#didn't know how to handle the mental institution thing I guess

[anghraine]

Do you have any advice for navigating chronic mental health stuff and grad school? How has your advisor handled it?

Background: I'm finishing my first year of a PhD. The classwork was fine/ easy, but the research was not, and my advisor isn't happy. Part of this is from my mental health slipping (the rest is normal research life); her reaction was that I need to either take a break until this is resolved or leave, since she's at a point in her career where she doesn't want to deal with unreliable students. When I mentioned getting tested for ADHD, she heavily implied I therefore can't cut it in the program. There are no other professors in my program doing research even slightly related to my field. I know this is illegal, but it also seems pretty normal for grad school. Have you seen advisors handle that sort of disclosure well?

No issues if this is too detailed/ you don't want to respond!

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! That's super shitty, though I have heard of roughly similar things happening. However, it is definitely not my experience in my own PhD program with my advisor (except that my advisor was also my only real option as far as research goes).

My advisor has been extremely kind about my mental health, despite it causing a significant amount of inconvenience and concern for him personally. I didn't mind talking about why that is any more, but I'll put the longer version of the story under a cut. (Mind the tag.)

I had an awful breakdown from late 2020 up to the end of 2021/early 2022 (bipolar mood swings from "can't focus but lalalala" to "suicidally depressed for months" coupled with autism problems and extreme anxiety). My advisor and department chair didn't know what was going on, but they were concerned that I stopped responding to basically anything, and I nearly did have to leave the program.

But the one major university thing I did manage to do during this time was to get my clinical autism diagnosis confirmed through testing services and to consistently see a psychiatrist. Both the psychologist and psychiatrist I ended up seeing strongly recommended reaching out to my advisor, disclosing my conditions/their impacts on study, and seeing what my situation was at that point.

So (after considerable angst) I put together an email to him, and he quickly wrote back. He was fantastic. He just said he was glad to hear from me and know how I was doing, and handled a lot of the bureaucratic end of things. I did end up needing to disclose basically everything (except the suicidal ideation, which I did not mention to anyone except my psychiatrist) to the department chair and head of graduate studies, and it all turned out okay in the end.

That's a big part of the reason that passing my exams and getting advanced to candidate is so surreal and such a big deal for me. But I really am inexpressibly grateful to my advisor for helping me through an extremely rough patch, where he went well beyond what he really had to do. As a side note, our research only partly coincides, but I would not exchange him for anyone (he studies 18th/19th lit in English where I study 17th/18th British).

So I guess my takeaway is that, as someone with mental health problems, having a supportive, helpful advisor made a lot more of a difference than having common interests with him. Your advisor seems genuinely quite bad to me. I don't really have a solution for you, though taking advantage of student health services was helpful for me, personally, in having documentation I could direct people to.

And if you really do need to go on academic leave and she's willing to approve it, sometimes it can be helpful in recuperating from academic life for awhile if you can afford the delay. Alternatively, you might look for more helpful people to have on your committee if that's how it works at your institution. You might also go to the chair of your department with your concerns if you feel you can trust them (bearing in mind that it's kind of the nuclear option). If you're seeing a counselor and/or psychiatrist/psychologist, you might also ask them what they suggest, since they'll know your institution.

#cw suicidal ideation #mirielvairenen #respuestas #rare breed of attack unicorn #ivory tower blogging #long post #anghraine babbles

[sweatertheman]

even though i can tell you had 100% good intentions with it, i'll still politely request you delete the katana zero psychopathy post for two reasons:

1. psychopathy is generally a problematic diagnosis: its symptoms are based almost entirely on the subjective view of the people studying a person (not treating them. studying them). it primarily includes such things as:

criminal activity (only 'diagnosable' after the fact)

lacking empathy (not uncommon)

not showing regret or remorse (as far as the person making the diagnosis can tell)

not being able to form real interpersonal connection (every interpersonal connection that seems real gets re-interpreted as cunning manipulation)

defiance against authority (i don't have to spell out why that's not a good symptom for diagnosis)

"deviant sexual interests" (again, i don't have to spell that one out)

coldness (measured by the person making the diagnosis)

and, especially in children, an already existing diagnosis of adhd.

it's questionable whether psychopathy can be 'misdiagnosed' since the symptoms are mostly things that are attributed after the person making the diagnosis has already decided that they think someone is a psychopath. it's extremely subjective, and very little of it actually takes the person's own experience into consideration. in fact, there are a lot of studies actively disproving that the symptoms above have anything to do with heightened criminal activity (the thing psychopathy is said to cause). if nearly every diagnosis turns out to be a 'misdiagnosis' upon closer inspection, does that mean something was misdiagnosed, or maybe that the diagnosis is inherently wrong in of itself?

