#can’t speak for the english translation but the original dutch book is really good so far | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 5 years

Text

Hakuoki Hana no Shou Yamazaki After Story Translation

My attempt at translating the 「薄桜鬼真改華ノ章」ステラワース早期予約特典　ブロマイド　山崎烝 - Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Stellaworth Early Reservation Bonus Yamazaki Susumu short story from Chinese to English.

Finally got around to finishing this... and honestly, after Saito, I like Yamazaki the most (for me, hijikata is 3rd for the feels trip, kazama is 4th for the lore and angst while harada is 5th). He’s just so adorable.... and I think his route is very sweet. Also I love how Shimada is when watching Yamazaki and Chizuru lol.

^pic is me wanting to post this for no real reason aside from it being cute.

Anyway here’s my last post of the month so if you can, support me on ko-fi here plz~ https://ko-fi.com/V7V2W0HO also check out my “stuff i’m looking for list” if you own any cds since i am missing audio for a number of dramas i have Chinese translations for....

oh, and happy labour day weekend (well, to those that it applies to). Still really busy rn btw....

enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Stellaworth Early Reservation Bonus Yamazaki Susumu After Story

Translation by KumoriYami

Yamazaki Susumu who had served as a member of the Shinsengumi's Watch/been a member of the Watch as part of the Shinsengumi for a long period of time, had been a doctor at the Yukimura clinic for half a year. And during one night——

Yamazaki, who was left alone in the clinic, heard/sensed a door open behind him.

"Susumu-san."

Looking back, standing there was his beloved wife —— Yukimura Chizuru.

"Do you want to take a break? Last night you were also reading late....

Her large eyes were full of anxiety. She looked very worried about Yamazaki.

Although he was very grateful for her taking care of him...

"Now isn't the time to sleep, I still need to remember the basics of LanXue/Western studies as quickly as possible, and I won't feel sleep at night.

[I left the term Lan Xue "蘭學” here since I'm not entirely sure of my interpretation of the phrase and put in "Western studies" since I recall that term from the game... which kinda seems to fit? Anyway, according to Wikipedia that was put through google translate, Lan Xue "refers to the Japanese Edo period by the Dutch incoming general term for Japanese academic, cultural, technological, academic literally Netherlands, the idea could be interpreted as the Western academic (referred to as oceanography ). Lanxue is a kind of learning developed by the Japanese through exchanges with the people of the island. Lanxue allowed the Japanese to understand Western technology and medicine during the period of the Edo Shogunate policy (1641-1853)." This was taken directly from from https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/蘭學.]

Yamazaki knows well that the books/studies he needs for the future will not be about Chinese medicine and acupuncture, but rather Western medicine based on LanXue/Western studies.

That said, it's not easy to understand the literature/words of a foreign country, so it is necessary to decrease [the time spent] resting to learn/study.

Chizuru, she should understand his way of thinking——.

"Please rest today."

Her admonishing tone in her speech left Yamazaki at a loss/ perplexed Yamazaki..

".....What’s going on? You wouldn't normally say that, would you?"

".............."

Her expression sank for a bit. Finally, she spoke....

"I think Susumu-san is as if he were back in the past, and I can't help but feel uneasy."

"In the past... like that?"

"Yes. Not only do you stay awake at night and give me the feeling that you were always fighting for the Shinsengumi... [it] felt that [you] were eager to die."

Hearing such an accusation without warning, Yamazaki could not say a second sentence.

However ——.

(Since I was watching my Chizuru all the time, there shouldn't be anything wrong/things should be okay) [says 我的千鶴 which is my Chizuru]

Looking back at his actions in the past months, Yamazaki deeply reflected on himself/his actions.

“Sorry, I worried you. However I'm definitely not in a hurry to die...."

His words stopped half-way. Chizuru (then) urged/pressed him [to continue] as she tilted her head.

What he said afterwards was really embarrassing, but if he didn't speak, he wouldn't be able to eliminate/dispel her worries/concerns.

"Do you remember the other day when Ibuki's wife brought their child over to play?"

"Yes, I remember it well. That child is very like his mother, truly cute/adorable."

"Seeing that child, I though: I can't allow these children to die before they grow up."

Although not all Western culture was good, he believed that Western medicine at least could help many people suffering from diseases.

"Susumu-san...."

Chizuru's eyes were full of admiration.

Then, she squinted her eyes and smiled.

