#exhales. im lucky to be educated. im glad im educated

[eorzeashan]

man wtf, wtf. Goodwill Hunting. I didn't expect to get slapped in the face with all the glaring issues I'd ever experienced in college but. wow. I fucking cried. the emotional gaps between people from different economic backgrounds, different chances at economic and academic success....when you're a student who also faced that daunting bracket of having your college path be literal life and death for what comes after and always having to be adjacent to people where this is what they've lived in their whole lives, and then how different that is next to those who can't have that chance ever and the sheer uncertainty and fear of it. the trauma that comes from a background of abuse and how it confuses others from the outside who can't understand why you'd pass up the chance for something better from their view economically, academically, emotionally. it hurt so much.

#what do you want. the scariest most loaded question you could ask anyone in that turbulent time #I don't know if university/college was ever a crucible as it was for me but this movie resonated so hard it dredged up feelings I thought #I forgot #how different it is when you don't have a safety net and you think you'll be in this hole your entire life. do you want to leave it? #ooc #admin watches movies #college was a lot of things for me. when it was your life's everything for a long long time because it would determine if you lived or died #exhales. im lucky to be educated. im glad im educated #but for most of my life until pretty much now #it nearly killed me #it's okay to pull out and figure out how to be human. college...really is when you know yourself. it's so taxing in every way #i dont know how to describe it. it comes with a lot that irrevocably changed my relationship with education itself #im only learning now for the first time when im finally out of the system what it means to love and want to learn #anyways sorry rant over the university system is....something when it's not *just* a class for a student.