#fr tho listening to stormblood ost feels just especially nostalgic

[noxtivagus]

HSJFKDKSK I MISS PLAYING FFXIV

#— says me when i literally just played it two days ago #fr tho listening to stormblood ost feels just especially nostalgic #it reminds me of all the things of ffxiv that i used to love (and still do!) so much #and all the things i miss :( #like doing ivalice raids was such a treasure #and beast tribes ! i used to be so consistent w them i have nearly all my beast tribes maxed out ! #i've been slacking on arr (i did max out the ixali tho) + i haven't even started on endwalker #pls ameliance is the only custom delivery i haven't maxed out. i haven't even unlocked her T_T #before endwalker came out i was nearly maxed on a lot of classes and stuff despite only playing for half a year #in summer months i remember playing so consistently. i spent a lot of time actually having fun w my friends iirc #school started more stress combined #thinking on back then damn younger me really needed a hug T_T #wtf does that say about me now when i'm struggling w very similar things as back then 🤨 #my notes from back then are just as sad as now hhhhh #'social life sucks' 'bottling my emotions' 'too little time' 'missing out' 'no motivation' 'i cant write anymore' #'so many possibilities paths and regrets' 'curiosity breaks me' 'yearning for the past' #huh reading the ff quotes i also have written here are so embarrassing #anyways more from me back in november 'my mood seings are on a whole other level these days huh' haha #'finding that inspo to write again but i still cant find the words' 'when i can write again ill know that my im fines arent lies anymore' #'i want to be a pillar for those around me but how can i be when i can't even support myself properly?' #'you want to be there for others but... god you dont even have yourself put together. but it makes you smile so much when you help others.' #'its alright to be selfish sometimes you know? to admit that you feel overwhelmed' #'caught up in the past. catching up in the present. thinking about the future' #i have a lot written down here ah reading the old things i write feels so comforting. i still feel the same way as i do from ages ago #'just lose yourself to music and to the silence... you're in that moment all alone and it feels so nice' #no wtf i'm reading all this rn and even when i'm in pain i write in a somewhat poetic way ouch it hurts me and leaves me vulnerable? #NOOO I WAS GNA DO SMTH AN HOUR AHO BJT I FORGOT oops #time to pull myself out of this daydream i can mull over my thoughts again later. now it's time to move and be fucking productive #my muscles ache actually can i just go back to sleep T_T #my arm actually rlly hurts rn idk why but my sleepy ass has the urge to do smth stupid instead of rest