#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

Gonna be a downer tonight and say that as much as I love the opportunities to learn and to meet new people that technology has given me, I still hate it more and more the older I get.

This is kinda weird coming from someone that seems to be always on Tumblr, but I really.... Really am coming to hate technology with a passion. Nothing seems to work. Everything has to update or else. You could be using your computer in the way that you always did and suddenly boom, your antivirus decides a problem is happening even though you didn't do anything. Corporations steal my information and I have to always be connected. "oh we don't use that app for videocalling, can you download this one?" "oooh we need you to sign up for this, or else we will deny you service!" "oooh there are sudden damaged files in your pc, make a scan to fix it!" how about I cry instead.

I am becoming increasingly technophobic, yet I rely on technology to keep in contact with loved ones and do my hobbies, and I just wish i could stop, or that all of this continuous updating could stop and tech companies would finally optimize their damn products instead of releasing wildly unoptimized and vulnerable shit into the world. I am currently so full of rage and anxiety because my pc gave me and alert and I will not be able to sleep tonight. Thank fuck my dad is there to check things with me and hold my hand as I scan stuff, and I dread the day when he will be gone and I won't have his calming presence beside me as I do yet another scan or try to download a program.

This is depressing, and anxiety inducing, and I'm so done with technology and cannot let go of it. What the fuck.

#cernu speaks #personal #Technophobia #It's as I said in the post. My antivirus decided that I suddenly have damaged elements to my fuckin... Operating system #And i don't know how it could have happened #Tomorrow I do a backup and ask my dad for help but. Jesus fucking christ i hate technology so much

[inaleatherjournal]

Late at Night

(( A friend of mine have been doing Sunguard’s writing prompts and Ive been wanting to for a long time to write out this one for Vinnie. Im not in the guild, but I sure enjoy reading character stories from their page! )) A quill scratched across parchment, leaving behind graceful loops and swirls of words in its wake as Vinnie sat hunched under single floating bauble in darkened bedroom. Quiet snores of Mandulus could be heard from behind him. It was spur of moment borne from a conversation earlier with his husband about Dalheim and danger of his service to Silvermoon that all but reminded Vinnie of their ever presenting mortality. With a heavy sigh he finished his instruction to select firm who would be handling his will. “I, Vynistus Reynald D’Anastasis-Kazeral...” Vinnie winced at his full name, too pompous sounding, but such is required for formal notary. “Give full permission and responsibility to this firm to hold listed items until the time of my death. When I have passed, the firm shall have my permission to read and execute contents of my will to proper recipients. If at the time certain recipient  is found to be deceased, the letters and intended items shall go to my husband, Mandulus Alexsander Asadorian Kazeral the Third to do as he sees fit. Within envelope will be eleven letters to be personally read by person bearing names on each slip. My body is to be left in my husband’s, Mandulus, care and discretion. If at the time of my death I am separated from home, Dalheim Windchaser have full responsibility of returning me home. I also personally request this verbal message be delivered by the firm to one, Nauhil Kael Aranstus. - You get nothing you son of a bitch. Signed, Vinnie Kazeral” The bespectacled blond then blew on paper until the ink were dry enough and shuffled it into a folder along with list of items the firm would hold. The formal notary would have to be read and agreed upon with his executor soon as he brought what could be stored away in the vault. Then solemnly, with air of heaviness, he tucked each sealed letters into folders. It was emotionally and mentally draining to write every single one of them and he felt more tired than usual.

________________ Mandulus, @xxcrimsondreamerxx My light and my rock. In the envelope I leave you the key to my Father’s old estate, its coordinate and a vial. It is in shambles, worthless and ruined, but there are a vault holding many treasured possession that have passed through generations of my family. Do as you deem appropriate with them, there are fair number of things I believe our children would benefit from. I know I hardly talk about my family. What I never told you is that my Father valued bloodline more than anything else, while he placed bounty on me, he never ceased his hope that I, the black sheep, would return. With Solaris and Cernus, I am no longer the last of my line. Everything is warded to ensure only descendants of Remistus D’Anastasis may pass, but the spell might have worn down over years. Take the vial just in case, it holds my blood and is enchanted so you too, may enter. You’ve given me something far better than I dreamed, a good home within your arms, wonderful children, and a lifetime of loving you. With life I’ve led, I’ve always known that one day fate will come to take me away and knowing you… Please, my Love, dont despair. Take peace that while death may have physically separated us and my spot in bed next to you will be empty when you wake up to morning’s dawn. I will be with you in your heart and soul. Then when your time comes, we will be together again. By the light of the sun - eternally yours, Vynistus _______________ Dal, @dalheim / @bracelet00 My heart, my love, I give you my share of Fae’s Rest. It is only fitting that you own part of the Inn as I have and know you will always have a home away from home and a place in my family. In envelope you’ll find estate’s documents with your name on it, it will only need your signature. There are no words to describe my love and devotion for you. You’ve been my everything, as are Mandulus and Chiryn. My heart hurts as I write this, knowing that when you read this, I’ll be gone and it’s unfair as there’s nothing more I want than to spend an eternity with you. If there’s an after-death, I will be waiting for you. Yours always, Vinnie _____________ Alex,

