#ebony and ivory chapter 26

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory (V x Reader Fanfic) Chapter 26

Author’s notes: I changed my mind, take this long ass chapter today and revel in my suffering

Chapter 26

The moment between you and Nero didn’t last for long.

The cold, hard reality of the situation was settling in. You couldn’t afford to sit and do nothing, not with Vergil at the top of the Qliphoth. That numbness was absorbing back, mixing with the endless need to confront the man, to give him a piece of your mind. You needed closure, you needed something. In the hollow void V and his familiars had left in your soul, anger and bitterness were taking their place, mixing with grief and loneliness. To be cast aside again, after so many years of people walking away--it was soul-crushing. In that moment, everyone in the van seemed so distant, all the people who loved you like static. White noise.

Honestly...what purpose did you serve anymore? You were useless to everyone, the very one you loved leaving you and becoming someone who couldn’t even be bothered to look in your direction. What if the others were like that too? Doubt was becoming so loud, ringing in your ears and quieting your logic. There was only so much left that could be done, a limited amount of times one could be betrayed. It left lingering self-hatred, insecurities, exhaustion. At this point, after this many instances of this happening...maybe they weren’t the problem.

Maybe it was you.

And what a way to make yourself even more glum. The time had come to go full circle, landing on the final stage of the process--blaming yourself. A girl could only suffer so much before wanting to give up, before it all became to much. Blow after blow, tragedy after tragedy...maybe you really were destined to always fail, to never truly be happy? What a miserable existence that was. Had you been someone terrible in a past life, only to face endless torment as a result? Maybe this was your fault. You could have done better, could have done more to protect V. To stop all of this.

The very thought made you pull away from Nero, taking a step back and pressing a hand to your temple. You needed to go, to move. You would make it to the top of the Qliphoth, all the way up to Vergil even if you’d die trying. But...why? Why bother? You clearly weren’t here to change a damn thing, that much had been made very apparent. Wasted time and wasted effort, the Deity’s motives scattered and unclear. All you knew was that you needed to go, needed to try.

“I have to go,” You whispered aloud, turning away from Nero just as he moved to face you. Staring in the direction Dante had traveled, eyes glassy and body still feeling like it had been hit by a truck, “I need to go to the top of the Qliphoth.”

Your Foresight immediately flared up at that, sending agony rippling along every organ in a very firm “no”.

Nero echoed the sentiment, grabbing you by the wrist firmly as you started to walk slowly away, “Like hell…!” He snapped, tone harsher than he probably intended, “You’re at your limit! Just what the hell will going up to see him accomplish?”

How were you supposed to answer when you didn’t know yourself?

You shook your head, tugging on his hold and managing softly, “I don’t know. I just know I...I need to go.” That was why you had been sent here, wasn’t it? To find out who tipped the balance and deal out appropriate punishment. At least...that’s what you thought.

“I can’t just let you go up there and get killed,” Nero argued, exasperation creeping into his tone, eyes staring at you with unyielding stubbornness, “What the fuck do you have to gain? Seeing that bastard again is only going to make shit worse, he doesn't—“

“I know…!” You yelled in reply, the force in your voice shocking even you. Nero flinched, hesitation flickering in his eyes as he continued staring at your face--he released your arm at the very least. You knew what the boy was seeing, about a thousand emotions ripping you apart and threatening to claw their way out. What the fuck were you supposed to do, to say, to feel? It was barely containable, leaking into your voice and projecting it with far more velocity than you would prefer.

You quieted your tone, wrapping an arm around your abdomen and turning your head away, “I know...I...just have to go,” You started walking again, the pain in your stomach growing with every step as you gritted out, “I have a duty to see this through.”

If I don’t go, if I don’t try...then what was even the point of it all?

That made the white haired boy sigh, words sounding so heavy as he replied, “I’m so fucking tired of hearing that. You sound like V when you talk like--”

“Stop,” You cut him off, turning to hold up one hand and stopping his sentence in its tracks. Too much, too soon. You didn’t want to hear it, your poet’s name alone making your heart pound painfully faster, “Please...just...don’t say that.”

Don’t say his name, don’t make me think about him anymore.

“...Sorry,” Nero muttered, rubbing the back of his head and turning his eyes away. Oh yes, there was most certainly regret in those gray-blue orbs of his. You felt bad immediately for snapping, shoulders slumping down a bit as he continued, “I know it’s hard, trust me if anyone fucking knows right now...I do,” He looked at you again, expression pained as he met your gaze, “But you can’t do this to yourself, not like this.”

You looked down at the ground, eyes squeezing shut at the pleading edge to his tone. Nero was trying so hard, he was just worried about your well being. But...you weren’t, unable to care any less about what would happen. Even now it was hard to muster up any energy to listen to his reason, his logic. You were reluctant to say you didn’t trust Nero, because that wasn’t necessarily true. The demon hunter had done nothing wrong, he hadn’t hurt you or betrayed you. But...the doubts were so loud, and they were swallowing you whole.

Will you really let him take even more?

But even then...what remains now with him gone? You, a cursed soul born to bear only sorrow and pain...surely all you would do is bring them down.

You swallowed hard, tone low and weak as you replied, “This is something only I can do...there is nothing left for me here, Nero.”

His body jerked at that, eyes staring incredulously and jaw tightening.

“Bullshit!” He snapped, words taking on the edge of a razor as he took another step toward you, “You’re better than this--better than what he fucking did…!” He softened his tone, eyes pleading as he whispered, “Do you honestly think any one of us would walk away from you like that?”

Fuck, he almost sounded hurt, like he could sense the uncertainties floating around your brain. The ones involving him, the others, the only people in your life. And that alone made you crumble more, filled with guilt and more of that gut-wrenching pain. How could you explain to him what you were feeling, just how many times people had chosen to walk away, to not care? You kept your eyes downcast, a shaking hand rising to grip your blouse. It was an unbearable feeling, a cold one, to never be wanted or welcomed by anyone.

Even your parents didn’t want you.

Heaven didn’t want you.

And now the only man you loved didn’t want you.

So why don’t you just return to oblivion?

The Void’s incessant whispering made you groan, pressing your hands to your ears to try and block them out. Deafening, ear-splitting. Like they were shrieking instead of whispering. It was trying to feed into your doubts, coaxing you to return to the embrace of the Void once more. Returning meant sleeping again, and that meant...losing every memory you had here, every experience, touch, and affection. He would never let you continue on this broken, the pain already crushing you and making you lose focus.

And somehow, living without those memories seemed like a worse fate.

“YN?” Nero asked worriedly, seeing the distress in your expression and taking a step closer.