2. your post puts a lot of emphasis on there being or not being an "official" diagnosis. this makes me a little uneasy. what's official? in history, a lot of institutions have given very much official diagnoses to their patients- to imprison, torture or kill them. the idea that an official psychopathy diagnosis would make a difference one way or another implies that a greater authority can decide on someone's diagnosis and how to treat/use said someone based on it. i am sure that in zero's files, there probably is an official diagnosis for psychopathy, or if there isn't, one could be made at a moment's notice by his psychiatrist, an official mental health professional.

again, i recognise that you didn't mean anyone harm with your post, but the argument you make in it is flawed in its premise. you're absolutely right that the gamma null project just grabbed any kid that would kill people without a lot of fuss, but starting the argument by disproving zero's, fifteen's and headhunter's case of psychopathy is not the right way to go, since it implies that if there were nulls who were "real, officially diagnosed" psychopaths, the case would be different.

i hope this ask isn't upsetting, but i've seen you respond in the post itself and i thought you handled that really well, so hopefully it'll be the same with this.

yeah no, dont worry about it, it's all good!i m still not entirely sure where people are getting the idea that i was saying the NULL would not be deserving of decent treatment of they were "real psychopaths" from, but i guess i can delete the post, considering i was mistaken in my definition of psychopathy.

i would like to say that i feel like everything you've pointed out here is both useful and interesting! the fact that psychopathy is not a legitimate diagnosis and that it could be handed out on a whim based on whatever feelings the examiner has lends further credence to the idea that New Mecca doesn't care about these people at all and justifies its atrocities however it can! "official diagnosises" here just means getting a doctor to tell them whatever they already wanted to hear, that being that the NULL are actually evil soulless bastards and any mistreatment is justified if it means keeping them in line. anything to dehumanize the NULL. i dont really know how else to put it considering you laid it out so well in the ask!

i will reiterate again that i didnt mean to imply that Zero, Fifteen, and Headhunter being "real psychopaths" would have in any way made the NULL project somehow less terrible and inhumane. only that new mecca doesn't actually care if the NULL they create are "real psychopaths." it doesn't matter to them how social these people are, what connections they can and cannot form. they will claim that they're anti-social freaks regardless. psych is actively uncomfortable with the idea that Zero would be forming actual social connections.

i do agree though that my phrasing wasn't very well thought out and i guess it's easily misunderstood. when i made the post, i didnt know that psychopathy is not a real diagnosis, and was conflating the term psychopathy with the idea of someone who is antisocial, incapable of forming bonds, feels no guilt or remorse, and etc. when i set out to disprove the psychopathy of the NULL, i was trying to draw attention to the fact that the government and psych were trying to dehumanize the NULL by labelling them as psychopaths, even if they don't actually meet the criteria they had set out.

thanks for sending this message to me, you laid things out very well. ill delete the other post.

#katana zero

[zuperarse]

FASHION ME

Hello, I am not your typical 18-year-old who lives a life full of adrenaline and hormones; what you expect from a normal 18-year-old is everything that I am resilient to as far as my upbringing was concerned, we had a lot of creative juices flowing here and there in our home, my dad used to paint a lot (he still does, but now only once in a blue moon), and he used to take these free art classes every weekend, but he never taught me how to draw or paint, and here we go on a journey to become the best artist in the world, yes yes the competitive spirit was always there.,  It has been since I was a little boy. I used to go to the railway station every weekend and just sit there for hours because for some reason trains were attractive to me. And on the way back home, we always purchased these magazines called champak and chacha chaudhary. Later, when I came back home from those trips, I would try desperately to recreate everything that had caught my eye on paper. These sketches were creative, as there were sheep shaped trains flying in the sky - but yeh this is how my journey started and now here we are at a very prestigious institute, but the only part which is troublesome, fashion is the main highlight here, i mean of course I read the admission form and it spelled fashion in loud letters but guess who's dumb enough, of course it has to be the guy who roam around in shorts and black t-shirts talking software, games and music everywhere he goes.