"I think it's a very good idea. I also want to help my husband Susumu-san."

"Ye, yes...."

She spoke so bluntly, Yamazaki couldn't help but be confused and realized he could not remain calm.

When he heard this sentence (alt: these words) from Chizuru's lips [says mouth but I think it sounds better this way], he thought - it's truly wonderful that I chose her (alt: this might say - it's truly wonderful that she chose him) [this part of the sentence lacks pronouns... so it can be technically can be interpreted 2 ways].

"But today please rest. It's not easy to get used to getting up in the morning and sleeping at night.... and lack of sleep can cause a misdiagnosis.

In actuality, he wanted to read more tonight....

“I know, today I will listen to you. After all, when it comes to Western medicine, you are (my) senpai/predecessor.”

Yamazaki said that as he looked [alt: gestured, though i’m not entirely sure here] over the books.

"No, how can I be your senpai/predecessor...! I have nothing to teach Susumu-san."

"Don't be so humble. I was helped a lot by you when studying/learning Western studies.”

It's the truth, but to Chizuru, it was a very embarrassing compliment.

When he cleaned up his disk, Yamazaki thought of something.

“Speaking of which/by the way, we were just talking about Ibuki's child...”

"Yes. He is a very lovely child."

"Ah, yes.... ah. But, uh...."

Yamazaki was unable to truthfully speak about what he wanted to talk about, thus he hesitated.

Confused by his appearance, Chizuru blinked and asked.

"What's wrong? Is there something that you're worried/concerned about?"

"No, it's not...."

If spoken, would she misunderstand? This doubt kept Yamazaki quiet.

"If you want to say something, please speak. I want to know what you are thinking."

Having been urged by her, Yamazaki made up his mind to speak his thoughts.

"That.... I want/think (that) we should really consider it....."

"Consider, yes —— "

Because there wasn't an immediate indication of understanding what it meant, Chizuru looked/seemed lost for a while, then....

"Well..."

When she understood what Yamazaki wanted to say, her face was flushed. . “Oh, no! I don't mean to force you! Because it's an important time, and it's not too late to think about it before the clinic is developed.....!”

As he explained in a panic, Chizuru spoke up.

".......I will think about it."

Her ears were red. After that, she stood up and left the study.

Only Yamazaki was left in the room.

(She said 【will consider】 does that mean....)

She is willing? Or does that mean she doesn't agree?

After that, no matter how he asked again, he did not get a clear response causing Yamazaki to spend countless nights in anguish. [:3 fufufu lol]

-fini-

————

cyar all next month... still busy rn.... only 3 (harada, souji, heisuke) of these short stories are left from what I have been able to find...

anyvey, i had to go and bawl my eyes out (not really, but i mean it figuratively, lol) since I finally got around to watching the Shitan Kazama-hen musical.... As a result of that, I’m now super motivated to work on my song transpositions from the original one.... as my motivation for doing arrangements was more than dead once i lost my work since timing is seriously my bane when working on any music stuff... so hopefully i’ll be able to finish something within the next month.

再见!

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki other translation #Hakuoki Short Story Translation #yamazaki susumu #Yukimura Chizuru #hakuoki shinkai

32 notes · View notes

jackdaddy-c · 5 years

Text

Officially My Official “Langblog”

So... #AwkwardPause

I finally figured out that in order for me to directly post from my language gram to my language blog, I needed to create an entirely new account rather than create a new blog under my current account.

I feel you judging me. Stop that.

#lowkey cracking up at myself though...

“Let me reintroduce myself...”

Truthfully I don’t think I ever introduced myself on the old blog, so...I guess I should do that right?

My name is Jacqueline, I’m 30 years old (as of writing this, got a b-day coming soon,) and I’m currently teaching myself Japanese and Spanish.

I mainly created this blog because I needed a way to keep track of everything I’m learning (I take a lot of notes, study tons of stuff but I need an easier way to review.) So what better way than creating a blog and sharing everything I’ve learned thus far?

I have a nice size list of languages I want to learn. Here it is (GET READY!) There’s no particular order after the first 7:

Japanese #Studying

Spanish #Studying

French

Korean

Chinese (Cantonese)

Chinese (Mandarin)

Portguese

Italian

Vietnamese

Thai

Russian

German

German (Swedish-German)

Dutch

Tagolog

Catalon

Aafrikans

Swahili

Urdu

Arabic (a strong maybe on this one)

Yes... I know that my list is ridiculously long (I think I might actually be forgetting one) but... I have a desire to learn as many languages as I can.