You immediately tread backwards, not wanting to risk him grabbing you again. If the devil hunter was to drag you out of the Qliphoth, he was sure to succeed with how weak you were. No more energy left but fumes, and even those were hard to direct with the Foresight battering you at every turn.

“I’m fine,” You gritted out, obviously a lie as you lowered your hands, “On this...I will not be swayed. I need to get this out of me, Nero, this...this feeling. And I can’t do that in any other way,” You lifted your eyes, staring at him with so much loneliness and exhaustion that it made him inhale sharply, “I have to go.”

Just let me go.

You don’t need me anyway.

You turned again, hair draping over your face as you headed in the direction Dante had gone. You couldn’t waste any more time, not like this. It was too much to handle any more--something about Nero trying and caring...it made you feel guilty, like you didn’t deserve it.

Let no one temper this pain with comfort. It is a reminder.

“This pain will remind me that I am alive,” You whispered, eyes staring numbly ahead as you fought agony in each step, “And I’ll take that punishment for my ignorance.”

You had done this, no one else. Holding in your questions, desires, and thoughts had only resulted in disaster. Not enough strength, not enough courage, not enough of anything. And that hesitation had lost you the one thing you loved the most. In that aspect, the Deity was correct--you were a fool to believe things could work out when you knew all along they were doomed. You ignored your own gut, ignored the truth hiding behind each question as an attempt to shield yourself from the oncoming disaster. But it still hit you, and wrecked everything it touched.

But something about what you said did not jive with the white-haired boy.

Nero let out a growl at your words, the sound of his footsteps rapidly coming closer echoing behind you as he warned, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Y/N, you can’t just--”

He was cut off by the Qliphoth starting to rumble, making you stumble forward and him back. You fell to your knees, definitely unable to stay steady on legs so weak. What the hell could possibly be happening now? The day carried enough excitement to last a lifetime. You braced yourself on one arm, a gasp of alarm leaving your mouth when debris started falling from the ceiling, landing behind you in hard cracks of sound. One after another, pieces of the floors above piled on top of each other in a wall of misshapen flesh and stone. Now that the fruit was gone, that Vergil had returned...the roots of the tree were falling to the Earth, losing its integrity.

Nero shouted your name, the sound drowned out by the crashing and banging filling the room. You barely heard him, squeezing your eyes shut and covering your ears. He could handle himself, that was for sure--fast enough to not get hit by anything. As for you...he debris was close, but only enough to settle some dust across your frame, on the dark tones of that blouse.  Coughs burst forth, shaking your chest and rattling the pain already settling inside.

You didn’t move until the collapse had settled, turning in worry to see if Nero was alright. The rubble had blocked you off from him, cut him off from the path entirely. It was almost...you shook your head, slowly dragging yourself into a standing position and turning away. There was no way any sort of fate was on your side, not now and not ever. But it was for the best that Nero would be forced to turn back--he deserved better than to deal with his father any more. Dante was going to...was Dante going to kill him? Nero shouldn’t have to see that, or play a part in it.

Maybe that’s why you have to go?

Because you don’t want that to happen, do you?

That set your teeth on edge, a painstaking breath dragged through your lips. You had to see him, you had to see with your own eyes if V was truly gone. Nothing more nothing less.

You started walking again, letting out a sigh of relief when you heard Nero’s voice on the other side of the rubble, loud and frustrated as he started to try to make a path.

“Y/N! God damn it, you can’t just go up there and get yourself killed…!” He yelled, voice muffled and hard to hear as you moved further and further away, “Come back, just head down to the van..! You…”

I’m sorry, Nero.

All that could be done now was to move forward in silence, passing up a narrow tunnel in the dying Qliphoth. You let out a slow, exhausted breath, dragging your feet with each footstep and biting on pain. When was the last time you had been this damaged, mentally or physically? Unconsciousness was a threatening force, growing every moment the Foresight battled your limbs. You felt bad for ditching Nero, especially when he was going through a hard time too. But...how could you possibly face any of them now, the girls in the van who treated you with such kindness? Did you even deserve it? You had no reason to believe things would ever work out anyway, it was meaningless to try.

All you could do was move. Move and pray your body could take it.

Would you fight Vergil at the top? Protect him? Cry? That was something that surprised you, the fact that no sobs had left your body yet. Only tears, those shattered gasps and sharp breathing. Had you truly cried yet, a full body cry of despair that would release every pent up emotion at once? No...and you got the feeling it would never come, not while you could hold it back. It had been close before, when you saw V crumbling for the first time, but even then...you were holding so much back. For years and years you held it in, held everything in. But now…

Now you felt too numb, too empty to even try.

Return, The Void whispers wouldn’t go away, continuing louder and louder with each step, Return to the Void. Return. RETURN.

Like hell. You weren’t returning, not now. You doubted ever. The Deity had betrayed your trust too, after all. The feeling of violation and fear had not left, lingering in all the tormented spaces between your thoughts. How could he do such a thing after all the years you spent following him, doing his bidding and breaking yourself if he even willed it? Such lines of thinking were tempered with guilt, the sensation deeply unsettling and uncomfortable. If not for the Deity, you’d be just another voice screaming among the chorus of the Void, but…

Maybe that would have been best.

Onward you went, thinking of everything that made happened, of the ones you had lost. That night of passion felt like a dream now, one you wished had never ended. V’s hands, his lips, those soft spoken words...had any of them been real, or just lust? Was it so terrible to try and convince yourself that he truly loved you? It seemed so possible at the time, his actions speaking so much louder than words. The poet had protected you, hadn’t he? Waited when you were suffering your consequences and keeping you by his side. Or...had that all been an act, a means to get him safely up the Qliphoth tree? But even when you couldn’t share that energy, he was still tender to you.

V had even tried to convince you not to help him. So...what was the truth?

And more so, the things V had shared with you, those vulnerabilities and fears. Were those stories true? He had spoken of the mother he lost so young, about growing up alone and being lonely...Would that mean Vergil lost his mother, and Dante for that matter? Or perhaps that was just a lie, spoken to you to earn your sympathy. Manipulation. It didn’t feel that way--His pain seemed so achingly real.

Or maybe you were just reaching, grasping at any straws you could find. It was all that could occupy your thoughts, filling the silence that came with traveling up the Qliphoth alone. Open air had finally been reached, a series of ledges and paths leading up into the sky. The breeze would have felt more relaxing if it weren’t for how terrible you felt, cooler now than the heat and wetness inside that blasted tree. Onward you climbed, glad that this place seemed to have been already cleared out by Dante--scratches lined the ground, telling the tales of demons’ death and Dante’s attacks. He had definitely been here, a good sign in your opinion.

