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#but tbh i was such a coward i couldnt bear to touch and give out all of your gifts
fleastinger · 8 months
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#if i told you i could not fall asleep on your birthday could you believe me?#that i slept in the jamaica shirt?#i have no idea if that was your gift to me or if it was for my uncle or someone else#i have your shot glass that you so haphazardly gave to me#but tbh i was such a coward i couldnt bear to touch and give out all of your gifts#it feels wrong. a reminder that I fucked things up with us#i dont even know what i want anymore or if i can get through this#i feel so alone wallowing at the current state of things#im constantly short of money and overspending like crazy#i keep thinking about the guilt of it all and the knowledge that you wouldn't be so happy hearing from me if you knew what happened#and what i continue to do#i just feel so lost after realizing i ripped apart of my soul out by leaving you#and knowing that i did something that had broken it beyond repair if i didnt go#just. hoping your year is better#and now i cant stop thinking of the ways i freely gave my love to you without thinking#how we shouldve been serious sooner and that i couldve been with you if i was better#better at controlling myself or better at admitting that i was struggling#oh my sweet...it doesnt even matter the little things like my sex drive being higher than yours#or the fomo id have about not doing things when you let me socialize and would join/invite me to things#its hard to confront giving my niece a gift from you and face the fact that the trip wouldve made me open up#i was just. too cowardly to let go of my ex.
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ro-roleplays · 7 years
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T O M I     S U L L I V A N
➪ his full name is tomas xion sullivan but pls just call him tomi. his biological parents used to call him tomas or tom and pls dont remind him his bio parents bc theyre awful. ➪ the most aesthetic happiest sappiest lil bean u’ve ever met bc he’s just so gdi sweet. also he’s from nyc and he has a rly heavy nyc accent oops. ➪ he’ll braid ur hair whenever u give him a chance and stay up and eat ice cream w u after a breakup and visit mcdonalds at 3am w his friends and never get tired of the dog filter on snapchat ➪ he has a weird obsession w people’s hair tbh lmao he just likes touching and playing w them and even though it rly annoys most of his friends he keeps doing it ➪ v v v v v v  attracted to boys like he rly rly rly rly rly likes boys ok ➪ he’s 200% gay and he doesnt hide it which is weird bc he grew up (until he joined a foster home) in a v narrow-minded family of alcoholics and once they found out tomi was gay they kinda beat him up and sued him for being gay?? ➪ but like, he’s a v optimistic lil boi so he doesn’t rly listen to ppl who say bad stuff to him he just smiles tbh ➪ but if u compliment him he’s gonna cry tears of happiness ➪ he started dancing around 12 (check this thats him bye) and he’s been obsessed w dancing ever since and he’s a choregraph and a professional dancer and he’s just rly into it ok. ➪ pls u can say shit about his sexuality or appearance or whatever but dO NOT say a thing about dancing pls hes gonna choke u w his tiny hands ➪ speaking of which he’s rly tiny. like 5′6 and he tells people that he’s 5′6 and A HALF although he’s not. he’s just a smol bean and he lowkey hates it but also loves it??? ➪ he’s been thinking about getting a tattoo for years lmao but yea he’s too scared to get one. ➪ also he rly wants a nose piercing but he’s a coward ➪ ((((tattoos and piercings r a huge turnon for him bye ignore this)))))) ➪ ok so he seems rly confident and stuff but he’s actually nOT?? belive it or not he’s rly insecure and anxious about stuff but he tries rly hard not to show it ➪ also pls do not force him in a corner or like tell him ur gonna punch him or scare him even when ur drunk or just fooling around bc he gets rly anxious and scared when ppl do that bc his childhood ➪ his mum and dad were alcoholics who accidentally had a child and beat him and made him go buy them cigarettes and alcohol and yes and it’s kinda awful and it’s not smth he hides, like if u asked him to tell u about his childhood he’d tell u and he’d be smiling the entire time like ‘well yea i was abused but its nbd hAHAHA’ ➪ he grew up in a rly shitty neighbourhood too?? so basically ppl know that his parents were abusive but they did nothing about it bc no one cared or they were too scared to say anything?? like, most of them probably beat their own kids too ➪ he never told anyone though bc he knew they’d call the police but his father was a criminal who should’ve been in jail for attempted murder, but the cops never caught him. so tomi wasn’t allowed to tell ppl anything about his home situation. ➪ he also didn’t rly have any friends bc he was too scared to talk to anyone, fearing they might be abusive aswell  ➪ his dad was the one who did all the punching and yelling bc his mom was always either high or fucking the mailman, bc she couldn’t bear watching her husband abusing her son. she was just too scared to do anything about it, and even though tomi is like a rLY kind boi who forgives evERYONE, he never forgave her for not doing smth about it ➪ around 12 or 13 he was put into a foster family and honestly he’s never been happier in his life?? like, he got to start a normal life with normal parents and he was actually rly glad about it??  ➪ he rly loves his foster family tho. like he’s rly super close w his foster siblings and parents and he knows they support him no matter what. tbh he has no idea if his biological parents r still alive and stuff but lbr he doesn’t even care. ➪ he can play guitar and he’s too tiny for his guitar lmao but he plays guitar when he’s sad and it helps him cheer himself up idk ➪ caffeine addict. pls. if he doesn’t get his coffee he’s gonna pass out and cry and have the shittiest day ever ➪ like he must have at least 1 coffee a day or he’s gonna die and it has to have 2 sugars and a lil milk or he’s gonna start crying ➪ uses emojis and if u dont he’s gonna ignore u block u delete u from his contacts u mUST USE EMOJIS pls ➪ he dyes his hair like 1 once a month bc he kinda hates his boring natural hair colour and he likes it icy/platinum blond ➪ says ‘sTOP FUCKING SWEARING UR SO FUCKING VULGAR’ alot ➪ anywho he’s just a happy lil bean love him pls srsly tho he rly needs love and affection and attention and support bc he couldnt survive without that
➪ tldr: a 5′6 lil boi with heavy nyc accent who wears flower crowns and daces and he was abused as a kid but he acts like it’s nbd and he smiles all the time and loves talking to ppl.
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