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#but lately i've been so busy and generally feeling meh
queerstudiesnatural · 2 years
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#personal sad boi rant incoming#again it's after 9pm so i shouldn't pay this feeling any mind but#fuck i am so lonely#and it's stupid because i see people all day! people i like and get along with#but ok the thing is my job means i work in many different places#i'm in a different town working on a different project with different people each day of the week#i don't stay anywhere long enough to turn colleagues into friends#and i don't have enough free time to make other friends (no time to go out etc)#even the friends i do have i don't have time to hang out with bc my work days are usually 7am-9pm including most weekends#and i used to have tumblr and online friends to at least give me some sense of community#but lately i've been so busy and generally feeling meh#that i can't handle being online or even reading the chat etc.#and then i see everyone on the dash or in the chat having a great time and it kinda feels like looking at a room full of people you know#through a window and there's nothing keeping you from joining them except they're talking about stuff you don't understand#and there's too much noise and too many people and it's all overwhelming so you remain on the outside looking in#huh reminds me of the bela poem i wrote#anyway yeah i'm just lonely i just wanna catch a break and have like. one (1) free day to just hang out#i like my job but i'm exhausted#also if y'all knew how much i make for the number of hours i put in you'd tell me to riot#it's peanuts#i'm paid very little and i don't really care about money but still#it's all so exhausting and i'm stuck doing it if i wanna just get by#i can't afford to work less#whatever i'm just having a bad night is all
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televinita · 8 months
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La Brea thoughts, 2x01-05
Twenty months after I binged season 1 -- so long ago that I had to watch the entire "previously on" recap just to remember half of what happened, because my general impression of this show is that visually it's great and the ideas are cool, but its cast is lackluster and its dialogue often cringe, so it doesn't stay with me -- after five episodes in a week I have had basically four pressing thoughts:
(you get zero context for this because I don't think I have written about this show before even to myself, let alone Tumblr. oops.)
1. I keep forgetting the 1988 story exists so every time we switch over, I feel like I've been smacked in the face by how beautiful and vibrant Riley is (with really great hair). Veronica St. Clair is one of the few true standouts in this cast.
2. Speaking of, Scowling Head of the Mine/Guard Dude is the first character EVER to make me sit straight up and go "hell-o" on sight. Extremely excellent Dark and Brooding face, and also great hair.
3. With the simple addition of slightly growing out his already good hair, I have gone from being meh about Gavin (which always frustrated me because objectively? good looking man. i just felt no screen presence), to being full steam ahead OTP: MARRIED PARENTS; I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL; EVE FORGIVE HIM AND STOP BREAKING IZZY'S HEART ABOUT HER BROKEN HOME OR SO HELP ME... Just full swoon up in this joint now. Man loves his wife, has gone to extreme lengths to reunite, is willing to forgive a whole lot without judgment if she'll do the same; end of story!
3.5. This is a carry-over from me hating Levi's face since it first appeared as THE WORST DUDE in Off the Map. In 2011. This man still has not earned out his badwill from that character, even as the most upstanding military hero character one could imagine. No hope for him!
4. BUT. Here is the thing -- I actually think this is the most interesting love triangle/adultery story I have ever seen on television, because I get it. I understand how it is actually a difficult choice for Eve, because for all my shipping I don't actually know who is the better choice for her right now. I understand how and why the cheating happened and I don't even judge it, which I have literally never felt in the history of ever, ESPECIALLY when a cheater has kids. I understand how you could love both of these men at the same time, and why both of them have valid claims to her heart.
All of this is beautifully complicated by Gavin and Levi being close friends, and my FAVORITE part of it all is Izzy standing in for me and being my sounding board and saying everything I would say and feel in this situation regardless of my age.
I am going to need it to resolve with Levi dying, because this is fully a "I am not sorry you lost them but I'm sorry you're hurt" type of comfort situation in the making, but I think I could actually handle up to an entire season of UST and/or Eve officially choosing wrong for a while, if i could retain some hope.