Your body could barely handle the walk, legs buckling underneath you quite a few times. Each instance only lead to you breathing for a few moments, gagging on whale oil before forcing yourself to stand. The pain was bitterly consistent , mixing with the whispers in an attempt to keep you down on the ground. Each time you fell was harder to get up from, but you refused to stop.

I’m not going back. Not now.

That thought solidified in spades when you heard voices carried on the breeze, both achingly familiar. One was Dante, the sound of him grunting and fighting as expected. But the other was what made your heart pound, breathes turning into gasps as you pressed up the next ridge harder and faster.

Griffon, that voice was Griffon.

You’d recognize his stupid, taunting squawk anywhere. Growing ever closer, loud and abrasive as it echoed in the high altitude air. The thought of seeing him alive, seeing any of the familiars again…

It was the only hope you had left.

Trying to climb in the state you were in was fucking agonizing, a strangled whimper finally leaving you as you dragged your form up over the clif fside. The tendrils you usually relied on were weakened, sporadic in their attempts to hoist and aid you. It was a difficult task, but when you finally pulled yourself up over the lip of the cliff it you found yourself staring in shock, heart pounding in confusion and disbelief at what you saw.

The image of Griffon, Shadow, and Nightmare was like a kick to the gut, knocking all the wind out of you and making your eyes burn painfully. They were still here, not gone with the poet and still alive. But...that relief was fleeting, crushed into dust when you saw them fighting Dante, leveling the attacks they once used to aid in battles on him instead. And worse so, they were losing absolutely to the demon hunter. You could already see them growing weaker, unable to match Dante’s brute strength and abilities.

Why? Why were they fighting? What the fuck were they thinking?

You pulled yourself to your feet as fast as you could, blood roaring in your ears as you watched Dante raise his sword, going to level another attack on the bird you once held on your shoulders, laughing with, joking and--

Dante was going to kill them.

“Stop…!”

You were shocked that a scream could even be mustered from your throat, bursting out from your lips and carrying over the space. It caused the fighting to immediately halt, Dante whipping around to look at you the same time all three familiars did, sword still raised over his head. And there you stood, panting and battered on the edge of their battlefield, staring at them in pain and horror at what they were doing. The fact that they stopped at all spoke volumes, giving you even a little shred of hope that you could salvage something from this hell.

The look on Griffon’s face shifted for several moments, you were not oblivious to it. After traveling for him those few days it was easy to identify his emotions before they were hidden--shock, guilt, regret, sadness, then bouncing to a neutral expression. Shadow and nightmare were even less easy to read, but you saw the cat’s tail droop towards the floor, ears twitching back and forth. You didn’t realize how much you missed them until that moment, eyes aching to cry as much as you held it back.

“I thought I told you and Nero to go back to the van…!” Dante yelled, sighing heavily and frowning at you as he turned his body in your direction, “Stay out of this, kid, it doesn’t concern you…!”

You were so fucking tired of hearing that.

Everyone seemed so hellbent on deciding where you belonged and where you didn’t, which conflicts were your business and those that weren’t. How could he say that to you, after everything suffered and how much Vergil...V...both of them hurt you?

Your opened your mouth to reply, indignation burning in your gut among the ice and pain, but Griffon cut you off.

“You shouldn’t be here,” He said flatly, narrowing his tri-pupil eyes on your form and adding, “Hate to agree with Dante, but he’s right.”

His words stung you terribly, breath catching in your chest as you squeezed your blouse again. Squeezed until your fingers felt numb. His tone sounded so cold, detached, and that tripled the hurt you felt. Even Shadow looked away from you, eyes staring flatly at Dante as they bared their fangs. Was this...really what it was coming to? Did they not care at all now, with V being gone? That alone made your eyes tear up, throat feeling like you had swallowed glass when you tried to breathe.

But the look on Griffon’s face before...you hadn’t imagined that, had you? Those brief flashes of emotions, the grief and regret. They had seemed real, but maybe...you had been reaching again.

Please. No more. I can’t take anymore.

“Do you honestly think I would just stand idly by?” You whispered, staring him down with firm eyes as you tried to calm your breathing, “While you all fight up here like this?”

Griffon scoffed bitterly, ruffling out his feathers as he turned his face away.

“Sorry, toots,” He said simply, tilting his head to the side and growling at you, “But we don’t have time to play pals with you anymore.”

Is that all he boiled it down to? Playing pals? You swallowed hard, thinking back on all the moments you shared, every laugh and smile, those times where he was the only friend you had to talk to. Was that all an act too, just like how you were afraid it was with V? It had been so god damn precious to you, each moment he landed on your shoulders, beak to your face. When Shadow opened up to you, purring and soft after your nightmares…

It was all so fucking important.

Return to the Void. Leave them. The Void whispered, sensing your thoughts and doubts. They were only growing louder, threatening to overwhelm you right when you needed to stay the most level. You refused, deciding that there would be no yielding to them, no going back—There was so much that still needed to be done, to be said.

I’ll be damned if I don’t try.

You clenched your fists, voice coming out strained and raw as you countered, “Is that it then? Just going to drop everything, throw your lives away like they don’t matter?”

Griffon let out an annoyed huff, leveling his eyes on you again as he snapped, “Don’t you get it?!” He raised his sapphire wings, eyes sharp and cold as he lifted in the air, closer to you now. The gusting from his flapping made your hair sway, but your eyes wouldn’t move from his. Through it all Dante watched, quiet and expression unreadable. Like he wanted to see how things played out.

“V wasn’t the only thing cast off from Vergil,” Griffon glowered at you, tone harsher than you had ever heard it, “We’re just nightmares, the culmination of Vergil’s abominable thoughts. And a nightmare can’t feel anything, princess--that’s a fact you need to get through that pretty little skull.”

You felt your hands begin to tremble, trying to keep your expression neutral as he flung blow after verbal blow at you, dipping his talons into your despair and ripping it back out again. Even that nickname, what he had called you before you were friends. Before he knew you.

“It’s over,” Griffon said simply, a bit of a laugh mixing in with his tone as he went to turn away, “Now get lost. We have a demon hunter to fry.”

You felt your breathing go faster and faster, legs threatening to collapse under the weight of your despair as you opened your mouth to beg, to plead, anything to convince him otherwise. Gods, it couldn’t end like this. You couldn’t watch Dante kill them in front of you, not after losing V.

Please don’t do this to me, don’t….!

You fought back a whimper, eyes burning with threatening tears as you took a step in his direction.

But you didn’t make it any further.

Return return return.

No more running away.

