#disliking eurovision anyway that are so fucking obnoxious

[tahwarts]

despite everything bds has said people will still make up boycotts just cause they personally dont like something

#people keep sharing that article that wasnt even for a boycott #for eurovision LAST YEAR #it was to raise awareness of israels intro where they plant trees and not blanket boycott of eurovision have yall even read it #bds has called for boycott of eurovision ONE YEAR which was the year israel was hosting #if bds says something about eurovision like closer to when it actually happens ofc i wont watch but theres people feeling soooo smug about #disliking eurovision anyway that are so fucking obnoxious #and like fuck offfff you are LITERALLY defeating the point #my partner told me he saw someone call for boycotting of coke for palestine also for some reason #and i remember when the un vote happened some person was incredibly vitriolic about boycotting everything related to EVERY single country #that voted no or that was even like neutral #except for. curiously. the united states #and like bro i live in croatia lol yeah the govt gets tax if i buy something from the farmers market but like be for fucking real rn #and anyway i wish people would stop making shit up!!! it is literally detrimental to the cause!!!! have people even like LOOKED at the #targetted boycott infographic that ive seen like 30 times in the last week or do you just click reblog because you think youre supposed to #and some of yall think that bds stands for boycott doycott soycott. bro boycotting isnt the extent of what they do #begging ppl to actually think about things they read and share #free palestine #yall literally love to do nothing and call it activism

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 20 - 16

20. maNga - “We could be the same” Turkey 2010

You could see it in my eyes, it should come as no surprise that the highest rock entry on this ranking is OF COURSE the avant garde rock entry. 😍

It certainly isn’t a stretch to call “We could be the same” avant garde because it’s an experimental extravaganza if ever there was, a rag-rag fusion of indie rock, industrial, hiphop and folk. 😍 More importantly one that WORKS. It’s really hard to put all of these genres together and not disturb the flow between each segment, yet that is exactly what maNga do. Their song runs like an oiled machine, supported by an excellent score of orchestral rock (the fiddle is an especially nice touch.) The snappy libretto keeps the ensemble well together, creating an atmosphere of pure coolness. 

This brave and creative entry is further supported by an act that has a well-defined aesthetic and artistic vision. (another sign of good avant garde. Pay attention because we are going to boot a LOT of them near the top of this ranking). MaNga don’t need much in terms of staging (since their song is already excellent), so a clever combo of strobe light seizure + dramatic helmet removal (FEATURING ACTUALLY CUTTING METAL AWAY WITH A BUZZSAW) is all it needs. 

FOR JUST ONE NIGHT WE COULD BE THE SAME

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. 

Eurovision is all about taking the hand that you’re dealt and running with it. maNga did exactly that. They weren’t vocally perfect but again, rock is a genre where it’s okay to sound unimpressive because the score will always out class you. They don’t have the best song, but again, it was something special, brave and inspired. Every small aspect of “We could be the same” comes together into a whole that is much bigger than the sum of its parts and for that, I shall always cherish them. 

________________________________________________________________

19. Joci Pápai - “Origo” Hungary 2017

[2017 review here]

I was worried that Joci’s NQ in the latest contest would tarnish his legacy, but if anything “Az én apám”’s failure at being entertaining only made me appreciate “Origo” even more.😍 Let us not beat around the bush. “Origo” is art. Like all art, it’s largely hit-or-miss. You either love this wonderful fusion of rap, self-references to Samuraihood and gypsy folk traditions, or you’re a unevolved troglodyte with subpar taste.😈 Lol I remember the music journalists and juries HATING “Origo” and... honestly, I get it. Yes. I can understand that deeply personal anectodes and proudly displaying your cultural heritage can fly over the heads of those narrow of mind. It’s fine. Not every song has complex meaning. You can vote for the “Replays” of this world at your heart’s content. ^__^

Music is at its core a form of expression, of conducting emotion with sound, of telling a story. We use words as a crutch for our empathy, but truly good music doesn’t need to rely lyrics in order to spread its message around. The true message always lies in the score. “Origo” shatters those language barriers by slowly,

 but steadily

unfolding a melancholic and touching narrative

that strikes everyone silent.