I will abso-LUTELY riot in an Eve/Levi endgame situation, though. You know how I am about marriage.
Update, BONUS/LEFTOVER THOUGHTS:
Lucas's interactions with Veronica lately: *Dean Pelton voice* what is this? what is this creepy business?
(no seriously why does this feel like UST even though she definitely looks like a teenage child and he is definitely a grown-ass adult. i have never been so viscerally reviled by age difference in my life)
Para has been one of my favorites almost since her introduction and that love has only gotten stronger
Still want the pothead dope to bite it
Less Sam is always better too
MOAR CGI CREATURES. I loved the rhinos, in particular, so g.d. much.
One more thought about the Harrises: despite Gavin and Izzy having spent a whole season sequestered together already, this is really the first time I have gone feral about the father/daughter bond -- I assume this is related to the former becoming Gavin With The Good Hair -- so when the love triangle breaks my heart too much, at least I have this. Honestly, it's really nice seeing her back with her mom too, and any scenes that involve the parents working together to protect/comfort her? Special favorites.
(the son they're all risking life and limb to reunite with? still relegated to Season 1 Gavin status; change my mind)
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lalka-laski · 2 years
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Does your personality generally fall in line with gender stereotypes? Yeah, I'm often told I'm a "girly girl" Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I do. We have our rifts but that's true of any kind of relationship What are the other members of your household doing right now? He's at home for another couple hours before he heads into the office for a patient Would you rather be a schoolteacher or a locomotive engineer? A schoolteacher Do you know anyone who thinks that 30 is ‘old?’ I'm sure my niece and nephew do
How often do you post something to social media? I post more to my stories on Instagram & Snapchat more than anything else Have you lost interest in any of your hobbies lately? Depression will do that to ya! I just realized last night that I haven't handwritten a journal entry in ages, and it bummed me out How many houses are on the street you live on? I live on one of the longest & busiest streets in my city. There are tons of houses, apartment complexes, and businesses Have you been in a good mood today? I've been irked by stuff here and there but I'm trying to stay positive Did your parents teach you how to cook/bake when you were growing up? Not really. But I didn't show in interest in cooking until my 20s...and then my mom took pride in teaching me some tricks If you could own any 3 fictional objects from any book/movie/show, what would you choose? (does not have to all be from the same book/movie/show) Meh, idk How far away do you live from the last place you lived? 18 minutes What’s the shortest amount of time you’ve worked somewhere? One season at a farm market When was the last time you vacuumed out your car? I don’t have a car How many people have you had crushes on in the last 3 years? Just one, and he's a little more than a crush What was the last food you cooked that had garlic in it? I made some homemade alfredo Sunday night. And I really impressed myself with it! Have you ever negotiated a pay raise? Ugh, no. But I really ought to Do you know anyone who never wears their seatbelt in the car? Nope What are some foods you used to like, but no longer do? Any food containing meat. Although I'm sure I'd still enjoy the taste Where was the last beach you visited? Charlotte Beach List three things you are good at: Making other people feel welcomed & accepted, writing and editing, and cooking party appetizers Do you have a waffle iron? If so, when was the last time you made waffles? I have a cute mini one (it's pink of course). I haven't used it in ages but I was actually thinking of whipping it out this Saturday. Now that I have Saturdays off I wanna make Glenn & I nice breakfasts!
Have you ever been a victim of identity theft? Nope Do you know anyone who’s had their kids taken by Child Protective Services? No So far, has today been a better or worse day than yesterday? They've been about even If you were given a scholarship that fully covers the cost of you getting your PhD, what degree would you choose to get? I don't have the stamina or concentration for a PHD in ANYTHING What’s your favorite cocktail? Meh, I don't drink cocktails much. If I do I just go for a basic vodka cran or vodka ginger ale Do you keep an umbrella in your car? I don't have a car
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