#feels moree reveealing

[pearl-kite]

I have been TAGGED (by the wonderful @evilbunnyking thank you muah <3) to share 5 songs I really like, so! Let's Get to It (〜￣▽￣)〜

Ultimate favorite #1: Under Pressure by Queen. Do I need to link it? Y'all know it.

You know how sometimes it's hard to pin down a favorite something-or-other? Not song, this is hands-down my favorite. Ever. Always. I was a full-ass adult in my 20s before I realized that when it says Queen and David Bowie it meant David Bowie is actually singing in it I was ASHAMED how i I even whaaaat Fun fact: the CD I grew up with that had this on it has a slightly different edit than the regular one, so any time I hear it on spotify or the radio I go a little crazy because it's off.

The rest are going under a cut because I'm linking in youtube videos so you don't have to go anywhere or interrupt any current playlist you've got going <3

#2 Currently on Repeat: Can't stop listening to Matt Maeson's Problems

I don't regularly use the repeat button, actually, I'll just hit back at the end as many times as I feel like, but I've done it, I've put this on actual repeat. I've also been alternating a bit with his Sanctified as well, idk what it is but both of them are an infection right now.

#3 A long-term favorite: Paranoid by Sfven

Found it ages ago and it really jived with Gale; if it shuffles through I'll give it a good listen or four. Not sure why the video looks like it was made in the early 90s. Honestly a little off-putting to me but the audio is what matters, okay.

#4 A LONG-long-term favorite: Jewel's Amen

Oh man. I fucking love this song. Top 5 probably. My dad had this CD and I kind of made it mine. Then lost it. So I bought a replacement. And lost that one. And third time's the charm I still have the replacement's replacement. I think. Somewhere. She ended up being the first concert I went to, a small little acoustic one in the local Shriners' center.

But just. The feel of it, the imagery, I still want to draw something for it that really connects with me for it but it's just uakygfkfausdgf I can't :C

#5 (Sort of) Local Plug: I Hope You Know by Supaman ft. Ashley Hall

Supaman regularly visits the first school I worked at, and so many of the students there look up to him for good reason. He's a good guy, he fancy danced at the Macy's Parade, and he makes music that relies heavily on blending rap with traditional instruments and vocals. If I remember correctly, some of his videos show him dancing, if you're interested. I like this one in particular because Hall's vocals are so pleasant, I love multilingual songs, and they sampled a western meadowlark and you cannot go wrong with western meadowlark noises. I hadn't actually seen this video version before and it's very sweet 🥺

Honorable mention musicians/groups that I don't see mentioned often but deer lord this kind of got out of hand already: Run River North Forrest Day Isador Magic Bronson The Hush Sound

Do NOT under any circumstance assume there's a theme or common element across any of these.

I suppose I'm supposed to tag people, so hmmmmm @glassbearclock @taelonsamada @andr0leda @inedibleobject @fooltofancy @elemenepee And uhhhhh anyone else. I have some new mutuals and I am not brave enough to be the first person to tag in this relationship, and I also don't want to just tag EVERYONE so there are still people to pass it along to, so if you don't see your name here pretend it is (if you want)

#“share 5 songs you like” writes a short essay #I could just keep going too #sharing music treads that fine line of mortifying ideal etc eetc becausee knowing the books one reads or shows one watches is onee thing #but it's somthing else I think to get a glimpse of music #feels moree reveealing #but no I don't usually usee the repeat function #thee last time I did that I listened to green day's whatsername for a weekend and accidentally made it like. my no. 2 song of the year oops #hadn't listened to it all year than got bit by some radioactive earworm in november #“spotify stops tracking for your wrapped at the end of october!” fucking LIE #anyway uhhhhh releasing this into the wild now #tag game #Youtube

[getmeoutofthisbody]

I am done

with Chloe Ting twoo week challenge. I refused to do the last workout today. Simply because I am lazy and also because it did not give me magic results.

I am kidding of course and I understand it does not work that way. But I had some hope :)

Anyway, I was thinking about what to do next, I was sure at first I will just do another CT thing. Then it kind of clicked in me, because I know deep down I will get tired of the repetition, that maybe I should challenge myself more. Eso+pecially because my nutrition is still too wonky. 

I decided to purchase the Natacha Oceane Home workout guide, this time without any equipment.  It is a 10 week programme and I really hope to finish it. When I do I can continue with her other home workout guide with bands and then hopefully go back to some proper training in a gym or something. Due to all restrictions in the country right now I have low expectations for gyms to reopen any time soon.

So yeah, I am pretty sure this programme will do me good. The sessions are longer and more versatile. There are two rest days per week. And it gives me a bit more waggle space with my terrible eating patterns.

I blame it on the PMS at the moment, but I am pretty sure it would be similar even if it was not this time of the month. I was doing pretty well for a few days now, having quite a lot of greens too. But then the cravings got me and I ate a ton of chocolate yesterday and today. Luckily we are almost out again, maybe that will help with my midnight munching.

I made another decision to maybe start doing this 4 week diet plan I purchased a year ago and never stuck to it for more than a few days. It is simple, the calories and macros are exactly what they should be for me to start seeing some results finally. Or at least get rid of that horrible number 8 on the scale. It may be the second number at some point, but for the love of god, I cannot have 80+ kg for the rest of my life!

So yeah, again I will let myself a few days to get used to new workout regimen and then see if I can stick to the diet at least most of the time. For freaking 4 weeks it should not be such a problem considering the feelings I have when I look at myself in the mirror. One would think. But I guess I have a long way to go.

I know the weight loss will not make ma happy on its own. But I do feel better already just because I sweat it out every day. And if my summer vacation is a little more relaxed because I feel a little more confident in reveealing outfits, we certainly achieved something. I also really do not want my daughter to have this lazy and uncomroftable-in-her-body mom.

So yeah. I start the new programme tomorrow. It ends on March 21st. I decided to track results on a weekly basis only in order to not get me discouraged too much. Sundays will be measurements day. And that is it for now.

[twentyninetwenty]

when leap year weekend starts out w a break down. and freedom all in the same 12 hours. blinded by the light. counciling last monday opening up all kinds of mom wounds, lady wounds, life wounds, and just wanted to go for a drive and be in the mountains. and knew i needed to clear my head. so i did.

mountains and hotels are very similar when you have 2 nights to yourself.

spending money on groceries, smelling and feeling hoodies still on the rack, looking at shelves of books for miles, the rush of scratching lotto ticks, ice caps, 

when you realise that the only way it seems you could be embarassed the most is to have your vulnerbilities exposed which would be your feelings on sex and love. and your devotion. loyalty. oooh the idea of matching tattoos.  anywho, so if you had a deep dark secret. or what feels like a deep dark secret and feels like smoething you hide from the world if i dare want to be accepted. and then to carry a sign w you anytime you be in the presence of another being, that you fucked up failed are reveealed for your vulnerbilities, that you could have done so much better, that you would if you could, but life isn’t something you can back out on, so you bear it. shriveled. and caked on by more shriveling. becaseu every thing you do to do ‘’your best’’ to help, to be posotive and be good to the situation shrivels you more