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did-i-overstep-blog · 6 years

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The Incredible Twat

The events that have precipitated this post are long and painful, but the gist is that a close friend of mine had the unfortunate experience of meeting and getting to know (as the title states) an incredible twat (IT). How does a sentient being earn the title of IT you ask? Well it’s through a concerted effort to behave in a manner that’s stupid and obnoxious. The IT in question actively pursued a relationship with a friend and persuaded her to enter into a long distance relationship, cheated on her once, begged for a second chance and cheated on her for the second time.

Apart from the actual cheatation, what my friends and I have a hard time grasping are all the mind games he employed to keep my friend anxious about their relationship and unsure about her own instincts that were warning her something wasn’t right.

This post isn’t about the sad, sordid details, but a public service announcement for anyone who’s gone through something similar or might be trapped in a rs with an IT.

Also just a note that while in this case the IT was what one might stereotype as a ‘dumb jock’, ITs come in all shapes, colours, sizes, genders, sexual orientations, and with varying intelligence quotients.

How to spot an IT:

1. Liar, liar, oh did the pants get destroyed in the fire? 🙊

While ITs can be quite meticulous about portraying an above board image of themselves, there are cracks that you may want to examine more closely.

For example, when asked about confirmed previous relationships or girls that seemed to be very close to him, the IT would paint an image of clingy and desperate girls that he’d dated but had no real feelings for and would repeatedly lament that these girls were just ‘catching no ball’.

Unfortunately these girls would remain ignorant as to how they had been enthralled by his irresistible attractiveness and would also be kept in the dark about the multitude of conversations they’d had on how they must keep their distance from his Adonis-like form 🙄

If all an ITs exes are reportedly psycho stalkers that may be a point of concern. Other signs include just the most outrageous lies, such as suggesting that the IT was kissing someone as part of a government sanctioned undercover spy operation.

However a more telling point of reference would be if the people near and dear to an IT all have different stories on who they’re seeing and how serious the rs is.

This IT had great difficulty keeping a story straight and as a result, his friends and family would have mind-boggling versions of his sexual and relationship history. This brings us to point 2.

2. “If you don’t believe me, ask ......”

The audacity and gall that it takes to dare someone to crosscheck their version of “truth” with a third-party, is not something new for an IT.

The gamble being that the victim of an IT’s manipulative ways would be cowed into submission when dared to check with someone else.

While my friend had let it slide on previous occasions, the IT got a bit scared when she actually took him up on his suggestion to visit the home of the girl he was cheating with. He then proceeded to ask her if she was sure throughout the journey and expressed worries on if her and her housemates would be up or at home given the late hour.

What’s truly despicable about this tactic is that it causes the person on the receiving end to doubt themselves and their gut instinct alerting them to something wrong.

This IT in particular took this tactic to a whole other level when he would use things I would say to my friend to reassure her as ammunition for his selfish interests. For example when my friend would have worries or anxieties about the IT partying late following the first cheatation, I would point out to her that he was making an effort to call her and couldn’t possibly be juggling school, a LDR, a job, sports practice and a side chick, I mean that would seem to require a level of multi-tasking I had believed was beyond the IT. Alas, where there’s a will, there’s a way. The IT would remind my friend of the points I had brought up to reassure her, as proof of his innocence..... that’s rich......

All that lead up to my friend having anxieties and worries, that the IT made seem crazy and unfounded. If someone makes u feel crazy, Cut. Them. Off.

3. Birds of a feather take a s**t together

While it’s unclear to what extent the IT’s friends actively engaged in IT-like behaviour themselves, or to what extent they participated in the ITs nefarious plan, there’s undeniable culpability in encouraging an IT.

The friends of an IT (FITs) in this case always took great care when my friend hung out with them to speak highly of the IT. Specifically how loyal and what a good person he was. At first glance there’s nothing seemingly out of place about this wingmanship, but upon closer inspection it seems curious to describe someone as “loyal”. Simply because if all the people in my circle were loyal I would not think to view this as a positive character trait. It would be a norm that would not need highlighting. Think about it, I would describe my friends as sassy, funny, sensitive, intelligent, hot, kind, nurturing and so forth, but it would never occur to me to say they’re loyal, because what else are u gonna be in a rs?

When hanging out with my friend the FITs also neglected to mention that the IT had been with a girl for a while and had been hanging out as a group with her on days/ occasions that my Friend wasn’t around.

One of the FITs in the country of study also had the temerity to tell my friend when he ran into her that the IT was a gem of a guy and really loved her. This while knowing that the IT was seeing another girl in the country of study..... Come I clap for you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

4. Steps to de-IT your life

While there are probably a million other things that could get your spidey senses tingling, if you see or experience all 3 of these things in a person I’m sorry to announce you’ve made the acquaintance of an IT.

When coming into contact with an IT it’s important to know that the ITs actions are the ITs responsibility. It’s not your fault that you were preyed on by an IT.

The best course of action is to cut the IT off. Any attempts at engaging an IT to find out the truth will likely end up in a demented merry-go-round where the IT repeats the same mistruths while insisting their feelings for you are true.

Last but not least, if you’ve decided to leave an IT in the dust, do find someone to speak to about the events, whether friends or a counsellor. There’s a lot of self-recrimination that happens when someone lets an IT into their lives and the last thing someone who’s been afflicted with an IT needs is to let that experience weigh them down. Talk to someone and work through any issues, so that you can get the happiness you deserve.

Karma will come for the IT.

If you are an IT, with time and some effort I believe you’ll be able to rehabilitate yourself. I am sorry that you missed out on the lessons that teach us all how to treat human beings with respect and dignity. But as I’ve mentioned, where there’s a will there’s a way. I’ve even gathered some reference materials that may help you with this journey:

Ego is the enemy by Ryan Holiday - available on book depository (not an ad)

A wiki how page on how to be kind: https://www.google.com.sg/amp/s/m.wikihow.com/Be-Kind%3famp=1

And if all else fails, Elmo and friends will tell you all about Respect in this easy to understand video: https://youtu.be/GOzrAK4gOSo

Thanks for reading and hugs and love to anyone who’s ever dealt with an IT in their lives.

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