#fucking pokemon did this and people went apeshit but that was probably because people thought it was also secretly about devilworship

[mudlarkspur]

what did yu think of mutant mayhem?

are you the same person who asked this 6 times??? if you are then please chill. If not then you guys have the weirdest hive mind.

And the answer is I haven't seen it and even if I wanted to I couldn't. I've seen epilepsy warnings for it and 'not as bad as spiderverse' is not a ringing endorsement given I got auras from the trailer and some gifsets from that one.

not any warning from the actual movie production, obviously. because for some reason we live in a fucking time period where you can't go to the movies if you have any kind of photo sensitivity.

#i do wonder how many kids are finding out theyre epileptic via “fun time at the movies to see an age appropriate kids film” #fucking pokemon did this and people went apeshit but that was probably because people thought it was also secretly about devilworship #ive heard they have to give epilepsy warnings in other countries but they sure as shit don't fucking need to in USAmerica

[musashi]

Coming in with asks now that I’m properly awake! You don’t deserve any of what’s happening to you right now at ALL and I hope you’re able to find some peace and a rejuvenated fire soon 💛 OK HERE WE GO: What part of Venomvale are you proudest of so far? Any memories of how Pride was celebrated in the Pokémon world? Favourite poison-type move? Favourite Orange Islands gym leader? What was the name of your original PMD team? How would you compare May and Dawn’s appeal styles?

DEAN I LOVE YOU... DEAN I MISS YOU.... DEAN UR THE BEST...

What part of Venomvale are you proudest of so far? 

the meltdown site on the northeastern part of the island!

there aren’t a lot of buildings in NH yet so i really struggled with how to properly convey what it was but i think i did an okay job!!! the oil barrels in this game are the best thing nintendo ever did for me and i put a single tree beside the pond to drive home that no nature really survived the radiation as you near the epicenter. honestly venomvale’s backstory is something i’m very proud of and watching it come to life has been rad.

Any memories of how Pride was celebrated in the Pokémon world? 

oh man i know i’ve answered this before but i cant!!! find it fghfd. basically, every major city in every region went apeshit, but the BEST of all was slateport pride because of a very beautiful aligning of the planets: the hoenn grand festival takes place mid-june in slateport. you’re more or less not allowed to be straight if you’re a coordinator. this means all the gayest fucking trainers are in slateport right as pride is ramping up, and all of them are on a high from the festival happening. all this said, slateport pride goes HARD AS FUCK. slateport’s also already just like... a historically gay town. slateport’s the san fran/seattle of pokemon. the people there go harder than anywhere else.

also, every few years, ho-oh will fly over a parade of its choosing. as the rainbow pokemon, it frequently appears to bless pride. where is random. when is random. but its not unheard of to see ho-oh, and if you do its bragging rights forever.

Favourite poison-type move? 

baneful bunker mfdhgdhdf

Favourite Orange Islands gym leader? 

god theyre all so forgettable xD but luana is cutest, so

What was the name of your original PMD team? 

team inu-tachi! that was the fan name for inuyasha’s squad so that’s what i named my team, a blaziken named inuyasha & a meganium named kagome. all the pokemon they recruited were also named after inuyasha characters, which was really fun cause i got to think hard about which character i thought each pokemon resembled x3 i’d do a lot of one-off villains or characters of the day!

How would you compare May and Dawn’s appeal styles?

oooh thats a very good question. admittedly, it’s been a long while since i’ve actually paid attention to dawn in a sinnoh contest because jessilina’s usually stealing all my attention. 

i'd say that them being in different kinds of contests means there’s going to be a big difference by nature--super contests and contests are pretty different. super contests have a lot more gimmick to them (ball capsules/seals, costumes, the like) and are overall more about flashiness and glitter, something dawn excels at! dawn is very good at aesthetic enhancements and putting on a show thats pretty to look at, which is probably why she has such an eye for fashion design later on. she’s really good at throwing a look together!

