*KOTLC incorrect quotes*
Anyways, a long list of incorrect KOTLC quotes, feel free to use these for anything if ya want!
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Glimmer: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".
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Fitz: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Fitz: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.
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Keefe, holding up his class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.
Marella, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?
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Sophie: I wasn't hurt that badly. Elwin said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!
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Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Marella: I choose to waive that right!
Marella: *screaming*
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Brant (whoops sorry bout this one): Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don’t answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.
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Sophie: I would never say that my best friend is a bitch and I don’t like her. That’s not true… Biana is a bitch and I like her very much!
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Lex, Bex, Rex: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
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Keefe on Tuesday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.
Keefe on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!
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Forkman, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.
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Keefe, tearing up the room: Where are they?
Keefe, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children?
Keefe: Somebody moved my E.L. Fudges, and now I am going to run away again.
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Tam: Your existence is confusing.
Keefe: How so?
Tam: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.
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Sophie: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.
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Linh: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.
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Dex: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.
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Sophie: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Sophie, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.
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Dex, to Stina: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.
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Sophie: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.
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Dex: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one, Wonderboy.
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Marella: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.
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Fitz: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."
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*out grocery shopping*
Linh: *takes a free sample twice*
Linh: Robbery and fraud. I am a Rebel (TM) .
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Sophie: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.
Sophie: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.
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Sophie: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.
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Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Tam: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...
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Dex: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”
Dex: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.
Dex: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!
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Tam: Hey, what’s the name of the other guy who lives with Tiergan?
Linh: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.
Tam: That's not what I asked.
Linh: That is all the information I have.
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Keefe: Ro, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?
Ro: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.
(alternatively, Alden)
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Linh: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?
Tam, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.
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Marella: I'd roast you, but my mom says you can't burn trash.
Marella: *slow-mo walks out of the room*
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Biana: I'm gonna get my piolet's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.
Fitz: The big five licenses?
Biana: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.
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Dex: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Fitz: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Biana, do you think I have anger issues?
Biana: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
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Keefe: So how’s the food Sophie made?
Fitz: It's great! Compliments to her.
Keefe: *goes to the kitchen*
Keefe: You're adorable.
Sophie: *blushes*
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Biana: And now for a gay update with Linh and Marella.
Marella: Getting gayer.
Biana: Thank you, Marella.
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Sophie: Hey, do you know the password to Keefe’s computer?
Biana: I love you, Sophie.
Sophie: Aww, that’s so swe—
Biana: No, you misunderstood, the password is "iloveyouSophie".
Sophie: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.
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Fitz: Hey, Biana, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Biana: Yeah.
Fitz: And you, Tam?
Tam: Umm... yes?
Fitz: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Biana: Did he just-
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Sophie: Do you cook?
Biana: I made a cake once.
Fitz: Yeah, it was good.
Biana: Really?
Fitz: Don’t make me lie twice, Biana.
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Dex: Nice rock.
Keefe: Thanks, Tam gave it to me.
Tam: I threw it at you!
Keefe: Isn’t he the sweetest?
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Juline: I just had a long talk with the triplets about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.
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Sophie: I made you all playlists!
Sophie: Tam, yours has only heavy metal and punk, and is dark like your soul.
Sophie: Keefe, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
Sophie: And Biana has the ABBA Gold album.
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Fitz: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Biana: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Dex: A realist sees a freight train.
Tam: The train driver sees three idiots standing on train tracks.
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Mr. Forkle: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Biana, Keefe, & Sophie: Okay.
Mr. Forkle: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Biana: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Keefe: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Sophie: Bold of you to assume I can die.
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Sophie: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
Keefe: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
Dex: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
Marella: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.
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Biana: What’s it like being tall?
Marella: Is it nice?
Sophie: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Fitz: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.
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Stina: You have friends and I envy that.
Marella: You're welcome to share my friends.
Stina: *looks at Dex and Sophie*
Stina: I don't want those.
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Della: Tommorrow's garbage day.
Fitz: I can't believe you made a whole day dedicated to Alvar.
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Linh: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Tam: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Linh: Th-that's not how that works-
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Marella: Do you want to know your gay name?
Linh: My... my gay name?
Marella: Yeah, it's your first name-
Linh: Haha. Very funny Marella-
Marella: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Linh: Oh- oh my god.
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Glimmer: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.
The Black Swan: Those are wanted posters!
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Biana: Are you mad?
Tam: No.
Biana: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?
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Keefe: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.
Biana: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.
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Biana: *on the phone* Hey Fitz, do you know my blood type?
Fitz: Of course, it's A+.
Biana: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!
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Fitz, to Sophie: Are you ready to commit?
Sophie: Like, a crime or a relationship?
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Literally Anyone: Hey, aren’t you Sophie Foster?
Sophie: You a Councillor?
Literally Anyone: No.
Sophie: Then yes, I am.
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Sophie: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
Stina:
Sophie: Vroom vroom, come out already.
Stina: I’m gay—
Sophie: Not what I meant, but cool.
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Keefe: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?
Sophie: No, I said "Keefe, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.
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Mr. Forkle: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.
Sophie: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.
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Juline: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.
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Marella: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*
Marella: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
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Biana: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes
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Dex: Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Fitz: Sure!
Fitz: Whats your favorite color?
Dex, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?
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