And I mean, why not?

“So why are you doing this again...?”

In the two (really three) years I’ve been pursuing my goal to speak another language, this reason has changed many, many times.

“I want to have something nice to put on my resume.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a polyglot!”

“I like learning languages!”

“I love learning about other cultures.”

“...I #lowkey want to have a polyglot husband and polyglot kids.”

But ultimately, when I really thought about it, I realized that the real reason for me doing all of this was because:

I wanted to prove myself wrong.

For most of my life, I told myself CONSTANTLY what I couldn’t do. As a result there are many things I’ve passed on or opportunities I missed because I felt too incompetent or not good enough to do it.

Now that I’m 30, it’s time out for all of that. I’ve decided to go after the things I’m passionate about and interested in.

I want to show myself that I not only have the ability to learn another language, but also become fluent and gosh gee wiz--TEACH THEM if I want to.

And...I really do want to. :D

So, when I feel like quitting I think about where I started. I think about all the time I’ve put in. I consider all the things I want to do and I push onward.

“What’s to be expected with this blog?”

Currently as I mentioned earlier, I’m studying Japanese and Spanish, so you will see mostly posts around that.

Especially with my baby Japanese because... #StruggleLife

Here’s an idea of what all will you see (not limited to this, as I have a tendency to change stuff up, but just a general idea:)

Reposts: I’ll be doing everyone on here from now on, as well as reposting all my old from my now “old” blog (jssberry-la). I’m also a chronic reposter. So you will see TONS of resources and links to current languages I’m studying, languages in general, or just stuff I really like. (^_^)

Corrections: I feel I learn best when I’m able to look over my original posts, compare them with corrections I’ve gotten, then rewrite with corrections I believe are closer to what I actually wanted to say.

Translations: As a fun challenge to myself, I’ve decided to do a translation of a Japanese book I finished reading. I’m currently working on getting a translation together for another manga as well. I try to translate sentences as close as possible in both English and Spanish, as well as break down the sentences word by word. (#NOTE: I’m a beginner so my translations are VERY ROUGH. If you see ANNNNY errors in my translations, TELL ME. I want to be fluent!)

Sassy Commentary: Compared to my Wordpress (which tends to me a slight more formal) this blog is meant to be more laid-back, playful, witty (well...as witty as I can be I suppose) and a little feisty, too. #WinkWink

Rants: Because sometimes... #EpicSigh ...there are things you come across while learning another language that really get under your skin, you know? And I just need to vent about it. Plus I can’t be the only one who deals with this stuff. Like the random, “I’m trying to find me a foreign boo and you look cute enough so why don’t you come over here and teach me some things other than English” type of stuff.

As this blog grows and evolves, I hope to do lots more with it. In the meantime...

This is all ya got. #Shrug #iTried #DoingMyBestHere

I will also do my best to keep this blog as active as possible.... Lord knows I have a bad habit of falling asleep on here, then have my blogs collecting all kinds of dust before I remember how much a goldmine Tumblr is for language learning...

I can’t wait to study with all of you! #HeartsAllAround #XOXOs

#sidenote I’m not very good with coding, HTML and all that...so as far as looks go you can expect this blog to look pretty plain. However I’ll make sure that my content is fire...ish. ;D

Keep studying my friends!

#LanguageAdventures LanguageLearning Introduction Welcome SelfLearner Languages

1 note · View note

barneycblog · 5 years

Text

Reflections on the “F” Word

While I disapprove of the word’s overuse and find it annoying much of the time, it remains one of the more interesting monosyllabic expletives in the English language for a variety of reasons. Just by its sound it can describe, pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it can function as many parts of speech: a verb both transitive and intransitive; a gerund; a noun or pronoun; an adjective; an adverb; and an interjection. It’s a versatile word from a grammatical perspective and one that can describe with pointed emphasis a wide range of emotions, feelings, states of being and circumstances as these examples found on the web will attest:

• Ignorance: Fucked if I know. • Trouble: I guess I’m fucked now! • Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. • Aggression: Fuck you! • Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? • Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. • Incompetence: He‘s a fuck-off. • Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? • Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time. • Request: Get the fuck out of here. • Hostility: I'm going to knock your fucking head off. • Greeting: How the fuck are you? • Apathy: Who gives a fuck? • Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. • Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! • Anxiety: Today is really fucked.

