#but yeah tldr finding out i have to Wait More has me big stressed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thesickpanda · 16 days

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Breakdown After Breakdown

So interest rates have gone up, making paying our already HUGE mortgage even more difficult. Partner’s wages aren’t exactly rising. And the cost of food is so high the government is now investigating our two big chain supermarkets for adding to the cost of living stress on the populace.

All this is happening at a time when my partner and I are experiencing major burnout, enduring family drama, and I received some truly terrifying health news (my GI tract is very literally melting from off-the-charts inflammation and I am at high risk for colon cancer, among other things).

We have been saddled with so much bad news and hardship that we feel we’re about to lose our minds, so we go fuck it, we NEED a break, and booked a cheap motel for two nights over Easter near a national park. We had the modest ambition of spending time in nature looking for orchids and birds.

Yeah, we got one day of that before our old second hand car (which we bought for a few thousand dollars from the side of the road last year) decided to break down for the umpteenth time, and we spent 12 hours of the second day of our 2 day vacation just trying to get home (eventually being towed). The SAME DAY my partner got a virus on his ancient laptop and my mobile phone started to fail. We purchased a new, bargain basement phone in town while waiting for the tow truck to arrive, and less than 2 weeks later I dropped it and smashed the camera on it. YAY.

So no break for us. Fine.

But then shit kept hitting the fan. When we got home, MY computer started to sputter out and die. We cannot afford a new computer right now, as we’re paying off a ton of medical expenses for me, so a week later my partner bought parts for it and rebuilt it himself.

And then there’s the car situation.

Since Easter, 3 mechanics have looked at the car, can identify there is a major problem, but cannot FIND it. So it remains broken. My car is also really old and sprung a leak in the boot and got soaked after a storm, so that now it stinks to high heaven from musty mold. But we cannot afford another car, so OH WELL. I have a severe mold allergy and a sensitive nose but we cannot afford to valet it, and partner has sincerely had no time to clean it.

Then: our vacuum cleaner broke and the very next day the lawn mower broke, too. The mower repair shop would not even repair it because “that brand is such a cheap piece of shit it’ll just break on you in a few more days and I don’t wanna be held liable”. Wow.

And then this morning the towel rail broke after I hit my head onto it for the millionth time, and the wheel came off the laundry trolley for the second time before a huge load of towels finished in the washing machine. I am already disabled and currently have an inflamed nerve in my right foot, so the lack of a trolley is REALLY not helpful.

This is the week I have to spend an ungodly amount of money on three separate medical professionals and order a very expensive medical test to maaaaybe find the pathogen destroying my gut.

I recently watched a TLDR Global news video about the fertility crisis in South Korea and the world at large and it rightly points out house prices and cost of living being a deterrent for people to have babies. Under the video was a comment that I feel sums up what it is like to be alive in this 21st century:

“Long working hours. Low wages. High costs. No chance of ever owning a house. 0 work-life balance without a child, let alone with one. Layoffs left right and center. Hard if not impossible to get a job even with experience. Life is stressful as is already. Low standards of life. Nothing is family friendly - work, life, schools etc. A lot of the institutions still have the same mentality of - man works, woman stays at home, and it just doesn't fit how people want to live now.”

We are childless and partially own our own home (and only with assistance from the Bank of Mum And Dad as the boomers love to call it) and WE are struggling. How the HELL is humanity going to keep going like this? I am so worn down by the grind of everything, and relative to fellow millennials, we’re doing WELL. The only freedom is money, which the vast majority of us do not have in amounts that would actually afford us quality of life.

All I can say in the face of all this, is fuck capitalism.

And also fuck Australia, which appears to be its biggest bitch at the moment:

Source: TLDR News Global

#angry rant #fuck capitalism #cost of living crisis #australia #chronic illness #the cost of being ill

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doodling-fiend · 5 years

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Its been a long last few months and I'm sorry for being on sparsely here and there. I'm sorry on that but here's my long, tipsy rant on it to let people in the know how and to get it off my chest all at once. Be warned, its quite the read! There's a TLDR at the end though. . .

As some of you may know, it started around June when my father grew ill enough where my mother actually called me to help her. I just started to get a schedule for streaming and opened my Patreon, not to mention the near launch of Shadowbringer, so I wasn't too thrilled. Despite that, after the call from my mother, I decided that I had to leave the next day; leaving behind my husband with two kids behind, one being a severe nonverbal autistic, and make the drive from middle of Texas to go to Atlanta, Georgia. That drive was a little over 20 hours, nonstop with bathroom breaks and gas. I brought cup noodles to eat while on the road and got things like sandwiches to eat while driving to not take too long.