may’s more about, like... the performance itself? unexpected combinations, and appeals the audience can get involved in. she uses a lot of moves that rely on chance (like munchlax’s metronome, and skitty’s assist) which take major risks but engage the audience and leave anticipation that can often pay off. even when they’re planned, they’re immersive--there was one appeal that was... i think solar beam then focus punch with munchlax, and she basically had it strike the beam so that the blast exploded at a certain frequency that literally, like... rang across the whole stadium and produced this tambor as if a triangle had been struck. she plays to senses other than sight.

i worry that i make it sound like may has more ~depth~ as a coordinator but really may’s tactics are unheard of! you are much more likely to see a coordinator like dawn who considers what move combinations will look the nicest/better show off a pokemon’s strength. i talk a lot about how harley & jessie are considered avant-garde as coordinators but i rarely talk about how may’s kinda weaseling her way into that category too xD

ironically, dawn is more about... well, coordination. right there in the name. dawn knows how to complement herself and her pokemon. may is much more about performance. she wants everyone in the building to feel like they’re a part of a show, sometimes including herself!

#wendy rambles #nogeese #wendy answers

[musashi]

im gonna try.

in 2016 i was dating a guy. he fucking sucked. he was the worst. i wish i could undate him. i watched the whole pokeani with him. sometime into hoenn i started getting vibes from the way he would react to certain things. if you’re a kin person you know these vibes--when someone... suddenly starts feeling a lot like someone you used to know.

obviously at this point this dude was the person in my life i was closest to. i loved him more than anything in the universe unfortunately. which put me in a weird position where i couldn’t really get all up in his space and demand “hey, are you james?! you have to tell me if you’re james otherwise it’s entrapment!” because when you spend your whole life longing for someone you used to be hand in hand with, there’s this fear in a question like that. that you’re forcing them to take on the role. i didn’t want to ask him or put that thought in his head because what if he wasnt? so i didnt, i decided he could come to it on his own time. he did. he was.

we had a messy fucking breakup i’ve talked enough about on here and probably one of the shittiest things he ever fucking did to me was compare me to jessebelle on his private blog. this is a trend amongst my exes--they kin someone close to me, they decide they don’t like me, they can’t separate me from the character they adore so much, so they erase my identity and replace it with one that better suits them. usually they phrase it “she’s my x” as though insinuating something like that isn’t a terrible fucking thing to do to a person. i’m sure if i ever confronted them about it they’d think its fine.

his reasoning for comparing me to her was simple--he was too much of a coward to break off our relationship in a non traumatic way. he could not sit down and have a discussion with me where we organized our things and went our separate ways. more on that later. i have a personality disorder that makes me go apeshit in the wake of abandonment, and even if i didn’t, i didn’t want my boyfriend of 4 years to suddenly be gone? which in his eyes, made me abusive and controlling and clingy and obsessive and ‘keeping him from his freedom.’ etc etc.

a few months pass and he’s finally getting his shit from my room. we pretend we’re friends to pass the time while we wait for his mom to pull in.

“you think james is gonna catch mareanie?”

“yeah. absolutely, yeah.”

i think about that topic of conversation a lot.

mareanie first leaked on the side of a TCG box, and when i saw her all those years ago my heart did the thing it does when it feels a connection. i played through the whole game without raising one, or going out of my way to find one, but she was somewhere in my head. when she got revealed for the anime, i thought to myself, “oh, thats why i like her so much! she was one of mine.” not one of jessie’s, but you know. one of ours.

and then her episode aired, and it planted in me something a lot less tangible. at that point, her only trait was that she loved james, who looked like someone else. she loved james, and her love was poison.

i... understood.

i’d never had a “copingkin” and with all the years that have passed i wouldn’t consider mareanie one anymore, because memories did come later. but its absolutely how she got her start with me. james was my ex and my ex was james and they were the same but they also weren’t the same and it didn’t matter because either way all i’d ever be to anyone i loved was toxic. i clung to mareanie. eventually, i developed better feelings toward myself.

