#but i cant ebcause once your on the fucking pill you only stop at the end of the month

[sneak-a-cat]

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#ignore this i will be ranting in the tags :) #for like the past year or so i have been really struggling with pms stuff and only once have i gone onto the pill to try and stave it off #needless to say that went utterly shit and for about a month i was a sad hormonal mess properly barely able to get out of bed stuff #and i've been told to try a new one now #which is fucking scary because i didn't like who i was when i was on the last one and i know it changes my mood #on top of all that it was right when my exams were so i was really fucking scared #i tried to talk about this with my mum but she fucking sucked at emotional support so that was great #and now i'm on it and its not made me sad so much as affected me in weird ways #worst part is that since i'm in it rn i can't properly tell whats different about me #i dont like it #i hate being on drugs that change my mood #i don't feel like myself #i know somethign has changed and dont like it i dont i want it to stop #but i cant ebcause once your on the fucking pill you only stop at the end of the month #and my mum would be fucking dissapointed as shit in me for stopping #how the fuck do i tell her "hey yknow how you have been trying to look for a sollution to my crap pms stuff? #yeah well i want you to fuckingg stop trying to get me on different drugs that fuck with my hormones i don't fucking like those #turns out i am massively freaked out when i can't tell if i am not acting like myself due to stress or due to mystery fucking drug #oen time i fucking tried to talk to her all she said was “this worked one me and uh actually i was way worse than you so take them” #fucking wonderful #bloody so glad it worked for you do you not understand how bleedin terrifying this is to me? #i would rather have unpredictable periods where i am a proper dick while on them than not know who i am anymore #but fuck it all she doesn't seem to fucking get that #worst thing abotu this is its making me wonder how i would react to adhd meds that i've been trying to get for years #i have been aware that some people don't like themselves on them #but god fuck it i just want some of my brain to function well #please #christ sorry obviously this is public and you can read what you want #but uh if your reading this dont worry i just find it helps to write and post it