My son, I leave you my journals and notebooks of my work. While I know your interest lies elsewhere, it holds many secrets you might find useful and skills to add to your repository of knowledge. I trust you will know what to do with it. You are turning into a fine mage. I am proud to call you my son and fortune had me lucky that I could be your parent. I may not be physically here to watch you turn into an exceptionally talented young man I know you will be, I will be with you. Please look after Daddy, he’s strong, but he wont be taking the news of my death well. Love,

Papa _______________ Asher,

My niece, I leave you Steel and her foal. Talbuks are loyal and fierce. Within their heart is need to run wild and roam, much like you.  May Steel and her children carry you far around Azeroth and beyond and be secure in knowing where ever you go, I will be with you. Ive never told you this, but your father and I are related. I know you will be angry over having been denied this knowledge earlier on, but know this - I wanted you to have a choice and when you choose to accept me as your Uncle, it was one of happiest day of my life. Thank you. Love,

your Uncle Vinnie ______________ Solaris and Cerenus,

My sons, I leave you my daggers. Krey’theis for Solaris and Tarum for Cerenus. They have served me well and their blades do not dull easily. Take them to a mage in Silvermoon and as you are my blood, they will know what to do to have it bonded to you. Having you two were best thing that had happened to me, Mama Keke, and Mandulus. I have watched you take your first steps, your first escape from Mama Keke’s pen, watched you two speak secret language only twins can understand, and grow quickly into pair of trouble makers. I could not be prouder or more fortunate to be your father. Please look after Mama Keke and may Krey’theis and Tarum protect you on your journey. Love,

Papa _____________ Arielle Dalheim,

My beautiful daughter. I leave you charmed protection brooch belonging to my sister. You were named after her and she was beautiful and headstrong just like you. You also have been given Dalheim’s name, bravest, most loyal elf I’ve come to know and I know you too, will grow to be strong and fierce as he is.  I leave as well a voice recording and photo so that as you grow, you’ll remember what I sound and look like and know that while I couldnt stay, I love you. Love,

Papa __________ Mama Keke, @the-flannel I’ve thought long and hard on what I could leave you, but couldnt come up with something you already have. We’ve shared bed, shared home, and you’ve carried my children, and done so much for me. I am forever in your debt. You’re of strong heart, strong will and I know you will go far in life. When time comes and all children have grown up, and you feel the itch to walk the land - Under floor board of seventh steps to the top floor of the Inn, there’s a precious stone that will call my old companion over. He will keep you company. Love,

Vinnie ___________ Kio, My good friend and lover. The forge have always been yours, but I leave you my tools, maps, and notes on good ore veins. I know you will make good use of it and may it bring fortune to you. We havent always been on best of terms, but know that I hold you to highest esteem and value your friendship more than anything. Thank you for being steadfast friend, always being there for me even when I have been distant. I do have favors to ask of you. Whenever chance you have, please have Dalheim’s back. He is loyal to a fault to his cause and I worry. And keep watch over Mandulus, he hasnt lived his life to fullest yet and I will be most disappointed if he spends it wallowing or hurries after me. Love, Vinnie __________ Chiryn, @meeshay

The apple of my eye and stealer of my heart.  I leave you a key to my safe in Silvermoon and my jewelry tool kit. I know you have a set of your own, but perhaps, you’ll know of someone who’ll put it to good use, someone as talented as you are. The safe holds my collections of gems and it would be a shame to let them gather dust. I expect you with your skill make good use of my gems and create many beautiful things to grace Azeroth. You’ve filled my life with joy and laughter and I am forever fortunate to have loved you. My only regret were letting you go. Know this as you journey through your life without me, I will be with you, if only in your heart and soul. Always yours, Vinnie ______________ Falothemier They’Aran,

Chunky. My oldest, most cherished companion. As arrogant as we Sin’dorei come off, we cannot live forever. I fear this is something you will learn far too soon as your kind have tendency to outlive. I leave you my most precious gem, a heart. I believe you will know what to do with it. Please watch over my family. I have given Ke’edil the stone you’ve given me and he certainly will feed you many cupcakes. May you grow old and wise, I will always be with you. Vinnie ____________ Bal and Riandis, My good friends. You both have been through best and worst time with my family.  I am always grateful and fortunate to have known you both. Within envelope will be a check for a hundred thousand gold to be put in your name. Make good use of the money, finish the garden, fix up the house, and get that wedding you both want. With all my love,

Vinnie

______________ The blond sniffled softly and sucked in through his nose sharply, not the one to cry as he folded folder’s flap intending to secure everything within. Then stopped. He wasnt quite done. Snatching another plain parchment, he dipped his quill and quickly scribbled another letter, blew on it, and folded it to tuck in with all other letters with a touch of wryness to corners of his lip.

