#but lineart becomes honestly really meditative for me at times especially if im adding texture to something

[holytrickster]

sitting there like has my art gotten better over time or do I just add way too much unnecessary detail now

#but lineart becomes honestly really meditative for me at times especially if im adding texture to something #i will say at least i dont pick such ugly colors anymore. i used to always have reslly bright colors and then i thought it was too much #and overcorrected imo so everything was desaturated and boring #oh i also used to color in the lines for like every single color on the character? idk how to describe it but it was tedious #i like it on other people's art but i dont have the patience and i dont like how it looks when my lines are “cleaner” #sometimes i do miss how i used to not care if what i drew was “cringy” #but i think im coming back out of that considering all i draw is like. gay shit and elves and various iterations of myself and also my ocs #i should redraw some really really old art after what im working on maybe #i almost started working on a redraw of when i drew yavanna in likr 2017-18 but i dont like the design i gave her at all #minus the weird branch ears those were cool #mostly im just frustrated it still takes me hours to draw lol. i dont know why i get insecure about it or about art in general #i guess bc no one in my family really does so they have this idea im good at it #and i wanna grab them and shake them sometimes and explain all the reasons im actually not and all the mistakes i regularly make #i dont know if that makes any sense and i dont know why i struggle to just take the compliment #i guess because i know im not good enough at it for it to be a job? except thats not it either because ive almost always wanted to write #its very dumb and weird. especially considering i dont really draw for other people. i mean i like when people like my art but unless its #for somebody specific im not necessarily going to take it very hard at all if its not to their taste. i just do it because i enjoy it #and because there are things i only know how to express through writing or drawing. and when one doesnt work sometimes its the other #maybe i just get frustrated i cant be good at everything #its not realistic but i always end up wanting to do so many things and getting frustrated when i dont pick them up right away #because OF COURSE i dont #ok where was i going with this #its nearly 2am and my head is pounding again i dont even know what day this makes it. at least a week? #i dont know