#but i dont feel like ive been especially psychotic since then? so im like. hmmm.

[scalpelsister]

.

#i am listening to g*ga again (censored so it doesnt show up in search lmao) so if i start being weird. sorry lmaoooo #its time to test the theory of if her music is only palatable to me when im psychotic skfjfhkjshfkjfh #by palatable i mean its always a bop but. #not to overshare but both of my Big Psychotic Episodes included a l*dy g*ga phase in them. so. #AND I KNOW im overdue for one because last fall I had a lot of prodrome symptoms like #classically that. #but i dont feel like ive been especially psychotic since then? so im like. hmmm. #i know i HAVE been mood swingy though to an insane degree lmao. like put on stabilizers swingy #idk lets see. lets test this theory of mine. #but yall have been warned 😂 #my post #eta. to clarify. #my first psychotic episode and by far my worst happened at the same time as me getting into her music #so i was. unwell about her skfjfhkjfhs #like certifiably psych ward insane. parasocial AND delusional. i wont share more than that i was 16 and mentally ill give me a break lmao #the second episode was. less connected to her I will admit but still relevant. thus the theory. the concern. #it would not be. out of the question for my brain to link the two? #and I did have a vivid hallucination today. so. again nothing definitive but it will be truly hysterical if her music ends up being like #a psychotic episode warning sign lmao. #throwback to that post i saw about another psychotic person whos warning sign to friends was setting g*ga as their avatar. me coded fr lmao #like im not even distressed (yet at least) Im just amused. at the idea that this could be the case. #i would die laughing at my brain forever if so.