Roots Linguisticians really have no clear idea where the word comes from. A few myths and folk etymologies have sprung up in the absence of a definite origin. The most common derive it from “fornication under consent of the king” or “for unlawful carnal knowledge,” and as with almost every other etymology based on an acronym, neither is true.

In English, swear words tend to have Germanic, rather than Latin etymology. We know where “shit” comes from—no pun intended. It has a Germanic root with obvious connections to words in other languages: Dutch schijt, German Scheiße, Swedish skit. It also shows up in Old English, as the verb scittan. The experts can trace a clear, linear etymology for it. Alas, the same can’t be said for “fuck,” although the search for its roots makes for an interesting etymological expedition.

It may be a native English word, from a Proto-Germanic verb along the lines of fukkon, which could in turn be from the Proto Indo European root pewg-, meaning “to jab” or “to hit”. Under this etymology, its origins are as clear as shit’s. But this explanation may rest more on speculation than fact.

Germanic words of similar form (f + vowel + consonant) and meaning ”copulate” are many. One of them is ficken. They often have additional senses, especially 'cheat,' but their basic meaning is 'move back and forth.' Most probably, fuck is a borrowing from Low German and has no cognates outside Germanic.

Early records of “fuck” are chiefly from Britain’s north, especially Scotland, so it may have begun as a northerner’s verb. Not all, but many of the words that exist primarily in Scotland and northern England, for example, bairn, gang, aye, kirk, etc., are from Old Norse. The Viking invasions left their impact on English as a whole, but especially in northern Britain where their settlements were concentrated. (Even today residents of North Britain use words and speak in accents that betray their Norse roots and mystify Americans and their English cousins to the south.)

Swedish fokka (“copulate”) and Norwegian fukka (“copulate, strike, push”) are now only dialectal terms, but given that they both mean “fuck” and are apparently related, they may go back to an unattested Old Norse verb. If this etymology is to be believed, then the Old Norse version of fukka came to Scotland first, before dispersing to the rest of the English-speaking world.

Another theory traces the Modern English verb to Middle English fyke, fike ("move restlessly, fidget") which also meant "dally, flirt," and probably is from a general North Sea Germanic word (compare Middle Dutch fokken, and German ficken). This would parallel in sense the vulgar Middle English term for "have sexual intercourse," swive, from Old English swifan "to move lightly over, sweep.” But the OED remarks that these "cannot be shown to be related" to the English word. (As an aside, the Old English verb for "have sexual intercourse with" was hæman, from ham "dwelling, home," with a sense of "take home, co-habit.")

Speaking of the original Oxford English Dictionary, its editors omitted as taboo the “F” word when the "F" entries were compiled between 1893 and 1897. Dr. Johnson also had excluded the word, and “fuck” wasn't in a single English language dictionary from 1795 to 1965. The Penguin Dictionary broke the taboo in the latter year. Houghton Mifflin followed in 1969 with The American Heritage Dictionary, but it also published a “clean” edition without the word, to assure itself access to the public high school market.

The written form of the word is attested from at least the early 16th Century although the verb form appears to have been found in an English court manuscript from 1310. The second edition of the OED cites 1503, in the form fukkit, and the earliest attested appearance of the current spelling is 1535 in Sir David Lyndesay’s Ane Satyre of the Thrie Estaits: "Bischops ... may fuck thair fill and be vnmaryit.” Apparently sex scandals in the Church were prevalent even then.

As an aside, “flying fuck” originally meant "sex had on horseback" and is first attested circa 1800 in a broadside ballad called New Feats of Horsemanship.

Censorship “Fuck” was outlawed in print in England by the Obscene Publications Act of 1857, and in the U.S. by the Comstock Act of 1873. The legal barriers against use in print broke down the mid-20th Century with the "Ulysses" decision (U.S., 1933) and "Lady Chatterley's Lover" (U.S., 1959; U.K., 1960).

In 1948, the publishers of The Naked and the Dead persuaded author Norman Mailer to use the euphemism “fug.” When Mailer later was introduced to Dorothy Parker, she greeted him with, "So you're the man who can't spell 'fuck'." (The quip is sometimes attributed to Tallulah Bankhead.) The major breakthrough in publication was James Jones' From Here to Eternity (1950), with 50 fucks (down from 258 in the original manuscript).