________________________________________________________________

18. Krista Siegfrids - “Marry me” Finland 2013

A WILD DINGDONG HAS APPEARED

Only logical we continue from artistic complexity to figurative cotton candy. 😍 but the same musical principles apply here as well, actually. “Marry me” has an upbeat tempo flanked by wedding bells that already carries its happy-go-lucky marriage vibe across even before the first words are spoken. 🤗 It is there to indulge and delight, which it does with all the zest and pluck you’d expect from Krista Siegfrids. 

Anyway, I’m sure this will shock you but I FLOOOOOOOOVE Krista Siegfrids soooooooo fucking muuuuuch as a human and I am NOT backing down on my fanboyism. She’s one of the few Eurovision Alumni that ALWAYS makes me happy whenever she appears, either as a force of HIGH FASHION/UMK hostess or as a resident melfest flop queen.😍  HON SNURRA MIN JORD!!!

DINGEDONG EVERY HOUR, WHEN YOU PICK A FLOWER~

As it happens, “Marry me” is the perfect canvas for her over-the-top, realhousewifesque personality. "Marry me” just delivers non-stop: it has a light-hearted, infectuously catchy beat, doubles down on lyrical and visual comedy, carries a happy vibed with a deliciously psychotic undercurrent, supplemented a superb act featuring a groom-into-bridesmaids twist and some hilariously opportunistic lgbtq pandering 😍 OH OH OH OH OH

DING DONG!!!1!1!1!11!1!!

ps: this being the entry that caused TRT to withdraw indefinitely because they can’t get on board with some hot girl-on-girl action. STAY PRESSED LOSERTWATS!!!

________________________________________________________________

17. Laura Tesoro - “What’s the pressure?” Belgium 2016

“YOU’VE GOT A STUPID SMILE 😄” -- Alexander Rybak, when praising Laura Tesoro during the NF. (😍)

Lol this is where my degrees of separation come in, because I’ve met several people that personally know Laura Tesoro and... with one exception they ALL fucking loathe her. 😍 (and aforementioned exception is her cousin 😍)  The general concencus re: Laura is that she’s an insufferable conceited bitch. Now, this could have easily ended up terrible if LauraLaura was That Unfounded Girl but... um,

can we say she has grounds to be a bit high on herself? She was fucking awesome in Stockholm. If anything Laura’s diva id helped “What’s the pressure”. First of all, there is the admirable confidence with which she takes the stage and completely NAILS every twist and turn with minimal effort. This is pure performance TALENT and if you can’t see that you’re Helen Keller. 

And second there’s the message behind “What’s the pressure”, which is uplifting and cheerful in the hands of a normal person, but when brought by a narcissist like Laura becomes a hysterical exhibit of concern-trollery: “HEY PERSON SUFFERING FROM ANXIETY ~I~ *NEVER* SUFFER FROM ANXIETY. LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU SUFFER FROM ANXIETY AND I DON’T” (god what an obnoxious human 😍 LOVE HER. 😍) 

All in all, I think Laura has the justification she needs to have an ego, something her aforementioned haters (begrudgingly) admitted after seeing her own the live twice.🤭  She is a living conduit of confidence juju, a performance wonder, a Diva trapped in the body of an antropomorphic labrador. Dynamite comes in small packages and Laura Tesoro is more lit than Chinese Newyear fireworks.  🎇________________________________________________________________

16. Hovi Star - “Made of stars” Israel 2016

I’ll be honest, Hovi Star is one of my favourite human beings to ever participate in Eurovision.🤗  He has proven himself an UNSTOPPABLE force of sass, delivering interview gold on a terrifyingly consistent basis. There are enough examples, but the ones I’m going with are his impeccable Ira Losco Snatch Game  and his hilariously petty, one-sided feud with Douwe Bob (Dutch reporter: “what do you think about Douwe.” Hovi: “Oh I don’t think about him.😊 At all.🙂  Ever. 🙃 *hairflip*” god what a King of stonecold putdowns 😍)

Having said that, even though I loved Hovi as a ~human~ going in, I was still caught off-guard by how much I loved “Made of stars”. See, you know what I think about stripped down power-ballads: I don’t think about them. At all. Ever. *hairflip*. 