Return to the Void NOW!

Before you could so much as muster a word to Griffon, the Void whispers turned into screaming, your eardrums rippling with pain at the sensation. You cried out, covering your ears and body crumpling to your knees as you tried to force the sensation away. Pain, so much pain, and now a cold feeling was growing at your back. Like being caressed by ice, the chilly wind wrapping around you until you were frigid with it. There was no mistaking that feeling, that prickling along your spine—that was the Void calling, demanding that you answer. Like the screaming of a thousand voices, millions, worming their way into your skull.

You felt the instant a portal opened behind you, hundreds of ethereal hands reaching out and grabbing several parts of your body, hard and unyielding. You heard the others around you gasp, but you couldn’t see them anymore—one of the hands clamped down over your eyes, fingers as black as the Void and so fucking cold you couldn’t stand it. They started to drag you back, pulling you toward the portal behind you mercilessly and strong—making you return back to the very place you didn’t want to go.

The Deity had enough. He was now forcing your hand, making you come back in a way you had never experienced. Terror filled your whole body once the realization set in, an alarmed cry breaking past your lips as every barrier fell. The pain, the anguish, the panic...they were now on full display, no longer able to hold back in the face of such unrelenting fear.

Return. Return. Return.

He demands it.

You will return now.

“No!” You screamed, fighting and thrashing against the hands as your body hit the ground, knocking all the air out of your lungs. The tears came soon after, white hot and desperate as they rolled past the fingers and down your cheeks. Gulping sobs started to wrack your frame, making it hard to breath as you fought and fought with every ounce of strength you had left. You didn’t want to go, you wanted to stay. Scared, so scared. Nothing like this had happened before, your worst nightmares coming to life one after another.

He was going to erase everything.

He was going to take your memories of V, Griffon, Shadow, Nightmare, everyone.

You would wake days, months, years later. And you would be empty of them all, save for some lingering traces of agony you wouldn’t be able to place.

You didn’t want to forget. You didn’t want the ones you loved to become ghosts of memories, all feelings without substance.

“No no no…! I don’t want to go back…!” You wailed, fingers trying to dig into the ground as you sobbed, desperately fighting the strong force dragging you inch by inch, “Please…! Please don’t do this…! I don’t want to go back to that place…!”

It’s so cold there. It’s so lonely.

Please, I can’t feel that anymore.

“I’m scared…!”

You didn’t hear the rush of wings or claws on the ground, nor did you hear Griffon’s shriek of alarm over the Void’s howling. But the claws that latched onto your shoulders were unmistakable, and it made you gasp in shock.

Griffon was holding you, flapping wildly against the hands trying to drag you through the portal. You could hear him cursing, grunting and straining as he tugged and tugged, talons digging into your flesh. Claws skidded over the ground, Shadow’s teeth clamping on your arm and tugging as well. You could feel them growling against your skin, panting and pulling with all their might. The familiars were trying to save you, they were…You felt your body shaking at the realization when it hit, desperate sobs bursting from your lips as all of Griffon’s harsh words dissolved like smoke.

Return. RETURN! The Void continued to scream, words punctuated by the hands gripping you harder, cutting off circulation now. There was no way Shadow and Griffon could manage, not against the will of a God. The thought alone made you cry harder, hyperventilating as panic gripped your heart so tightly it felt like it would burst. It didn’t diminish even as Nightmare joined the fray, his strange, large hands clamping down on your waist to hold you firmly planted against the ground. No matter what they all  did, you were still sliding, nearing the portal inch by inch.

Please don’t let them take me. Please.

“I don’t want to go…!” You sobbed softly, breath hitching painfully in your throat as you struggled even more, “Not back to the dark, the cold…! I can’t take anymore...I don’t want to forget…!”

I’m so scared. Please save me. Please.

Griffon let out a snarl of desperation, voice strained and sharp as he squawked above you, “We have you, toots…! They won’t take you, not over my dead body…!”

The problem was none of you would get a choice.

Right as your feet started to touch the portal, when came the thought all hope was lost,  you heard a sound from where Dante stood in his corner of the battlefield. For a moment, you forgot he was there, lost in the panic and fear and unable to gather your thoughts at all. But he made his presence very known in an instant, your eyes flying open in shock and a gasp catching at the back of your raw, scream-battered throat.

You heard him let out a shout, followed by the sound of metal whipping through the air over and over again. It traveled right over your head, passing by Griffon’s startled form and making him release a squawk of alarm. You realized belatedly that it was the sound of Dante throwing his Devil Sword, the blade impaling right at the center of the portal opened behind you. It landed with a thick, metallic crack, one that definitely resemble the sound of cutting into flesh. The moment it hit the hands dragging you vanished, the screams of the Void disappearing with low shrieks of pain. Relief, so much relief hit you—more than ever experienced before. You fell forward, pulled away by Griffon, Shadow and Nightmare now that there was nothing holding you back.

A sob left your throat, body resting on the floor as you tried to catch your breaths. Every part of you was trembling, shaking terribly as you tried to reign in the panic, the fear, the pain. But you couldn’t, that dam now broken wide open in the face of something so terrifying happening to you. Visibility had returned, but your eyes were swimming with so many tears that it didn’t matter. They rolled down your cheeks, dripping onto the dead, greying roots of the Qliphoth.

You were scared, you were so scared.

Shadow let out a low growl, wrapping around your form and baring their teeth at the portal behind you as Griffon yanked you into a sitting position, claws no longer embedded in your skin. You felt him press his beak to your cheek, voice overly loud in your ear as he squawked at you.

“Can you hear me? Toots? Are you alright?” He asked anxiously, feathers puffed out in distressed as more tears rolled down your cheeks. He called you toots this time, not princess. That alone was an even heavier relief on your heating, aching heart

You could manage no reply, wrapping your arm around your stomach and pressing your other hand to your mouth to hold back bile. You couldn’t breathe, the stress and anxiety were too much now. Drowning you.

Griffon could sense that distress, letting out a low trill and nosing your face a few times, “H...hey, come on now—it’s okay, yeah?” He stammered, awkward and not used to comforting someone crying, “You’re safe, we won’t let those freaky hands have you, okay?”

You sucked in another breath, trying to find the will to reply when you saw Dante stroll past you, a bemused smile on his lips as he stared at the portal. You inhaled sharply, turning your head to watch him and see just what the hell he had done—first thing to accept was that he saved you, stopping the hands in their attempt to drag you back to the Void and setting you free. It was his way of doing it that shocked you, and the events that followed that made your heart freeze in your throat and disbelief curl into a ball within.