In a 1972 monologue, the late comedian George Carlin famously listed the "Seven words you can never say on television," to wit, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.

At the time, the words were considered inappropriate for broadcast on the public airwaves in the United States, whether radio or television; and most of the words on Carlin's original list remain taboo on American broadcast television but are heard with astonishing regularity on unregulated cable as an evening watching HBO will demonstrate. But words forbidden to polite society didn’t originate with Carlin; the ancient Romans had ten words that were considered taboo (and therefore used regularly): cunnus, futuo, mentula, verpa, landica, culus, pedico, caco, fello and irrumo. I’ll let the reader translate those words for which the English equivalent isn’t obvious.

At the Movies 1939’s Gone with the Wind ends with these memorable lines:

Scarlett: Where shall I go? What shall I do? Rhett: Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a damn.

What today is hardly regarded as even a mildly profane expression caused a sensation in the USA in 1939. Sixty-six years later the iconic quotation was voted the number one movie line of all time by the American Film Institute.

The word “damn” had been prohibited by the 1930 Motion Picture Association’s Production Code (aka, the Will Hayes Office), drawn up as the country was in the grips of prohibition and a fiery debate about declining moral standards which social critics attributed in no small measure to the alleged excesses of the Hollywood dream machine and the immoral behavior of the people who starred in its films.

Against this backdrop, producer David O. Selznick and story editor Val Lewton worked hard to keep the movie close to the book. Of the word “damn” Selznik told the Hayes censors, "It is my contention that this word as used in the picture is not an oath or a curse. The worst that could be said of it is that it’s a vulgarism." In the end, the film got special dispensation to use "damn" and "hell" in specific situations.

But before they got the OK, Selznick and Lewton solicited alternate endings. They came up with 20, more or less, among them:

Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a straw. Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a hoot. You can go to the devil for all I care. My indifference is boundless.

The Hollywood Production Code was adopted by the film industry to counter efforts to establish government censorship of cinema in 1930, although it was not seriously enforced until 1934 and continued in effect until 1965 when it was replaced by the current ratings system.

During Hollywood’s golden age, producers, writers and directors came up with a bag of tricks designed to do an end run around the censors whom they regarded as overly zealous, excessively self-righteous and conspicuously dumb. One technique was to write witty, sharp-edged dialogue replete with double entendres and a heavy dose sexual innuendo.

One such example comes from the 1946 film noire The Big Sleep, a mostly inscrutable piece of detective fiction penned by Raymond Chandler. The principals, Vivian Rutledge (Lauren Bacall) and Philip Marlow (Humphrey Bogart), engage in a famous, slyly flirtatious, sexy horse-race conversation scripted by an uncredited Julius Epstein. At one point, she rates him as a potential lover, using a horse analogy to talk in a veiled way about her feelings toward men and sex. The dialogue is outrageously suggestive without using a single off color word:

Vivian: Tell me: What do you usually do when you're not working? Marlowe: Oh, play the horses, fool around. Vivian: No women? Marlowe: I'm generally working on something, most of the time. Vivian: Could that be stretched to include me? Marlowe: Well I like you. I've told you that before. Vivian: I like hearing you say it. But you didn't do much about it. Marlowe: Well, neither did you. Vivian: Well, speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them work out a little first, see if they're front-runners or come from behind, find out what their whole card is. What makes them run. Marlowe: Find out mine? Vivian: I think so. Marlowe: Go ahead. Vivian: I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free. Marlowe: You don't like to be rated yourself. Vivian: I haven't met anyone yet that can do it. Any suggestions? Marlowe: Well, I can't tell till I've seen you over a distance of ground. You've got a touch of class, but, uh...I don't know how - how far you can go. Vivian: A lot depends on who's in the saddle. Go ahead Marlowe, I like the way you work. In case you don't know it, you're doing all right. Marlowe: There's one thing I can't figure out. Vivian: What makes me run? Marlowe: Uh-huh. Vivian: I'll give you a little hint. Sugar won't work. It's been tried.

“Fuck” began to break into cinema when it was uttered once in the film Vapor (1963) and in two Andy Warhol films: Poor Little Rich Girl (1965) and My Hustler (1965), and later in each of two 1967 British releases, Ulysses and I'll Never Forget What's 'is name. It was also used several times in the 1969 British film Bronco Bullfrog. According to director Robert Altman, the first time the word "fuck" was used in a major American studio film was in 1970's M*A*S*H, spoken by Painless during the football match at the end of the film. Since then it’s been a free-for-all as many films have attempted, and succeeded, in desensitizing audiences to the shocking effects of the F-word.