sm058 aired. i watched mareanie’s ex boyfriend look like james and cheat on her. i watched the way he spun false stories in an attempt to keep her from standing up for herself. i watched what it did to mareanie--how she’d go downcast at corsola jewelry because it reminded her of him, how she’d scare off any other female pokemon that came near james because she was terrified he’d replace her with someone he liked better.

a while later, my ex, or someone affiliated with him, sent me this message:

and i took solace in that i finally had something i could respond with

a lot of people i’ve been close with fear me. i don’t actually know why. despite my theatrics in mundane everyday, i don’t have much of a temper with people i’m very close to. i fawn hard, i look to compromise, i listen more than i talk, sometimes to a fault. but either way, a lot of people who have decided our relationship has run its course are simply incapable of having that discussion with me. they either fade, or they leave. and when they leave, it’s always when i can’t chase after and demand a proper goodbye. it’s always when i’m vulnerable.

i wake up to hard blocks. people remaking their whole social media to get away from me before i knew they even felt that way about me. further back, notes left with my teacher for her to give to me when i came in for class. presents on my doorstep. text messages. most commonly of all, i go to sleep with someone and i wake up alone.

i woke up one morning at my sister’s house with him and he was erratic. he seemed stressed out, but wouldn’t tell me about what. i held his hand and told him to look through his cat tag on his blog. it was just a tag of cats he’d reblogged, one i reminded him about when he was sad and needed a boost. if he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, cats were all i could offer. he gave me one last smile as he was looking through it. 

“i’m gonna go on a walk,” he said. 

“okay,” i said. “please be safe? i’ll miss you.”

and i slept. and i woke. and he was gone.

there was a servine plush he’d gotten at pax next to me and nothing else. he insists there was a note but he’s insisted a lot of stupid shit. he later told me servine was supposed to be a gift, one final thing for me to remember him by. as if he hadn’t spent a million mornings getting ready for work beside me, where i’d wake up in tears and hold onto him for dear life--

“where are you going?” i’d say

“work, love,” he’d tell me, every time.

“please don’t go. please come back.”

i was never sure if he would. after all i’d seen, how could i be?

“i promise i will.”

and he always did. until he didnt.

i wasn’t surprised he had left that morning, but somehow the present hurt more than the abandonment. i hated how he tried to sugarcoat it, convince himself it was some bittersweet end to an era of his life and he was the tragic hero torn between two loves. thats not what happened. he cheated on me with my rapist, and then he abandoned me, and he stuck a cute little snake monster atop my budding crown of thorns to stop himself from sticking them and realizing he’s been the poison one all along.

he wasn’t my james. my james is here, the light of my life, leagues better than he’ll ever dream of being. my james is patient and understanding, my james knows me better than i know myself and shares her every hope and dream with me. my james adores the ways i cling to her and would never think to resent them, she grabs me twice as hard and tells me i’m her everything. my james thinks the feeling of toxins in her blood is the sweetest rush of all.

but i couldn’t do it. even though i’m in better hands now, i just can’t. he left her while she slept and he left the z ring on her as though it would fix the wound of that. i wish he’d done it differently. i wish hed said goodbye, i wish he’d hugged her tearfully and told her he’d come back to visit, i wish they cried and hugged and bewear scooped up mareanie in her arms and soothed her. i wish he hadn’t left the z ring. i wish he’d done everything different. 

i don’t know how to put all this into words. it hurt me somewhere deep, somewhere niche, somewhere layered and specific and messy. mareanie as a kintype was built on a foundation of fragility--love and emotion and the mortifying ordeal of being known. i guess if i had to put a word to this it would just be heartsick.

#wordy wendy #kin ramblings #absolutely no fucking reblogs #sm #sm012 #sm058 #sm146 #the great calamity #wendy rambles #like if you read i guess