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funkymbtifiction · 1 year

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I finished my third re-write of my current novel (… it would go so much faster if I didn’t make twelve false starts every time because I have too many potential ideas, thanks Ne-dom brain), which means I don’t have much to “do” today. It’s the week after my heaviest work week, so I’ll be home. And there are little things to do, but… it’s on days like this when my sp/so 613 really becomes apparent. Down time is boring to me – I need projects, goals, something to work toward; a day after finishing a huge rewrite should be enough to launch back into the final edit, right???

What do normal non-136 people DO on their days off? (I usually clean house, write character profiles, stock up the queue, answer asks, write reviews, clean out my computer, get bored, get annoyed that none of my friends are online to chat, and then get angst-full.) I’ve been binge-watching New Amsterdam on Netflix after work, but if I watched that all day long, I’d feel like I was “wasting time.” I am jittery and impatient for the next step in my process, but also aware of being emotionally and mentally exhausted and needing to rest. Mentally, I know I need to take time away from my manuscript and return to it with fresh eyes, but I find that hard to do.

It reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth out a couple of years ago, and my face swelled up like a chipmunk and I was in terrible pain, and I was pissed off because I had wanted to paint my bedroom while being on painkillers (because I knew I wouldn’t be able to write/think coherently, I scheduled something else “productive” to do that didn’t require concentration) – so I doped myself up and did it anyway as soon as I could move my head without pain. I just have so much “driven” energy that I don’t make a good “vacation” person. It’s fun for about four hours, and then I kick back into “well, what can I get done???” mode.

There’s something lousy about every tritype, and I’m only now fully realizing how driven mine is, and how it keeps me constantly productive and “on edge.” How hard it makes it for me to just … chill. Or even to put effort into things that don’t seem worthwhile. If it doesn’t work or succeed or generate interest, why do it?

#mod post #enneagram #enneagrma 6 #613

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funkymbtifiction · 1 year

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hey charity :) congrats on your retirement. it’s been great checking in from time to time. if anyone ever doubts an se-dom’s ability to tackle difficult subjects, just wanted to share that i’ve stuck with my low-ni career plans and am currently halfway done with veterinary school. well on my way to being the wildlife vet i envisioned myself to be, even on the bad days. even at 30, but i’m certainly an oddball in this program. i’m the one of very few people i’ve met that doesn’t seem to care about grades at all, and i’ve been coping with the miserable lifestyle through lots of skateboarding, music, and rock climbing. just staying as physically active and engaged with the present as possible, and cutting class to visit wildlife vets in the region to remind myself why i’m here.

i tend to not think about mbti/enneagram much these days, but i had a couple lingering questions. please redact anything if you think it’s too personal.

i’m not sure i’ll ever settle on my enneagram type; really i’ve been between 6 or 7 for years, what with the massive fear of commitment, which has always felt very 7-ish, to the point of abandoning people/relationships etc, massive fear of being trapped. but i seem to lack optimism; and then there’s the growing fear of living in my mentor’s shadow when i’m through with school, but also knowing that i need to learn from her in this field - this push/pull approach feels very 6-ish and wanted to confirm it. i have a protective streak that i’ve always associated with 8 in my tritype, and an intense sense of being ‘different’ that my mom says i’ve clung to since toddlerhood which i associate with 4. and i was about ready to say, okay, 684 so/sp and close that chapter for good.

but earlier today - i had a reaction to something that struck me as almost 1-ish, and i wanted to get your thoughts on it. [...] so, i spent some time reading your enneagram page today, and the more i read about 1, the more i cringed. i’m attributing it to a cornered fi-te, but i’m also wondering if maybe i’m wrong about the 8-fix and if that could be a 1-fix? i would not say i suppress my anger at all. but, most of my anger is directed at justice. like when i was a scrappy little kid, i usually would only fight if i was cornered and needed to stand up for myself, or to protect another person. though i would challenge the boys, i guess, to fight if i felt like i needed to prove myself about something. and while i no longer physically get into fights, i verbally do, if i have to. ie, i believe in being confrontational and direct to solve problems; and while i complain a lot about systems that i perceive as broken, i also do what i can to try and change them.

a suppressed inner critic? yes. and it’s true that nothing ever is quite perfect to me - i see flaws in most things. but i also wouldn’t want things to be perfect. there’s beauty in the mess. but. i’m my own moral authority. and if i don’t listen to my conscience - i pay the price. can’t sleep. nightmares, etc. i certainly resent myself for holding myself to those standards. it’s exhausting. the rest of the world doesn’t have to follow my code though (unless i’m wrapped into a situation, like this morning). and i wouldn’t even necessarily want them to - it’s just me.

so then i don’t know that 1 makes sense for esfp. or if what i’m seeing really isn’t 1 at all. which brings me back here once again. given the rigor of any medical program, i suspect i’ve been looping se-te a lot lately, and i guess fi popping up could’ve just startled me.

any thoughts?

thanks in advance for your insights, and all the best!

