me: do you guys like my evil thorned plate armour and bloodred cloak? is the ominous glow of my visor slit too much?
my manserpent minion: it'ssss sssslaying absssolute penisssss, ssssire
my shambling zombie: uuuu 👍
captured gnome i keep in a birdcage: golly gee willikers it's sure some scary!!!
my straight manserpent minion: looks pretty good boss
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you know what i’ll use my own imagination for a while
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i like when ventposts self censor in a way thats completely incomprehensible to anyone else like 'im so sick of ****** ******* ******' . im sorry that youre going through it. can i buy a vowel
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chapter 1: the end
a samruby poem
transcription under the cut
Keep reading
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if yr doing a final girl in yr horror movie YOU NEED TO KILL HER BOYFRIEND that's the absolute rule
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deleting my dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (i am brutally beating a man to death to maintain my extremely fragile status as captain of my pirate ship and you're my new lying ass fake cook with his silly little fake name witnessing the scene like you're both scared and horny)
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Dean poll, Cas poll, spn women poll
*moments
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