had one for years) #and I’m not entirely sure i don’t experience romantic attraction. but i could go my entire life without dating someone ever again #I’m pretty sure the girl in high school that i had a crush on was an actual crush. or at least it was something other than platonic #attraction. it was an online friendship but damn I really liked her (and i’m almost certain it was romantic) #but my ex? eh… maybe at first but the feeling gradually died off. after a month or so #but with the girl… the feelings grew stronger? #a small part of me wants to try going on dates but i also don’t want to lead the person on #and admitting these things really makes me feel like i can’t identify as aromantic #like yes i know it’s a spectrum and there are so many different identities and ways under which romantic attraction occurs #but like. for me personally it feels like i can’t be aro AND have a crush lol #I already feel somewhat ostracized from the aro community anyways bc sometimes i want a romantic relationship #but most times I don’t. and the idea sounds awful. but every once in a while i yearn for a gf #but there’s no one I’m even really attracted to. I find people really pretty but it ends there most of the time. #I feel like I really have to get to know someone first before there’d even be a chance of me liking them #but I don’t identify with being demiromantic bc I hardly ever have crushes. #which is why greyromantic works better but i know demi would ‘make more sense’ since i have to get to know people really well #and the more i get to know them… the more i can tell if i like them or not (both romantically/platonically) #except for romantic attraction. that just feels like a huge ‘?????????????’ to me #like i am unable to distinguish strong feelings for someone. idk if it’s platonic or romantic or something else or both #ugh I need a therapist lmao #also to the anon who said i’m not aromantic and that I’m insecure: sounds like you’re projecting lmao #I make one vent post and suddenly you know more abt my romantic identity than I do 🙄