However, this fucking song

pulls all of my heartstrings

with mesmerizing efficacity.

“Made of stars” showcases the best of Israel: they excel at classical drama: well-choreographed and sentimental, “Made of stars” is a genuinely touching ballad which Hovi magically imbibes with the spirit of Conchita. He whips up emotional tension so thick only his wit can penetrate it.

As an entry “Made of stars” is very emotionally intelligent and so, so brave. It has clearly defined yet subtle undertones of homosexuality that make me feel represented and loved. It is staged in good taste, elegant, introverted and clever, yet accessible, direct and poignant. The middle-eight’s crescendo-into-starfall creates a bone-chilling moment of beauty, of pride, of empowerment. 

For such a simple entry, it delivers a lot of great things, proving once more: it’s not what you perform, but how you perform it.

And this update spelled the end for Turkey, Hungary, Finland and Israel.

TURKEY

Not much to say, honestly. Turkey have three entries in this decade and two of them were good. They are a hit-or-miss nation for me overall, mostly because i LOVE them in the 80s and 90s and somewhat dislike them in the 00s. What mostly bothers me is TRT’s attitude towards the rainbow community AND their self-entitlement towards the jury vote/big five. Both are highly toxic and I’d rather they keep on sitting out until they’re willing to become a healthy part of the Eurovision community again. 

HUNGARY

Hungary are a good Eurovision country and their statistics reflect that. Boggie of COURSE ruined it by being the worst, but she’s an exception, not the rule. They are a really good country for indie gems and hopefully they’ll get their shit together. Could make a nice outsider winner pick in the upcoming decade, who knows?

FINLAND

Finland is such an underrated eurovision nation. I mean, look at that chart, and then ponder on the fact, with 7 good entries out of 10,  they NQ’d six times and that NONE of their four qualifiers reached the top 10. Finland are bullied beyond belief and it fucking needs to end. 

ISRAEL

This looks more underwhelming on paper than it is in reality. Israel’s probelm is never the song. Their songs are nearly always good. The problem is the live performance, where they get their accents wrong (ie: Mei dying from wideshotitis, Kobi being reduced to a sobstory, Dana being a giant penis joke, Harel fucking up vocally and Netta being reduced to a parody of herself). They just need to lighten up more, which they did post-Nadav resulting in a few great entries, and Toy. Overall, Israel are one of my favourite Eurovision countries, and for good reason: when they are good, they are fucking excellent. 

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Turkey #Hungary #Finland #Belgium #Israel #maNga #We could be the same #Joci papai #Origo #Krista Siegfrids #Marry me #Laura Tesoro #What's the pressure #Hovi Star

[borisbubbles]

08. France

Haaaaah, it’s great to enjoy the off-season, so now that the Academic year has started, I’m able to fully FOCUS on my bachelor thesis/teacher training internships..

...

...wait? I still... have to write? Eight, you say? *gulp* k FINE!!! (but I won’t force myself to do footnotes unless I need to. Sorry if you enjoyed those eek.

Anyway,

08. FRANCE Madame Monsieur - “Mercy” 13th place

Let us dive in, in medias res, for “Mercy” is nothing less than a fantastic song. Even if “Mercy” weren’t an original, fun, captivating song with a clever, mature take on a hot, politically, sensitive topic and was instead about breaking glass teapots with overheated camomile tea or the joys of yodel therapy, it still would’ve ranked high!!! Well okay, perhaps not *eight*, but you get the gist of it. 