“Nauhil, For fuck’s sake. Go be a proper father to Asher or I’ll haunt your sorry ass till the sun goes nova. Show this letter to Dalheim so he knows you have my permission, otherwise he’ll shoot you. Vinnie” END

#Vinnie D'Anastasis #death will #World of Warcraft #long post #if there's mistakes or such let me know and I'll edit it!

[c3rnunnos]

Small life (?) update

21/01/2024

I'm proud of a little thing that happened today and I will scream about it! I managed to open and use the computer :)

I spent almost 5 months not touching it due to a fun little... phobia (?) I developed of it (specifically, of my own personal computer. I can use other pcs just fine).

Checked that it was working a couple of weeks ago, and today I managed to sit down and write some stuff/edit a lil thing for about an hour without getting an anxiety attack. I'd say that's pretty neat!

I hope that next I'll be able to sit down and relearn how to use krita, little by little, and that I'll be able to make myself sit down and buy a ps plus subscription so I can play bloodborne with some pals. I'd like to get the ps plus subscription by the end of the month, so I'll need to pester a friend to help me out because I'm kinda stupid with technology. As for krita, I hope that by next year I'll be able to draw digitally again.

#Sorry to those who may not give a shit but it felt like a secular achievement for me bshsbsj #This damn phobia kicked my ass so bad I have to leave the house while my Playstation updates games #And i can't download anything without getting the Nervous Dumps #But I managed to actually edit a fic and write down character profiles today #Without having to get up!!! #I'm so proud of myself. It's a small win but it's a big one for me #cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

just watched nimona and jesus fuckin christ man. i cried for the last 30 to 40 minutes of the runtime uninterrupted, full on sobbing and bawling and clutching my face and weeping the whole time and i only managed to calm down when my sister held my head and listened to me rant a bit about it once i finished the movie. i went through two fabric tissues, which usually last me around a week, because i was crying so much. i dont think any movie has elicited such a visceral response from me, and i cry at literally any movie i watch. i am going to remember this for a long time. 

“i see you”.

fucking hell. the more i grow the more im happy im alive, cause i get to see things like these. thank you nimona. god, i’m about to start crying again. good movie.

#cernu speaks #nimona

[c3rnunnos]

I need to rip astarion apart and eat his guts sloppy style RIGHT NOW or else I die

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

Goddammit i spent like a few weeks fixating on Astarion and now suddenly my brain is Shadowheart, which is annoying because I have no info on her aside from the fact she is stronger than my Tav and that I like her voice and that I like her braid and I like her snarkiness and I like her utility as a cleric and I like her in pretty dresses and I want to make her a flower crown and I am abandoning Astarion because girls... My god. Girls so good.

Vampire cold and hard, follower of Shar warm and soft (and they are both pretty but I like her eyes so much oh god I have to stop I'll l go on another rant. Good lord)

#cernu speaks #Anyways I'm. Gonna cry she's so beautiful

[c3rnunnos]

I need to draw more godwyn or so help me

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

I'm about to start a horrid journey of going through my blog and tagging as much stuff as possible to make it easier for people to filter through it. I am going to die, for the fast reblog button is my best friend

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

COMPUTER FUNCTIONAL

KRITA IS GODLY

TIME FOR DIGITAL ART AGAIN

#im having a decent time even though im anxious as fuck using the puter again #i missed drawing digitally so much aaaaa i have a bunch of stuff i will need to draw i cant wait #cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

I have 18 drawings i can post. It's time to edit em and then set a queue for the first time ever. Wish me luck

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

I need to draw more Mohg. I know what I'm doing this evening

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

Job hunting is hellish ngl. Especially with how many accounts I had to make lately just to get to send my cv to possible employers. Good lord

#I want to work so bad but The Applications are hell on earth #cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

I have a huge backlog of drawings on my sketchbook that I could publish... I guess I'll wait tomorrow to take some picture with decent lighting andy signature. Lots of oc stuff.... So much oc stuff fr

#cernu speaks #I have been having so much fun with them! Gosh #I'll finally get to use some of the tags for the worldbuilding project with my friend wyrm

[c3rnunnos]

Lord have mercy I'm getting back into genshin and it's gonna be something fr fr (crying) (anxious to download the game again) (happy to explore everything) (happy to get back into the lore)

#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

Got Disco Elysium finally and started playing and I was having the time of my life up until I got softlocked by the racist guy at the start of the game :((( I tried punching him and he almost broke my wrists and I don't know where to get medicine :(( I don't want to adhere to his view cause what if Kim gets disappointed in me :(((

my poor detective is the most depressed and broken handed mf in Revachol. And we work only through vibes.

#disco elysium #cernu's disco elysium experience #cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

You ever think "ah yes one of my fondest mutuals" when looking at someone's blog and then you realize that you aren't following them while they are following you so the being mutuals was all in your brain. Anyways I've rectified that mistake and I can now be at peace

#cernu speaks #It be like that sometimes