#but i think the weight of his decision to join the empire just does not register to him because he just does not give a shit about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

persimminwrites · 1 year

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thinking about the portrayal of grief in andor

thinking about cassian traveling to morlana one to search for his sister. his determination to find her even though deep down (i believe) he knows it's futile. even though he knows it's reckless to mention kenari and his connection to it. there's a dogged insistence to continue looking for her - a desperation to his actions that he may not be fully aware of because it would be so much harder to come to terms with her death than it is to put himself in danger.

thinking about a young Cassian getting on that crashed ship after one of his people is killed. his anger and frustration and grief spilling out as he begins destroying the thing that brought death to his life. he's confused and distraught and he lashes out physically.

thinking about bix chained to a wall as she's forced to stare at timm's body, unable to go to him - to hold him, forced to be at a distance from him, forced to grieve for him at the tail end of being angry with him for his actions.

thinking about cassian choosing 'clem' as his cover name when he joins the aldhani mission. he picks it on instinct even though he knows that a cover name isn't supposed to have a connection to your personal life. he can't help but reach for the comfort of his father's name when pushed into an uncertain situation.

thinking about lieutenant gorn aiding the rebel alliance. an imperial officer whose love was killed by the empire that he serves. he grieves his love and he grieves for the aldhani people. he carries the weight of his own past actions that played a part in the tragedies that have befallen the aldhani people and he becomes vengeful, knowing and not caring that his actions will likely lead to his death. he only cares about hurting the empire on his way down.

thinking about vel shouting a broken 'no' when taramyn dies in front of her. she never gets to go to him and is forced to leave his body there to finish the mission. she has to harden herself to the loss of the people around her because everyone is always at risk of dying. vel is always grieving. she grieves for her friends even when they are still alive and standing in front of her because she knows that death isn't a matter of if but when.

thinking about cassian and vel watching nemik be crushed by the weight of imperial credits they just stole. vel is forced to decide between the surety of mission success and potentially saving nemik - sweet, wonderful nemik who has more hope and faith than anyone else. Cassian making the decision for her to find the doctor because he told nemik he would sleep when it was over but not like this.

thinking about cassian sitting outside while the doctor tries to save nemik, unable to be at his side, to watch, but unwilling to abandon him even though the job is over.

thinking about vel staying by nemik's side until his death, being forced to listen to and carry his dying wish. her insistence in carrying it out. she holds out his manifesto to cassian and won't back down until he takes it even when there are other concerning things going on.

thinking about cassian immediately refusing nemik's manifesto. he doesn't want a reminder. he does not want to carry the weight of someone's dying wish with him, someone who was so bright and full of life and hope in the short time that he knew him. when vel insists, he takes it. and we see him carry it with him for the rest of the show. he carries that manifesto even when he runs away, seeking an escape. he returns for that manifesto after escaping prison. he listens to that manifesto the night before breaking bix out and it gives him purpose. it gives him comfort. it reminds him of a man who he only knew for a short time but who impacted him deeply. and even though cassian does not carry the physical manifesto again, he carries nemik's words with him for the rest of his life.

thinking about cassian returning to ferrix, his home, and being reminded of clem's death as he walks through the streets avoiding imperial troopers. he is helpless against the onslaught of memories just as he was helpless to do anything but watch all those years ago.

thinking about maarva being unable to walk through the main square where clem was hung. she walks the long way around. until aldhani. aldhani gives her hope and she is able to walk somewhere she wasn't able to before and she is able to face that street and think of clem and she is able to smile.

thinking about all of the prisoners on narkina 5. they are forced to come to terms with the fact that they're already dead, dead men walking. they grieve for themselves. they grieve for those around them. they are pushed to desperation, and they turn that grief into defiance. they fight for their freedom because there is only one way out and they're already dead so what does it hurt to fight to live.

thinking about cassian learning about maarva's death. he is quiet. he is unmoored. he was coming back for her.

thinking about B2EMO not wanting to be alone. he just wants maarva.

thinking about ferrix's funeral traditions, about a community surrounded by grief. it's in the walls that house them. the people of ferrix are surrounded by the dead and their memories become their strength.

thinking about the portrayal of grief in andor and how it shows so many reactions and coping mechanisms and journeys of healing and acceptance along with those who can't find acceptance.

grief is a weight and andor shows us that there are so many ways to carry it.

#when i say i have many thoughts about this show I MEAN IT #there are many more examples of grief in the show that i can think of rn but these are the ones that really stick out to me #this part of the show really caught my attention and resonated with me #i recently lost someone very important to me and i have learned that there is no wrong way to grieve and grief can look so different #andor #andor series #cassian andor #star wars #thinkin thoughts #min says

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