#complimenting a fic on its moral standing is considered a very good compliment

[not-poignant]

Hi! Big fan of your work and writing blog :) I have a question re: fanfic reception. I like writing fanfics about villains on the receiving end of noncon, and I sometimes get feedback that makes me feel weird and I dunno how to respond to it? It’s along the lines of "thanks for giving [character] the pain they deserve" "it’s good that you aren’t nice to [character] like those other fanfic writers". (Part 1…)

(Part 2…)I kind of feel like they’re complimenting my morals instead of my writing, but I also could be overreacting, because I mean it’s fine to seek out fics where a character you hate gets tortured? No hurry answering this, and thanks in advance if you do. I hope you’re doing alright on your break from UtB. I am using the time to reread and am loving it!

~

Hi anon!

Oh this is an interesting quandary to be in, because I'm certain at least some of those people are very much being moralistic about it.

Tbh when it's 'thanks for giving (character) the pain they deserve' you can probably ignore that if you want, because yeah, they might have revenge fantasies and find that very satisfying.

But when you get people going 'thanks for being mean / not nice to this character like other writers' - if you're the kind of person who responds to comments and feels uncomfortable when someone is using your space to shame other authors (because that's exactly what's happening) you can choose - if you want - to take the time to say 'I have no problems when people enjoy this character being hurt, however, I do not tolerate when folks shame other authors and readers for what they enjoy in fiction. Please don't compliment my fic by putting down other people, that's not what a compliment is' or something similar.

As soon as a reader brings in other people and shames them, that's absolutely when you can take a stand and see a clear issue.

I see this a lot for two different things:

Writing realistic kink, and so many readers being like 'omg thanks for writing realistic kink there's so much unrealistic trash on here' and these days I always make a point of saying 'oh thanks! but I write and love unrealistic trash too. This is a fictional site and no one should be expected to write realistic kink here!' It shuts people down amazingly fast. But also makes them realise that perhaps they just shouldn't be throwing stones when we're all in a very glass castle on AO3 lmao

Writing realistic trauma recovery, so like 'thanks for showing how awful and evil rape can be unlike those people who write it for fun' - now how I end up with these readers with my actual writing history, I don't know, but I take the same approach of like 'thanks BUT I LOVE writing rape as titillation! I enjoy both!'

You don't have to be as blunt as me, and you don't have to address it at all, but any reader who shames other authors or readers in your comment section can be addressed directly because it's just a shitty thing to do. And people don't say shit like that in public if they don't secretly hope that one of those people will see the comment and feel bad about what they like.

So yeah, with your first example, they could be feeling moralistic, or they could just want a revenge fantasy and really enjoy noncon! The second example is a clear cut example of shaming, or stepping on other people to pass you a compliment, and you're never ever over-reacting when that makes you feel uncomfortable, or makes you feel like it's not really a compliment. Because all it really is, is a version of: 'you passed my moral standards, thanks' and that's not actually a compliment at all. (Or like you say, it's complimenting your morals, it's like having a weird fandom policeman come by and glare at you and be like '....okay you're committing no crimes, as you were' and moving on. It's just weird).

Anyway *shakes hands for weird comments that shame other readers/authors in the form of a compliment* - I do think you're right to feel uncomfortable at least sometimes when this happens. It's up to you how you choose to address or not address it, but I will say personally that if you aren't going to address it in comments, maaaaybe consider deleting the ones that shame other readers/authors, so that when those people read your fics they don't feel alienated. It's obviously your choice! But just something to consider if you want to be curating your space. And best of luck writing all the noncon-villain fics! They can be a lot of fun :D

#asks and answers #on fandom #on fanfiction #these kinds of comments are also becoming more common #now that we judge fics badly based purely on morals #complimenting a fic on its moral standing is considered a very good compliment #but it's not really #it feels very Christian Evangelist youth camp where it's like #'wow jessica you're so good at following the lord!' #'thanks Angie I never sin!' #'wow me either!' #like get me out of the cult and can we just go back to complimenting each toher on the filth of the noncon #and how good you make a character suffer sadlfkjas

[deancasgreenblue]

I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet, which is to say this will be very long, despite my intentions. (warnings for depression and mentions of wanting to die)

Last year, (I say on the 2nd day of this new year which I cannot believe I survived, but hey we’re finally in 2019) was pretty rough for me. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and severe anxiety. I’ve had to test out a lot of different meds to treat this, some of which weren’t so great, and some of which have helped. I was going to therapy, and I started feeling good. Really good. 

I started working on this fic Maybe I Don’t. I was writing daily. I was updating often. I was getting really great feedback and I. Just. Felt. Really. Good. My therapist was cheering me on, encouraging me to keep writing. And I was happy. I had created a story that I loved, and readers loved. It was amazing.