Fortunately for all of us, “Mercy” really was way more than just a pretty sounding-melody. During the preshow, I labelled it a “harrowing humanitarian hymn” and that assessment still stands. Now let me get out of the way that I don’t REALLY care all that much for the topic at hand. War, Peace, Death, Loss of a Family Member, Political and Humanitarian Themes, etc, all fall under the moniker of “Charity Songs” and I generally do NOT like those type of  messages!! “Are you kidding me? This isn’t, like, wellfare, it’s not our fault that you, like, suck at life.” -- Courtney Yates -- me. 

The reason for my dislike of the “Charity Song” runs two-fold. One, the intentions: Often such songs are written specifically for the contest, with the idea of drawing in sympathy votes. Sanitizing (or trivializing) the problems at hand, and not raising awareness are merely collateral damage. In other words, they’re a fucking SCAM. Most Charity Ballads in this group are deliberately vague and rhetorical (remember “What if?” my sympathies if you do.) Second, the way the message is brought is also important: Even if you are well-intentioned you can’t be condescending (”Wars for Nothing”), aggressive (”Wars for Nothing”) or obnoxious (”Wars for Nothing”) (or heaven forbid, all three.) This is why I don’t like “Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente”, as you may remember. MetaMoro had good intentions, but I could do without the incoherent yelling, no fanks. 

“Mercy” passes both of these checks with flying colours. “Mercy” is a really brave entry.  It doesn’t shun confronting the issue with lyrical imagery. It’s not *that* noticable because the song is performed in French and the message hollered down our ear canals alongside an obnoxious PowerPoint overlay, but... translated lyrics such as “I am all the children that were taken by the sea” conjure up the image of dead toddlers washing up on desolate beaches and that’s some seriously real stuff to be addressing in a camp circus such as Eurovision, man.

Providing SOME levity to all of that heavy thought porn is the act, which I found simple but effective. Standing together in the the midst of smoke wearing a trouser-skirt(?), transposing into THIS

which is easily my favourite moment in the entire finale? Brought by sweet Goblin princess Emilie and her half-Elven paramour Jean-Karl, “Mercy” is bathed in maternal warmth. It’s elegant, stylish and graceful. It’s a huge pity Europe wasn’t feeling it, because I don’t think Europe will come up with such a clever entry in the next few years. 

So why do I rank them 8th and not higher? Well,... for me nothing has changed since November last year, when I first heard the song. There hasn’t been any evolution in sentiment and other entries I either already liked more or have grown on me. There was no French journey, you know? It would’ve been different had “Mercy” won in what would’ve been an EPIC and 100% deserved victory, but alas, people just weren’t feeling it all suppose. 🙄 Praying that they develop better taste before they mindlessly hand Kristian Kostov the trophy in eight months from now. 🙄

RANKING SO FAR:

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Josef - “Lie to me”)

FOOTNOTES

1) I suppose I can’t spare some time to discuss the one thing I couldn’t fit in the write-up: “Eva” and how well it could’ve done. Well, I personally don’t really care? Like, I loved “Eva”, just like how I love “Mercy” (actually, I loved “Eva” as much as I love “Mercy”? 🤭🤭🤭) and neither would’ve won anyway, so who the fuck cares. I do think “Eva” would’ve finished where Cesár would have (3rd) and no, NOT because Lisandro and Csár are both black guys, but because Lisandro defo would’ve won the jury vote, but still not by a wide enough margin to beat Eleni, let alone Netta once the televotes are added to the mix. Having said all that, picking “Eva” would’ve just been more of the same GENERIC SAFE SHITE that’s polluting this Eurovision Era and no fanks. So while I don’t like “Mercy” THAT much more, it holds my pref as the French entry because it was different and out there. We will have plenty of “Evas” in the next few contests. Will we ever have another “Mercy”, thought? I doubt it. 

2) However, let’s face it they should’ve just picked Emmy Liana (IDGAF THAT EUROPE WOULD’VE SPAT HER OUT BECAUSE SHE’S NOT WHITE/CHICKEN/CONFORMIST ENOUGH, SHE’S FREAKING OSSUM!!!!!).

#Eurovision 2018 #Eurovision Song Contest #France #Madame Monsieur #Mercy