Upon arriving in Georgia, I learned that my father was admitted to the ER and his health was steadily declining. He originally was battling spinal cancer, having surgery, but it spread to his bones and lungs. Not just that but then he also had pneumonia when he was in the ER. Because of his bad state of health, they really couldn't do much of anything aside from monitoring him and hoping he recovered. It was a week to almost a week and a half before they decided that he should be admitted to hospice since his health continued to decline. And due to the spread of the cancer, there was little to no option on treatment. To those unaware, hospice is where patients will go to live out their last moments pain free so you know what it means when one is admitted to Hospice. It was another week to week and a half before he would finally pass. And before people pass their condolences, I will state that this is where sorrow became rage...

Dad and I had a shaky relationship as is. He tended to drink a lot and with mom working morning to night, I was often the source of verbal and physical abuse, which grew worse the older I got. He even pulled a gun out once. Yeah... So I left soon after. Even then, when we talked on the phone or in messenger, it wasn't pleasant... Regardless! (Just giving you an idea of what's to come)

After he passed, I soon learned that despite being retired military he used and did NOTHING to help my mother in his passing. The free lawyers and aid he could have used that were there for retired military was untouched. He didn't have a burial plan that the military would have covered the cost on and because of that we had to pay 3 THOUSAND DOLLARS OUT OF POCKET for that. Oh, but that's only one of MANY things that he slapped my mother in the face with. He didn't even bother leaving a will behind. Because of that I had to battle courts for MONTHS to gain power of the estate in his name since he didn't leave mom's name on ANYTHING. My mother is unable to do this because she is Korean and has limited understanding as well as her English being limited as well. He could have easily taken care of all this for my mother, FOR FREE, using the military lawyers that was readily available for him. So, instead of having that taken care of at no cost to us, instead, it costed us 5 THOUSAND DOLLARS out of pocket just to hire an attorney. And that's not the added cost of their services, per hour, for all their work after they've been hired on that we'll get after this is all said and done. They're not doing much but you know how some folks are on just tacking hours to get more payment... Oh ho, but it gets BETTER! (Please enter sarcasm here)

So, whilst battling for power of estate in order to sell the business and house, that we have to pay for out of pocket, come to find out... He has no life insurance either! So the business that my father closed for half a year(with a monthly rent of 675 and a monthly loan 400 for the machines at the business that is 22 THOUSAND IN TOTAL) along the house (mortgage being 800 per month) is being pulled out monthly. It wouldn't have been bad if mom continued to receive his military retirement check but then, come to find out, HE OPTED OUT OF HIS SURVIVING SPOUSE TO CONTINUE TO GET HIS RETIREMENT PAY. It makes you wonder how LOW and SELFISH for someone to make that decision. More so given, after much grief and headache my mother went through while staying with him for over 20 years.

Just recently, she told me stories of how he always went out with other women and even left her on the night of their anniversary, with her being pregnant with me, to spend a month in a hotel with another woman... Oh, then he called her every morning to make sure she was at home, alone, waiting for him. (wtf?!)Yet despite all that, despite him doing this NUMEROUS of times, she remained with him and faithful. I don't know why or how but I asked her why anyone would stay with someone that did that and she stated that she did it for me. She's Korean and her language was limited, having come the the United States with little to no knowledge of anything and having no real friends nor family, so she was worried if she left him and had to raise me on her own.

Had I known all this before my father passed, as bad as it sounds, I would have burned the man's body myself and throw it down the toilet. After using it at that! Or just throw his corpse out in a ditch for the animal to defecate on. Am I overboard in thinking that? Maybe. Perhaps out of line. But with how SELFISH he has been and leaving all this headache behind for us, I would like to think I'm entitled to it given mom still won't speak badly of him and just says at least he's not suffering anymore. Honestly, I wanted him to suffer more now. Ugh....

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So, TLDR; Been gone for several months because my cheating father who left my mother several times, months at a time at a love hotel with random women even while my mother was pregnant with me, kicked the bucket due to pneumonia and cancer. He left no life insurance, no will or any plan to make transition easier, and just left loans and debts behind. Not to mention the retirement check from the military that would have helped tremendously was opted out so my mother wouldn't receive anything, having to pay out of pocket for all the stuff back in Georgia. Already probably paid over 10 THOUSAND on all this crap going on so hahaha... Debts of our own! Whoopee!So back to the present; I FINALLY gained the power of estate but now we're having to contact to the IRS and now have to go through hoops before being able to sell and stop paying all that money in the stuff left behind.

So, in short, I'm sorry if I'm testy, not here, or distant be it now or as of late in the past. I'm so stressed that I now have a big white streak in my hair. I can take a picture of it. Looks nice aesthetically but ugh... That and now I'm on some medicine to help cope with all this headache since its cutting into my mentality well being and health. Sorry to unload all this but some folks were curious and I did want to talk about it to give an idea to why I've been how I am as of late. Again, I'm sorry. I'll try to maintain a more steady schedule once this is said and done... Hopefully. Gods know how much longer this will take.

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