But then, my good mood went low. Very, very low. I spent days wishing I was dead, and almost got to the point where I was going to do something about it. Being bipolar, my mood swings are erratic. I never know what kind of day I’ll have. Some mornings I want to die, but by the end of the day I’m feeling fantastic. That’s just how it is with me, and it’s not great, but it’s my normal.

So, during a particularly bad mental health week, I decided to be impulsive. I’m going to backtrack a little bit for this part.

Over a year ago, I saw this girl at my job wearing a Supernatural sweater. I was immediately intrigued, to say the least. Slowly but surely, I harbored a crush on her. I’m a girl and pansexual, so gender doesn’t matter to me. And this girl is sort of butch, so I assumed she was into girls, too. I honestly had no doubt in my mind that she was. I wanted to approach her a few times, but I never knew how to start a conversation with this stranger. The only interaction we had was me complimenting her Supernatural sweater.

In October 2018, I went to a social gathering with a few of my coworkers. I took my best friend as moral support. I was hoping the girl in the sweater would be there, and she was. I had made up my mind that I would approach her and befriend her and maybe we’d fall in love. Why not? I read/write a lot of fanfiction where that happens. I thought maybe this would be my fanfiction with a happy ending. (I have very high highs, which are complete opposites of my low lows).

So, I approach this girl while she’s playing pinball. I play pinball next to her, and strike up a conversation. I get a lot of flirty/gay vibes from her. She’s nervous. She’s touching my shoulder and arm. She’s trying to make me laugh, and she’s laughing too. She’s drinking something that smells like cinnamon, and it’s all over her breath every time she leans over to talk to me over the loud music.

I’m immediately overwhelmed from her attention. I wasn’t prepared to have this reaction from her, so I make up a flimsy excuse about needing to look for my friend, and I bolt. I find my friend, and I tell her everything. My friend encourages me to talk to her again, but I don’t find another opening that night.

For the rest of the week, I become obsessed. I need to talk to her again. I want to apologize for bolting all of a sudden. I want to get to know her. All I know about her is that she likes Supernatural enough to wear a sweater with the logo, which I’m assuming she got from Hot Topic. I just want to talk to her again. But the days pass and I never run into her. Not once. By the end of the week, I’ve had enough. My hypomania is at its highest, and I decide to be impulsive. 

I grab an Elvis postcard (I have many, for reasons), and I write her a brief note. I tell her I had a nice time talking to her, and ask if she would like to have lunch with me. Then I leave her my phone number. And I also add a little line that reads: Can you dig Elvis? Which was probably stupid, but I was hoping, as a Supernatural fan, she would get the reference.

The girl in the sweater texts me as soon as she gets to her desk that morning. She asks who I am, so I freak out. If she doesn’t remember me, that’s bad. That’s really bad. I remind her about the work outing, and call myself “pinball girl” to which she replies she does remember me, and accepts my invitation to lunch.

Now I really feel like I’m in a fanfiction, and one of those really good ones that has your stomach fluttering. We keep texting, and I tell her about how I would have asked her out in person but I never ran into her. She tells me that it’s really cool that I approached her. We decide to have lunch the following week.

The next Monday, we make plans about where we’re going to eat, and I ask her if we should ride together since it’s the most sensible thing to do. She tells me she would prefer that, and that we should “totes ride together ;)” With a wink. A wink means a lot to me. I never use them. So I freak out some more, weirded out by this turn of events. The girl I like is flirting with me? Um, that can’t be right. That is way too good to be true. 

That same day, as I’m leaving the building where I work, I run into her. First time I’ve seen her since the pinballs. I ask her why she’s walking out in the rain without an umbrella, and she says she doesn’t like being at her desk too long. She asks me if I’m leaving for the day, and I say yes, to which she says I’m lucky. I start feeling overwhelmed again, so I tell her I’ll see her tomorrow. She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows and tells me she’s excited for lunch tomorrow. I wave goodbye.

As soon as I’m in my car, I have a breakdown. I call my best friend, crying, and I tell her what happened. I have never felt so happy. The girl I like flirted with me over text AND in person. She likes me. She’s excited for lunch. Which I was considering sort of a date. I mean, why not? All the signs were there. It was practically a date.

The next day, we go to lunch. It’s a bit awkward at first. I don’t know much about her, and I’m sure she knows nothing about me. She drives. We go to one of her preferred places. She recommends a Philly cheeseteak and I order it because my flustered my mind can’t make up my own choices. We sit to eat, and she removes her Supernatural sweater, revealing a Jared Padalecki shirt underneath. I compliment it, and she tells me she loves Sam. 