He walked up to the portal where his sword was sticking straight out, eyes sharp despite the lazy expression on his face. Cold, cocky, annoyed. You read that very easily, noticing how his jaw tightened and his gaze narrowed on the swirling blue and black. He reached out, grasping the sword’s handle and yanking it out, and what came with it is what was most shocking. The air around you went bitterly cold, filled with the howling of the Void and a deep, low hum of energy as Dante retrieved his sword, impaled on it the body of a young man, his face the—what did his face look like again?

No that...that wasn’t possible.

That couldn’t be happening.

Your eyes widened, a gasp of alarm and fear filling you when you saw your Deity, held perfectly poised with the sword stabbed straight through his chest. Seeing him in the real world, in the flesh was...unnerving, like looking into a hole that extended so deep that you couldn’t see the bottom. The Deity was an enigma, every feature on his body visible but lost in the mind before memory could commit to it. What was his hair color? Dark, you think, but it still doesn’t register. Is he pale? Tall? Short? All you could remember was those dark eyes, staring with cold emptiness at the Devil hunter wielding the sword.

By the Void, there was no way he was here.

Your Deity rarely showed himself to anyone but his followers, but to allow such a thing to happen was...unheard of, completely unbelievable. You could feel Griffon and Shadow staring at him in shock, seeing a God in the real world for a second time, only now in his flesh form. The Deity only left the Void in brief spurts, rarely in physicality, so this was…

This was unreal.

He was not fazed by the sword impaling his insides, expression calm and a smile playing on his lips. Those black eyes stared down at Dante, the blue glow of the Void illuminating them both as the cold grew and grew, the area around you all seeming to darken. Wind was whipping your hair, kicking up dust and making Griffon yelp and hold onto you tighter. All you could do was stare in shock, heart pounding so hard it filled your ears with a dull roaring. You had never seen your Deity do this, not in any of the years you served him. To allow himself to be stabbed, to let Dante pull him out of his domain...what did he hope to accomplish? What was this game?

Unease filled you, spreading to every corner of your mind and making you tremble in fear. But Dante? He wasn’t fazed either.

He stared your Deity down, face calm and unimpressed by the display of power. He tilted his head, whipping out one of his pistols in his free hand and pointing it at the God’s face.

“Bet you think you’re hot shit,” He commented, raising a brow and raising his lips in a half smirk, “Making an entrance like that, trying to drag her back to your stinking little hole in the dark.”

The Deity smiled wider, looking bemused as he regarded Dante. And a bit...impressed? You blinked, unable to read his expressions considering that you could never remember them. The Deity was an enigma, completely incomprehensible no matter how hard you tried. Even now, as you watched you had no idea what to expect—would he retaliate? Leave? Sending the Void back for more.

But he only smiled wider, seeming absolutely delighted by the whole situation as he pressed his fingers to the Devil Sword. It didn’t like that, a sizzling sound ringing out as it sent a warning pulse of energy up his fingers.

“How...interesting,” He mused, raising his fingers and gazing at them in mirth, “I haven’t felt an energy like that in such a long time.”

Had your Deity met Sparda then? When? And how?

Dante clicked his tongue, cocking his gun right between the Deity’s eyes as he replied, “That so? Enjoy it while you can, because you won’t be staying,” He dug the blade in deeper, inciting no reaction from the God as he said cheerfully, “Why don’t you piss off and find somewhere else to find your entertainment?”

That earned him a low, ethereal chuckle, The Deity tapping his fingers over and over again on the sword despite its adverse reactions. Where he touched, ice formed and melted in an instant. He was testing its power, seeing how it would hold up to the Void’s energy in its purest form. You didn’t understand why, his reasoning for doing all of this at all. He hadn’t even looked at you yet.

What is going on?

“How incredibly fascinating,” His voice was a deep hum, black eyes staring Dante down eerily as his hair drifted on the swirling wind, “Tell me why I shouldn’t take my child back to the Void from whence she came? After all she has done to disobey me?”

Those black eyes turned slowly to look at you, making your body cower like a child about to be struck by their father. Shadow, despite the absolutely obvious threat level, coiled around you more protectively, baring their teeth at the God in a snarl. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what the black eyed bastard was thinking, his motives. This was uncharted territory wherever he was concerned, having spent years in a cycle that you had long grown used to. When had he ever done this, been so reckless and out in the open? So cruel? There was not a time you could remember that was like this, not unless it was erased from you.

The Deity smiled as if he sensed your thoughts, that little curl of his lips making a shiver travel down your spine. Nightmare took a few steps up behind you, a silent giant that was equally as threatening as Shadow’s growling. As for Griffon, he was situated on your shoulders as always, a bit of his energy crackling in the air as he warily prepared to defend you.

Protection. They were trying to keep you safe. Something about that made more tears drip down your cheeks, pattering onto your lap and thighs.

Dante definitely didn’t like the Deity focusing on you, pressing the gun right up against the ethereal man’s forehead and tilting it back a bit. Immediately, all attention was returned to the smirking Devil Hunter.

“Your ‘child’ huh? Guess you’re not earning any Father of the Year awards any time soon,” He said sarcastically, tone taking on a sharp edge that surprised even you. He pressed harder, eyes not wavering from the Deity as he twisted the sword in his chest with a sickening cracking sound. You immediately flinched, eyes wide and shocked at such an action. The Deity didn’t even bat an eye, even when Dante continued on firmly, “Why can’t you gods get it through your head? Human souls aren’t your god damn toys to play with whenever you get bored.”

Is that what I am? Just...a toy?

Was it really so wrong to see the Deity as someone who cared?

Dante pushed the sword in all the way to the hilt, putting himself toe to toe with the bemused God as he scoffed, “How many dimensions have you sent her to, just to see how she messes shit up and hurts herself? You take advantage of vulnerable, broken souls and that shit doesn’t fly with me.”

Those words made you blink in shock, the realization creeping up on you and adding to the crushing despair. Was that all you were to the Deity, a toy that he was playing games with just to see how far he could push you? Time after time, you had done exactly as he asked and headed to a dimension only for them not care. But even on those missions, the Deity had been there to guide you at shrines, keeping up constant aid and communication.

What if every dimension was like this one, already set up to fix their own problems with you thrust in just to see how things could be shifted? The thought made your heart pound harder, vomit creeping up your throat and mixing with the whale oil. All this time, you thought the things you did were helping people, but...what if they weren’t?

What if you truly were the problem?

“You sound like you have me figured out,” The Deity hummed, tilting his head to the side and holding up his hands in shrugging gesture of non-caring, “Have it your way. I care not for this prattle any longer.”