If you’re still confused about your core type, at this point I would forget about tritype altogether and spend time digging into your core fears, motivations, studying the Enneagram more deeply, and seeing what explains most of your personality (core, wing, stacking). 6 and 7 are quite different; there is some overlap, but 6s are core super-ego types, and 7s are core assertive types, and that distinction is HUGE. 7w6s are self-confident second-guessers, and 6w7s are insecure second-guessers. 7w6s are positive leading into reactivity, and 6s are core reactives striving for positive thinking. Super-ego comes with guilt-trip inducing “should” thinking; assertive types comes with re-framing and justifications for their actions. (6: I don’t deserve that, I’ve been horrible vs 7: I deserve to get what I want, I’ve done enough!). 6s have to justify what they want to themselves and others, 7s just go get it. Finally, under stress, 6 moves to 3 and hides away from their anxiety through ‘doing’ (working). 7s move to 1 and become more critical of themselves and others. 6s have to learn to grow toward 9 and develop a peaceful mind; 7s have to learn to move toward 5 and become more objective and know that they don’t ‘need’ everything they want.

That being said… I don’t know how useful this will be, because I’m double super-ego (possibly triple, I still consider a 2 fix often), but having a 1 fix is a constant chronic frustration with the world and everything in it not being good, or right, or proper enough These things make me angry. People being selfish makes me angry, junk in people’s front yard makes me angry, seeing that a series’ title texts on my bookshelf is not in alignment makes me angry, boredom makes me angry. I run a constant “judge” machine in my head, evaluating everyone and everything and how they ‘ought’ to be. (Why was that person so rude; that’s wrong. Withholding forgiveness—also wrong; someone claiming to be moral while cheating on their wife is a hypocrite; why must everyone swear so much?, it’s so crass and vulgar.) It extends to self-judgment: I’m a lousy person for not being a better friend, not doing the dishes every night and leaving them piled up (what a mess!), I should not have lost my temper, I should stop arguing with my dad, etc. If I fight with a friend, I used to (not as much anymore, I’ve learned to cope with this) go over everything they said, and everything I said, and self-reproach for anything that was unfair, mean, or selfish. 1 fixes in other people, I see as – critical, judgmental, frustration (everything isn’t quite perfect and everyone ‘should’ be better people than they are), self-righteous anger. Etc. It’s very different from my father’s 8 fix, which is all about power dynamics. Don’t give people an inch, they’ll walk all over you. YOU set the agenda! Be strong! Good/bad is what I say it is, and what’s smart. Not as much self-reproach, self-judgment, or recrimination. Other people are the problem, in many cases, because there’s less ruthless inner critic / nitpicking of self. Short fuse, non-apologetic for blow-ups. “Sometimes force is necessary.” Completely understanding 8 cores/fixers and seeing them as fine/relatable.

Heart fixes are tricky and when last, hard to figure out since it’s a non-issue – just present in conjunction with the other two. 7s are pretty much always heart-last, 6s can be either gut or heart last. But image/heart relates to how you want to be seen and what you show other people. Do you want to be seen as good and think of yourself as better than others because they are less generous and selfless than you? 2. Do you want to be more successful than others and impress them, so you re-frame things to sound good? 3. Do you want everyone to know you’re different, unique, broken, and can’t be fixed, but that’s fine because at least it makes you not like most normies? 4. Etc. Finding a heart center for a head type is hard, because we don’t “do” feelings, we avoid/ignore them/suppress them.

Avoidance of commitment is very much a core 7 trait, and how energetic you seem in staying active, cutting class (no thought of “will this affect my grade?”), and staying not-bored would suggest 7. A 6 would be more fearful of the consequences of those things, and feel duty-obligated to force themselves to do them. But the real test is how good your attention span is. 7s have less attentiveness than 6s, who are linear thinkers.

Regarding your situation with your roommate, you did recoil in a 1ish way, but 7s also have a line to 1 and often, strong feelings about right/wrong in specific areas that hit them wrong, especially as a Fi user. Are you moralistic in this way ALL the time, or just some of the time?

#question #tritype #enneagram #enneagrma 7 #enneagram 6

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