#enough that sometimes I just want to blow all my fanwork for it to smithereens

[freedfromthegalactichivemind]

Honestly, sometimes when I am updating my new Trigun stuff on Ao3, or contemplating more Zelda stuff, I see the SHEER VOLUME of my Spop fics and I get a temptation just to personal-archive them all and take them all offline. Most of my experience in this fandom has been pain and I feel kind of ashamed of my Spop fics because "why was I writing for a children's cartoon that people take way too seriously, anyway?" Even though I was a prolific Trigun-ficcer back in the day, and after that, a prolific Zelda-ficcer, I never wanted to take all of my fanfiction dot net stuff over to Ao3. It's kind of surreal for me to see myself as an author of around 100 fics on Ao3 and instead of them being "mostly Zelda" or "half Zelda, half Trigun" like on the old site, on Ao3, there are just sooooo many individual Spop fics, most of them Entrapdak or veering into my original characters, and that's listed-fics, some of what I have are small-fic COLLECTIONS. And, it's like... I've returned to what has become a far better (and less traumatising) fandom now? I have a lot of stuff I've done over on fanfiction dot net from like 20 years ago, but it's not good, I just want to keep on doing new stuff, with the occasional bring-over of an old "I've re-read and I don't hate this" fic. So, I just leer at my Spop stuff and wonder... "What if I blew you all up?" I don't know if anyone is reading that stuff anymore. I get a few kudos now and again, but it's old stuff. I don't think I'm particularly missed in the fandom. And it's like...comparing my lower-effort fan-writing for a not-too well-written show with my explorations of something that is inspirational, amazing and burrows into the soul. I...just don't want people going to Ao3 to think of me as "an Spop writer anymore, when I'm becoming a Trigun writer again. But... I am not a coward. I've left up my old, dubious-quality bullshit-fic for many fandoms that I did over 20 years ago up on fanfiction dot net TO THIS DAY - seriously, things that make me facepalm still exist on the Internet, easily accessed. I also wonder, if anyone does still like my Ao3 Spop work, feeling nostalgic or whatever, they should be able to find it.

#spop #spop fanfiction #ao3 #transitioning fandoms #finding an old fandom again #trigun #trigun fandom is superior #trigun has helped me heal a lot #while I regard spop fandom with increasing bitterness #enough that sometimes I just want to blow all my fanwork for it to smithereens #just do a full 3rd City July on it #but then I calm down #and realise there are always new fans seeking old work #and I will always love that stupid fic I wrote #in which imp was destroying the Fright Zone because he was teething #dear god I ought to write a short where Rem has to deal with... #her twin boys doing the weirdest baby Plant-shit when they're growing #in a very Imp like manner #like chewing solid metal with newly formed baby Plant fangs or something