As you watched on in shock, his body started to turn black from the feet up, morphing into shards of black crystal that started to fly into the portal behind him. The wind grew even colder, blowing so hard that Griffon squawked and clung to your shoulders just to stay attached. So this wasn’t the Deity’s physical form after all, just a projection of the Void? You met his gaze, breath catching for a moment as his black eyes lingered on you. Reading his emotions was downright impossible, but for a moment...you thought there was something akin to satisfaction in those murky depths. That couldn’t be right, could it?

“We will speak again.” The Deity told you, his voice carried on the Void’s whispers as the crystals extended over his face, swirling away until he was completely dissolved back into the portal. The instant he left, a crackle of energy rang out, bringing with it a bass hum as the Void’s maw shut once more. It felt like all the air left your lungs in a single breath. Every emotion, fear, and weakness slammed into you like a truck. That seemed to be the final straw, your body falling forward a bit as you struggled to hold yourself up. It was too much, everything was too much now. First the things with V, then the familiars, now this…

Dante clicked his tongue, shaking his head as the sword was summoned back to his body. You felt him looking at you, footsteps moving closer as Griffon started anxiously nudging your face again.

“Are you alright, girlie?” Griffon persisted, a low trill leaving him when the tears continued to drip down your cheeks, “C...come on, it’s fine! He’s gone!”

But it wasn’t fine. Nothing felt fine. Especially not after what he said to you, tried to push you away just like everyone else. You shook your head, pressing a hand to your mouth and trying to steady the emotions clawing their way out your throat. Your life, your purpose...they had all crumbled to pieces, and all you had left was the pain that it caused. To exist only to help others, to try and fix their worlds when in reality you were just a toy sent there to stir things up, to change them how the Deity saw fit.

Even the people here, you were never meant to help them. But…

“So much for a nightmare not feeling anything,” Dante chuckled, causing Griffon to turn and look at him with an annoyed grunt, “Put those talons right in your mouth, didn’t ya chicken? Came right to the rescue.”

Shadow didn’t seem to care, still curled around you and pressing their head to your back. The warmth provided was one of the only blessings you had after feeling that bitter cold. The bird, however, had the graces to look aggravated and a bit embarrassed. It was he who spouted such things, after all.

“Kindly fuck off, Dante,” Griffon snapped in reply, lifting off your shoulders and flapping his wings wildly, “And what about you?! Could have hucked that sword a lot earlier…!”

Dante shrugged, looking a bit bemused as he smirked at the annoyed demon, “Had to let you and the other two prove yourselves wrong first.”

That earned him an indignant squawk, Griffon puffing out his feathers like an irritated blowfish. You were only vaguely keeping up with the conversation, watching with blurry eyes as Shadow padded around to the front of your body, rubbing their fur along you like a house cat. For a moment, your eyes met, and you felt like your heart was going to collapse at the look Shadow wore. They looked...sad, eyes meeting yours and head plopping on your lap. You knew what was going through their head, reading regret in those red orbs as their tail dropped again. That expression, as well as it could manage, said I’m sorry.

Something about that only served to break you more.

You felt a sob hitch in your throat, pulling the panther’s head up so you could wrap your arms around their form. Shoulders still shaking, eyes wet with tears that kept coming even as they leaned into you, letting out a low purr that rumbled all the way to your lungs. You missed them. You missed them. No more loss, no more tragedy. It was so painful now, the thought of having to walk away from any one of the familiars. Did they belong to Vergil? Would they even want you to stay? The thoughts wouldn’t stop, and in that moment you felt selfish, more so than you had ever been. Because no matter what was decided, you didn’t want to go on anymore if they weren’t there.

Griffon immediately fell silent, probably hearing your quiet sobs and looking over to see you holding Shadow against your body. Nightmare slowly sat down next to you, a low rumble traveling through the ground as he settled his weight. How were you supposed to convey any of what you felt to them, this agony? The lonely, aching feel that came when V left, ever heightened when you thought that they would leave you too. It was agony, unbearable. And it left your drive falling to pieces, all energy starting to drain away.

“....” You heard Griffon’s flapping wings, landing somewhere next to you and pressing his beak to your arm. He let out a light sigh, the air of it gusting over your chilled skin as he mumbled, “Fuck, toots. You really don’t make shit easy, do you?”

You felt a breath hitch in your throat, shoulders starting to shake again as you squeezed your eyes shut. What he said was true, you knew that. All you had done was complicate what would have been an easy task, one that didn’t need interference.

But, despite all of that...It wouldn’t let go. The emotion, the caring, the love you had grown for the three of them. How could you just walk away, after all the time you had shared? It felt so wrong to want something after all the mistakes you had made, the loss you felt. It changed nothing, your mind barely holding together by the feeling of Shadow’s body in your arms.

Don’t leave me. Not again.

“Please,” You whimpered, stroking a hand down Griffon’s  feathers, resting it on his back as your fingers began to tremble, “Please...don’t make me lose anyone else.”

You felt Griffon jolt a bit, feathers trembling and a small breath catching in his throat. It went so quiet for a moment, you weren’t sure if he was going to say anything at all. Dante stood by, silent as well despite all the bravado he showed earlier. You had walked in just moments before to them fighting, and if you hadn’t...would Dante have killed them? If a single moment had been wasted, you could have walked in on them disintegrating, becoming nothing more than a fleeting memory on the breeze. If no good was to come of you being here, you wanted to salvage one thing, just one. Your lack of action had lost V, you refused to stay silent anymore and lose the familiars too.

When Griffon finally spoke, his tone was quiet. More so than you had ever heard it.

“We...we’re just nightmares,” He rasped, but he moved closer to you and allowed you to wrap an arm around him too. His wings were tucked to his body, his head now close enough to press against your forehead, “That’s all we’ve ever been, the culmination of Vergil’s abominable thoughts as Nelo Angelo...We never mattered, not now and not then.”

His words made you hurt terribly, holding him closer and letting out a soft whimper.

“You’re more than that to me.” You whispered, tone breaking as you poured every ounce of emotion you felt into that sentence. Every laugh, jibe, the moments you all shared...He needed to know how much they mattered, all of them did.

Griffon fell silent again, forehead still resting on yours as silence made its home for a few seconds. You couldn’t predict what he was going to say, but then again you felt like it wouldn’t really matter. No matter what choice he made...there was no more going forward. Your body couldn’t handle any more, not after the scare that had occurred here. You wouldn’t admit it to the others, but...you had lost feeling in your legs, akin to what you felt that day of punishment. The only way up to Vergil would have been to drag yourself by your tendrils or ask the familiars to carry you. And neither was happening.

