#dazai's emotions to him are just as irrelevant as his physical needs and such like that.

[osamid]

an interesting (unpopular? i think?) soukoku opinion i have is i don't think dazai was oblivious to his feelings towards chuuya, like ever. i understand WHY people interpret dazai as having trouble identifying and reckoning with his emotions; i'm not knocking it! there's plenty of evidence to suggest that and also i think it fits with his actions. HOWEVER. for me dazai is the most fun when he's deliberately suppressing and neglecting his own feelings. dazai realizes at the tender age of like 15 that he's at least infatuated with chuuya, and his first instinct is "well how do i compartmentalize that. how do i make sure this doesn't interfere with my plans and our job at the mafia." and then he compromises with his emotions by keeping chuuya close but not allowing himself to seem too affectionate or "trick" chuuya into liking him back. i think this version of dazai is most compelling to me because then the struggle isn't "get blockhead dazai to realize he's in/can love" its "get blockhead dazai to realize he's allowed to indulge in love" which is much more fun, especially when you have seven (or even more, i don't think this mindset would be limited to chuuya) years worth of distancing himself from his own emotions to contend with.

#putting the more negative parts in the tags i think another reason i'm not partial to the “dazai is oblivious to his own feelings” headcanon #is that it sorta implies that dazai isn't self-aware? #which like. he clearly is. i think moments when we (the veiwer) think he isn't self aware is the result of the MEDIA not being self-aware #<- talking about his treatment of akutagawa and other such failures. “don't pity yourself” moment. the whole father thing. #dazai doesn't acknowledge these flaws because the source material doesn't think its a flaw either #but i digress. my point here is that i personally think dazai is so painfully self-aware that it turns into over-rationalizing himself #dazai's emotions to him are just as irrelevant as his physical needs and such like that. #does this make sense? idk #example i'll give: his character growth as he trusts the ada and works less utterly on his own mind #i think dazai is capable of seeing his own trust issues and what not from the very beginning #but it's only after it's been proved to him that him that no total control isn't the most logical option #and in fact trusting his allies CAN work out without pulling every string #that dazai beings to take down (a few) of his walls #its not that dazai doesn't know he has feelings. its that they aren't relevant to him #they cause him grief #fuck up his plans #and (to him) need to be squared away and dismissed as soon as possible #i know that isn't in line with the no longer human novel but WHATEVS #my hcs #bsd #skk #bsd dazai