"All good things take time"

The imagination

THE CLASS OF FASHION BASICS

On the very first day of our fashion basics class, I was not very excited about attending because the word fashion itself made me want to run away. The class began with a brief introduction to the subject followed by a self-introduction by each student. In the beginning, I had a negative attitude towards the subject, thinking that this was not my thing and there would be no things to learn and absorb.

Just because I didn't like the subject I skipped a few classes after our first class (trust me, I barely knew anyone from the class)

The very first thing I did as my fb Assignment !

As the classes went on the MID term assignment came up which was to give a presentation about something that revolutionized the fashion world. PRESENTATION - the last thing I would do as my assignment, But there was no alternative to this. It was the D-Day, the classmates started presenting and some of them were flawless, which made me super anxious about the “super minimal” presentation I came up with, but somehow I convinced myself that it's just a presentation, “ez pz lemon squeezy” . It was my turn, with all my fortitude I went in the front, calmed myself down, no expressions of fear or agitation on the face, dimmed the lights, set the mood, and started with my “AGLET” presentation, it went so smooth that half of the class never got to know when it started and ended, but then came the “AGLET SONG” from phineas and ferb, that stirred the whole mood and it ended on a super good note (though the wifi was terrible). Now there were two things I learnt, first: I need to improve my speech delivery and make the things a “lil” bit more formal, second: YES, I can present anything from an aglet to an airplane. The class which I thought to be boring and tiresome, somehow boosted my confidence like crazy. I started attending the classes more regularly after this experience and with a positive attitude to learn and absorb as much as I can. ( I used to doodle most of the time, though I used to listen and contemplate everything that the professor was instructing and teaching ).

The aglet presentation !

NEW DAY, NEW ME !

During the first few months, it was like being on an emotional and mental rollercoaster. Although it took me a very short time to absorb and work on it, eventually I got the hang of it. It was difficult to make friends, interact with people, and complete group assignments. As time passed, everything became easier to handle, with each passing day after class, my confidence meter went up by a point. The change in attitude introduced me to Become a new and better self that is bolder, unafraid, and eager to learn.

Fashion sinking in !

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT

It was an ordinary day, but it was about to get terrifying, the professor started Introducing the End-Term Module, it began with a presentation, and here I am After all those presentations and group activities, I was super happy and relaxed In the previous classes, we completed assignments, but there was a catch: The presentation will be given while wearing something that has been worn in our native regions". Things leveled up too fast for me. It was really hard for me to believe that this was happening in real life. As someone who has no clothes of any color, it was extremely difficult to come up with a good outfit. And I thought the dhoti and pagdi would only help me break my comfort zone. That's when I realized that I had never worn them in my 18 years of existence! We were trying to tie that monstrous piece of cloth together, but we managed and I walked into the room boldly wearing an adidas jersey and a dhoti-pagdi combination (modern tribe indeed because the kurta I tried on didn't fit me). It was scary at first because I felt like the whole group was ignoring me until the end of my presentation. But after all, this experience helped me out a lot by getting me out of my comfort zone. Now I felt like an outsider who could wear anything - even if you have nothing but a dhoti and pagdi - to save the world with confidence (though at the time I had no superpower except for my dhoti-pagdi). The whole experience really opened up possibilities for myself, and it helped me find new things about myself.

The Final call !

SUMMERZING THE PAST FEW MONTHS

Now that I have taken all those classes, I truly understand the basics of fashion, enough to carry me throughout the industry without getting bullied on basic fashion awareness, and with a highly confident attitude, ready to speak and present wherever and whatever comes my way, as well as an increased ability to identify and analyze fashion and general trends, despite the limited hours, but the knowledge it provided will help me break the barriers and do things the fashion way!

[aadyeah]

Hello, Aadya. Just wanted to rant a bit and ask you a question.