But more than all of that...you realized that going would only interfere more when you didn’t belong.

Had the Deity not sent you here, V would have still made it up the tree to become Vergil once more, of that you were certain. Maybe he had been distracted by you during the horseman battle, leaving him open to attack? The familiars would have kept him safe, moving up the tree and to his final destination of where he belonged. Just acknowledging it was so painful, making your heart pound painfully in your chest as you opened your eyes again. This conflict wouldn’t have happened, none of it, had you just stayed asleep. And as much as that hurt...it wasn’t really your place to press for what shouldn’t have been yours at all. Swallowing that pain, that pride...it would be terribly painful, but it was so necessary.

As much as it hurt, V and Vergil shouldn’t have even met you at all.

Griffon’s eyes opened when yours did, meeting your gaze with his own and letting out a soft sigh. You saw regret there, along with its close friends of sadness and guilt. He finally broke the silence, his strange maw opening and feathers puffing out again.

“We can’t go on without a new master,” He grumbled, almost begrudgingly so, gaze flickering away as he cleared his throat, “Know anybody who would want some cast-off dumbasses around? We ain’t got a lot of options.”

Hope budded, small and frail among the storm toiling inside. If he was implying what you thought he was... Your breath came out in a shudder, lips tilting ever so slightly into a smile for the first time since V had absorbed back into Vergil. You weren’t the only one with nowhere to go, without purpose or reason. The familiars had been thrown away from the white-haired male as well, left to their own devices and trying to fight Dante as one last ditch effort to prove they had worth. And in that...you shared something, a pain that no one else would understand.

If we have no home, we will make it in ourselves.

You squeezed him gently as you pressed your head to his and Shadow’s, closing your eyes once more, “If we’re to be cast-offs,” You murmured, sacrificing a bit more of your Void energy and extending it to all three of them. It was such a strange sensation, feeling the way their own demonic energy burned and ached desperately to root itself, “The best way to do it is together...right?”

Griffon let out a light chuckle, his demonic power activating as Nightmare shuffled closer, bowing over you and letting the Void power connect to them all. You could feel them growing ever closer, the bond between you all like threads of steel, one after the other. They hovered in the air, waiting for those final words to be spoken to seal the deal. The sensation grew and grew, like vibrations curling around all your forms and crawling over your skin.

“Say the word, toots,” Griffon huffed, snapping his beak by your ear, “And we’re all yours.”

You opened your eyes again, expending that final bit of Void energy as you whispered the incantation into the air.

“Through the Void, Souls are Bound.”

Those threads of steel snapped into place, sealing the connection between you and all three familiars in an instant. It was an uncanny sensation, being suddenly connected to so many other beings at once. You could feel each one of their minds, just barely sensible in their thoughts and feelings. Like whispers hovering on the edge of your consciousness. Griffon’s abrasive nature, the languid predator that was Shadow, and strange, intangible static from Nightmare. It made you grit your teeth, feeling a burn spread over your shoulders down to your fingertips. They were filling you with demonic energy in those locations alone, coming into your form like they did with their former master. Tattoos, you realized belatedly--they were forming on your skin.

When you opened your eyes again, the three were gone. But you could feel them, writhing under your skin, getting used to the feeling of you after spending so long in another. It was so odd--like being touched on your shoulders and arms but no one being there. You lifted your hands, breath catching at the black markings extending over your fingers. For whatever reason, you had less markings than V did, something that confused you. Even upon examining your hair, it was expected to be ebony in color, like the poet’s as well. But...only a part of your locks were now black, on the one side curled around your face.

Griffon’s voice whispered through your skull, startling for a moment as he sensed your question.

“You’re a full vessel, toots. Not half a person,” He grunted at you, sounding a bit tired as he took in all the feelings assaulting your body, “You really are a colossal dumbass, aren’t you?! How the fuck did you make it up here feeling this shitty? Why is everything so painful?” His squawks grew in anger, making you wince as he shouted, “Have you lost your goddamn mind?! What the hell were you thinking coming up here to challenge Vergil when you’re this fucking damaged…!?”

You winced more, putting your hands to your head and muttering aloud, “Christ alive, Griffon, please shut up.”

Dante chuckled at your words, taking a few steps closer to you and kneeling down by your form. You blinked, looking at his face with a bit of startled surprise. To be honest, you had forgotten about his presence for a bit there--The devil hunter had been so silent through that whole exchange, standing to the side and letting things unfold how you wanted them to. It was pretty respectable that he would give up his fight, knowing how much he didn’t like demons in the first place. All in all, he looked pleased, wearing that lazy smile as he met your gaze.

“Bet that chicken is squawking up a storm at you right now,” He commented lightly, wind blowing his white hair around his face a bit, “Telling you exactly what I’m about to--leave this tree, go back down to the van with the others. Let me beat some sense into old douchebag up there.”

You lowered your head, feeling incredibly lightheaded as you examined the tattoos now tracing the tops of your fingers. There was no fight left, no argument worth making. This was defeat, pure and simple, but a small victory had come out of it. To even have the familiars back in your life was more than could ever be hoped for. But...you knew that every and any limit had been reached, body barely able to move and a deep-rooted agony pulsing through your limbs. Unconsciousness was threateningly close, held back by purely determination alone.

There were so many doubts, regrets, fears. Ones that wouldn’t quiet.

“Are you going to kill him?” You whispered, breathing rattling in your lungs like frost as you tried to calm the curling sensations in your gut.

That made Dante sigh, scratching the back of his head lightly as he thought over what you asked.

“Do you care?” He asked in reply, raising a brow and meeting your eyes with a searching gaze of his own. You didn’t know what to think of him still, not after everything that had transpired. But...you got the feeling that, despite everything, you had just gotten the wrong opinions on Dante. Stepping off on bad footing, both battling doubts about each other with such a lack of information. You felt awful, but what else was new?

“...Despite everything,” You mumbled softly, shoulders slumping as you admitted to him, “I do. Not just for me, but for Nero as well. Can’t you both settle your differences and...and...not do this to him?”

To find out he had family, only to be forced to the sidelines while they tried to kill each other...it was more than cruel to the boy. Downright unfair, to be frank.

Dante let out another sigh at that, rising slowly to his feet as he grunted in reply, “Wish it was that simple...This shit never seems to end,” He seemed to stare off into the distance for a moment, remembering things from the past that you didn’t understand, “Either way, he needs a beating and then some for what he’s done.”

That you could understand at the very least. But...there was so much more, the insecurities swirling around your head that needed to come out. Vegril was Dante’s brother, right? Would he even begin to know what was going through the surly man’s head?

