#for example. growing up ppl kept trying to tell me a childrens story to correct my behavior. i literally NEVER connected that they were

[snekdood]

ppl not being direct about their wants and needs from me literally only negatively effects them.

#somany times have ppl tried to passively aggressively tell me to stop doing something and i just. never connect that its about me. and #never will. be direct or deal with it idk wtf to tell you. #for example. growing up ppl kept trying to tell me a childrens story to correct my behavior. i literally NEVER connected that they were #trying to tell me to stop doing something covertly. i just thought they thought i looked like the child character in the story #and wanted me to feel like i was special or something. idk. never in my life would i as a child have considered it was some secret message #about me. and for years that behavior did not change bc NO ONE just pulled me aside and was like 'hey you need to stop doing this and heres #the reason why' unless the reason was 'because i told you so' which also didnt compute to me #(well. someone eventually did tell me why i needed to stop. but it sure as fuck wasnt my family.) #bc 'bc you told me so' isn't a *reason* doing the thing is bad. if you dont explain to me *why* im just going to disregard what you say. #bc 'bc i told you so' to me sounds like you dont actually have a good reason. so why would i consider what ur telling me then?

[queeragainsthumanity]

I'd like to say you know who you are but you're too self-involved for it to click

Heres a list of things you do that you should really really stop:

1. Fetishizing queer people

2. Appropriating stories, experiences, and language from queer, poc, and fat people when you are cishet, white, and skinny. Actually just stop making stuff up in general thx

3. Infantilizing queer ppl. I don't want to hear how that trans or gay person is "SUCH A SWEETHEART OMG"

4. Changing the scope of your life narrarive to somehow be queer and outcast-y and how you TOTALLY understand what we go through and you basically have been through the same thing. Ie: not believing in bisexuality but now that it's "in" talking about how you've had bi BEST FRIENDS every year growing up??? (If you knew anything about bisexuality you'd realize it's never "in") or working at a summer camp that catered to all types of children and just because there was a one week long trans and gnc group you say you volunteered at a "trans camp"...UMM?? Just stop editing your stories to seem like you're so active in the lgbtq+ community when ??? You literally have the most problematic views of us?

5. Saying that you give off lesbian pheromones and that every lesbian you encounter is attracted to you and hits on you. And don't make up stories about how a lesbian was aggressively flirting with you at a bar?? First off, ew. Secondly, this is problematic because it capitalizes on the predatory narrative assigned to lesbians by the media and is straight up harmful. You are not a poor innocent straight girl being seduced by the big bad gay tm. Lastly, constantly talking about how lesbians are attracted to you does NOT make you a better ally, does NOT make you fit in better with your queer friends, and is NOT okay.

6. Assigning pronouns without permission. That gender-questioning person you worked with? Who said they wanted to be a man but started crying and didn't like when you used he/him/his pronouns? Did they ASK you to use he/him pronouns? No? Don't. Fucking. Assume. You weren't being a proactive ally, you were being presumptuous and shouldn't have made it about you and how confused YOU were about why it upset them. Because ??? Of course???

7. Forcing items usually considered gendered on trans people of the opposite gender. For example, pushing feminine jewelry etc on a trans guy who was obviously super uncomfortable and was trying to say no thank you in 50 different ways. (You know that chat you were so mad about? One of the things we talked about was how to refuse the gift without hurting YOUR feelings.) Or how you were pushing me to try your new make up when I first came out as gnc and found it really dysphoria inducing and despite saying no several times and our other friend who saw how uncomfortable I was ALSO telling you to stop, you kept PUSHING.

8. You considering yourself an ally doesn't make you one. And being an ally doesn't make you an unfalliable. Be accountable. Ie: when you misgendered me OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and instead of just a short sorry and moving on you prattle on about how long you've known me as a GIRL and how hard it is for YOU etc etc etc EVERY SINGLE TIME. Until it wasn't worth it for me to correct you anymore.

9. Thinking of yourself as some-type-of-queer because you're a girl who is also attracted to trans guys. TRANS GUYS ARE GUYS. IF YOU'RE A GIRL WHO LIKES GUYS YOU, MY ONCE FRIEND, ARE STRAIGHT. Don't put masexual in your bio when A. You are attracted to men only and not anyone else who may fall into the larger scope of masculinity. B. That is a term meant for and coined by nonbinary ppl to use. C. It has been explained to you why you shouldn't use it. And D. You agreed to the reasoning and agreed that you weren't masexual. - I have the screenshots-

10. Saying how EASILY you could pass for a guy if you wanted to and how you could just bind and no one would know and rambling on about it for god knows how long when. 1.you're cis. 2. You know I can't fucking bind for long periods of time if at all since my ribs are so fucked and you talking about how easy it would be for you is dysphoria inducing and just ignorant. 3. Binding is fucking hard. You have never binded a day in your life. Stop lying. 4. Saying you could pass as a guy does not make you trans or queer in any way.

11. Refuse to date a trans guy because you're afraid he'll "use you as a crutch while he transitions" That's both ableist *and* transphobic dear.

12. Using the phrase "fully-transitioned". Especially to gatekeep who is trans and who isn't. Once a trans person comes out they're the gender they say they are. Full stop. All trans ppl are trans. Even if we haven't gone on hormones and haven't gotten any surgery. Even if we never do.

13. Sharing pictures of me and my then new girlfriend in discord and talking about how CLOSE the three of us were. Proximity to queerness doesn't make you so. Also don't share people's business without their explicit permission other ppls interesting stories don't make you more interesting.

14. Trying to buy friendships. Gifts don't make your problematic behavior less problematic or harmful. They don't make your actions more excusable.

15. Equating polyamory to cheating. Like I can't even with how at odds I am with your problematic ish.

16. Making queer the cool new thing to be. You want our rainbow flags and camaraderie and stories. You want to be different and special from the "norm". But that's the only part you want. You want to be a convenience queer, cishet except in safe groups where you want to talk about how different and outstanding you are.

You wear us like a jacket you can put on and take off at your leisure. OUR IDENTITY IS NOT AN ADORNMENT. It is a part of us we carry ALL THE TIME. When our clubs are being shot up, when we are called f*ggots in the street, when we are having our rights taken away, when we are politicised and conceptualized as if we aren't even people, when we don't feel at home in our countries or our bodies, when we are being leered at and asked by too-loud-breathing men if they can join us in bed...

I could keep going forever. I'm still in those chats even if I don't have the spoons to talk to anyone, even though I don't feel welcome anymore. I know your stories. I've seen your lies. I could have jumped in so many times and been like "that never happened" or "actually that's my story and that happened to me" but it didn't seem worth it. You were never cheated on (that was me), you've never had 3 jobs (me), no one asked you to be a nsfw instagrammer (that was my gf planning to be one herself) and on and on and on.

This was supposed to be a vague call out post but I've never been subtle a day in my life. You can't contest any of this. I have the screenshots hun so come at me if you want.

I decided tumblr would be the void I'd scream my outrage into.

Also how dare you make the tragedy of someone losing her father about you. How dare you share details about their lives with strangers when she asked us all to keep it private. And how dare you embellish it with made up details to make you seem more interesting. That was the line.

#call out post #queer #lgbtq #ex friends #im so glad i have healthy relationships with nontoxic ppl #welcome to the void