So, a few days ago, I saw a tumblr post about some popular institutes like Allen and FITJEE having tumblr accounts. Now I am from India, but I have never attended these classes. Tbhwu, my mom tried to get me to attend Allen but I refused. I told her that the place didn't give me good vibes and that I would study on my own. And thankfully, she agreed. Then even though my mom agreed to letting me study on my own, my dad kept forcing me to attend Allen, and i don't want to.

Before I read the post, I didn't know that these institutions gave more mental health problems than they solved, but can you please explain to me why so many students are scared of it? How exactly do they manage to make things worse for students? I need the list of reasons so I can show them to my dad.

Please shed some light on this, if you want.

-❤

Hi! This is going to be long so buckle up.

I am in 9th, right now and I have been attending Fiitjee since class 8. 

In the beginning, I was shit scared of the place, but two months in, I kind of started vibing with it. I was always one of those know it all kids. Yup, I read my elder sister’s books. I was ahead of my class.

And when I started Fiitjee, it felt like I was finally in a place that would appreciate my curiosity.

You know the NCERT books? Yeah so, what they do is to pick the chapters from there and derail it into teaching the syllabus of two classes ahead.

Let me give you an example, class 8 has the topic ‘metal and non-metals’ in chemistry. Guess what, we were taught spdf configuration, redox reactions, oxidation problems, and all that.

The funny part is, chemistry was naturally easy so all of this seemed fun and games. Everything went downhill when they did that in maths and physics. In that chapter Light, they taught us lense equations. 

It was just weird for me. 

So naturally, after two phases my rank sank. [Phase means terms.]

You know what else sank? My self-confidence. It’s still at rock bottom. Fiitjee did that. It killed my self-esteem. No one is ever going to tell you that you will do better.

The only thing they’ll keep repeating is, “there are harder things ahead.”

The teachers there weren’t awful. They were just impassive. They don't really care for you. It’s not like they wouldn't answer your doubts, they just don't care enough to explain it fifty times. Or to explain things in a more exclusive manner. It’s like they teach only to the best of the kids. 

Only the best of the kids. 

Another fun fact: Almost the Fiitjee students are either from really rich backgrounds to waste money or they are super smart.

I fell in between. I wasn’t a super genius. And my parents are that rich. But they put a lot of money (around 50 thousand in 8th and 2.5 lakh for 9 to 12) hoping for me to become a genius.

haha, look at me, a mess up.

Now get to the taunts. Parents taunt you. They will taunt you. It’s impossible for them to not. I M P O S S I B L E. It’s justified though, did they put money in you to become a fuck up? No. But are you a fuck up? ✨YES✨

Plus, the school pressure. Not healthy. 

So to sum it up, things Fiitjee gives you for a really high amount:

taunts

possibly depression because you aren't acing it, and no one cares for mediocre students.

✨anxiety✨ 

murdered dreams because you need to be studying as much as you can

t a u n t s

Really expensive. REALLY EXPENSIVE BOOKS. 

exhaustion 24/7

you degrade in school. that’s a fact. It will happen.

dead social life because its always ✨fiitjee time✨

did I say exhaustion?

lead me into self-harm in the first place because I felt like I was a failure

yes, an eight-grader felt that

you know in the 3rd phase parents-teacher meet, my MAT (mental ability) teacher told me “no one is going to read your books if you fail class tenth” after papa told him that I write.

haha look at me now I am failing, not writing but doing fiitjee

perfection 100

ALL IN ALL ITS A MONEY HOARDING SCAM 

unless you are one of those students who can handle stress perfectly. Then institutes are the right thing for you. They will give you a direction. See, I am not villainizing institutes. I am just explaining what it did to me. Your experience could be different. You can be one of those smart kids the teachers love.

ABSOLUTE NO-NO FOR NEURODIVERGENT KIDS. ABSOLUTELY NO. KABHI NAHI. NO NEVER. IT WILL KILL YOUR CHILD INTERNALLY. YOU WILL BE DEAD INSIDE.

You all know about the glorious Fiitjee Tab? AAH.

Now that. Is what a money hoarding scam is. Someone, please explain further, I will reblog with a picture of mine.

@strudel-and-creme? explain further, please?

And hey, anon, @warning-coffeeisexplosive is an Allen student. You can have some personal insight from him.

[harry-sussex]

You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

#Ask #possibilitiesofsainthood #Prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #phmemoir