“Was any of it real?” You whispered, half expecting him not to answer you. Each moment with V was implied in those words, mingling with grief and hesitation now that you knew exactly what had been hidden from you, “Everything that he said...felt...about me? Or was I just another means to an end…?”

Was it all a lie?

Dante went quiet for a moment, gaze still staring off in the distance and deep in thought. For a moment, he looked fairly wise. More like a demon hunter who had fought and fought his whole life to keep humans safe.

“As long as I’ve known Vergil, he’s been the most stubborn dickhead I’ve ever met,” He finally replied, a bit of a smirk tilting his lips, “He’s a prideful bastard, hellbent on power and refusing to waste time on anything else. But...V was his humanity, the most repressed part of him,” Dante turned his gaze to you again, smile fading a bit as he continued, “So I can’t say for sure what he did or didn’t feel. But...I know Vergil is far too prideful to ask for affection or anything, to share himself with anyone. None of the shit I saw when he was with you, so...take that for what it’s worth.”

You didn’t know what to feel about that, or what to glean from it. Dante’s deduction was the word vomit equivalent to a shrug.

But Griffon was there, hovering on the edges of your conscious mind and hearing everything that was said. You felt him stir, his thoughts pressing against yours and voice so quiet.

“For the record, toots,” He said gruffly, voice ever so faint and filled with regrets, “I was in his head, what Shakespeare felt for you...well, it was more real than anything he was used to.”

Hearing that from the bird was just...it somehow made things hurt more, the reassurance both a blessing and a curse. You clutched a hand to your blouse, more tears rolling down your face as you tried to swallow down more whale oil. If Griffon said it was true, was it alright to believe it? You could tell it was what he honestly believed, in no way a lie or an exaggeration. The connection you shared definitely kept things truthful. But...V was now gone, lost inside the sea that was Vergil and taking that love with him. And that ache was more than you wanted to stomach at the moment.

“...Even if I go down there,” You mumbled, exhaustion in your tone and eyes squeezing shut, “I shouldn’t have been here to begin with...would they even really want me?”

I refuse to be a burden on others.

Dante scoffed, walking over and planting a firm head on your hair. You let out a surprised sound, feeling him ruffle it lightly as he replied, “Y’know, when I stopped by the van on my way up one of the first things Lady, Nico, and Trish asked me was where you were. They harassed the shit out of me about it--weren’t too happy that I had left you and Nero alone after all that had happened.”

That made you blink, heart squeezing softly as you thought of them all in turn. Even Trish, who wasn’t as close to you as the others. They had been asking about you? It felt strange, remembering all the times with them you shared as well. There was a strange ache in your chest in regards to everything, knowing that things had fallen apart so terribly.

They tried to help me, but in the end we could all do nothing.

“You seem pretty loved to me,” Dante continued, patting your head again and offering a friendly smile, one warmer than his usual smirks, “Best not keep them worrying for too long, right?”

Loved. The word felt strange in regards to you, but it was only confirmed by the familiars now inside your body. You trembled as you felt it from them, surrounding you from the inside like a warm embrace, chasing away that cold. And in that moment...it was enough, enough to make you turn around. To go back to the others and try. If the familiars could love you despite everything, to hold you so dear even after such short interactions...Maybe the others could to.

“I...I don’t know if I can walk,” You admitted, voice cracking a bit as you tried to bite back more tears, “I’ve pushed myself as far as I can go.”

Griffon materialized out of your body at your words, flanked by Nightmare’s hulking form.

“The big guy here will carry you down,” He said firmly, landing on your shoulders and pressing his face to yours, “We’ve still got some juice in us from Vergil’s rebirth, we can manage for a little while on our own before we return back.”

Nightmare nodded slightly, slowly reaching down with his large, club-like arms and lifting you off of the ground. Jostling your aching form was painful, a whimper escaping your lips despite all efforts. But Nightmare was trying his hardest to be gentle, you could feel that. He held you in something akin to an embrace, tucking you to his chest and cradling you protectively. It was funny--you had tried so long to find time for hugging Nightmare, and now you were finally getting it. When things were their most terrible.

You sniffled softly, eyes tearing up as you mumbled, “Th...Thank you...I’m sorry. For everything.”

Dante let out a scoff, waving off your apologies as he barked in reply, “None of that, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just focus on resting and getting to safety,” He gave Griffon a two finger salute, stepping back and adding to the bird, “Adios, Chicken. Make sure she gets back to Nico’s van in one piece, yeah?”

Griffon snorted, landing on one of Nightmare’s shoulders and ruffling his feathers. Or, at least you thought he did. Now that you were horizontal, eyes staring up at the sky...unconsciousness was overtaking you, edges of your vision swimming with black as each and every exhaustion claimed its victory. Tired, you were so very tired. You gave too much, felt too much, cried too much--now you were running on empty. The sky was still, somehow, blue. The orange and pink tints of a coming sunset dancing on the edges of the clouds. It was so strange to think that all this madness had transpired in one day, that you had met V days ago. It had been a lifetime extended over a week’s passing, but it felt like more than that.

That night of passion with V felt so far away. Your first kiss, hearing him say he loved you...it was so precious, but it came and went in a breath’s time. You both had certainly misbehaved, but you couldn’t find yourself to regret it while feeling so overwhelmingly numb. Your eyes closed, body not feeling any of Nightmare’s footfalls as he turned and started to walk away from Dante.

As you drifted away, you heard Griffon’s voice, low and full of warning as he spoke one last line to the demon hunter.

“Good luck Dante...You’re gonna’ need it.”

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136193/chapters/44800837

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Tagged: @nightshadow4713 @slightlylunatic @silentwhispofhope @just-call-me-no-name @efiicitia @raven-huntress

#devil may cry v #devil may cry #devil may cry 5 #dmc5 #dmc v #V dmc #V x reader #v x self insert #spirit writes fanfic #fanfic #chapter 26 #Ebony and Ivory #ebony and ivory chapter 26 #dante #vergil

[thedegenerateasexual]

more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered 

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and 

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one

#personal #LTAL

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory MasterList

Some people have issues finding chapters, so I’m gonna link them all here. Should have done this earlier but I am...a dumb horse....

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

I apologize to everyone I’ve wronged for not making this sooner...I should have started at like chapter five. Because I had the worst fucking time finding these chapters, Tumblr is the god damn worst so I can only imagine how hard it makes it for you guys. Forgive me ;-; I’ll add the other chapters as they come out I promise.

#Ebony and Ivory #Ebony and Ivory masterlist #V x reader #v x self insert #V dmc #dmc v #devil may cry v #devil may cry #v devil may cry #vitale