Bad Santa, a dreadful black comedy in which Billy Bob Thornton spends 90 minutes uttering non-stop expletives is one example. Another is 2017’s The Wife, an altogether splendid film—a great story complemented by terrific performances by Glen Close and Jonathan Prices—that suffers from what I would argue is overuse of the “F” word.

It’s not that I’m a prude; I’m not. It’s not that I’m offended. I’m not. It’s not that I don’t use the word; I do. And its not that I’m for censorship (heaven forfend!). But as a lover of and sometimes lecturer on old films, I’m saddened that writers and directors ignore context and insert gratuitous profanity in dialogue when the scene doesn’t really call for it. Okay, Tony Soprano’s crew really does talk that way, and so does Casino’s Nicky Santoro. And the creative social commentary of George Carlin and Lewis Black would fall pretty flat were it not punctuated by a flurry of forbidden expletives. In their mouths the language works; in the mouths of lesser so-called comedians it’s just unfunny. And unnecessary. It’s all a matter of context.

It probably says something about the state of English-speaking society that there are people who actually count occurrences of the word ‘fuck’ in films. Director Martin Scorsese is the undisputed Father of Fuckage. “Fuck” and its derivatives is spoken a staggering 506 times in The Wolf of Wall Street, setting a new Guinness World Record for most swearing in one film. And Scorsese has two other films that made the top ten list of “fuck”-ridden films:

1. The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese, 2013). 506 times (every 2.83 minutes). 2. Summer of Sam (Spike Lee, 1999). 435 times (every 3.06 minutes). 3. Nil by Mouth (Gary Oldman, 1997). 435 times (every 3.34 minutes). 4. Casino (Martin Scorsese, 1995). 422 times (every 2.4 minutes). 5. Alpha Dog (Nick Cassavetes, 2006). 367 times (every 3.11 minutes). 6. End of Watch (Dir. David Ayer, 2012). 326 times (every 2.99 minutes). 7. Twin Town (Kevin Allen, 1997). 318 times (every 3.21 minutes). 8. Running Scared (Wayne Kramer, 2006) 315 times (every 2.58 minutes). 9. Goodfellas (Martin Scorsese, 1990). 300 times (every 2.05 minutes). 10. Narc (Joe Carnahan, 2002). 297 times (every 2.82 minutes).

One could imagine the closing scene of Gone with the Wind if Scorsese had directed it. Perhaps it might have gone like this:

Scarlet: Rhett, I don’t know what the fuck to do! Rhett: Franky my dear, I don’t give a shit.

#fuck #etymology of fuck #profanity #F word in cinema #censorship #Martin Scorsese #Hollywood Production Code #Hayes Office

0 notes

for1231h · 6 years

Text

if and when i memorialize myself,

it is only right to begin with someone else’s words

“For years I have been coming to this library, and I explore it volume by volume, shelf by shelf, but I could demonstrate to you that I have done nothing but continue the reading of a single book.”

[from If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino]

“...and every articulation of the solitary man is but a single word. Every poem, story, novel and essay, just as every dream is a word from that language we have not yet translated, that vast unspoken wisdom of night, that grammarless, lawless vocabulary of eternity. The earth is vast.”

[from “Myself upon the Earth” by William Saroyan]

“How often may the clarinet rehearse/alone the one solo before the one/time that is heard after all the others/telling the one thing that they all tell of/it is the sole performance of a life/come back I say to it over the waters”

[from “Sonnet” by W.S. Merwin]

“And Polo said: ‘Every time I describe a city I am saying something about Venice.’”

[from Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino]

statement of purpose

this is the final entry on this blog: the semester is ending and these words are now archiving themselves as i write them: if i have to say anything about this semester i will say that it was short: then again so am i: i am in disbelief that the winter will come and go as it does: sometimes when i divide my thoughts instead they multiply: if i had to say this semester was short i would be lying it was its own eternity sequestered and memorialized: when time passes and you grip its hand: when the snake bites you and you bite back: the purpose of this post is to say goodbye: if i had to characterize the semester i would say: was it so different? and the answer, yes, so different: that my mind could linger in new york and moscow while my body dwelled in providence: that the body dwells on earth and the mind is elsewhere: i loved it is what i want to exclaim as time accelerates and grasps the distance ahead: i loved it all!

