#but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(​putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw) #i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do