I ask her the biggest question I’ve been saving up: Do you like Supernatural? (Look, I just needed to be sure). She says she does, but doesn’t watch anymore. I tell her neither do I. She talks more about how much she loves Sam, and how at the end of season 5 she cried at church thinking about Sam being in hell. I have a bit of a *scratched record* moment at the mention of church. I come from a religious background, and I don’t necessarily get along with church-going people, so I freeze a little bit. But I decide to let it pass. I love God, and I’m gay as hell, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

When I ask her my next question: Do you watch Lucifer? She tells me she doesn’t, because she’s very Christian, and it goes against her beliefs. I blink, confused. I ask her why she’s okay with Supernatural, which has Lucifer too, but not with the show Lucifer. She says Lucifer just focuses more on the devil, and it’s not as supernatural as Supernatural. Her explanation makes no sense to me, but I let it slide too.

She wants to know about me. I tell her I write. I tell her I co-wrote a novel with my best friend, but I can’t explain the synopsis correctly. I tell her I’m better at explaining things when I write than when I speak. She tells me that, too. She confesses she writes fanfiction. I laugh. She tells me it’s okay to laugh at her, but I tell her I’m laughing because I write fanfiction, too. I don’t ask her what type of fanfiction she writes, because I have a big suspicion it’s probably Wincest-based. 

Then for some reason, we start talking about Breaking Bad. She tells me she doesn’t like it because of the sex. She tells me she doesn’t like sex at all. Doesn’t like watching it or thinking about it or doing it. I tell her that’s cool. Then she slips this line, “My boyfriend made me watch an R-rated movie once, but I hated it.”

I have sort of an out-of-body experience. Boyfriend? Boyfriend. Boyfriend. That’s all I hear for a while. She keeps talking, but I’m stuck on that one word. She has a boyfriend. She’s very Christian, and she has a boyfriend. Oh.

I feel like I’m sinking, but I hang on. I don’t know how. I’m upset, but I try not to show it. She talks about politics, and fake news, and how she can’t stand the things people say about “President Trump” but I’m too afraid to ask if she is a Trump supporter. I just nod along.

When we ride back, she says she loved having lunch with me, and she wants to have lunch again. Once we’re in the building she asks me if I’m a hugger, and I say “I guess” and so she pulls me into a hug. I stumble back to my desk. I text my best friend that 1. She’s very Christian. 2. She’s very straight. And 3. She has a boyfriend. Then I cry. At my desk. Quietly, so no one notices. I feel so disappointed. Mostly in myself, for falling for the whole charade. Fanfiction situations don’t happen to real people. At least not to me.

You see, I’m also demisexual and demiromantic. My attraction to people is so rare, but when it happens, it’s very strong. It takes over. And it’s hard for me to really like someone. I tried Tinder and it sucked. I can’t connect with people that I’m not emotionally attached to. But it turns out, I ended up liking the most unattainable person. Again (That’s another long story).

Anyway, since my mental health was at its worst those days, my bipolar took over. Oh man, the stupid things I planned on doing. I’m so ashamed of the things I wanted to do, the people I reached out to, the things I offered. I don’t want to get into those things. But it was bad. After work, I was ready to do something crazy. Extreme. I’m extremely impulsive thanks to my bipolar. Fortunately, my car was heating up while I was driving, so I ended up driving to my best friend’s house, where I calmed down a little bit.

I decided to put this girl behind me. But man, it was hard. I kept running into her. Every day. Multiple times a day. We had brief conversations, but she always did little things that threw me off, like touch my shoulder during our interactions. One day, one of my coworkers overheard one of our conversations, and he asked my friend at work if she thought the girl in the sweater was a lesbian because he could have sworn she was flirting with me. My friend told him she had a boyfriend, and he couldn’t believe it after what he’d seen. This only proved that I wasn’t completely crazy. I hadn’t made the whole thing up.

I don’t want to blame this girl for anything. I don’t even know her that well. I blame myself entirely for everything that happened. I should have been smarter about the whole thing. 

Anyway, I’ve stayed away from fanfiction after that encounter. I’m still struggling with my mental health. It’s not easy. But I want to do better. To feel better. I want to get back to my stories. I know I abandoned Maybe I Don’t. But I’m so glad to work on it again. I missed it more than I had imagined. 

This is just a very drawn-out excuse to explain why I was gone for so long. It’s very personal. I’m sorry, but I needed to get this off my chest. I want to stay positive. I want to say that 2019 will be a better year, but guys, time isn’t even real, so whatever. 

If you’ve stuck with this story, even now that I updated so many months later, I just want to say thank you. Also, if you read all of this, thank you. It’s super long and probably boring. 

Stay cheesy, friends.

-raiseyourpinky

#personal