what happened to me once

i was writing the final paper for my high school sophomore english class. the prompt was: what is your worked out way of seeing the world? and i realized that my worked out way of seeing the world is actually just a pastiche encompassing how a bunch of other people before me have seen the world, or at least the way in which they have talked about seeing the world. it’s nice that i’ve devoted so much energy to internalizing literature, but it’s also a bit absurd to know that i am a remarkably unoriginal person despite identifying so deeply with the creative process.

i have not seen much of the world. i have not seen much of my own hometown, nor providence, nor any other place. but i was struck by the question and my lack of originality in responding to it. all i had to offer was a bit of cynicism, a bit of self-loathing.

yeah, well, um, so that was how i found out that i’m entirely inauthentic, and this semester, the first half of my sophomore year of college, i tried to measure whether or not i have managed to become more real over the course of the past four years, if i have somehow overcome my history of falsehood. i wanted to know if i had evolved into something beyond the confines of my consumerist outlook. i wanted to overcome the boundaries of my identity.

in this spirit, i found myself being more true to who i am, improvising a bit, speaking when i felt i had something to say. it was alright.

a quote from my high school sophomore year final paper [how i have grown!]

“As a teenager unable to wholly appreciate the world beyond Wellesley and incapable of feeling independent, I can only imagine the power of freedom in the greater community; however, this year, I caught many glimpses of freethinking, especially in English class where deep discussions were encouraged. I will carry what I read with me forever, but more so than in the past, I will carry the knowledge and realization that accompanied the text. Summer begins this week, and I look forward to “lighting out for the territories,” just as settlers did so many years ago. I hope to find something wondrous and incredible; I am going to prove Nick Carraway wrong.”

materials for the memorial

to remember this semester, i need: eight rolls of film, a few friends, a distant love interest, another distant love interest, as many oranges as you can fit in your backpack, a new sweater, a trench coat, bed risers, instability, a camera lens, a starbucks receipt, a chai tea latte, books, and a few more books, more than a few books. some scrap metal.

proving nick carraway wrong

when i said in my essay (written, i will remind you, when i was sixteen years old) that i wanted to prove nick carraway wrong, i meant that i wanted to correct his sentiment at the end of the great gatsby that the european colonial fuckheads who came to the americas and destroyed everything were actually the last people to feel the full possible extent of man’s capacity for wonder. according to him, in the time since dutch settlers arrived in new york uninvited, we’ve built everything up to such an extent that no more wonder is possible. no more aesthetic achievement can be found.

this is proven wrong all the time. just because a city has been constructed with materials and made to function as a metropolis doesn’t mean we can’t continuously reestablish ourselves as citizens of it. when i stand on the bridge above india point park, i feel a sense of awe and gratitude for the universe that is indeed unique to providence and also is a sense of wonder i wouldn’t trade for anything else. this happens also when i drink a really good cup of coffee or when i read a really beautiful poem.

but also i can’t help but compare this surprise of approaching new york city for the first time (carraway’s vision, articulated by f. scott fitzgerald) to akerman’s exodus from manhattan in the closing scene of news from home, which we watched during the final meeting of this seminar. approaching new york elicits feelings of excitement, potential, grandeur—exiting the city builds up a visual paean, but with a simultaneous spirit of loss, of exile. in akerman’s film we all become the first humans, sent out from the garden of eden. or perhaps, in a different biblical interpretation, we get to do what lot’s wife didn’t (gaze behind us to see what we are leaving)—no, i am not yet a pillar of salt.

for the sake of being cheesy: maybe these cityscapes operate as semesters do. at the start of the semester, with the nonphysical landscape of intellectual excitement spread out before us, it is impossible not to feel some kind of wonder. then the semester ends, and we pull away from it. what do we see? what is left?

who am i to question what remains? a remnant:

the ode

by the power invested in me by another few months that have left us—

by the power and the empowerment gained in all the books read, the notes taken, the bowls of soup consumed—

i sing [empowered by some sacred yet irreligious muse]—

here is to many more semesters full of wonder!

full of the same sentences over and over again until they mean something!

homework! late night conversation! illicit activity! language! joy!

full of the energy that keeps me suspended in something nameless—contentment?—and allows me to center myself in this beauty!

thank you, universe, for reading! for allowing me to write!

how i have loved it all!

1 note · View note